*~*
As a bludger rushed by his head, Remus barely swerved out of the way, ramming sideways into James. His friend straightened out of the spiral he had been sent into, then speed foreword, throwing Remus a sideways glance. The game around him didn't matter at all. He was just there. He saw the quaffle falling after an overthrow and he dove toward it, not paying attention to anyone around him.
"Hey buddy, watch it," Sirius called, barely missing Remus as he shot past him toward the other end of the field. Remus simply shook his head and swerved sharply to the left, away from the heart of the game play. Even this, his favorite game in the world, held no happiness for him now.
For the past week, all he had been able to see in his mind was the little girl's face right before he had ruthlessly killed her. She had been an innocent little creature, and he had done an unforgivable act to her. The smell of her blood, the way it felt on his skin. It had done something to the wolf part of him that made him hunger for more and more.
Why did he have to spy on her when he was still himself, seeing that she wanted a friend? She had seen him and motioned for him to come out, holding out her doll. He had taken it from her and looked into the stitched face. That was hen the first twinge happened.
His arm, still his own arm, reached out and grabbed the girl's hand. She smiled and looked up at him with her crystal blue eyes. Another twinge. She had come and sat in his lap. That was when all hell had broken loose.
The wolf made him grab her throat, made him drag her off into the woods. She had been crying and the human in him wanted her to stop, wanted to help her. The other side of him answered that plea by helping her forever. He had broken her neck and torn off pieces of flesh with his teeth, by that time very large.
It had been like a steam train hitting him, the taste of that bit of skin. The good and pure part of him was sobbing, trying to get the rest of him to stop, but that was when he fully lost control. He had attacked the body, ripping her apart. Even now, he saw her lifeless body in a heap.
He had only run when a shout came from the direction of the house. The man part of him wanted to stay, wanted to be punished for the act, but the wolf ran, taking him back to the school. Only when he had reached the edge of the forest did he come back to himself slightly. He had ran to the willow and waited the rest of the change out there.
"Lupin! Watch out!" James's voice called from off to his right. Lupin tried to swerve, but it was too late and the bludger slammed into his head, knocking him from his broom. He could feel himself falling, could hear voices all around shouting jumbled things. Then everything went black.
*~*
Marie Lupin, her hair the color of wool fresh from the sheep, sat in a chair next to a small bed, her hand on a small boy's head. The boy, a pale white, looked as if he were on his last few minutes on earth. There was a rapping at the door, but nothing in the room moved. The door flung open.
"Is he... Is it true?" a tall, yet elderly man asked, his eyes locked on the boy. Marie nodded her head and started humming a soft tune, rocking back and forth. "He's a werewolf."
"My sweet Remus," Marie whispered, then started humming louder and louder, as if to drown out everything and everyone around her.
*~*
"Grandma!" Remus shouted, sitting straight up in the bed. His hair was plastered to his face, sweat running down from every pore in his body. Lily, who had been sitting in a chair next to his hospital bed, set down her knitting and stopped humming. Her eyes were wide and she looked afraid.
"What's wrong Moony?" she asked, laying a hand on his head. The image of his grandmother in his dream flashed before him again and he let out a soft moan, almost a whimper. Lily bit her lip and pushed him down so that his head lay on the pillow again. "It'll be alright."
"But the little girl!" he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lip. His whole body was shaking, though only partly from the cold. Lily grabbed another blanket from a rack underneath the bed and lay it over him, then ran a hand through his hair.
"She's dead Lupin. There isn't anything you can do," she said after a minute. He looked up at her, tears streaming down his face.
"But it's my fault. I saw my grandmother and grandfather right after I was bitten. Lily... I miss them," he said. She nodded and he sat up again. Lily tried to get him back down, but he struggled to his feet and started to the door. "I'm going to go turn myself in."
"No Lupin. I won't let you. You can't do anything more and that won't bring her back," she sighed. He stood there, frozen in place and blinking his eyes at her. "But here." She reached into the breast pocket of her robes and pulled out a small, metal figure.
