Way overdue, this thing is. But half of it got eaten the last time I typed it up, so....

I've made a reference to a fic in here, see if you can find it. ^_^ *waves to author*

Oh, and let's remember that Eike-chan has not once been to Japan. Yet. *is going in the summer*

The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi

by Eike

Chapter 7

In keeping with his mental note earlier, Ryuuichi kept as far away from Tatsuha as possible. He had both Shuuichi and Yuki between himself and the teen, but even that didn't seem to be a large enough distance. He could feel the sex vibes rolling off the fan, hitting him full force and making some body part or other drop from his body. That resulted in stops every three minutes, making Shuuichi's lover even more irritated. For some reason, Ryuu-chan was under the impression that Yuki didn't like him.

This whole ordeal was making their trek through Tokyo near impossible. They couldn't take public transportation, and Yuki's car stopped being useful once they got to the Plastic Food District. Well, that's what Ryuuichi and Shuuichi called it, but he could have sworn that he heard Yuki mumble some other place name. Either that or he was talking to himself. That one made more sense. Yuki had to be a crazy type person, for him to be so mean to cute people such as Ryuu-chan and Shuu-chan.

"Sakuma-san, do you remember what this hag looked like?" Shuuichi asked. They had already been searching for nearly two hours. If you counted up those regular stops, that would mean... they had managed to travel exactly two blocks. Or had it been three? Ryuuichi looked at his fingers and started counting off. They had walked past that scary looking fortune teller on the first block, the second block had the ugly mystic, the third one was the deformed Satanist... yeah, they were on the fourth block now.

Ryuuichi shook his head. "I only remember the big blue aura, na no da! It was soooo scary, na no da! And then the sticker she slapped on me dissolved into little itty bitty pieces, na no da. Oh, I think she had one of those glass snow landscape thingies, na no da."

Yuki scowled. "This scary old hag... She had a crystal ball?"

Ryuuichi thought for a bit, then shook his head. "It had little sparkles in it! Like that one!" He pointed to a scary old hag with a glowy glass ball in her hands.

Shuuichi, Yuki, and Tatsuha stared. The old woman walked past them, unaware or uncaring of the eyes on her.

"Was that..." Shuuichi started.

"... a scary old hag?" Tatsuha finished for him.

"Yes," came Yuki's reply.

Ryuuichi didn't quite understand what happened next. All three of his companions started running after that old woman, shouting at her to stop. The hag turned, saw them running, and took off herself with speeds that could make any sprinter jealous. It was amazing how fast that old hag could run. Ryuuichi started cheering for her, glad to see that even in old age she was such an active person.

"Ganbare yo, Scary Old Hag-san! You can do it, na no da!" He jumped up and down, performing complex cheer-leading maneuvers. Forget the fact that it caused his body parts to go flying, it was extremely fun. And he had a darned good reason to be cheering - it wasn't every day that you saw an old woman outrun three young men in an obstacle course as complex as this one. People, trees, trashcans, animals, cars... everything got in the way, hindering their progress so much that they were constantly tripping.

The old hag had run across the street now, looking back and laughing at her followers. Tatsuha was currently the one closest to catching her, gaining ever so slowly. Shuuichi and Yuki had to stop and wait for a truck to pass.

They'd never catch up to her at that rate! Thankfully, Tatsuha didn't let stupid things like a toddler stop him from chasing that hag. No, he ran right over that kid! Good ol' Tatsuha!

On the other hand, that hag had quite the advantage on the three young men. She was zooming past everything, literally just a blur, and her figure was only visible if you had eyes and could follow her15mph dash. There was really only one thing to do in a situation like this.

"GANBATTE, SCARY OLD HAG! Kumagorou and I are cheering for you!"

Ryuuichi completely missed seeing Shuuichi stumble over something and nearly get hit by a passing car; he was far too preoccupied watching the hag outrun Tatsuha. She could make it, she really could! He had faith in her! If they were lucky, she could make the Olympics, and they would show up on national television as the people who helped get her there, the ones who supported her through it all. And that dog that was biting her now and dragging her down, yeah, that dog would be the enemy, and everybody would come to hate the dog as they hated their own arch nemesis, they would hate it like they hated unfinished fics, they would hate it like they hated every other form of hate-demanding stuff.

