Falling

by Jae-chan

Chichi is an old woman that has been battling many battles all her life. Is this the end of the road for her?

4. Asking the Heavens

Falling by Jae-chan

Story Stats
Rated: PG
Started: 9/9/2001
Genre: Angst/Romance and not to mention an A/U
Pairing: Chichi/Goku
Setting: Well after Goku dies the last time. Chichi is in her late sixties.
Random Note #1: I'm having Goku constantly in his Super Saiyajin form.
Random Note #2: I know that in the series they said that only great warriors kept their bodies...but I'm just going to pretend that never happened. I'm also pretending Goku didn't go poof after he merged or whatever with the Eternal Dragon. That way...my story works. ^^; I'll base the general heaven more on what they had in the movie What Dreams May Come and hell will be the equivalent to what it was in the series. You won't see much of this until later on in the story, but I just thought you should know that I'm not sticking to the exact facts.

Update Note: I'm sorry for the huge delay! I got stuck on a part of this chapter and I haven't been able to get past it yet…so here's what I have so far. I hope it's okay. ^^;

***

Chapter 4: Asking the Heavens

Chichi grunted as she lifted an iron skillet onto the stove and barely managed to set it down without a large thud. She had woken up early so that Gohan wouldn't see her struggling with lifting things in the kitchen. He would definitely know something was wrong if he saw her like this and the last thing she wanted right now was for her son to know that she was...

"Mom?"

Turning slightly, Chichi settled her obsidian gaze on her son and smiled warmly at him. "Yes Gohan? Did you sleep well?"

Gohan eyed her curiously. "Are you alright?"

Chichi plastered a confused look on her face and nodded as she cracked eggs to wisk for scrambled eggs. "Of course."

"Good...I'm going to go pick up Videl and Pan from the train station in town. I'll be back a little later." Gohan smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Couldn't they just fly?" Chichi asked, glancing back as Gohan picked up his coat.

"Yeah, but Pan wanted to see what it was like to ride the train and Videl needed a break. I thought it would be nice to go around town again too. Is that all right? Do you want to come a long, mom?"

"No, I should stay here and get lunch and dinner ready. You go ahead, I've got a lot of cooking to do."

"Are you sure?"

"What did I just say, Gohan?"

"Erm...I'll get going. Bye mom!"

Chichi sighed as Gohan ran out the door and collapsed into a nearby chair as she let the pan heat up. Brushing a silver strand from her eyes, Chichi's face relaxed and she shut her eyes against the natural light filtering into the kitchen. "I'm so tired," she sighed.

You should have gone with him.

Chichi's eyes shot open and she looked around the room. Looking down at her hand that shakily gripped her chair, Chichi shook her head sadly. *I thought he was here again...Kami-sama, I thought I had gotten past that stage.*

*

~Goku! What did I tell you?!~ King Kai cried into Goku's mind as he bapped the meditating Saiyajin upside the head.

~I was just testing the waters...don't worry, she thought it was her imagination. I'd need to say something again to get her to think otherwise.~

King Kai sighed as he felt Goku's growing concern and sorrow over the matter increase. This could only get worse as time progressed. Didn't the man know that he couldn't save her again? Not only was he dead, but Chichi was old and had a fatal disease. No amount of fighting could possibly prolong her life much longer. King Kai had to wonder what he was up to.

*It couldn't hurt him to speed up the process, but only if he's careful. I don't know how much he knows what he's doing. I suppose the best way to figure this all out is to ask.*

~What are you planning?~ King Kai asked hesitantly.

There was a pause for a few moments before Goku's voice sounded over their mental connection.

