Here we go folks! Let the Kelly torture commence! (As well as a few of the 'teachers'!)

Welcome To Bayville High!

For the first time in months Principal Edward Kelly felt that things were finally going his way. Just one week earlier, several teachers had quit or disappeared for various reasons. He had no idea what to do and just when he had decided to make a run for it himself the miracle happened. Not one, but two different teacher placement agencies had called him asking him if there were any openings. He was only too happy to take them both up on the offer, even though he had never even heard of teacher placement agencies.

All of them seemed bright and capable. In fact several of them had some type of military training and knew each other. Even when Kelly had warned them of the possibility that mutants may be in his school none of them flinched. In fact, some of them seemed a little eager to find them.

He breathed a sigh of relief, ever since he had arrived at Bayville strange things had happened to him. Some of them nearly got him killed. But ever since that fateful day he had an explanation. Mutants. It must have been a mutant that the students used to see in the boy's bathroom. Mutants caused the monsters at the Sadie Hawkins dance. Mutants destroyed the mall. It was mutants that were running amok and causing damage in the town. In fact, one of his own teachers had turned out to be a mutant and nearly killed him.

But ever since the incident with the giant robot several months ago things had become quiet. There hadn't even been a single demon sighting in months. Oh sure there were still occasional unexplained earthquakes, but he was sure that not even mutants could cause those. And of course the odd antics of the students from the Institute and the gang that called themselves the Brotherhood. But now he was positive that with exposure most, if not all of the mutants were gone. In fact he had seen for himself on national TV that many of them were captured. They couldn't have escaped that quickly!

Okay maybe one or two might still be at large and even possibly hiding in his own school system. That thought still unnerved him. It was the unknown of who those mutants were and what they could do that made him very nervous. Whoever they were, they were certainly keeping a low profile.

No, most of them must have been captured during that day. He remembered that several students had also transferred during the past few months. More students had left the school than remained. Yes the mutants must be gone. If only there was a way he was sure.

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw the new security guard, Mr. Pine walk by. "Morning Principal Kelly!" The genial black man's eyes sparkled behind his glasses. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Kelly smiled. "All quiet today?"

"Not even a smoker," Mr. Pine chuckled. However he spoke too soon. A slight tremor shook the building, then stopped.

"Not another earthquake!" Kelly groaned.

"Oh don't worry," Mr. Pine smiled. "I'm used to earthquakes. In fact, they're kind of a hobby of mine. I've been theorizing that these tremors aren't exactly caused by a nearby earthquake, but are aftereffects of that earthquake in Canada a year ago. "

"Really?" Kelly was interested. Finally, something that wasn't caused by mutants!

"Of course I'm not sure," Mr. Pine shrugged. "More research needs to be done. But I'll see what I can dig up on my spare time. I have a few friends in the geology department in Washington. I wouldn't worry about them too much if I were you."

Kelly smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. "Mr. Pine, I think you'll fit right in at this school."

KABOOM!

"Oh no!" Kelly swore under his breath as they raced to the sound of the explosion. They saw the new janitor wobble out of the boys' bathroom.

"I'm okay," He said in a dazed voice. "Just a cherry bomb that got stuck down the toilet. No problem. Just gotta clean it up."

"Darn kids and their cherry bombs," Mr. Pine shook his head. "I heard there's been an illegal firecracker ring hitting all the schools."

"I never heard anything about it," Kelly frowned.

"Oh yeah it's been on the news for weeks now," Mr. Pine said. "It was on…uh what news show do you watch?"

"Channel 4," Kelly said. "And Five, Six, and Seven. I like to flip back and forth through the channels."

"How about Channel Ten?"

"Sometimes Channel Ten."

"Do you ever watch the New England News station on cable?" Mr. Pine asked.

"Actually no," Kelly scratched his head.

"That's the one!" Mr. Pine said. "Oh yeah. It's a real nuisance. But I have a couple of leads, so I'll investigate that." He took off.

"Well I certainly feel safer now that Mr. Pine is on the job," Kelly breathed. He looked at the janitor. "Are you all right Mr. Kaznerbogen?"

"Oh call me Bazooka Dave," The man waved. "No problem. Just hit my head! Well back to work!" He went back inside whistling.

Curious, Kelly followed him and saw that the entire bathroom was covered in wire and plaster. "What are you doing?" Kelly asked.

"Well I'm not installing listening devices for spying if that's what you're thinking," Bazooka Dave said quickly.

"I wasn't thinking that," Kelly looked around.

"Good," Bazooka Dave nodded. "Cause these pipes have a lot of problems! Oh yeah! Lots of problems! Gotta get back to work!" He shoved Kelly out the door. Then he put up an 'Out of Order' sign.

"And here I was just hoping he'd just clean the place out," Kelly walked away. He came upon the new English teacher's room. "I wonder how Ms. Ark is doing?" He opened the door and looked inside.

"Welcome Principal Kelly," Ms. Ark, the lovely woman of Japanese descent was sitting at her desk. She was also wearing a blindfold as well as half the class.

"How did you…?" Kelly asked.

