A/N: Hope this isn't being dragged on. Hope you enjoy!

Lost

Chapter 4: Lifeline

She cautiously allowed herself to delve deeper into his mind, following their connection. Ben had turned around just slightly to lock eyes with her, as if he were wanting to see her reaction to what he was going to show her. She could sense the uneasiness coming off of him in waves. The disappointment, the fear, the overall agony and... regret? Was it regret? Or was it fear of rejection? She kind of wondered why he cared about being rejected. She allowed herself to be led deeper, brushing past the emotions that were swirling around in his head. It was a timeline. She felt as if she were watching a movie.

They were at the cave. She used his saber to dry her clothes. How he felt when she wore his cloak. Was that... pride? Her brows knitted together in confusion, which she assumed Ben mistook for disgust as he averted his sight away from her. Then the thoughts became clearer. She watched through his eyes as she collapsed and passed out, breathing shallow as she was clinging to life. She felt the flurry of emotions that welled within him as he was in that situation. Fear. Sadness. Anger. Concern. Desperation. All of it wrapped into one little tornado of emotions. She watched as he ignited his saber when the natives came into the cave. How he barked out the order for them to help her. She sensed the fear and pain in his voice, like a child without his parents. A child that didn't know what to do, but knew he needed help.

She paused in her searching and saw him purposely avoiding her gaze. "Ben...?" He glanced over at her for a moment, as if ashamed and waiting for a scolding or a look of disgust. He received neither. "Why were you afraid?" she asked softly.

He looked away again. "I didn't want you to die."

She blushed as he nudged her through the connection to continue on. She focused again and gently prodded more, rejoining the situation as a native took off. She sensed the fear and panic radiating off of Ben as if she were in his body at the time. She let out a winded sigh as if the emotions were knocking the air from her lungs. They were so strong, so forceful. She barely noticed Ben's body flinch as the native came back. She continued to watch, trying to see why he was so fearful and defensive now. What was so bad that he felt he couldn't come back from? She watched as the native gave him the bowl to give to her to drink. She saw herself as Ben saw her. Lifeless. Declining. Cold. She felt the worry and desperation, as if he had no other options at that point. She watched as he put the bowl to his lips, put the liquid in his mouth and hesitated for just a moment. Her cheeks were on fire as she realized what came next.

And there it was. The warmth on her lips. He'd fed her the antidote. While this wouldn't have been a big deal, it was an intimate thing to do and they both knew it. She felt the flurry of emotions surge again, but just before she could make out what he was feeling, he threw her out of his mind and locked up tighter than a steel trap. She returned to reality, face redder than fire, breath burning in her lungs as she struggled to comprehend what he was feeling and what she was feeling for that matter. Was she...happy? Was she upset? Why was she upset? Was it because she didn't remember her first kiss? Or was it that it was with him?

It definitely wasn't the latter.

She slowly reached out for Ben, feeling him stiffen beneath her touch. She shifted in the bed to see his face better despite their mismatched levels. Rey reached out and gently turned his face to look at her. He fought her at first, but she was persistent. His face was just as red as hers. It was quite endearing. That made her feel a lot better. "Why did you not want me to know?" she asked softly.

Ben was taken aback by the question. Because they hated each other? Because they were enemies? Because who would want a monster like him doing something like that with them?! He didn't know how to answer that question. He knew what he was feeling was definitely self-condemnation. He was probably being way harder on himself than she would ever be. It was just a kiss right? It meant nothing, right? It meant nothing for her, too... right? He looked into her green eyes and saw nothing but comfort there. Her hand cupped his cheek and he slowly brought his own hand up to hold hers on his face. "Tell me," she whispered through their link.

He frowned then, resisting the urge to pull away completely. Maybe this was his only chance. "I acted on impulse." Stupid! That wasn't what he wanted to say at all!

Rey frowned. "Tell me the truth."

He looked up in her eyes and sighed heavily. How could he tell her? He didn't even know where to start! "It doesn't matter," he said as he got up.

Rey reached out and leapt at him, tackling him from the ground. "Stop running away!" she hissed.

"I said it doesn't matter!" he growled back as he flipped their positions so he was on top of her, pinning her wrists to the ground, eyes hard as he glared down at her.

