Falling by Jae-chan

Story Stats
Rated: PG
Started: 9/9/2001
Genre: Angst/Romance and not to mention an A/U
Pairing: Chichi/Goku
Setting: Well after Goku dies the last time. Chichi is in her late sixties.
Random Note #1: I'm having Goku constantly in his Super Saiyajin form.
Random Note #2: I know that in the series they said that only great warriors kept their bodies...but I'm just going to pretend that never happened. I'm also pretending Goku didn't go poof after he merged or whatever with the Eternal Dragon. That way...my story works. ^^; I'll base the general heaven more on what they had in the movie What Dreams May Come and hell will be the equivalent to what it was in the series. You won't see much of this until later on in the story, but I just thought you should know that I'm not sticking to the exact facts.

Update Note: Wow…it's been a long time, ne? I don't know if anyone even still waits for me to put out new chapters, but I'm sorry for dropping this for so long. I just kinda hit a big block and couldn't get around it. There have been people close to me who have died from or are battling with cancer and that has made it hard for me to finish this… I suppose I didn't want to think of Chichi's condition for a while. Thank you to the people who reviewed my last chapters and I hope that I'll get through this story to make it a good ending.

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Chapter Five: Beginning the Descent

 "And so I've been going on ever since…it wasn't that I didn't want to tell any of you. I just couldn't find the right time. I knew if I told you, you'd make me take treatment-"

"You're damn right I would have made you go into chemotherapy! You at least would have had a chance, Chichi, but you didn't open your stupid mouth. What the hell was going through your head? Do you know what will happen to you? How you will die? Shit…shit!" Bulma yelled, cutting her off. She held her hand to her forehead as tears escaped her eyes to slide down her cheeks. Yes she was pissed, but she was frustrated too. Why hadn't she seen it before? She could have done something. Now it really was too late. Bulma didn't see anyway of stopping Chichi's cancer in its advanced stage and neither did the doctors. Any attempt they would make would be a total loss.

"I knew what I was doing, Bulma," Chichi said softly, "I knew the consequences of my choice when I made it. The truth is…I've wanted to die for a very long time, but I couldn't. I didn't want to leave abruptly and not be able to say goodbye to my family, I didn't have a battle in which I could fall honorably as my father would have wanted, but all of the sudden I discovered that I had this disease. If I chose to fight it, I would spend my days in this horrid, white place and live in fear of what was to happen to me. I would lose my hair, my pride, and I would probably feel weaker than I do right now. Besides, I don't even want this life now, why should I fight for it? I no longer have anyone depending on me. My boys have new families, new lives. My husband is dead. I'm a mother in an empty house and I want the peace I've been waiting for since Goku left me all those years ago."

Chichi's dark eyes fell on Gohan and she smiled, tears welling in her eyes, and placed her hand over his. "I'm sorry, Gohan-chan. I'm sorry I didn't tell you and Goten. This must hurt a lot and it is all my fault…"

Gohan smiled back at her and squeezed her hand in return. It took him a few moments to beat back the sorrow that choked the words in his throat, but when Videl's hand fell on his back he gained enough strength to talk. "D-don't worry about it, Mom. I understand…why you've been so sad now. I'm sorry I didn't see it. I'm sorry that none of us could fill the hole he left you." He whispered, leaning forward to hug her. Chichi reached up and held him to her, closing her eyes as she buried her face in his hair. "Gohan…"

Chichi…

*I'm sorry Goku. I can't promise you. I can't…this is it…*

No! Dammit-

*Listen. I made a choice. I realize that now. You're so good at distracting me from my points…I can't make a promise I can't keep. I can't fight this now, Goku. It's too late.*

…

*Goku…*

Vegeta watched Chichi carefully as he took Bulma's arm and literally dragged her out of the room, and his eyes narrowed slightly before he lost sight of the dark haired woman completely. He knew it. There was something else she had left out of her explanation and Vegeta knew because he could feel another faint ki in the room while she was talking. Chichi had a powerful bond with someone, which meant that Goku was with her in some form or another. With her in a very strong, odd sense that Vegeta didn't quite understand. He'd have to find out about it later. Right now, his onna was being irrational and what she would call 'insensitive'. Stupid human emotions…

"Onna." Vegeta said, looking her in the face.

