::: chapter 5 :::
Rachel stood alone in front of the mirror in her room and couldn't help but feeling like a teenager. An insecure teenager. She looked down at her stomach, one that once used to be so flat and now... "It's just the pregnancy, Rachel", she thought to herself. She looked at the rest of her body while images of beautiful models flashed in her mind. "I'll never be that beautiful"
Looking back, this kind of thing never bothered Rachel before. She had always been happy about her body and looks, always very secure of herself. She was very popular in high school, she had always had "the" haircut, the right clothes, a great skin... And grew up feeling just as confortable with herself. She had never been overweight or had acne problems, nor thought less of herself because of someone else. Sure, being cheated on in her prom night didn't quite do any good for her ego, but it was something she was able to over come without much trouble. This time it was different. Baby blues?
The door slowly opened and she could see who it was through the mirror. Ross stood there for a while, looking at her lovingly. "What are you doing?", he asked softly. "Nothing" They kept staring at each other through the mirror, her back turned to him, who was still standing on the doorway. He slowly approached and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder. Again they kept looking at each other in their reflection, seeing what a great couple they made. "You're so beautiful", he whispered in her ear and kissed her neck. She smiled weakly, it was like he was reading her mind.
"So you don't think I look fat?", she asked. "Oh sweetie, no, I don't. You just had a baby, it's perectly normal for you to feel this way." he replied assuringly. "And if it makes you feel any better", he turned her around to look directly into her eyes "...you've never looked sexier than you look now, to me". Rachel blushed a lot, wrapping her arms around him. "Really?" "Oh my God", he answered, with a killing smile. She smiled brightly at him and kissed him deeply. He kissed her back with just as much passion, things starting to heat up.
Part of their "taking it slow" included not having sex, but at this point both simply forgot about that and let themselves surrender to the pleasure. She wasn't quite sure if her body was ready for it already, but nothing seemed to matter anymore, she should just pray for Emma to be a good girl and not wake up in the next- hopefully many- minutes. "Oh, it was a long shot", she thought just as a high squeaky cry came from her daughter's room. They broke the kiss, frustrated, and looked at each other. "Does she have a radar or something?", he asked. She smiled at him and they kissed once again before leaving together to the nursery.
Ross was the one who got Emma on his arms, checking if the problem was a dirty diaper. "Yup, big time", he said with a disgusted look. Rachel chuckled and approached the changer with him. "Don't worry sweetie, mommy and daddy will get you out of these diapers, just hold on, okay? Yeah, I know you hate it, it's nasty, ain't that right, Ems? But you're a brave girl, aren't you? Yeah, daddy, I am" Ross kept saying in a baby voice, making Rachel laugh even more. "You've got a crazy dad there, sweetie" Ross shot her a funny look and she kissed his cheek.
"Alright, prepare" he said opening Emma's diaper. Rachel looked away, disgusted, even though by now she was used to it. But since Ross was doing it this time, she could make a big scene, she thought. Quickly he put the dirty diaper away, cleaned her up and put a brand new clean diaper on the baby. Rachel watched just how gentle he was to their daughter with a cute smile on her face. "'Kay, here we go. That wasn't so bad, huh?", he said holding Emma close. She was much more calm now, just making her cute sounds while her daddy rocked her gently.
Rachel sat on the rocking chair while Ross kept pacing around with Emma. Seemed like her life lately wasn't going anywhere, it all came down to that. Everytime she had time to breath she found herself sat in that very same chair after the very same long exaustive day. It wasn't a bad thing, but it certainly had come down to a routine. Everyday the same actions, the same people... "Maybe this is it", she thought. All her life she feared something like this happening, having a life se could totally predict. It was one of the reasons why she ran out on Barry, a guy she left at the altar, and was also what caused a discussion between Ross and herself when they were together in the past.
But now that she had that predictive life, it didn't seem that bad. She knew she had to change it soon though, there were some arrangements to be done... but it somehow felt like she was afraid of losing that routine, 'cause it was starting to feel safe. She'd have to break the engagement off with Joey, go back to work, have some time away from her daughter, who by now was her rock. What would those changes really bring her? Would it be as perfect as it looked when she first thought about it? Or would there be drastic consequences? Oh, if only there was a magic ball where you could see your future...!
"Okay, first I was confused, then I was sad, then I was happy, then tired, then insecure, then happy again and now here I am wondering what my future holds. If this is not an emotional rollercoaster then I don't know what is!", she thought to herself. But one thing is for sure, the one feeling that never left her was confusion, there were too many questions in her head. She wished things were much simpler and, sometimes, she even wished she didn't care so much about what the consequences would bring to other people. But if you love those people then there's no way of not caring...! Dead end road, there she was once again. There are no answers, sometimes you just have to hurt people you love, it's the way things go.