He walked back over to her, his out stretched palm shaking. She placed it in his hand and he immediately pulled away, looking deep into her eyes, pain filling his own. "That's made of quicksilver. You know that I can't have that, Lily."
"It's not for you. You know what to do with it," she whispered, setting it down on the dresser by the bed. As he sat back down, she ran off, her sobs echoing down the halls back to him. Looking at the figure, he saw that it was a little girl, a little doll cradled in her arms.
He put his head in his pillow and cried.
*~*
As he stood in the doorway of the wooden house, Lupin fingered the tiny satin pouch that the figure was in. He had asked if it was all right to come down here when the rest of the school was off at Hogsmeade. His teacher had agreed, and here he stood.
He kept his eyes on the door, trying to look at anything except for the woods or the place where she had sat when he had taken her. It was in the shade of a large fir tree, and he focused his eyes, trying not to let any images flood past him.
After a moment, there was a noise at the door and a pair of eyes appeared from behind a slit in the door. They studied him for a moment, then the slit closed. He tried not to remember that the eyes were the exact color that the little girl's had been.
"Whadda you want?" a woman asked as the door swung open. Right away, the scent of lavender filled his nose and he cringed. His grandmother had always smelled of lavender.
"I just came... came to... er..." he stumbled along with his words, frantically searching his brain. He hadn't exactly thought of a reason to be there except to give her the figure, but that would look a little odd. "I wanted to say I was sorry for your loss."
"Yea... well. Thank you," she said, then turned back toward the lavender darkness inside the house. He reached out a hand and grabbed her arm, making her scowl at him.
"Here. This is yours," he said, shoving the pouch in her hand and taking off. As he ran, he could imagine the look on her face when she opened it. It would be one of sadness, contentment and fear. But he knew that it was the right thing to have done. Lily would have been proud if she were there. He wished that she were there instead of in Hogsmeade.
He had no way of knowing that Lily was in the bushes watching him run the path up to the castle.
*~*
As a bludger rushed by his head, Remus barely swerved out of the way, ramming sideways into James. His friend straightened out of the spiral he had been sent into, then speed foreword, throwing Remus a sideways glance. The game around him didn't matter at all. He was just there. He saw the quaffle falling after an overthrow and he dove toward it, not paying attention to anyone around him.
"Hey buddy, watch it," Sirius called, barely missing Remus as he shot past him toward the other end of the field. Remus simply shook his head and swerved sharply to the left, away from the heart of the game play. Even this, his favorite game in the world, held no happiness for him now.
For the past week, all he had been able to see in his mind was the little girl's face right before he had ruthlessly killed her. She had been an innocent little creature, and he had done an unforgivable act to her. The smell of her blood, the way it felt on his skin. It had done something to the wolf part of him that made him hunger for more and more.
Why did he have to spy on her when he was still himself, seeing that she wanted a friend? She had seen him and motioned for him to come out, holding out her doll. He had taken it from her and looked into the stitched face. That was hen the first twinge happened.
His arm, still his own arm, reached out and grabbed the girl's hand. She smiled and looked up at him with her crystal blue eyes. Another twinge. She had come and sat in his lap. That was when all hell had broken loose.
The wolf made him grab her throat, made him drag her off into the woods. She had been crying and the human in him wanted her to stop, wanted to help her. The other side of him answered that plea by helping her forever. He had broken her neck and torn off pieces of flesh with his teeth, by that time very large.
It had been like a steam train hitting him, the taste of that bit of skin. The good and pure part of him was sobbing, trying to get the rest of him to stop, but that was when he fully lost control. He had attacked the body, ripping her apart. Even now, he saw her lifeless body in a heap.
He had only run when a shout came from the direction of the house. The man part of him wanted to stay, wanted to be punished for the act, but the wolf ran, taking him back to the school. Only when he had reached the edge of the forest did he come back to himself slightly. He had ran to the willow and waited the rest of the change out there.
