The Day Middle-earth Stood Still
By: Neko-chan
A/N: Well...here's chapter nine! I hope you guys enjoy it!
Sean: *blinks* What? No making fun of Lisa and me?
Lisa: *ish speechless*
Neko-chan: Hmmmm? What? Can't I go a whole chapter without mocking you in the author's note?
Lisa and Sean: No.
Sean: You're up to something.
Neko-chan: *innocent grin* Well, it looks like you're gonna have to wait until the next chapter to see 'what I'm up to.' Heh heh heh...
Sean: *ish worried*
Lisa: *pulls a Sean and edges away from the hyper active Elf-obsessed cat-girl*
Neko-chan: D
Chapter Nine
"Lisa, that's so mean!! You should let the cute lil' Hobbits have their privacy! I mean, so what if Sam doesn't want to say whether or not he and Frodo are shaggin' together? He has that right as a citizen of Hobbiton! You're just being a busybody," Bryanna stated matter-of-factly as she glared at her friend.
"Actually..." came a soft voice. All of the members of the Ring Group blinked and turned around--it had been Sam that had spoken. Again: "Actually...Frodo and I..." At that exact moment, a wolf howled and the others couldn't hear Sam finish the rest of his sentence. (Well, Legolas did--those Elf ears ARE pretty sharp--but he would never admit to what he heard, not even in a torture chamber; not even when he was presented with 200 Bryanna clones! That time, he DID come close to cracking, but he didn't! He remained strong!!)
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Lisa screamed in agony and fell to her knees in front of the shorter Hobbit. "Could you _please_ repeat that? PLEASE?" Sam did so; only this time, instead of a wolf howl, a tree fell down in the woods a short distance from where they were standing. "Nooooooo," the blue-haired girl moaned. "Please say it again...this time, only louder..."
Sighing to himself, Sam did so. "Actually, Miss Lisa, Frodo and I..."
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A lightning bolt flashed across the sky and filled the air with its thunder. The Ring Group's members jumped in surprise. Looked as if a certain deity (probably one of the Valar) didn't want readers to know what WAS the truth between Frodo and Sam. So that must have meant...*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!* [We interrupt your fic to bring you this emergency broadcast test. This is only a test. Thank you.]
"Enough of this already!" Gandalf said, rubbing his forehead in pain. Each day, ever since Bryanna and the Hobbit-like boy joined their quest, he'd been getting headaches. Each day's headache began earlier and earlier. What did he do to deserve such pain? Well, there WAS that one time...but he didn't want to bring THAT up. Bad luck, you know. "Come. The day is not getting any longer and we have many miles to put between us and this spot by nightfall. And if we don't cover enough ground during the day, then we WILL walk deep into the night."
Sean paused. If they walked into the night, then that meant that he would be getting any dinner! He gasped in horror, which was quickly followed by the other Hobbits. The same thought had gone through their minds, also. Before Gandalf or Aragorn could say another word, the Hobbits quickly ran around the campsite, gathering their gear and becoming ready in record time. Pippin and Merry barely managed to avoid colliding with each other several times.
"Wow. That was fast. I'm impressed," Lisa commented as she blinked in awe.
"We're done!" chirped Frodo as the four Hobbits (well, five if you include Sean) stood in a straight line. "Let's get marching! As you said, Gandalf, the day isn't getting any longer!" The Hobbits smiled brightly and set off...in the wrong direction.
"You do realize that you're going in the wrong direction," Aragorn called out. Without missing a beat, Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry, and Sean turned on their heels and began marching in the opposite direction. Luckily, this time, they were going in the _right_ direction.
Shaking their heads in exasperation, the others followed, Lisa and Bryanna breaking into random songs....much to Sean's dismay, a lot of the songs that they sang were from either Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC, though the girls _did_ occasionally sing a different song... ("I'm super girl and I'm here to save the world...")
"So you were really in the Marvel Universe before you came here?" Bryanna asked Lisa as the two lagged behind the others. THAT explained why she was dressed up like a (tacky) superhero. Not that she would ever tell Lisa that, of course. One, Lisa was one of her good friends. And two...well, let's just say that Lisa had a great right hook. Though Bry DID think that the bright yellow cape with the words 'Dot Com' on it WAS a bit much...
"Yup! It was great. There was Bobby and Gambit...oh, and Logan, but who really cares about him?...and then there was the training room. But Bubbles screwed up our first practice session. He transformed into Fish Boy at the wrong moment," the blue-haired girl answered cordially.
Bryanna blinked and opened her mouth to say something, thought twice about it, and closed her mouth wisely. And whoever said that she never got any smarter? Looking to the front of the duo, she noticed that Pippin and Merry kept on looking back at them. Following their gaze, Bry suddenly snorted. "Lisa...I think that your balloons are deflating."
"What?" Lisa exclaimed. She looked down to where Bry's finger was pointing...and found out that she would be having to wear something over her superhero outfit, due to the fact that it was now baggy in areas that weren't _previously_ baggy and sagged where it didn't _previously_ sag. "Bryanna?" Lisa asked in a small voice. "Can I borrow some clothes?"
Laughing evilly to herself, Bryanna rummaged through her backpack and tossed a shirt to Lisa. Muttering to herself about evil authors and their sadistic tendencies to mess with their characters ("Damn you, Neko-chan!!!" was Lisa's exact words), the blue-haired girl pulled on the shirt. Distinctly, she and Bry could hear Merry and Pippin sigh in disappointment.