Oh no! The dog had caused the scary old hag to fall into a manhole! How DARE it! It really was everybody's arch-nemesis! It was probably the reason that Kumagorou was now a dirty brown. Oh, Ryuu-chan just hated dogs.

He booed when he saw Shuuichi, Yuki, and Tatsuha circle around the hag. How could they do this to her? Surely just because she lost the race she didn't deserve DEATH! DEATH! Death was such a permanent thing, and once she was dead and in hell (that WAS the one above him, right?) he would never see her again. The only thing he would have left would be his memories.

The plus side to that would be that he could have his own dramatic life story on TV. Well, not that he hadn't given his life story several times... In one version, Kumagorou raised him from birth. There was another one where Touma was his secret lover who gave him the candies that kept him alive. Oh, and in one, he was an orphan who lived in a secret place and he could fly and Noriko was the girl he saved from eternal damnation as the slave of maturity, and Touma was the evil evil man who tried to put their feet back on the ground.

So now he was ready to cry for that poor, poor old hag who had done nothing wrong but live.

"Sakuma-san, can you come over here? We can't do this without you..." Shuuichi asked him quietly. Ryuuichi sniffled. How... how could they ask him to help in the destruction of a hag? He wasn't that kind of person!

"NO! I refuse! Killing is wrong and evil and we should kill all those who support the death penalty!"

He was met with stares. Kumagorou, in his backpack, wisely told him to shut up now and just go see what they wanted. Because Kumagorou was so much smarter than he was, he did as he was told.

The amazing, talented, graceful, and very much dead vocalist crouched down to get a better look at the hag in her man-hole trap. She really was an ugly one. Of all the hags he had seen, she was probably the ugliest. Not that he knew that many hags, but still.

Tatsuha pulled the hag out of her trap, but made sure to keep a firm grip on her arm. He really did have strange tastes. A necrophiliac and an old-hag-philiac. It made Ryuuichi shudder. What next, clownphilia? Masochism? Oh the horrors, not a nature-freak-sex-philiac!

"Alright, obaa-san, I need you to fix Ryuuichi here," Tatsuha explained. Ryuuichi would have cheered, but he didn't want another body part to land in inopportune places, like up somebody's nose. Although, he remembered seeing a show where they put rubber hoses up their noses...

The hag sighed. "I suppose I could do it. I haven't done in a long time, mind you. Fix somebody, I mean. But my mad skillz must really be well known." She pulled out a knife and a rubber band. "I'll need two of you boys to hold him down, they tend to squirm a lot..."

Ryuuichi felt a sudden wave of fear wash over him. He wasn't sure WHAT they were talking about, but it didn't sound nice!

Thankfully, Shuuichi seemed to agree. "NO! That's not what we meant! Turn Ryuuichi into a non-zombie!"

The hag huffed a bit. "What makes you think I could do that?"

At this point Yuki stepped forward. "How does an autographed version of the currently unreleased Yuki Eiri novel sound to you?"

And time stood still for a second. Ryuuichi could swear that he hadn't seen the hag move - only three seconds later she had reappeared at Yuki's side, hearts all over her eyes, love bubbles floating in the air and making a general fool of herself. She got minus ten points for over-dramaticising. Not to mention she was being mean to Shuuichi and trying to pry him away from Yuki. Ouch, poor Shuuichi's limbs would be really sore the next day.

"I'll do it, I'll do it! You just need to get the ingredients..."

.... "Ingredients?"

-tsuzuku-

BAh, just so you have something. ^_^;; Next chapter, I'll have a cameo, methinks. I've seen what real zombies are like, MAN they are scary.

And I'm sorry there's not so much zombie-Ryuu as there is Ryuu-being-stupid. *sigh* His body parts get boring after a while though.