"Why did you drag me out of there?" she snapped in response, offering Vegeta one of the scariest glares she could dish out. Although not nearly as dangerous as anything he could come up with, her glare was formidable enough for Vegeta to pause for a few moments.

"Because someone needed to shut you up and set you straight. Pay attention," Vegeta ground out, pushing her down in a nearby chair, "Chichi is bonded to Goku."

"Well duh, they're married you idiot." Bulma rolled her eyes. Was /this/ what he wanted to talk about? Stupid Saiyan arrogance…

"Not a pathetic human ritual bonding, onna! She's his life mate in Saiyan terms…what you would call a soul mate here. Her life is his and his is hers. They're connected in spirit." Vegeta explained, ignoring her glares and eye rolling inorder to keep his temper in check.

"And that means…?" Bulma raised an eyebrow at him.

"Do I have to explain EVERYTHING for you?! By all rights, she should have been dead the moment he died the final time!"

"Wha…you mean she…but that doesn't mean anything, surely it's possible to-"

"No. It's a bond, I can feel it from where I stand. You can't be bonded to a dead person and survive. It was a known fact on Vegetasei, which is why it was viewed as the ultimate weakness by the upper class. The royal family is specifically bred so that we don't bond with our mates. I don't know how Goku's woman lived through being seperated from him, but she did." Vegeta crossed his arms and leaned against the opposite wall, watching Bulma stumble along in confusion within her own mind. For a genius, it took her forever to get a grasp on things. "She's missing part of herself. This cancer, or whatever you want to call it, has probably been building up with her emotions. It's the death that she beat back all those years ago, onna, she can't fight it. Even if she had tried in the beginning, she would have failed eventually. She's a human, after all."

Bulma stared blankly at her husband before getting up and slapping him across the face. Not that it did anything, but she needed to let him now how pissed off she was somehow. "Bastard. She could beat anything that she wanted to. Instead she chose to just sit there and let her sons and her grandchildren watch her die. You're as stupid as she is." Bulma snapped before turning and walking out of the hospital wing towards her car. Vegeta just watched her go. He hadn't missed the tears welling in her eyes when she turned away and he knew she was upset, but there was no use trying to use logic or anything else with the woman. She wanted to be stubborn now and he didn't feel like dealing with her. The Saiyan prince looked back at the door to the room once before turning to leave as well. He didn't need to waste time at the hospital if Bulma wasn't going to stay. Vegeta frowned, walked out the way his onna had and then headed off to train. He had some thinking to do.

~*~

Goku's eyes shot open as he found his mind back where his body was in King Kai's house. There was no way he could have stayed there any longer, watching Chichi as she made her decision or feeling her sorrow when she was comforting their children. He didn't like the outcome of all this, he didn't like that he couldn't stop the inevitable bad ending of this…it was unlike his battles where he didn't have to witness the aftermath if he screwed up. Goku's body tensed as wave after wave of frustration and anger built up in him causing his power levels to rise uncontrollably. His light blue eyes clenched shut as he tried to block out the heated feelings that came with the hopelessness he held inside of him and cool the fire coursing through his blood. He was so busy struggling with himself that he didn't notice when King Kai came to rest his hand on his shoulder. A soft gasp was the Saiyan's response to the gesture, his head tilting up immediately to look into King Kai's stern features.

 "Now you know what she went through your battles, ne?" he asked quietly, "You truly understand that this time you can't save her…that she doesn't want to be saved by you."

