Disclaimer: All characters, names, situations, and plot flaws ::cough:: (ignore the last one) are used without permission from the author, and belong to aforesaid and all respective publishers, HarperCollins, Bloomsbury etc.,.
A/N: The plot flaws really belong to me, as hard as it is to believe; so, if the fic is good, I will not deny in court that the plot flaws were mine, and J.K.R. has wonderfully cooperative characters, and in the case of the opposite, J.K.R.'s characters' personalities are incredulously inaccessible to the common writer, and should be banned from Barnes and Noble's Booksellers across the country and only be available to the especially advanced scholars of the world.
Summary (Because the whole thing wouldn't fit in the box thing): Austere and Perfect, she surely was. She was also possessive, ridiculous in matters of emotional consideration (like accepting the right proposals) bawdy and crude with her taste in clothing, and ostentatious with her choice in men. When the renowned James Oliver Jonathan Potter appeared in her life, she only took it as one of those mildly amusing conquests. As expected, she found him strangely edifying company. Of course Fate had her scarlet hands in all of Lillian Evans' affairs…
I
It sickened her. Everything sickened her. Her eyes hopelessly scanned the room for any sign of familiarity. The bright white canopy was like a bridegroom's veil, floating on air, with small velvet roses printed on them. The bed was of beech and she could detect the faint smell of wood polish, though it looked nothing like newly bought, and the mattress was fairly comfortable; to her atleast, no one could predict how everyone liked their beddings. It was too soft, not just the mattress, but everything in the room, it sickened her.
The other Gryffindor girls regarded the girl with snide disapproval. Occasionally, the four would throw contemptuous glances at her, each in turn, as if they had rehearsed it before, but she paid no attention but to the enchanted ceilings and the moving portraits. Of course, it didn't sicken them, it sickened her. She did not like this 'Warthogs Academy,' was it? She studied everything carefully, as if plotting the demise of an old enemy.
Henry Evans and Company was the most renowned law firm in the whole of the United Kingdom. They charged like mad and won like mad. Only the most politically well-known and privately opulent cases came to them. When you thought of Evans, you thought of the hard set and scarred faces of their equally obstinate criminal defense attorneys. The whole firm looked like it had been sexually abused in it's childhood. Even if the guys were guilty, which usually weren't, because the organized crime society only got into that big trouble rarely, just by one look at the lawyers, the jurors would all vote innocent. Of course, the matter is slightly exaggerated, but the whole point was that Lily was no different. She was so inflexible, yet elegantly persuasive, strong and courageous, so true to her deceitful family practice that if she had no friends, she would certainly was the sort of whom everyone wanted to gain the favour.
To know her personally was like befriending a tape recorder. She would listen to what you said, and you would always know that she was listening. You could tell her all your problems, and cry on her shoulders, but in the end, all she proved to be was a listener. A tape recorder certainly did not judge or offer wisdom and useful advice, and go off playing whatever it recorded whenever it pleased. There was the good and bad of the spoiled little brat.
Since before she saw her mother's face, she had been subject to grammar schools and Girl's Academies, taught to scorn what the modern muggle world had to offer: disco parties and prom dates, The Beatles, Michael Jackson, the beauty of Marijuana and thrilling STDs, experience and commodity. She read about everything, and knew every King and Queen and history of every existent country of civilized world, and was more knowledgeable of everything than any schoolmate in that Girl's Academy, but regardless, she had a stiff and pompous air around her. That was when she came to Hogwarts. But soon, her tyrannical abilities surfaced, and she reigned as Queen wielding all power of the student body that the staff had left behind. By the summer of sixth year, Lily was not only a close friend of the Marauders, who coincidentally had the admiration of the entire student body, but also a love interest of their leader, James Potter: Captain of the Quidditch Team, Head Boy and Honarary Dueling Club Officer.
***
"Hello, is James there?"
"Yes, is this Henry Evans' daughter?"
"Yes, sir, may I speak with him, it is really urgent."
"Sure, Miss Evans." Lily heard someone exaggeratedly stomping up the stairs.
"Hello, is this Lily?"
"Do you have your fifth year Potions textbook with you?"
"Don't tell me you haven't done that essay!"
"I have finished all my homework." She sincerely hoped her voice didn't sound all that believable.
"Right. I'll be by in a second, Lils, I actually donated all of my textbooks, but Sirius has all of his. His mum is such a packrat."
"Hey James, I just remembered, you don't need to come here. I got my house in the Network last year, remember? I'll drop by there after lunch. Thanks, you're a darling."
"Don' worry about it." Click. Lily hung up, suddenly realizing she forgot to tell James that Sirius had gotten his motorbike. Sirius had asked her to, but she'd forgotten. She resolved to do it next week when they all would go shopping for their school supplies in Diagon Alley. The dial tone was still ringing in her ears when she went to change to go down the street. It would give her an excuse out of the silly house, not to mention help her with that genius prank.
Her mother and father divorced when she was no more than five years old. Tabitha Smith-Evans was a drunkard, she died in less than two weeks after the trial, and Lily had to live with her father, despite her decision in the opposite. He had no time for her great achievements and even less patience for her sister, Petunia's constant demands. Petunia, being the brat that she was, was so put off at the fact that her father snapped at her, and not her sister Lily (who had pride enough not to ask anything of him anyway), that there was always some kind of sibling rivalry terrorizing the house. It was only feasible that Lily would want to get away from the nonsense to the Black's quaint little home down the street.
Finally, Lily stared at the mirror, looking vaguely satisfied. She wore a black dragon-leather outfit and matching boots. As a final touch, she somehow managed to bewitch the rubber-print flame on the shirt and the sleeves of the cardigan and the tube top to let off some lifelike sparks, and put on some blackish make up, completing that gothic look. She always paid attention to her looks: her mother always insisted that it was the only thing a woman had, if she had any. She was always top in all of her classes, because her father would've tanned her hide if she wasn't, but she felt it was the least that she could do to fulfill her mother's death wish.
