Phantom Feeling

Chapter 12

By Sakata Ri Houjun

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Kouji came around to see stars dotting the sky above him. And gradually pain came creeping in on the heels of consciousness, until he was fully awake, and in agony. Every part of him from the waist up screamed in pain. He couldn't move. He could barely breathe. A large boulder laid neatly across his midsection. He couldn't feel his legsnothing below the waist. Which might be a blessing, when he thought about what he might be feeling if he could feel.

Dammit, what time was it? How long as he been lying here? Was it too late? Was Hikou already gone? The thought of losing the older man this way, before he'd even made sense of his feelings for him, was as painful as the knife-sharp hurts raging through his body. Suzaku, it couldn't endnot like this.

But it could. A glimpse of the lopsided, waning moon told him that it was nearing midnight. He'd never make it back in time. He'd lost Hikou. And having lost him, his mind cleared as he feelings became perfectly understandable to him. He grimaced in pain beyond anything so far. Why had he been such a baka?

A light flared in his eyes. And then a shout. His shout. Hikou's voice floating to him through the barren night like a blessing.

Kouji! Kouji, where are you?

he called out, and even as the older man ran closer he wondered if he were dreamingor hallucinating. Until Hikou dropped to his knees beside him, breaking down enough to tear at the bandit's heart, kissing his face and wetting it with his tears.

How badly are you hurt? Are you-"

He summoned every ounce of his strength and put all of it behind those words, so they emerged as a shout. Aishiteru, Hikou. I want you to know that, in case-"

In case nothing, you stubborn man. You're going to be fine.

Iya. Iya, I'm not. Demo, it doesn't matter. I've been lying here with a huge fucking rock on top of me, and my only thoughts have been that I didn't realize it soon enough. That I didn't tell you, and that now it was too late. You'd leave me

Ah, but I don't have to leave you now, Kouji. Not if your love is true. He stroked his face, his hair. I'll become mortal now for real. I'll be able to stay with you, koibito.

Kouji blinked. Hikou couldn't stay with him. He was dying. And he didn't know what the hell the older man meantokay, part of him knew. But it was so farfetched

I kept to the rules. I didn't once tell you about the conditions of the deal I made. And you love me all the same, and A frown creased his brows as he stared down at the younger man.

He swallowed hard. Gomen ne, tenshi. II can'thold onmuch longer

Hikou's eyes widened. He shouted in the direction from which he came. Houjun! Help me, kudasai!

I'm coming, came the answering reply before the monk skidded to a stop in the loose gravel and dirt. Is he alright?

Hikou didn't answer. He pressed his hands to either side of Kouji's face, and closed his eyes. he whispered. Kouji, you're dying. You're dying.

the bandit whispered, and he knew he wouldn't draw too many more breaths. I'm sorry it tookme so longto realize

He lifted a hand towards the older man. Weakly. But Hikou didn't take it. Instead he rose to his feet. He stood above him, straight and strong, and wind suddenly picked up strength. His hair sailed out behind him and his clothes snapped and billowed. I'll not allow it! Hikou turned to his friend then.

The monk frowned, staring at Hikou. I know a spell, but it requires a great deal of energy-

Then use mine, Houjun. I still have the magic within me that I used when I was Kanki.

Chichiri shook his head. It could very well kill you, and even then it might not work.

I don't care. He stood with his feet planted shoulder width apart. If the price of this spell is death, then so be it. Drain every bit of my life force if needed. Better my death than his.

The wind whipped harder in response, blasting gusts of hurricane proportions down into the valley where Kouji and the boulder had landed.

the bandit whispered. What are you?

Genbu, ancient spirit of earth, lend me your strength, Chichiri said, his voice deep and resonant and commanding. Hikou's eyes closed. Kouji watched the way the wind was suddenly launching spirals of brown dirt all around him, around Hikou.

Byakko, ancient one of air, grant me wisdom, the monk continued, and the wind currents changed, seemed to become a whirlwind with Hikou at their center.

Seiryu, scared guardian of water, give me your power. Before Kouji's eyes, clouds skittered over the moon, and within seconds a gentle rain began falling. And it seemed to the bandit that it only fell here, in this gully, and nowhere else.

Suzaku, age old spirit of fire, your passion. Lightning split the sky, nearly blinding the cobalt-haired bandit.

Kouji laid there on the ground while the elements seemed to join forces. The rain and wind, the dust and lightning, all swirling around Hikou in a clockwise circle, and he knew he must be dreaming.

But Suzaku, hadn't he said that he'd die once Chichiri used this spell?

Burden, remove thyself from this man. Injuries, be gone. As the mage spoke, Hikou's eyes flew open and his body was so stiff he trembled.