Ross smiled down at Emma, who was sleeping peacefully now and looked at Rachel, who looked deep into thoughts. Since Emma was born Rachel hasn't been the same and he could see it clearily. He figured it was a phase, she was always sleep deprived and plus there was also the whole mess concerning Joey and his ring. When that was solved and Emma was old enough to sleep an intire night she'd go back to the old Rachel, always cheerful and with a new gossip to tell, he thought.
She noticed his look and quickly snapped back to a reality that, putting the whole wedding thing aside, was much better than her thoughts. If for a moment she could forget her worries (or actually solve them for good), she could actually be happy for having her man finally with her, as caring and wonderful as before, and her beautiful baby girl. And surprisingly she actually managed to erase it from her mind long enough to be happy as she hasn't been in a while. When she and Ross got back together she was happy, yes, but, maybe from having so much spare time, her silly worries haunted her like never before. When you don't have much to do it's amazing how many small things can bother you so much.
She got up from the chair and hugged Ross' waist, pressing herself against him and the baby's back. She kissed Emma's hair and Ross kissed hers, it was a really beautiful scene. She looked up at him and they kissed softly, but kinda like someone who wants more. They looked into each other's eyes for a long time, it almost looked like they were sharing confidences or love promises. He leaned his forehead on hers and whispered "I love you". "I love you too", she whispered back. It was the first time they were saying that to each other since the night when they realised they still belonged together... but it was so obvious and natural that it felt like they said it everytime they kissed or even looked at each other. There was no need to say it, they knew it. But, well, it's always great to actually hear these two magic words...!
Ross let go of Rachel long enough to set Emma on the crib. Then he grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled her out, taking her to his bedroom. When they entered they slowly wrapped their arms around each other, kissing softly for a long time. If something was going to happen, it should be enjoyed properly, every second of it savoured like it was their first and last time. They acted like everything there had a meaning, nothing was done just for the sake of it. Their kisses were sweet, full of emotions behind them, their tongues softly caressing the other's. They broke the kiss and looked at each other for a while, both smiling and already sinking into the crazy magic feeling they got everytime they kissed like that. He approached the stereo and put on a CD, "This deserves something special", he said. She smiled and sat down on his bed, as a familiar song came up. Rachel giggled when it started playing "Strangers in the night?". He smiled at her and offered to take her hand and dance with her. "May I have the honor of this dance?" She smiled and gave him her hand, getting up and wrapping her arms around him, him doing them same, as Frank Sinatra spoke for them.
"Strangers in the night exchanging glances, wandering in the night. What were the chances we'd be sharing love before the night was through?"
"This is how I felt the night we got back together...", he whispered in her ear. She smiled at him and nodded, whispering back "Me too". They kissed softly and hugged again, dancing very slowly.
"Something in your eyes was so inviting, something in your smile was so exciting, something in my heart told me I must have you. Strangers in the night, two lonely people, we were strangers in the night up to the moment when we said our first hello, little did we know, love was just a glance away, warm embracing dance away..."
Rachel felt so safe that moment, she was so happy that was happening. He knew just exactly what to do, didn't he? He could be so romantic sometimes, without overreacting. It was like a perfect combination, good enough to make her feel loved- she loved that feeling- but yet not scared. He held her close and all she could feel was his perfect arms around her, his breathing, his breath, his warmth. It was a perfect feeling.
"And ever since that night we've been together, lovers at first sight, in love forever, it turned out so right for strangers in the night. Love was just a glance away, warm embracing, dance away. Eversince that night we've been together, lovers at first sight, in love forever, it turned out so right for strangers in the night..."
They broke the hug a little to look at each other. He almost couldn't believe that was happening. His high school crush, his biggest fantasy, the woman of his life, mother of his daughter... she was so many things for him he could go on and on. But, most of all, she was the woman she loved, the one and only. She put one of her hands on his cheek and caressed it. He leaned down and tried to give her the best kiss she's ever had, one of those only he knew how she loved. By the look on her face it was obvious he did a pretty good job. They were so much in love it's hard putting it down in words.
They moved it to the bed, not taking their arms or lips off of each other, and laid down, starting to slowly run their hands through each other's body. And, well, the rest of it just flew very naturally. They were very familiar the other's body and needs, so they knew exactly what to do and how. At the end their needs were completely satisfied, both physical and emotional. They laid down next to each other without being able to take their eyes off of each other, smiling and wondering when little Emma would decide their time was up. Rachel kissed him softly one last time and whispered "Thank you". He smile back at her and started stroking her hair softly. "Well, thank you too". They smiled at each other and cuddled even more, closing their eyes and hoping to relax a little more.
End of chapter 5