"Aftershave," She tapped her nose. "I'm teaching my students to rely on their other senses when writing poetry. Mr. Daniels please put your blindfold back on! And don't even think about throwing that paper airplane! This is not naptime Mr. Drake! Pay attention!"

"Man how does she do that?" Evan asked.

"I've heard of teachers having eyes in the back of their heads but this is ridiculous," Bobby groaned.

"Well it seems that you have everything under control," Kelly was truly impressed. "I'll be on my way."

"Thank you Mr. Kelly," She nodded. "Oh uh…by the way, your shoelace is untied."

"Kelly looked down. "Okay now that is just plain creepy," He muttered as he went outside.

Not far away was the art class. Kelly walked by confident that everything was all right. Lucky for him he didn't look inside.

"Tabitha Smith stop painting the walls!" Mr. Rafael shouted. "Ray! Roberto! Stop throwing clay at each other! Stop it! Stop it! OW! Who threw that? Hey you! Don't put the paintbrushes in your mouth! What are you doing? Are you eating glue? What is this kindergarten? Hey! NO RUNNING WITH SCISSORS! All right who drew this? Oh very mature! This one's even worse! This isn't Playgirl people! Those two people in this picture better not be doing what I think they're doing! No! Tabitha! Stop! Okay how did that fire start? Don't throw paint on it! Watch where you're aiming that fire extinguisher! AGGGGHHHH!"

Later that morning in U.S. History Ms. Baron began to lecture her class. "For the last time Lance Alvers no I was not alive during the Civil War! And I am not related to Dracula!"

"Could have fooled me," Lance snickered.

"Just open your notebooks and take the stupid notes!" Ms. Baron shouted.

"But I can't take notes. I ain't got no pencils," Fred told her.

"Frederick," Ms. Baron was starting to get very tense. "You mean I don't have any pencils. You don't have any pencils! We don't have any pencils! They don't have any pencils! Do you see what I am getting at?"

"Not really," Fred scratched his head. "What happened to all the pencils?"

That was when Ms. Baron starting banging her head on the chalkboard.

************************************************************************

"It's torture making us have Home Ec before lunch," Kitty groaned. "I just hope this new teacher is nice."

"I just hope this new teacher has an iron stomach," Pietro snickered. As fate would have it Kitty and Rogue were in the same classroom with Remy, Lance and Pietro.

"Just what are you doing here?" Rogue snapped. "I know why these two bozos joined this class!" She grimaced when she saw Lance and Kitty flirting. "But why are you here?"

"Why Rogue that is a sexist remark," Pietro raised his eyebrows. "Besides all the ladies love a man that can cook! I make the most exquisite desserts! You should come over and try it some time!"

"Hey stay away from my girl!" Remy huffed.

"Your girl?" Pietro snickered. "I thought she was mine!"

"God why do you hate me?" Rogue raised her eyes to the heavens.

"Oh don't take it so personal Remy," Lance waved. "Pietro flirts with every girl he sees."

"Well can I help it if the ladies love me?" He winked at Kitty.

"Ugh! Get a clue loser!" Kitty folded her arms.

"Hey!" Lance growled at Pietro.

"Now who's taking it personally?" Remy snickered.

"Quiet you two the teacher's coming," Rogue said. A huge bald man with a small black moustache walked in. "Or Home Ec teacher's a guy?"

"Either that or she's taken a lot of steroids," Lance whispered.

"Good afternoon," The man spoke with a Cajun accent. "My name's Mr. LaFitte and I will be your Home Economics instructor. Let me tell you a little about myself. I am from New Orleans…"

"Wait a minute," Remy raised an eyebrow. "You from New Orleans too?"

"Born and raised," Mr. LaFitte nodded.

"You wouldn't happen to know a Charles LaFitte who runs a little café on Baker Street?" Remy asked.

"Know him?" He laughed. "He's my cousin!"

"I don't believe it!" Remy slapped his thigh. "He the one who married my cousin's best friend's niece!"

"You know Stephania?" Mr. LaFitte said in surprise. "No way! She's only the best cook next to my grand-mere this side of the Mississippi! How's she doing?"

"Last I heard she just had another pair of twins."

"No!"

The class watched in surprise as the two of them quickly started reminiscing in French. "Gee and here I thought this class was gonna be dull," Rogue said.

"Boy talk about your small worlds," Kitty blinked.

"Terrific," Lance muttered under his breath. "We're gonna spend the entire semester learning gumbo recipes."

"At least we know who's gonna be teacher's pet," Pietro laughed.

Finally lunch arrived. Ms. Baron walked over to Mr. Tanzar. "They stick you with lunch duty too?" He asked her.

"Yes," She grimaced as she watched the students. "It's like watching feeding time at the zoo. Only the animals there are more civilized!"

"Hey!" Fred shouted at the cafeteria worker. "Don't use a plate! Just pile on the food man! And don't stop until I tell you."

Mr. Wrench stood there in an apron wearing a hairnet. "I don't bloody believe this," he grumbled as he put food on Fred's tray. "I don't bloody believe this! I'm gonna kill 'em! I'm gonna kill 'em!"