~I want to get her to fight again. She gave it up and I want her to get it back.~

~She's an old woman, Goku. An old /human/ woman. She's lived too long to fight. Don't you see that?~

~You're wrong King Kai. This woman can always fight, it will always be in her blood. I don't know why she doesn't accept it, but Chichi was always a warrior in some way. No housewife could ever swing a frying pan like she could.~

~Goku. She's tired of living. She's been through too much. Let her cross. There's a time for everyone.~

~And let her give up? No...no I won't let her. She'd never forgive me. It's still there, even now. Her strength hasn't died and she can't either. I'm going to get through to her. She has to want to live, she has to...~

~Goku this isn't healthy.~

~What she's doing to herself is?! I haven't helped her for too long and I see that now, but I'm here. I won't let her kill herself like this. She doesn't deserve this kind of death. I've got to concentrate now, King Kai. I'll talk to you later.~

*

Chichi pushed herself up from her chair and walked over to the stove once she was sure the pan had heated up. As she gathered her ingredients she suddenly felt a familiar presence, but when she looked up from the refrigerator there was no one in the room or nearby.

*Strange...*

You mean you haven't felt it before?

Chichi nearly dropped her bowl at the sound of that voice. "Who's playing this awful trick on me? Gohan?! That isn't funny!"

Gohan left for the train station. It's just you and me, Chi.

Her midnight gaze squeezed shut as she tried to block the voice out. *It's just me going insane again...*

No. I told you that I would be home didn't I? I just didn't mean it in the way you thought I did.

*You lied to me, it was cruel.*

Chichi blinked at that and set down her spices and flour. Perhaps she would need to go see a therapist...she had never talked to herself before. It was then that she noticed the fading of the presence, that warm presence that had filled her up with feelings she hadn't experienced since-

*Goku.*

...I'm sorry that you thought I lied.

*I can't let myself do this again-*

I'm real Chichi. King Kai helped me to talk to you. I'm right here, in your mind. Inside of you...that's why you can feel my ki from where you are.

*How is that possible? You've never done this before. There must be something wrong with me.*

The dark haired woman began to stir the dish she was making with a frown marring her face. The pain in her chest was beginning to return, but she didn't pay attention to it. A voice in her head was distracting her too much.

There is something wrong with you, but it isn't me. Do you believe that I'm real? You have to just let yourself do it.

*I...it's too much. Just leave me alone.*

I think I've done that enough, don't you?

*I...Goku...*

Chichi pressed her hand to her forehead as the pain finally struck hard enough to get her attention and felt her knees nearly go out under her. Grasping the stove, Chichi struggled to deal with the waves of hurt that came after the initial strike.

Get on the floor, Chichi, quick.

*No, I can deal with this-*

Now!

Shocked from the fact that Goku could yell at her and the fact that she knew that she'd pass out at any second, Chichi sat on the floor and felt nausea smack her in the face. Her head spun from the feelings coursing through her and when it became too much for her to bear, Chichi allowed the darkness to cover her and passed out on the cool kitchen floor.

*

"Cold...it's so cold here..." Chichi whispered to herself as she wrapped her arms about her shivering body, desperately trying to warm herself in the icy blue winter around her. She was startled when a pair of arms wrapped themselves around her and her eyes snapped open when comforting heat spread over her like a blanket. This feeling of protection, like nothing could ever harm her, could only come from one person. Chichi turned, her now youthful face looking up into the concerned blue eyes of her husband, and she found herself locked tightly against him in mere moments of making eye contact.

"Chichi," he murmured letting his head drop to her shoulder.

Chichi was startled by how affectionate he was at first, since it had been such a long time since they were in a private enough place for him to open up to her in such a way. Sure there were dreams...but now that she knew it was /him/...She soon relaxed into his hold, however, and just let him hold her.

"Why, Chichi?" he asked, his voice becoming more stern despite how he was holding her.

"Why what?" she returned in a dazed and slightly confused tone.

Goku lifted his head and allowed the anger and sadness at the way she had been acting filter through slightly into the pools of midnight he now stared into. "Why are you letting yourself die?"

Suddenly those pools of darkness seemed to freeze over like ice, and Goku could tell that she was shocked at first, but that soon faded away into anger.

"Letting myself die? LETTING MYSELF DIE?! Don't you –dare- talk to me about dying, Son Goku! I have out lived you for decades...decades that WE were supposed to be growing old together for!" Chichi yelled pushing him away.

