Phantom Feelings
Chapter 11
By Sakata Ri Houjun
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The farther Kouji walked, the more certain he was making a terrible mistake. Stupid opinion, that. He'd be back home by dinnertime.
He was a jackass, wasting hours away from Hikou on his last day here. But, dammit, he needed to be away from him. He couldn't think straight when he was looking into those velvety black eyes. His mind got all clouded with emotions and longings, and practical judgment took a powder.
So, the way the bandit saw it, he was doing the only thing he could do. Hell, it wouldn't be any good at all to wait and do his soul searching after Hikou left. Suppose he decided there was something between them after all, and then couldn't find the older man again? No, he had to sort out his feelings now, before he left. And he had to do it alone.
The walk along the mountain path didn't do a hell of a lot to clear his mind though. All Kouji kept picturing was Hikou's face. Wondering if the older man was hurt that he'd skipped out before he awakened this morning. Wondering if Hikou thought he hadn't wanted to see him again. He should have left him a note, explaining why he had to go.
And when Kouji wasn't thinking about that, he was remembering every aspect of Hikou, the way he'd been in his arms last night. The way he felt when he touched him. Wet with rain and hot with desire for him. A bit mind-boggling when he thought about that. A man like him, burning up for him.
And he remembered the way Hikou had sounded. Those little cries that seemed to come from the depths of his soul. The ones the bandit had just learned to instigate. A touch here, a kiss there. Those cries were like music. Like angels singing. He wanted to hear them again.
And there was the way Hikou smelled. His scent filled the younger man's mind again now. Rain-wet and musky. The mingled aromas of sex and man and something else, something that way purely Hikou, so unique and rare it was unidentifiable.
And the way Hikou had tasted, drugged honey. Some pleasing delicacy the bandit couldn't believe he craved now the way he did.
And, gods in heaven, the way Hikou had looked! Eyes heavy-lidded, passion-glazed, mesmerizing. Long, midnight-hued hair, dark with moisture and plastered to his face and shoulders. His lips, parted and wet and inviting. The way the raindrops beaded on his skin.
The bandit was so distracted that he missed the faint cracking sound coming from above him until it was too late. He looked up just in time to watch with horrid recognition, as a part of the mountain broke apart and tumbled directly towards him. He should have known that with all the rain they had been having lately, some of the stone would have eroded away making landslides occur. And he had been so preoccupied that he wasn't watching out for that danger.
Time seemed to slow then as he stepped back in a vain attempt to avoid the falling debris. Unfortunately, the ledge beneath his boot crumbled away and Kouji felt himself plunging over the edge. His body became airborne and fear gripped his heart as he realized that Hikou wasn't going to save him this time.
The air was filled with a deafening silence only broken by his pulse slowly pounding in his ears as he watched the ledge he had fallen from grow smaller and the boulders following his descent to the bottom of the gully.
Then came the bone jarring impact when he became earthbound again. And then he was rolling, rolling, rolling. His body being hammered, pummeled, slammed into one hard barrier after another. And then he sank into darkness. The last coherent thought he had was of Hikou.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Hikou wandered about the stronghold in a daze. He sat on a window ledge and watched as the sun sank in the distance. And he thought…about Kouji. He was certain that his coming here had helped the bandit to get past the guilt he'd been suffering since Tasuki and Chichiri fell in love. For that the former demon was grateful. This whole adventure was worthwhile if Kouji could just go on with his life.
Hikou decided to write a letter to him, explaining everything. He had promised the older man he would tell him the truth before he left, and as the hours sped past and late afternoon became evening, he realized that Kouji might not make it back in time for him to tell the bandit in person. So this letter might be the only way.
He spent a long time on the letter. He described his childhood that he had spent with Houjun and Kouran, and told him all about the incident leading up to his death. He told him about the demon Tenkou promising revenge if he gave into his resentment, and how he had nearly killed both Tasuki and Chichiri, as well as the Suzaku no Miko. He explained how Chichiri had redeemed him from that hell and then being granted permission to wait for his childhood friend on Mount Taikyoku after being reunited with Kouran. He gave details about how Taiitsukun has refused his request to become human again once he had fallen in love with the young bandit, and of placing his trust in a Nyan Nyan's spell.
And then he told him that he loved him, and that he had not one regret. He'd traded eternity in paradise for a few days with him, and given the chance, he'd do so again. And Hikou asked him to please find a way to be happy.
The dark-haired man lowered the pen to the desk, drained. He had no more to say. He'd poured every feeling, every emotion into the letter. It was done. He looked up from the sheet of paper, through the window at the darkened, star-dotted sky above, and he knew this would be the last night sky he'd ever look upon. The last stargazing he'd ever do.
Hikou lifted his chin, resolved to face whatever awaited him without fear. And he took the note into Kouji's room. He laid it upon his pillow. And then he lowered his palm gently to the spot where his head would rest later, as if he could fell him there.
A jolt shot up through his palm, up his arm, straight to his heart, and his eyes widened. "Something's wrong," he whispered. "Something's terribly wrong." He turned and ran from the bedroom, sick at heart, shouting our Chichiri and Tasuki's names as he raced down the stairs.
"We must find Kouji," he cried. "Something's happened to him! I can feel it!"