Note: I mean nothing by my references to God. Please, don't take them in any way but that of humour. Same with the 'Pearl Harbor' bit...Enjoy!
Begin Chapter Three.
BANG!
Ritsuko's head hit the wall. "Listen, you spineless moron. Shoot the damn gun."
"Riiiight..." Shinji's voice crackled through. "But I'm not in range."
*sweatdrop*
"Well, Shinji, why don't you move closer to the Angel?"
"How?! It's shooting everything!!!"
"Distract it! Your Eva's the only one that still works, freak!"
"Oooookay..."
Shinji's Eva began to dance seductively toward the Eva. If one listened very well, they might have faintly heard jazz music playing.
"Hey, angel face...why don't we join and make one big heavenly body?"
***********
Ritsuko's jaw dropped. "This is not happening. It's all some horrible nightmare."
******
Gendou's jaw dropped. "This is not happening. It's all some horrible nightmare."
"I'm proud to announce that the 3rd place winner for the IAAPB Theme Song Contest is Gendou Ikari, at the Top Secret Military Base, NERV. NERV is located at..."
"MINE was the best!!!!! This is an outrage!! Just because I'm part of the government, doesn't mean I should be discriminated against!!"
******
Kaji and Makoto were making out on a park bench. "Mmmm...Kaji...Finally, some peace..."
Kaji sighed."Yeah..."
"Mommy, is it normal for two guys to do that?"
"It is if you like Yaoi...and the authoress is the president of a Yaoi fanclub... Hey you two! Get a room!"
Kaji's head fell onto Makoto's shoulder. "Life sucks. Life really, really sucks."
"It's just the irony of it all."
****
The angel had little heart bubbles floating around it's head.
Misato's eye twitched. "Is that possible?"
"Welcome to anime, sweatheart." Ritsuko said.
"Don't call me sweetheart."
It is of no relevance to the situation, but the authoress thinks that bananna flavored candies are nasty.
****
Rei and Asuka were singing. Normally, that would be just faintly amusing, but seeing as they were bored out of there minds. (Not having been able to move for the past 4 hours), they were singing Denis Leary Songs.
"Spoken:
This is a special moment right now,
We'd like to take this time to tell all the kids at home,
Send your parents out of the room.
This is a kid's song.
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up.
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now.
Hey, if you know the words, sing along!
You're gonna have to mow the lawn, do the dishes, make your bed.
You're gonna have to go to school until you're seventeen.
It's gonna seem about three times as long as that!
You might have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun.
You might have to go to war when you get outta school!
Hey, cheer up kids, it gets a lot worse!
You're gonna have to deal with stress, deal with stress, deal with stress.
You're gonna be a giant mess when you get back from the war.
Santa Clause does not exist, and there is no Easter Bunny.
You'll find out when you grow up that Big Bird isn't funny!
(Funny...Funny...Yahahahahaha....)
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up.
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now!
You're gonna wind up smoking crack, on your back, face the fact.
You're gonna wind up hooked on smack, and then you're gonna die!
AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA DIE! HEY-HEY!"
****
"Ritsuko, what was the relevance to the story?"
Chibi Maayacola jumped on screen. "I just really, really like that song." She jumped back off.
Misato sighed. "Life is strange."
"Indeed."
****
The room was dark, a spotlight on the desparing man sitting in a single orange chair. The man's shoulders slumped in the way of a much defeated man.
"God?" Kaji asked, sniffling. "God? Can you hear me?"
"Wait a goddamned minute Kaji, I'm in the shower."
"..."
"Okay. What did you want?"
"Is Shinji with a grenade gun is going to cause Third Impact?" Kaji asked.
"Why you wanna know?"
"If so, I kinda need to 'officially' come out of the closet."
"Everyone knows you're gay, Kaji. Even I heard you and that other fellow over the intercom with that Makoto fellow...You two were awfully lou--"
"God, shut-up."
***
Shinji stealthy got closer to the infatuated angel and sighed as he lifted the heavy artilley. The authoress, who is a perv, laughs at how bad that sounds.
"Let's lock and load, my beautiful gun."
Rei's com link popped up in Shinji's Eva. "Shin-chan, if you pull this off we can play a special game when we get home...!"
Shinji smiled gleefully. "Yeah, Rei-babe. We can play Pearl Harbor. You be the U.S navy, and I'll be the Japanese. You can lay on your back and I'll blow you away."
"Ooooh...that's REALLLLLLY BAAAAAAAAAAAAD..." Asuka said through the link. "Shinji, you have the worst pick up lines EVER."
Shinji frowned defensively. "It's a plot device!! Gimme a break!!"
"Yeah, shove it up your ass, he-woman!" Rei said.
"Why I oughta--"
"I'm going to shoot now."
"You bitch! Don't make me come over there!"
"You incestful man-clone with boobs! They're probably fake!"
"Oh yeah? Well yours are DEFINATELY fake!!"
Shinji's fist clenched. His statement had not commandeered him the proper response. "I AM GOING TO SHOOT THE GODDAMNED GUN NOW!!!"
*crickets chirp*
"Better."
***
Gendou sighed. "Rei and Shinji must survive! I must have a one-eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater granchild!"
*****
"Fire!"
Explosion.
