::: chapter 4 :::
Rachel woke up in the middle of the night with Emma crying in the nursery. She moaned and turned her lamp on to have a look at the clock rested on her nightstand. "3 a.m., great" she mumbled sitting up on her bed. She was so tired she had to get all of the strengh she had left to stand up and put her slippers on. She took a deep breath and approached the nursery, passing by Ross' bedroom on the way. He had a late night on the previous day and would have to get up very early, so she shouldn't expect much of his help tonight.
They had been together for about two weeks now but were still taking things very slowly, specially because Emma would take up most of their time. Things were definitely different than when they were together before, kind of a given, and that was somewhat something they were going to have to get used to. Sometimes, though, it was hard, they couldn't do many of the things they did before because now they had so many responsabilities that they couldn't allow themselves to be irracional. "Things will never be the same again", she thought.
She reached Emma's crib and took her in her arms, starting to pace around, slowly rocking her and whispering loving words while shushing softly. "Shhh, don't cry, sweetie, mommy's here. Are you hungry, Emma?" The baby just kept on crying and Rachel sat on the rocking chair, unbottoning her pyjamas shirt with her free hand while the other arm held Emma close. Soon she was quiet and her tears quickly dried away. Rachel looked down at her and almost couldn't believe that one minute before that little person was driving her close to a break down.
A long time went by like this, the only noise that could be heard was the rocking chair softly "singing". It was the perfect moment for Rachel to give her whole life a long deep thought. She had tried talking to Joey once or twice before to break off the engagement, but everytime she did something came up, like the duck and the chick or something at the studio. For some reason she remembered just how terrible she was feeling the day Emma was born, when she thought Ross would really leave them eventually, and just how caring Joey was with her. She smiled a little, she was so lucky to have such great friend.
"Would things be better if I loved him back?", she wondered. Sure, Ross would be crushed, and yes she indeed loved him and didn't want that to happen. She quickly put that thought aside, like it was forbidden. She and Ross had talked a lot lately about what happened at the hospital and he confessed that he was scared of getting back together, of proposing to her in the first place. He said he was afraid things wouldn't work out like before and they would end up hurting Emma. Ever since that, that thought slowly started entering her mind aswell and she felt each day more scared of hurting her baby. Her parents were divorced and she knew how hard it was, she surely didn't want to put Emma through that.
Should she never date again to keep her baby away from that? Should she stop living her life? No, that's not the right way to go either, she thought. Some people make huge sacrifices for their kids, turn their back on love, she wondered if maybe she was one of them. "But Ross is a great daddy. And maybe things will end up working for us..." She stayed there for a long time, hundreds of thoughts crossing her mind, full of doubts and fears. Sure her lack of sleep was affecting her sanity aswell. She just rocked the chair, Emma already fast asleep, and let some tears rolls down her cheek...
"Goodmorning, beautiful" she heard the voice far-far away as she slept, but well enough to recognise it was Ross'. He smiled at his girlfriend and kissed her cheek softly. She stirred a little and opened her eyes quickly just to have a look at him, smiling a little. "Hi", she said very softly, almost unable to being heard. "You going to work?", she asked. "Yeah, but I shouldn't be home late again tonight, alright?" he said, kissing her softly. She quickly pulled him onto the bed and both giggled, embracing themselves in a deep kiss. "Hmm, what was that for?", he asked, smiling and stroking her hair. "Goodmorning" "I'm afraid I'm gonna need another one for a good day at work then" They smiled at each other even more and kissed again, this time much more deeply, their hands travelling on each other's body.
"Alright, I'll see you later", he said, getting up from her bed. "Go back to sleep and sorry I woke up" They kissed softly again. "I can live with it", she grinned, laying back down on bed and curlying herself on her blankets. "Lucky blankets", he thought. "Bye sweetie", she said. Just as he was about to leave through the doorway, Emma started crying again. Before Rachel could make any move to get up, Ross turned to her and said "It's not time for her to eat again, so just stay there, I'll take care of her, don't worry". Rachel smiled and nodded, blowing him a kiss and closing her eyes.
She woke up again a couple of hours later and decided to get up, she had slept a lot that day considering the previous few weeks. First thing she did was go check on Emma and found her asleep with one of her dinosaur teddies resting next to her tiny body. Rachel smiled and left the nursery, her stomach almost being able to wake the baby up. She entered the livingroom and found Monica reading a magazine. "Hey Monica" "Hi sleeping beauty", Monica answered jokingly. "Made it up for all the sleep you missed since Emma was born, huh?" "I wish", Rachel said. "Well, I got to assist her twice today" Rachel turned to look at Monica. "God, I really needed that sleep then. Thanks, Mon"
"No prob, I practiced a little after all", she said with a smile. Rachel smiled back. "So how's it going?", she asked, obviously regarding about the wished pregnancy. "Well, we're trying. Hopefully soon little Emma will have a cousin" "Aw, they can be best friends too! Have a girl, Mon" Monica smiled at her and chuckled. "I'll try" Rachel sat down and started having breakfast, this time one made by Monica, as they kept on chatting. "Got any plans for today?", Monica asked. "Sure, I'm gonna fight crime and hopefully I'll be home soon enough to watch this fashion show on t.v.", Rachel replied sarcastically. Monica chuckled at her friend's joke. "We could go shopping", she suggested. Rachel raised her eyebrows, obviously interested.