"I had to raise Goten all by myself and had to go to Gohan's graduation alone! Gohan got married while you weren't around and Goten went through school without you too! Where were you? You were dead! Don't look at me like that, that angry look...you have no right to be mad at me. You picked those fights over us, over me and then never returned. You're the one who died and left us all alone! I stayed because SOMEONE had to take care of our boys and keep them from losing their heads in senseless battle! Someone had to teach them not to fight with their fists, but with their minds. I had to make sure they didn't mess up and leave their families too. Being Saiyajin was no excuse...not at all. It wasn't as easy to leave for me as it was for you, I loved them too much! You just died over and over and then never came back!"

Goku had taken a step back as if she had stabbed him deeply with a knife, but at the same time his aura flared about him. Something in his eyes snapped at her accusation, but Chichi stood her ground, her black locks whipping about her face from the harsh wind of her unconsciousness. A deadly silence dropped over the two and they just stared at eachother, using looks to let their anger bleed out.

Finally Goku spoke, his tones low and barely controlled, "I didn't give up. I didn't choose to leave. Why don't you get it yet that I –had- to enter those battles? No one else could have won them. Did you want everyone to die?"

"No, I wanted you to live!" Chichi growled out.

"I couldn't." Goku's fiery gaze narrowed.

"Yes you could have! You could have done anything! I believed in you and you left me!"

Chichi blinked as Goku's form disappeared for a mere second and nearly jumped when he reappeared before her and took hold of her shoulders. His grip on her was rougher this time, almost to the point of hurting her, but Chichi didn't show him. Glaring defiantly into that angry azure gaze, Chichi tried to push him away again, but didn't succeed.

"Damn it, Goku, let me go!" she humphed, pounding against his chest.

"No, cut it out Chichi."

"Let. Me. Go."

"Never."

When Chichi struggled again, Goku shook her lightly and tried to harness his anger so it didn't escape so easily. Underneath the anger was pain, however. Pain at knowing he had failed her and left her to live with those feelings bottled up for so long. He had been dead too long for him to doubt his judgement. Everyone else saw his sacrifice for what it was, but Chichi was different. She was always unique.

"You know I had to fight, don't you? Don't you?" he asked, forcing her to look at him.

"Yes."

"If I could have come back in the flesh I would have, but the best I've been able to do is watch you. Do you know what I've been through, Chichi? I feel my bond to you everyday and yet I know I can't talk to you. I hear your thoughts, I feel your emotion, I see you...but I can't touch you. I'm supposed to be in heaven. I'm a hero up there. You should see how the Kais treat me. But with you, it always seems like I'm in hell. I can't shake it. I never left you because it was impossible. I NEVER LEFT YOU. Why don't you know how much I've given to keep you safe? Why don't you know how much of me belongs to you?!" Goku said, his voice rising as his grip became tighter.

Chichi slumped in his grip, "It's hard to remember when I barely ever see you."

"Hard to remember? What's happened to you?"

"I've gotten older and lonelier, Goku. You may be able to feel what I do and see me everyday...but I have nothing of you except memories. I'm always waiting for someone to visit me because I don't have the strength to go out. The highlights of my life have always been my family, Goku, and now that they have moved away I'm not the pillar I needed to be for so many years. I'm an old housewife with no one in the house to tend to..." Tears fell softly from Chichi's eyes and she shook her head. "I died the day you did, Goku. The only difference between you and I is that I never passed. With you, I too am always in hell. Just on Earth instead of in the afterlife."

Chichi felt the tears being brushed from her face by Goku's hands and she nuzzled those warm hands slightly. The harsh words and the explosion of bottled up emotions lacked the importance of the feeling of him with her. Yes, she was in pain, but she also knew that Goku didn't always understand it. How could he? She constantly blocked him off from her.

Goku watched her silently as he caressed her soft features with his fingers. She had definitely been broken by his death, there was no doubt in his mind about that. It was even to the point where she still lacked faith in his connection to her. "You're not a housewife, Chichi...you were never meant to be a housewife. I know what you feel now, but you can't give up. You have the blood of a warrior running in your veins and the strength of your will has always beaten mine. This giving up isn't you. You need this fight, Chichi. I don't know why you gave it all up, but you need to come back to it now."