And Kouji had to be hallucinating, because the wind and the dirt and the rain and the flashes of lightning seemed to blend together into one blur. A rainbow flash, green, yellow, red, and blue, dazzled him as it seemed to rush from Hikou's body to engulf him. The boulder that laid on him vibrated, and suddenly became lighter. The bandit blinked in utter shock as it hovered briefly above his body, then moved of to one side and crashed to the ground again. But the show wasn't over yet. Because those light beams engulfed him now. And the feeling was coming back into his hips and his legs, even as the pain faded from the rest of his body.

And then the light retracted, back into Hikou. The older man sank to the ground as limp as a rag doll, whispering something that Kouji couldn't make out. Words of thanks or something. The wind died and the rain stopped, the lightning vanished and the dust settled. Kouji tried to sit up and it worked. Tried to stand, and found he could. No problem. Nothing even hurt. He shook off the shock of that, and forced his eyes to stay away from the ton or two of rock that had crushed his body. Instead, he went to Hikou. He gathered the taller man up into his arms and he held him, kissing and thanking him.

Hikou, tenshi, you're shaking.

It was such a strong spell. It needed so much energy from me. I've never harnessed such power before, even when I was a demon borne of water.

Hikou lifted a hand to the bandit's cheek, caressed his scar lovingly. Hai, you heard correctly, Kouji. I was a demon. But Houjun saved me from myself when I let my bitterness overrule my heart. I had died in pain ten years ago because he and his fiancée had been deeply in love and they had no room for me in their hearts it seemed. I managed to ruin that even though I died.

But then I fell in love with you and had a chance to become mortal again only if you fell in love with me, and you did. But now it's time for me to leave this world again. I've no regrets, koibito. No regrets at all, except that we hadn't more time together before I had to leave you.

Kouji squeezed his eyes closed and held the older man tighter. Iya. Iya, dammit, you didn't give your life to save mine! Tell me you didn't.

But Hikou said nothing, only closed his eyes to prevent his tears from spilling over.

Tenshi, doushite?

Because I love you, Kouji. More than life, aishiteru. Always have. Always will, wherever I am.

The older man lifted his head, kissed him. And the bandit kissed him back, deeply, showing everything he felt for him.

I won't let it happen, he whispered. And then he tipped his head back, shouting at the sky. Who the hell made these rules anyway! Take me! Dammit, let Hikou live and take me!

Iya, Kouji

A shimmering white light appeared before the couple, and gradually took on a human form. In seconds, a glowing woman floated there. Her wizened eyes gleamed exactly like twin diamonds, refracting light that danced on everything they touched. Hikou tucked his hand into Kouji's and the bandit immediately closed his around it. He wasn't going to let the older man go, no matter what.

Hikou bowed his head in disgrace, and whispered,

Hello, Hikou, the creator said, her voice as old as time itself.

Gomen nasai. I went against your wishesbut only sorry for the offense of doing so. I'd do nothing differently if I had the chance again.

I know. And it's for that reason I've reached the decision I have.

Hikou frowned, tilting his head. I'm afraid it's too late for that. A Nyan Nyan gave me this chance, to those terms I agreed. And now I'm severely weakened by Houjun's spell, dying because of it.

You willingly gave you life to save Kouji's. And he now only just offered his own in exchange for yours.

Hikou said, lowering his head. You've been watching then?

I'm always watching, Hikou. I cannot grant impulsive wishes to every soul who begs me for life again. I had to know if your love was true. I have been delinquent in my duties had I allowed you to return to the mortal realm without first seeing proof that it was truly what was best for you.

Kouji glanced at Hikou, saw the puzzled expression he wore.

I don't understand, Taiitsukun

The old woman smiled. I was the Nyan Nyan.

From behind them, Chichiri gasped.

I had to learn for myself how strong Hikou's love for this mortal was, and also, to see the purity of his love for Hikou. And I find both to be worthy. More than worthy.

you mean

Hai, Hikou. You're mortal now. A human man, with a second chance at life to spend as you wish. I will continue to watch over you just I have been for Chichiri and Tasuki, always.

The halo of light that surrounded the woman flared brighter, and then she was gone.

But Kouji paid no attention. He was lost in sensation as he wrapped his prize up in his arms and held him there. Gods, to think of how close he'd come to losing Hikou! How very nearly he'd let this precious man slip right through his fingers. Never again, he vowed, and he kissed Hikou as if he'd never stop. The older man clung to him, smiling beneath his kisses, and salting his lips with his happy tears.

A set of clambering footsteps halted nearby.

Tasuki muttered loudly as he hugged his lover. It's about fucking time!