Joey was wandering around the baby session at Bloomingdale's. It was still very early so there weren't many people around, mostly some mommies with their new borns or women he could only assume that were pregnant. Sometimes, out of the blue, Joey would show up at Rachel's with a present for Emma, and tonight was going to be one of those times. He grabbed a toy from a shelve and kept looking curiously at it. "What the hell does this do?", he asked himself. Soon the toy started shaking and making freaky sounds, so Joey threw it away, startled. "Jesus, how are kids supposed to play with that?" He disserted, still startled and scared, like a little boy.
"Okay, forget about toys, let's just see clothes", he thought, approaching the side of the department where they kept all the baby clothes. He didn't notice at first, but a familiar face watched him for a while, as if wondering if that was really Joey Tribbiani. "Joey?" a beautiful woman asked approaching him. She was about Joey's height, a little shorter, had curly honey hair and pretty green eyes. Joey looked surprised at her. "Kate? Kate Miller??" "Yes! Hm, how are you, how have you been?", she asked. "I've been... okay" "I see you're back in 'Days of our lives', that's great!" she sounded really happy for him. "Yeah, it- it's great"
He kept looking at the woman he once loved so much. Joey met Kate a few years ago, when they were in a play together. She played his husband and they would constantly get in arguments, not at first realising it was because of the intense sexual tension there was between them. She was dating the director of the play, but once they got really bad reviews on the opening night they broke up and Kate surrended to the love he found on Joey. They had had a few nights before that but she was too afraid of letting someone who actually liked her be with her. And when she finally let that happen, she took a job in L.A. and left Joey broken hearted.
"Hm, is it- is it to your baby?", she asked, pointing to a pair of pink shoes he was holding. He got back to reality and didn't quite know what to say. "Oh, no, no, it's for uh, Rachel's baby. You know Rachel, one of my friends, she uh, she had a baby, with uh, with Ross" he was so nervous he couldn't speak right. "Oh", she said softly, showing a bit of relief. He looked at her for a while. "How about you, what are you doing here? Shopping for your baby or what?" "Hm, no, it's actually my niece. You know my brother Bruce just got married, they have a baby too and uh, well, I'm meeting her today at the hospital"
"So you're still living in California, huh?", he asked, kinda hurt to bring it up. "Actually... no. I moved back a couple of months ago. Hollywood suddenly became too big for me" She looked down quickly and took a breath. "So uh, Joey, I was wondering-" she began, but was shortly broken by him, who was gazing at another point further away. "Oh no", he whispered. "What?", she turned around to see what he was looking at and saw two women, who she assumed that were Monica and Rachel, approaching, pushing a stroller with a baby in it. "Are those your friends?", she asked. "Yup, that's them"
Monica was getting tired of holding all of Rachel's shopping bags. Man, she certainly knew how to spend her pay check in a heart beat! But since it was her idea to go out and she was indeed much stronger than Rachel, she didn't complain and just kept following her. "What else could you possibly want for Emma? She's got everything, Rach", Mon commented. "Well, you know that little flowered dress you gave her? She doesn't have shoes to go with it", she said. Monica rolled her eyes and followed. Rachel noticed and shot her a look "You know I'm not gonna let my daughter wear just anything! Fashion is something to be learned from now, right Ems?"
"Hey, isn't that Joey?", Monica said. Joey waved back and Rachel noticed Kate standing next to him. "Isn't that that girl who was in that play with him? And they fell in love but she moved to L.A.?" she asked. "Oh, right, I think that's her. She looks good" Rachel didn't quite know why, but Monica's comment upset her a little. Maybe because since Emma had been born she hadn't felt so atractive herself... They approached Joey and Kate anyway.
"Hi Joey, what are you doing here?", Monica asked, giving his friend a little hug. He looked down at the baby shoes he was still holding and at all the girls. "I was just picking out something for little Emma" He looked down at the baby "You like this, kiddo?" Rachel smiled a little and looked at Kate. "Hey", she said softly. Joey looked nervously at Rachel and then at Kate, the two loves of his life, without knowing what to do. Ohh, if only he could run out, as he usually did...! But no, he had to stay there and make sure the engagement thing didn't slip to Kate. He didn't know why he wanted that so much, but he had to make sure Kate didn't know anything about him and Rachel no matter what.
"You guys remember Kate, right?", he said. "Sure, you were in that play with Joey. Hi, I'm Monica!", Mon said, shaking hands with Kate. "Rachel", Rach said right after, getting Monica's lead and also shaking hands with Kate. "Right, Joey was just telling me about the baby and all, congratulations", Kate said. Joey froze and Rachel's knees trembled a little. She couldn't believe Joey had told Kate, one of the possible loves of his life, about the engagement. Yup, that's what she got from Kate's comment. "Thank you", she said politely and then looked down at her baby.
"And what are you two doing here?", Joey said, desperately wanting to change the subject. "Oh, I was just bored so Monica took me out for shopping. Then I thought I could also get some stuff for Emma" Then Rachel quickly looked at her watch and remembered Ross was going to call soon "But we better get going now, we still have a lot to do today. Emma hasn't been this calm before like ever, I'm afraid soon she'll get bored and get all fussy, so-" "Sure-sure, just go then", Joey said. Rachel looked a little hurt at that, noticing he really wanted her to leave, and left with Monica after a quick goodbye to Joey and Kate. "So Joey, you think maybe we could get a cup of coffee later?"...