"It's over Goku." Chichi said, shaking, "It's too late."

"Don't give up. You can beat it." Goku urged.

"I'm too weak to live without you. I accepted the fact that I was going to die. Why can't you?" she asked softly. Her dark eyes bore into the brightness of his own.

"For the same reason that you can't see why I had to go fight." Goku said simply.

"You're stubborn."

"Exactly." Goku smiled, his arms wrapping loosely around Chichi's slim waist. Despite the glare he received from her, Goku 'innocently' cuddled his wife and there was very little she could do to get around it. With an exasperated sigh, Chichi allowed him to bring her closer, since she wasn't going anywhere.

"Will you fight it, Chichi?" he asked.

"...I don't think I can."

"That's not what I asked."

"Don't make me promise you..."

"Look at me," Goku said, forcing her chin up so that her dark eyes were locked with his. "I will do anything to make you fight, Chichi. If that means binding you to a promise, then I will. I won't let you do this anymore now that I know what it's like in here. I couldn't fix things in life, but I'm not going to screw them up in death. I'm here –now-. Take me in this form. I'll be here, protecting just like always. So promise me."

"I..."

*

"Mom..." Gohan murmured as he knelt beside her hospital bed. Videl, Pan and Gohan had taken her to the hospital as soon as they had found her on the kitchen floor. Bulma was the second person that had been called and they were expecting her to show up with or without Vegeta in a few moments.

"What on Earth is wrong with her? And why wouldn't any of us know?" Videl asked queitly placing her hands on her husband's shoulders.

"Perhaps she didn't tell you because the outcome is worse than she wanted anyone to know."

Gohan turned to see Bulma standing in the doorway with Chichi's medical chart and a grim look on her face. Anger danced in her aged blue gaze, but Bulma kept it in check. Gohan could tell how she felt by how rigid her posture was and the way she clutched at the clipboard in her hands. *She's going to snap it in half if she keeps it up...*

Vegeta calmly took the chart from Bulma and looked at it, his features frozen over in their characteristic coldness. Gohan could never really tell what the Saiyajin prince felt when he was like this, but he couldn't say that he would have felt much. Chichi and Vegeta had never been on good terms. Chichi never forgave people who tried to hurt her family easily and Vegeta never had the patience or the desire to have Chichi see him any differently than how she wanted to see him. The prince leaned against the doorframe, occasionally eyeing Bulma and looking around the hospital room.

"She has what you Earthlings call 'cancer'. It's seriously advanced and they don't expect her to live much longer." Vegeta said, his explanation sounding all too simple for the circumstances.

"What do you mean she has cancer?!" Gohan exclaimed angrily, glaring at the couple in the doorway.

"Gohan, she's had it for a while and the doctors believe she's known about it. She's known she was going to die fast without treatment." Bulma said, her azure gaze locking on Chichi's still form.

"But...she was so strong just the other day..." Gohan looked back at his mother.

"She's always been that way." Videl said, "Your mom could fool anyone."

"I wouldn't say it was fooling." Vegeta said.

"Then what WOULD you call it?" Videl shot back.

Vegeta actually had the nerve to smirk at her, "Endurance."

Gohan, Videl, and even Bulma blinked at Vegeta, but didn't have much of a chance to respond. They were cut off by a nearly inaudible groan from the bed and a slight movement underneath the white sheets.

"What...where am I?" Chichi asked blinking against the bright light of the room.

"You're in the hospital, Mom, and we have a lot of talking to do."

Chichi blinked as she noticed all of the people in the room with their gazes pinning her down. The only one that she didn't find hostility or pure sadness in was Vegeta's, and she actually had to admit that it was a comfort.

~You might as well tell them now...but I think they already know.~

*I wonder how you could tell...*

"I suppose so." Chichi said, a weak smile lighting her features.