Mou. Sisters are evil. Especially mine. I was going to fix up all my lil mistakes in chapter 3, but she decided not to let me. *sighs* Okay, on with fic.
Oh, and I do not, in fact, hate Tatsuha. ^_^ I rather like him. But he's a good plot device?
The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichiby Eike
Chapter 5
Tatsuha had them all gathered in the temple. It was a lot larger than Tatsuha's secret shrine to Sakuma Ryuuichi, so that calmed him somewhat. At least real gods still got the worship they deserved. Or something like that. Touma had once given him a long and involving explanation about religions and gods, but Ryuu-chan had forgotten it five minutes after that.
"Sakuma, pay attention. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life with your limbs falling off and smelling like a rotting corpse," Yuki, that meany, growled at him. But he did have a point. Ryuuichi turned to face Tatsuha-san again, fumbling with one of his fingers. It was fun, taking his finger off and then putting it back.
Tatsuha looked at him strangely, then closed his eyes and went into his serious mode. Ryuuichi hoped that Tatsuha's serious mode wasn't a meany like his own serious mode. He didn't like meanies. Well, he didn't like obsessive fans too much either.
"There is only one cure that I could find in 'Tou-san's books. Sakuma Ryuuichi has to eat some brains. And have sex with me."
Crickets chirped. Then a loud slap rang out, followed by a cry of "itee!"
Yuki glared at his twin. "Will you cut the sex crap? Just forget your raging teenager hormones for one minute and help us cure this idiot!"
Tatsuha huffed. "Don't slap the only person who can help you right now! And who are you to talk about hormones? I know that you and Shuuichi get it on almost every night!"
Shuuichi was finally looking more like himself. The unnatural paleness had been replaced by a healthy red glow. "Tatsuha-san! How would you know that?"
That meany gave a smirk. "Yes, how would you know that, otouto-chan?"
Tatsuha rolled his eyes. "Remember that week I stayed with you guys? I couldn't sleep at all what with all the noise you guys were making. And that happened every single night."
Another silence. Ryuuichi felt they had forgotten about him, but didn't feel that it was safe to bring his problem up. They seemed to be discussing something really important. Not that Kumagorou's colors weren't important. But nobody else realized that his poor Kuma-chan was scarred for life after this encounter.
"... and it's not like it's a regular occurrence, 'cus Yuki makes me sleep on the couch a lot, but you were there, so he couldn't, 'cus he was afraid you were gonna try something again just 'cus I look like Sakuma-san, but I know you wouldn't, even if you are really ecchi like that!" Shuuichi was waving his arms around wildly, imitating a bird this time. Shuuichi was funny like that. He always imitated strange animals.
It looked like Yuki was going to yell at Shuuichi. Ryuuichi decided now would be a good time to remind everybody why they were actually here. "Ne, you guys, we need to fix Kumagorou's colors, na no da!"
Silence, Ryuuichi decided, was a Bad Thing™. It could eat away at you, it could destroy your insides, it could leave you feeling empty and lonely, it could depress you, it could kill you, it could make your feet fall off. That last one having actually happened.
Tatsuha scurried over and helped him reapply his foot. Obsessive fans were strange.
"It still stands. The only cure we have available at the moment is for Sakuma Ryuuichi to eat somebody's brains and to have sex with me."
Shuuichi's healthy glow diminished. "I just thought of something... Are you sure you want to have sex with a zombie? 'Cus, all of his body parts go flying in places and..."
Ryuuichi wasn't sure he understood what Shuuichi was saying. But Yuki must have, because he took a deep breath, like Touma did when he was dealing with younger people.
"Alright, I don't care what happens to you anymore, Tatsuha. As for brains... just feed him Shuuichi's, he definitely won't miss them."
"Hey! That's mean, Yuki!"
Waah, they were getting distracted again! Kumagorou couldn't really wait another moment! He needed the cure now...
"Wait, remember Kumagorou, na no da!"
Tatsuha patted him on the back. "Kumagorou will be fine. I'm more worried about your cure. Where will we possibly find spare brains?"
Shuuichi had calmed down, a determined look in his eye. "There's only one solution to that, of course. He needs to eat the brains of a spy from Uranus."
Ryuuichi wondered if it was a trend nowadays to have long silences. They had been happening far too often now. And they always made some body part of his fall to the floor with an earth-shattering "thunk." Earth-shattering only because it was the single audible noise. Well, and the crickets. And birds. And the water rushing. And the wind. And the wind chimes. Okay, so it wasn't even all that quiet. But it was sort of quiet, in comparison to all the noise the other three made.
"Shuuichi, there are no spies from Uranus," Tatsuha pointed out. There weren't? Ryuuichi had been sure there were... They contacted him in a dream once.
Shuuichi was shaking his head vigorously. "Of course there are! That woman that turned Sakuma-san into a zombie must have been a spy from Uranus. No other being could have done something as evil as this."