End Chapter Three.
Note: One more part to go!! *twinkle*
Begin Chapter Three.
BANG!
Ritsuko's head hit the wall. "Listen, you spineless moron. Shoot the damn gun."
"Riiiight..." Shinji's voice crackled through. "But I'm not in range."
*sweatdrop*
"Well, Shinji, why don't you move closer to the Angel?"
"How?! It's shooting everything!!!"
"Distract it! Your Eva's the only one that still works, freak!"
"Oooookay..."
Shinji's Eva began to dance seductively toward the Eva. If one listened very well, they might have faintly heard jazz music playing.
"Hey, angel face...why don't we join and make one big heavenly body?"
***********
Ritsuko's jaw dropped. "This is not happening. It's all some horrible nightmare."
******
Gendou's jaw dropped. "This is not happening. It's all some horrible nightmare."
"I'm proud to announce that the 3rd place winner for the IAAPB Theme Song Contest is Gendou Ikari, at the Top Secret Military Base, NERV. NERV is located at..."
"MINE was the best!!!!! This is an outrage!! Just because I'm part of the government, doesn't mean I should be discriminated against!!"
******
Kaji and Makoto were making out on a park bench. "Mmmm...Kaji...Finally, some peace..."
Kaji sighed."Yeah..."
"Mommy, is it normal for two guys to do that?"
"It is if you like Yaoi...and the authoress is the president of a Yaoi fanclub... Hey you two! Get a room!"
Kaji's head fell onto Makoto's shoulder. "Life sucks. Life really, really sucks."
"It's just the irony of it all."
****
The angel had little heart bubbles floating around it's head.
Misato's eye twitched. "Is that possible?"
"Welcome to anime, sweatheart." Ritsuko said.
"Don't call me sweetheart."
It is of no relevance to the situation, but the authoress thinks that bananna flavored candies are nasty.
****
Rei and Asuka were singing. Normally, that would be just faintly amusing, but seeing as they were bored out of there minds. (Not having been able to move for the past 4 hours), they were singing Denis Leary Songs.
"Spoken:
This is a special moment right now,
We'd like to take this time to tell all the kids at home,
Send your parents out of the room.
This is a kid's song.
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up.
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now.
Hey, if you know the words, sing along!
You're gonna have to mow the lawn, do the dishes, make your bed.
You're gonna have to go to school until you're seventeen.
It's gonna seem about three times as long as that!
You might have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun.
You might have to go to war when you get outta school!
Hey, cheer up kids, it gets a lot worse!
You're gonna have to deal with stress, deal with stress, deal with stress.
You're gonna be a giant mess when you get back from the war.
Santa Clause does not exist, and there is no Easter Bunny.
You'll find out when you grow up that Big Bird isn't funny!
(Funny...Funny...Yahahahahaha....)
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up.
Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now!
You're gonna wind up smoking crack, on your back, face the fact.
You're gonna wind up hooked on smack, and then you're gonna die!
AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA DIE! HEY-HEY!"
****
"Ritsuko, what was the relevance to the story?"
Chibi Maayacola jumped on screen. "I just really, really like that song." She jumped back off.
Misato sighed. "Life is strange."
"Indeed."
****
The room was dark, a spotlight on the desparing man sitting in a single orange chair. The man's shoulders slumped in the way of a much defeated man.
"God?" Kaji asked, sniffling. "God? Can you hear me?"
"Wait a goddamned minute Kaji, I'm in the shower."
"..."
"Okay. What did you want?"
"Is Shinji with a grenade gun is going to cause Third Impact?" Kaji asked.
"Why you wanna know?"
"If so, I kinda need to 'officially' come out of the closet."
"Everyone knows you're gay, Kaji. Even I heard you and that other fellow over the intercom with that Makoto fellow...You two were awfully lou--"
"God, shut-up."
***
Shinji stealthy got closer to the infatuated angel and sighed as he lifted the heavy artilley. The authoress, who is a perv, laughs at how bad that sounds.
"Let's lock and load, my beautiful gun."
Rei's com link popped up in Shinji's Eva. "Shin-chan, if you pull this off we can play a special game when we get home...!"
Shinji smiled gleefully. "Yeah, Rei-babe. We can play Pearl Harbor. You be the U.S navy, and I'll be the Japanese. You can lay on your back and I'll blow you away."
"Ooooh...that's REALLLLLLY BAAAAAAAAAAAAD..." Asuka said through the link. "Shinji, you have the worst pick up lines EVER."
Shinji frowned defensively. "It's a plot device!! Gimme a break!!"
"Yeah, shove it up your ass, he-woman!" Rei said.
"Why I oughta--"
"I'm going to shoot now."
"You bitch! Don't make me come over there!"
"You incestful man-clone with boobs! They're probably fake!"
"Oh yeah? Well yours are DEFINATELY fake!!"
Shinji's fist clenched. His statement had not commandeered him the proper response. "I AM GOING TO SHOOT THE GODDAMNED GUN NOW!!!"
*crickets chirp*
"Better."
***
Gendou sighed. "Rei and Shinji must survive! I must have a one-eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater granchild!"
*****
"Fire!"
Explosion.
End Chapter Three.
Note: One more part to go!! *twinkle*