Sirius's mother answered the door.
Looks were not Sirius's mother's thing. She owned a muggle restaurant which was famous for getting food 'on time' to the customer. It was in any case definitely not operated the muggle way. Sydney Black also wrote the "10-step-superwitch" column for Witch Weekly, featuring beautifying charms used by popular witching band, The Faerie Queens. She only did not pay attention to her looks, that did not mean that the job didn't pay.
"Hello, darling!" Lily weakly patted Mrs. Black. As she let go of the tiny Lily, a tall head poked out of the stylish bead curtains that hung at the door.
"Come on, Lily, Let's go. The spellbook's up in my room." Lily went up the shaky looking steel, spiral staircase, dimly wondering what James would think if he knew that she wasn't really getting the fifth year potions book.
***
"Miss Evans."
"Hello Gertrude, how are things going?"
"Me fellow elves wish to speak to thee, Madam. Trudy feeling faint. She'd much like of thee to speak to Master Albus for her humble servant."
"Certainly, I have many tasks to attend to and just a few classes, the year's first Quidditch practice to supervise and a Prefect's meeting to Head. You are lucky my dear, caught me on one of the unfilled days of the week. 'Smatter of fact, I'll go up and talk to him now. Are you too weak to come with me? It would make it all much quicker…" There was no need for her to make all that talk, because House Elf Gertrude had already pulled Lily to the Gargoyle Statue.
"Chewing Dung," Lily said to it, wrinkling her nose. Hogsmeade had only last week stopped taking shipments of it, Dumbledore must have liked them very much and mourning for their loss. As usual, it sickened her. Everything did. Except this was amusing.
"Yes, Professor Dumbledore sir,"
"Ah! Ms. Evans, not having any problems with our new Head Girl duties are we?"
"Of course not sir,"
"Exactly what I expected. Now, I don't like to pick favourites young lady, but you are just the right perfect fit for the position. I daresay Hogwarts would be ruined if I had picked Narcissa Pilkin as your Potions professor suggested. Not to say that she's not a wonderful student, of course,"
"Er, sir, I don't mean to interrupt-"
"Yes, yes, go ahead, what did you want?"
"Er…Gertrude, the Head Chef, is pregnant sir." There was a gasp from Trudy. She looked at Lily, surprised that she could be so blunt with such a great person. Dumbledore gestured for her to go on, pausing to rest his piercing gaze on Trudy for a short minute.
"And we are expecting in a few hours—" Dumbledore looked at Trudy again. She was trembling with fear, her nose drooped and her huge eyes were filled to the brim. He gave her a warm smile. Obviously unable to take it any longer, she erupted with pitiful whimpers and buried her face in Lily's long muggle skirt.
"Now, now Trudy, you may stay in your dormitories for the rest of the month, and your brother, Geoffrey may take your position. I'm sure everything will be perfectly fine." She looked guiltily from the old man to Lily then back at Dumbledore.
"Trudy would like-like to if it is not too much trouble.."
"If I may, sir, Trudy will prefer if she stayed with me, in the dormitories." Dumbledore regarded her solemnly. Trudy's eyes kept darting back and forth around the room and back at her bulging stomach, as if cursing it for putting her in the awkward situation.
"That is an odd request Miss Evans, the house elves pride themselves on going about their duties unnoticed by—" He stopped and puzzled, turned to Trudy. She had commenced sobbing loudly and blowing her overlarge nose on Lily's skirt. Lily didn't seem to mind, she only patted her bald head and furrowed her eyebrows at Dumbledore.
"Alright Miss Evans, I will ask McGonagall to put in a small bed in the Seventh Year Girl dormitories." Gertrude let out a surprised squeak and Lily allowed herself a small giggle. They profusely thanked the Headmaster and headed back to the Gryffindor Commons in high spirits.
"Trudy, I have to go to breakfast, alright?" The house elf nodded, settling her things beside Lily's bed as she heard her footsteps down the stairs. Her stomach grumbled, she hoped the others hadn't any trouble making the breakfast.
***
Lily heard snickers behind her. She knew what it was, and why the situation was so funny, but she let them laugh.
The Great Hall was teeming with students. For a Saturday morning, it was exceedingly crowded and noisy. Especially noisy, for the Marauders, or one James Potter had struck again.
Friday, 7th September, 4:30 p.m.
"He would kill us if he found out."
"I told you, he won't. Peter is covering for us. And you know he likes me, he wouldn't suspect his flavour of the week even if she was a known felon."
"Well Evans, don't you think it's a little much that we help *Snape* humiliate him?"
"For the millionth time, it's the only way that we'll ever put down his enormous ego."
"But Liiily, it's even going against the Marauder's code of honour!"
"A puffskein and some dungbombs?"
"NO! Helping a Slytherin avenge a fellow Gryffindor!"
"Remember, I could always blackmail you."
"You wouldn't"
"No, you're right, but a year's supply of Zonko's gift certificates will be just going to waste!"
Thus when Head Boy woke up after a long night of practicing the Summoning Charm and throwing Quaffles in a hoop with a shrinking charm on it, he was smelling like booger and poo.
Sirius was still in the dormitories, setting a book, specifically How to train a puffskein, on fire, among other things in his fury and realization at what he had done.
Remus was still in the Common room, laughing hysterically at his friends and the entirely underestimated Lily Evans, and not being able to stop.
Peter was lost somewhere in the twenty-seventh corridor, utterly hungry and famished and had been so since the night before. We here at the lily james fanfiction.net community hope that he stays that way forever. (A/N: Anyone disagree?)