Ryuuichi nodded now. "He's right! She was scary, na no da! And she glowed red, na no da. That's unnatural, so she must be from Uranus!"
Yuki shook his head. "Alright, I don't care. I'm leaving you idiots alone." And he really did stomp from the room then. How could he just up and leave? Didn't he realize that important thing were at stake?
"Yuki, matte!" Mou. Why was Shuuichi chasing after that meany?
... and why did Shuuichi leave him alone in a room with the fan?
"Sakuma-san... let's have sex. Now, on the floor. We can desecrate 'tou-san's temple to a lesser god!"
"Nooooo! I don't want to!"
But it was too late. Tatsuha had already jumped on top of him, trying desperately to pin the flailing limbs to the floor. No such luck. A foot, a hand, and an arm sprawled out in different directions. Tatsuha stopped moving and looked at the missing limbs.
"... I think Shuuichi was right. Damn."
Ryuuichi let out a gasp in relief. He was saved! He knew it was actually useful that his body parts could do that.
Tatsuha was collecting the different body parts and bringing them back to him. He carefully re-attached everything where it belonged, not messing up even once. Ryuu-chan was impressed. It had taken him several times to get everything back right.
"Alright, your real cure. We need to find that hag that did this to you and have her undo the spell. There's no way we can legally get our hands on a human brain."
What was Tatsuha mumbling about? He was supposed to fix Kumagorou's colors! He pouted just a bit. "What about Kumagorou's colors?"
Tatsuha smiled warmly at him. "We'll get him back to normal, don't worry. If all else fails, we can bleach him, then dye him pink again."
Ryuuichi nodded. He mentally noted Tatsuha's hand reaching for his ass, and scooted a bit further when the fan's leg came up to his groin. What happened to no sex?
"Ne, Tatsuha-san... can you please let go of my foot?"
The mop of dark hair shook. "I'm touching Sakuma-san's foot... Oh, ryuufan662952 is going to be so jealous when I tell her about this... Hell, the entire fan club is going to be jealous... And I'm going to get beat up, just because I'm touching Sakuma-san's groin..."
Ryuuichi sweatdropped. Tatsuha was fine earlier, but he was going all ecchi again now! He tried to swat the hand away from his groin, but it steadfastly refused to move. He couldn't put too much pressure into the swats, or else some body part could go flying again...
"TATSUHA! Stop molesting him and start getting the cure ready!" Yuki's voice echoed through the room. Scary. He couldn't tell where Yuki was standing. What if Yuki had turned into a ghost? Oh no, Shuuichi must be overcome with grief! It must be awful, losing your one true love to something so tragic as the evil-meany-ness disease! Ryuuichi bit back a sob as he thought of his friend's sorrow.
Oh, wait. Yuki was standing there in the doorway. Tatsuha had gotten up and was now standing next to his twin, whispering something to him. Hmph. Secrets again. Maybe Tatsuha wasn't such a good person after all.
Shuuichi sat down next to him, giggling nervously. Had Uesugi-san called him bad nasty words? It would be just like Yuki's father to be just as evil and mean as his son.
"Sakuma-san, can you remember exactly where you met the scary hag?"
Ryuuichi thought for a bit. Where had that been? "Eto... it was in Tokyo. There were a lot of shops around. And a lot of food in the windows too. Restaurants, maybe. I can't remember the names of the restaurants though. They were next to a big shiny glittery building though! And the pokecenter was close too!"
"Souka... that sounds like the plastic food district." Shuuichi looked cute when he wrinkled up his nose like that. But then again, most people looked cute like that. He was sure even Yuki looked cute when he did that, and Yuki was a big meany.
"Does the plastic food district have a cure for Kumagorou?" Ryuuichi asked. He was slowly noticing that nobody seemed to care about Kumagorou's colors. They'd have to be reminded often about it, so that they'd learn to care. Because Kumagorou was a really important person!
"Of course it does. Let's go. We've wasted too much time as is... " Yuki barked at them before stomping out the doors. Shuuichi had stood up and now offered his hand to Ryuu-chan, who gladly took it and used it to level himself. At least, that's how it was supposed to work. Instead, his arm ripped, sending him falling back to the floor, and Shuuichi holding a very dead arm in his hands. Surprisingly enough, Shuuichi shrieked.
-tsuzuku-
Bah. I don't like this chapter too much. I was dead tired when I wrote it. *shrugs* But it's okay, I think. Not up to par with the last chapter though... ^_^;; Um, other notes. My reviews have been getting less ;_; How am I supposed to catch up to Mirai's 100+ if nobody reviews anymore? I don't care if you've reviewed before! Double, triple, a review for every chapter! You can do it, na no da!
.... Yes, I obsess. Umm.... ryufan662952 is a chat buddy of Tatsuha's, I think ^_^ Anybody see the specialness of the number I gave them? (Tatsuha would be "Ryuufan", me thinks). *cough* Yes. ^_^ Bai bai, na no da!