Disclaimer: I like Hugh Grant. Really I do. He was fantastic in An Awfully
Big Adventure. But in Sense and Sensibility-ah-he was just so choked up in
his collar, it looked like he was going to suffocate or something.So, no
offense to HG fans. He's great-just not with a gargantuan collar.
*
"Good afternoon, (gulp) Ms. Dashwood." Edward Ferrars smiled, which was difficult, because it just made his chin look fat as it squished deeper into his collar.
Elinor smiled back. "Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked politely.
"Yes, quite." As he spoke, he let out a little gag, and drowned into his giant collar.
Elinor looked up from the kettle. "I say, Marianne, where's Mr. Ferrars gone to?" she asked.
"Why sister, he's fallen into his collar!" Marianne cried, trying not to laugh.
"Oh dear!"
"I'll fetch the colonel, he'll save him!" She snickered and rose.
As if on cue, the colonel galloped up to the door. He tossed his hair grandly and slipped off his horse. With a deep sweeping bow, he asked anxiously, "How may I be of service, Ms. Dashwoods?"
"Dear Brandon, our guest has dissolved into his coat!" Marianne explained, bursting into a mad fit of giggles.
"Drat, I hate it when that happens!" Brandon sighed, and strode past her into the parlor. Elinor was examining the collar doubtfully, and her eyes sparkled when Brandon came in.
"Can you retrieve him?" she asked hopefully.
He gazed into her eyes wistfully. "I'll do what I can," he murmured, "but only if-only if you marry me instead, Ms. Dashwood."
"Yes, of course," she replied quickly. "I'd hate to marry a man who falls into his collar daily."
Brandon grinned in relief. "Yes, it's rather grotesque, I must say." He bent over and peered down into Mr. Ferrar's collar. "HELLOOOO! ANYBODY DOWN THERE?!" he shouted. There was no answer.
"Oh, that's just as well," Elinor said quickly. "I never really liked him much. I really love YOU, Brandon," she swooned. "I was just using him to make you jealous," she blushed.
Brandon's grin widened.
"What about me?" Marianne asked pathetically in the background.
"You can be a bridesmaid," Brandon said politely.
THE END
*
"Good afternoon, (gulp) Ms. Dashwood." Edward Ferrars smiled, which was difficult, because it just made his chin look fat as it squished deeper into his collar.
Elinor smiled back. "Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked politely.
"Yes, quite." As he spoke, he let out a little gag, and drowned into his giant collar.
Elinor looked up from the kettle. "I say, Marianne, where's Mr. Ferrars gone to?" she asked.
"Why sister, he's fallen into his collar!" Marianne cried, trying not to laugh.
"Oh dear!"
"I'll fetch the colonel, he'll save him!" She snickered and rose.
As if on cue, the colonel galloped up to the door. He tossed his hair grandly and slipped off his horse. With a deep sweeping bow, he asked anxiously, "How may I be of service, Ms. Dashwoods?"
"Dear Brandon, our guest has dissolved into his coat!" Marianne explained, bursting into a mad fit of giggles.
"Drat, I hate it when that happens!" Brandon sighed, and strode past her into the parlor. Elinor was examining the collar doubtfully, and her eyes sparkled when Brandon came in.
"Can you retrieve him?" she asked hopefully.
He gazed into her eyes wistfully. "I'll do what I can," he murmured, "but only if-only if you marry me instead, Ms. Dashwood."
"Yes, of course," she replied quickly. "I'd hate to marry a man who falls into his collar daily."
Brandon grinned in relief. "Yes, it's rather grotesque, I must say." He bent over and peered down into Mr. Ferrar's collar. "HELLOOOO! ANYBODY DOWN THERE?!" he shouted. There was no answer.
"Oh, that's just as well," Elinor said quickly. "I never really liked him much. I really love YOU, Brandon," she swooned. "I was just using him to make you jealous," she blushed.
Brandon's grin widened.
"What about me?" Marianne asked pathetically in the background.
"You can be a bridesmaid," Brandon said politely.
THE END