"Lupin! Watch out!" James's voice called from off to his right. Lupin tried to swerve, but it was too late and the bludger slammed into his head, knocking him from his broom. He could feel himself falling, could hear voices all around shouting jumbled things. Then everything went black.
*~*
Marie Lupin, her hair the color of wool fresh from the sheep, sat in a chair next to a small bed, her hand on a small boy's head. The boy, a pale white, looked as if he were on his last few minutes on earth. There was a rapping at the door, but nothing in the room moved. The door flung open.
"Is he... Is it true?" a tall, yet elderly man asked, his eyes locked on the boy. Marie nodded her head and started humming a soft tune, rocking back and forth. "He's a werewolf."
"My sweet Remus," Marie whispered, then started humming louder and louder, as if to drown out everything and everyone around her.
*~*
"Grandma!" Remus shouted, sitting straight up in the bed. His hair was plastered to his face, sweat running down from every pore in his body. Lily, who had been sitting in a chair next to his hospital bed, set down her knitting and stopped humming. Her eyes were wide and she looked afraid.
"What's wrong Moony?" she asked, laying a hand on his head. The image of his grandmother in his dream flashed before him again and he let out a soft moan, almost a whimper. Lily bit her lip and pushed him down so that his head lay on the pillow again. "It'll be alright."
"But the little girl!" he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lip. His whole body was shaking, though only partly from the cold. Lily grabbed another blanket from a rack underneath the bed and lay it over him, then ran a hand through his hair.
"She's dead Lupin. There isn't anything you can do," she said after a minute. He looked up at her, tears streaming down his face.
"But it's my fault. I saw my grandmother and grandfather right after I was bitten. Lily... I miss them," he said. She nodded and he sat up again. Lily tried to get him back down, but he struggled to his feet and started to the door. "I'm going to go turn myself in."
"No Lupin. I won't let you. You can't do anything more and that won't bring her back," she sighed. He stood there, frozen in place and blinking his eyes at her. "But here." She reached into the breast pocket of her robes and pulled out a small, metal figure.
He walked back over to her, his out stretched palm shaking. She placed it in his hand and he immediately pulled away, looking deep into her eyes, pain filling his own. "That's made of quicksilver. You know that I can't have that, Lily."
"It's not for you. You know what to do with it," she whispered, setting it down on the dresser by the bed. As he sat back down, she ran off, her sobs echoing down the halls back to him. Looking at the figure, he saw that it was a little girl, a little doll cradled in her arms.
He put his head in his pillow and cried.
*~*
As he stood in the doorway of the wooden house, Lupin fingered the tiny satin pouch that the figure was in. He had asked if it was all right to come down here when the rest of the school was off at Hogsmeade. His teacher had agreed, and here he stood.
He kept his eyes on the door, trying to look at anything except for the woods or the place where she had sat when he had taken her. It was in the shade of a large fir tree, and he focused his eyes, trying not to let any images flood past him.
After a moment, there was a noise at the door and a pair of eyes appeared from behind a slit in the door. They studied him for a moment, then the slit closed. He tried not to remember that the eyes were the exact color that the little girl's had been.
"Whadda you want?" a woman asked as the door swung open. Right away, the scent of lavender filled his nose and he cringed. His grandmother had always smelled of lavender.
"I just came... came to... er..." he stumbled along with his words, frantically searching his brain. He hadn't exactly thought of a reason to be there except to give her the figure, but that would look a little odd. "I wanted to say I was sorry for your loss."
"Yea... well. Thank you," she said, then turned back toward the lavender darkness inside the house. He reached out a hand and grabbed her arm, making her scowl at him.
"Here. This is yours," he said, shoving the pouch in her hand and taking off. As he ran, he could imagine the look on her face when she opened it. It would be one of sadness, contentment and fear. But he knew that it was the right thing to have done. Lily would have been proud if she were there. He wished that she were there instead of in Hogsmeade.
He had no way of knowing that Lily was in the bushes watching him run the path up to the castle.
*~*