 "King Kai…I…"

 "Sometimes people get tired, Goku. No matter what happy ending you gave them all those years ago, it wasn't happy for your wife. War was never happy for Chichi. Yes, she was a great warrior for all the limits that tried to hold her back. She still is. Yet she's different than the other Earth warriors and not just because she's a woman. You'll have to find out why she never continued to fight to understand your mate, Goku. And you'll have to find a way to accept her sad, but wise decision to leave the mortal realm. No matter how strong she appears, your wife needs you to be near her now. As you said to her earlier, you've left her alone quite enough." The fighting master explained.

Goku nodded, looking down at his hands, "You heard all of that?"

 "I didn't mean to, but I was your channel so some parts filtered into my range of hearing." King Kai replied, an apologetic look crossing his blue features.

 "Don't worry about it, King Kai. I'm going to go off for a while to clear my head…I need to think. You can help me get back later?" he asked, standing up slowly to make sure he didn't bang his head on King Kai's ceiling. Goku avoided looking into his old teacher's eyes, as to not show the unshed tears building in his shining blue eyes, and turned towards the door.

 "Of course," King Kai responded, watching Goku nod again silently before walking out onto the lawn. The short blue Kai followed the blond to the door, watching the Saiyan's ki flare before he blasted off from the small planet at lightspeed. King Kai knew what Goku was going through, but there was little he could do for the man now. Goku had to come to terms with the fact that his idea of a good ending wasn't always the same as everyone else's. The man couldn't be a hero all of the time, no matter how strong he was. Now that Goku was dead and would probably stay that way…well, there was a new life he had to deal with. This realm was just as vibrant as the mortal realm in it's own way. Eternity could be bad or good, depending on what one did with it. King Kai could only hope that Goku chose to do something good with it.

*

Gohan sat holding onto Chichi's hand until she had fallen asleep once again, unable to take his eyes off of her face the entire time. Videl had left with Pan to go get Goten who had been tired from his journey and too shocked about Chichi to come see her right away. Now that she was asleep, Gohan thought it might be a little easier for him to collect himself before talking to her. In a way Gohan still couldn't believe his mother wanted to die for all this time. She never seemed miserable or upset when he visited her or talked to her on the phone. How could she hold so much pain for so long and never let it show? Complaining or fussing from his mother was much different than seeing her truly suffer and Gohan felt horrible for not being able to see it. Goten would too…everyone would. Chichi seemed to live for everyone but herself, always putting thoughts of her family before her individual needs, and Gohan felt like somehow he had taken advantage of that by not visiting her more often when he left. He had failed to remember that family was Chichi's life. She had given up her training, her father, what she was used to…all to raise a family with Goku and be a good mother. Yet that was slowly all taken away from her by war. As a child Gohan hadn't understood it, he just thought his mom was being overprotective when she tried to make him forget his saiyan heritage to be a bookworm. His father hadn't understood either, being so wrapped up in saving everyone and furthering his abilities to be able to protect everyone better. Now Gohan saw how he, his dad and Goten had wronged Chichi, even if they had no choice, and a heavy guilt tore at his heart for not recognizing the problem earlier. In a way, they had left her all alone in the world, letting the worth of her sacrifices diminish into nothing. No wonder she had felt isolated and useless.

"Oh mom…" Gohan sighed, bending his head to rest it against the hand he held gently between his own. Shutting his midnight gaze, Gohan allowed his senses to focus on his mother's breathing and he took comfort in its regularity. A single tear slid down his cheek in the soft silence of the room, hitting the floor with a light splash as the trail it left dried slowly on his skin. "I love you."

*

"Uncle Goten! Wake up!" Pan shouted, hitting her sleeping uncle in the face with a sturdy pillow. Upon being smacked in the face with a pillow moving at a speed nearly fast enough to break the sound barrier, Goten let out a cry of surprise and fell off the couch he had been comfortably sleeping on. "What what what? Has anything happened? Did I miss anything?" Goten asked, suddenly looking alert. Pan sighed and shook her head. "Grandma is at the hospital with my dad now and dad wants you to come down because she sleeping. He says it'll be easier to talk to you there and that's why he didn't call."