A little bit later...
The two girls were still walking behind the others, until Bryanna suddenly stopped and sniffed the air. "Hey, Lisa...do you smell that? It smells like rancid eggs..."
Lisa paused and sniffed the air, also. "Hey! You're right! Only...it doesn't smell like rancid eggs. More like ten year-old garbage..."
Curious to see where the disgusting smell was coming from, Lisa and Bryanna edged closer to the Ring Group. And stepped back, gagging, when the stench assaulted them. "BECH!" Bryanna gagged. "It's coming from the men-folk!!! I had read somewhere in a science magazine that men sweat more than women, but I didn't believe it until now!! They REEK!"
All Lisa could do in answer was hold her breath, cover her nose, and nod repeatedly.
Mumbling to herself about stinky men-folk, Bryanna dug around in her backpack until she found what she was looking for: a map of Middle-earth, body spray, shower gel, and shampoo and conditioner. "Yes! I found it! Now, according to the map, there's a little bit of wood that's filled with hot springs somewhere around here. Now, for the personal hygieneness of us all, I demand that you all take a bath."
Gimli paused, raised an arm, and breathed in the putrid smell coming from under his arms. "Smell? What smell are ye lasses talking about?"
"I smell no stench!" Boromir agreed, also taking a whiff from under his own smelly arm. One by one, the other men-folk agreed.
Lisa stared at them in horror. "Bryanna, does this mean that this is a constant state for them. That they smell like this all of the time and so they don't know when they reek?!" All Bryanna could do was nod mutely in extreme horror and shock. Now she REALLY didn't know if she wanted to continue on the journey. Elves or no--a person could _die_ from the smell coming off of the guys.
So, after much wheedling and threatening, the two girls finally got the guys to agree to take a bath. (Thank GOD!! *does a dance of rejoicement*) Each male went to their own personal hot spring, except for Sean, who didn't smell at all. (But, just in case he was going to get smelly within the next several hours, Bryanna sprayed him several hundred times with her body spray. He now smelled like Tiger Lily.)
Unknown to the two girls, Sean didn't care about the fact that he now smelled worse than a flower shop. Gimli was distracted so he could steal all of the Dwarf's underwear that he wanted! Gimli underwear shrines, here he comes! Now, after he stole all of Gimli's underwear, then the Hobbit-like boy would have to begin thinking up pamphlets to hand out. He HAD to spread the wonders of the Dwarf-worshiping religion! He had to!
"Aw, dang it," Bryanna muttered to herself when she spotted the body shower gel and shampoo that Gimli and Boromir (the smelliest of the lot...) had forgotten. "I'll be right back!" she called to Lisa, then picked up the things and went off in search of the Dwarf and the Man.
~Five Minutes Later...~
"Lisa...." Bryanna mumbled when she stumbled into the clearing, her eyes glazed over. "Lisa... I... I.... I........." Suddenly, she tipped over and passed out, a dreamy look on her face.
The blue-haired girl (who was no longer blue-haired because the author ALSO sent her back to her natural hair color, which was a dark brown that matched the color of her eyes) blinked and looked down at the red-headed girl. Suddenly, she laughed. She _knew_ what was wrong with Bryanna--she had seen it happen many times with Dominique when her friend spotted Wolverine. Sean blinked also and looked down at the unconscious girl in befuddlement. "What's wrong with her?" he asked suspiciously.
Before Lisa could answer, a dripping wet, towel-clad, practically nekkid Elf came running into the clearing, fire in his eyes. "Where is she?!" Legolas yelled, a bow and arrow knocked and ready in his hands. Mutely, Lisa pointed to the passed-out Bryanna. "Oh."
* * *
"Are you sure you have to go?" Bryanna (who had finally woken up, taken one look at Legolas, then promptly passed out for the second time) asked, hugging Lisa and practically in tears. "'Cause I would _love_ it if you could stay! We could sing songs, annoy the men-folk, talk about the men-folk behind their backs, watch nekkid Elves take bathes (at this, Legolas blanched in horror), and all of that good stuff! Can't you stay for just a LITTLE bit longer? Pleeeeeease Lisa?"
Also almost in tears, Lisa hugged the insane red-head back. "No, I'm sorry Bry!! I can't stay any longer!! I have to get back to the Marvel Universe before anyone tries to move in on my man--though, he isn't _technically_ my man since Rogue called 'im first...but still! And I had a lot of fun, though!"
The two separated, hugged each other again, separated, hugged each other for the third time, then separated once again.
"Do all women act like this in your world?" Aragorn asked Sean as they watched as this whole procedure was repeated once again--for the 5,302 time.
"Basically," Sean answered, sighing. Then, before Lisa could leave Middle-earth permanently, Sean tapped her on the shoulder, shoved a pamphlet in her hands, and waved good-bye.
"Wha--? The Ultimate Relgion: Worship of Gimli...? What is this?!" was all Lisa managed to say before she vanished into a big flash of light and a puff of smoke.
"Well, it looks like we managed to get rid of one fangirl. Now just one more to go," Sean commented.
"Do you have any ideas on how we would go about this?" Aragorn asked Sean in interest. He would have done _anything_ to get rid of Bryanna. Anything at all...
One by one, the rest of the Ring Group left, leaving Bryanna alone, staring off into space. Suddenly, she blinked and focused her attention on the others once again...only problem was, the others had left her. "Guys? Guys...? GUYS?!"
TBC...