"It does matter!"

"No-"

"Ben, it matters to me because that was my first one and I want to know why you didn't want to acknowledge it!"

He paused for a moment, staring down at her with wide eyes, as if she'd just impaled him with his own saber. And her words sort of did. He saw the tears welling up in her eyes. Was she looking for it to mean something? Did she think it meant something? Was he... not alone? He pressed his lips into a thin line, his grip on her wrist tightening a little. "Just forget it," she hissed as she turned her head away from him, cheeks still red as his saber.

"I didn't want you to know because I didn't want you to shut me out..."

"That's ridiculous."

"You've done it before. Why would it be ridiculous to assume you'd do it again over something like this?"

It was a simple statement. One that he probably shouldn't have said as it made him seem even more vulnerable than he wanted to show. But it was necessary to hear because now she understood exactly what she did to him and how she made him feel when she did that. "Was it... a mistake?"

He hesitated for a moment, his breathing hitching in his chest for a split second. What kind of question was that?! She turned her face back to him, staring up into his onyx eyes above her. Was she pleading with him for the truth? Or was she pleading with him for it not to be a mistake? He honestly couldn't tell. What were the implications if he said no? Would she expect him to stay by her side as he's wanted to do since that moment in the interrogation room? What did that no imply? Would she expect him to be a caring boyfriend to her? He was far from boyfriend material... He was a murderous, ravenous beast, after all. Either way, if he said yes or no, he wanted to be honest about it. He bowed his head low, hair obscuring his face from her view as defeat sank in. "No," he whispered, the same voice coming out as a scared boy. He was certain she would hate him. Despise him. Think him a disgusting idiot. A pervert. An opportunist. Some kind of vile creature that didn't deserve to walk the earth.

"Stop," she whispered. Ben raised his sight back to her face at the single word. "I don't think any of that. You shouldn't either." He frowned when he realized he was broadcasting again. "Ben..." He remained silent as he stared into her eyes beneath him. "Prove it."

Fear started to rise up in him. "Prove what?"

Her face was full of determination and uneasiness, but she pushed through. "Prove that it wasn't a mistake."

Was she... asking him to kiss her again? No. It couldn't be. No way in her right mind would she ask him that. He scoffed as he released her wrists and sat up. "You don't know what you're asking." He moved to get off of her and she quickly followed suit. They were both on their feet, Ben dodging the request as Rey glared up at him.

"I know perfectly well what I'm asking, Ben Solo!" she hissed. "I just didn't take you for a coward!"

Ben felt his rage bubble up and before they both knew it, Rey was pinned against the wall, hands pinned above her head with one of his. "I'm no coward!" he hissed in her face.

"Then prove it!" she hissed back just as fiercely. "Unless you lied..."

Ben's eyes narrowed at her as he felt her sadness and disappointment start to leak through the dyad. He loosened his grip on her wrists and used his free hand to cup her face. "I am not a liar," he said gently. She opened her mouth to say something else, but his lips were instantly upon hers. They both were so entranced by the kiss that they forgot to breathe. They felt their dyad thrum in their head like a thread that had been flicked. Ben moved his hand down from her cheek to her hip, a thumb on her hip bone and the rest of his fingers pressed firmly against the other side. She let out a muffled sigh against his lips before Ben ultimately broke the kiss. He leaned his forehead against Rey's as they tried to catch their breaths. Their eyes met and it felt as if their bond was stronger than before.

Rey gave him a small smile as she positioned her head to give him a delicate peck, him following her with a small grin of his own. As their lips were dancing again, they took to their bond to speak. "Ben, what does this mean?"

Ben released her wrists and pulled her against him, one hand on her jaw as he tilted her head back to deepen the kiss and the other around her waist to hold her against him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers tangled in his hair as she kissed him back. "You're my lifeline. And I am yours."

"But what do we do now?" Ben lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed where he laid her down, kneeling above her. It was only then that he broke the kiss to study her face. Her lips were puffy and bruised. Her hair disheveled. Her eyes glazed, yet fearful of what they were doing together being on opposite sides. Her hand came to rest on his chest and he clasped it with his own as he leaned closer to her again. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks and then her neck, where he stayed.

"Stay with me, Rey."