"Oh…alright, I'll head over there then. Where's Videl?" Goten got off the floor and straightened his rumpled clothes. Sick or not, his mom would freak out if he went out looking messy.

"Right here, Goten. I'll make dinner tonight." Videl said, popping her head out of the kitchen and waving a spoon at him, "Go on and don't tell Chichi I'm using her pans."

"She'll kill you, I know." He mumbled back running his hand through his dark hair before heading out the door. *I hope Videl doesn't burn down the house… I think I'll stay somewhere else to avoid her cooking. I'd rather eat Bulma's food.*

It didn't take Goten very long to get to the hospital, but getting to the room his mother was in was a bit more difficult because Goten was unaccustomed to the maze the white halls of a hospital could be. After getting a few nice nurses to help him out, Goten finally made it to the open door of Chichi's room. He hesitated for a moment, trying to prepare himself mentally for seeing his mother weak and sick before he stepped in. When he was finally collected, Goten walked in to the room with the intention of shoving the feelings of fear completely away. Unfortunately he had to see his older brother bent over, holding his mother's hand with a deep sorrow etched on his features that Goten had never witnessed. Gohan wasn't as cheery as his dad was or how he could be, but Goten never saw him like this. Whether Gohan carried more of Chichi in him or not didn't matter. This was a drastic change in his strong persona and it rocked Goten enough to bring his fears back at full force. "Gohan…" Goten called quietly, his eyes wide as he quietly stepped towards his brother.

Gohan's head shot up as his eyes cleared of memoried to stare into the confused and frightened eyes of his younger brother. "Hey, I was wondering when you would get here," Gohan whispered, feeling his throat tighten, "I'm not going to lie to you. She's not doing well. Mom…she…"

The youngest son of Chichi and Goku stepped next to Gohan to put a hand on his shoulder, his face just as distraught as his brother's. "You don't have to explain it."

"I have to." Gohan looked up into Goten's eyes, "She can't be here anymore. She's suffering in her heart too…you need to know that mom isn't going to fight it. We're taking her home tomorrow."

Goten went pale at Gohan's words, looking back to where Chichi slept on the bed. She /wanted/ to leave them? Since when did his mother ever desert her family? It must have been the sickness talking. They had to treat her! When the wild feelings reached Goten's eyes, Gohan shook his head softly at him, which caused Goten to fall into bewilderment. "You actually believe that she would agree to leave us of her own free will?" he whispered, his voice nearly a hiss.

"She doesn't want to leave us," Gohan responded firmly, holding the limp hand he held in his just a little tighter, "She's tired of living without dad. She feels all alone. Can you blame her for feeling the way she has? I don't want her to die, but this is the way she wants it. She wants to spend her time at home. Shouldn't we let her have that? Her purpose here…it's so small for her now. Do we dare to tell her how to sacrifice herself?"

Goten shook his head, turning away for a moment. Conflicting emotions overwhelmed him. She shouldn't have to die…she was the rock that held them all in place. She was what they fought for. Chichi was more than a mom or a supporter. She /was/ home. Everything about her defined the meaning of the word. What would they do if she left? Why was this so easy to accept for his brother? He obviously felt the pain of this situation as well, but now he was siding with Chichi's logic and that was completely illogical! Goten's eyes fell on his mother and he stared hard at her for a good many minutes, letting the raging thoughts flow through his mind as Gohan let him alone to go back to watching Chichi as well. Silence hung over him like a horrible oppressive blanket during those moments of reaction, winding about him in deafening calls until his train of thought broke into sudden realization. *Mom's home…but what is a home without anyone in it?*

Gohan's eyes met Goten's to see the understanding there and he offered Goten a pained smile before pushing a chair to the other side of the bed. Goten took the proferred seat, sat down, and picked up Chichi's other hand. The two brothers shared no words; their obsidian eyes focused intently on the peaceful visage of the woman who would forever haunt their memories as a home, a mother, and a fiery angel in disguise.