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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACY SPIRIDAKOS!
Mentions of multiple episodes.
So here we are with chapter 11! Enjoy it!
Six months after the marriage. Eight months after the abduction.
The imprisonment ended because of Jay's good behavior after two weeks. He stopped asking to take the cage off, to take out the vibrator, to free his hands. Wherever his husband led him, Jay would go, do what he had to do including sex in the shower, against the wall, or in bed, on his stomach with his hands attached to the metal frame.
It was enough for Josh's nerves to collapse and his remorse over the torture's physical effects return. He wasn't worried, at least initially, about the psychological effects; he was relying on tapes and high doses of medications to make Jay forget the real reason of what had happened and resignify to other motives of his physical condition that weren't the beat up. Although he isn't seeing he is doing any bad or he was hurting him in any way. He had a grudge against Jay for accusing him of intoxicating, leading to the beat up and verbally insulting, leaving the house without permission, and the harsh tones during conversations provoked him, and in his opinion, he reacted appropriately to his husband's insubordination.
Jay is his! How dare he, without taking the prepared medications, sneaks out of the bathroom window and just goes for a walk as he argued? Maybe he wanted to run away? What if someone saw him? Josh saw on the news Jay's face as a victim of kidnapping and rape and Josh's as the perpetrator. It is not known if any of the neighbors or anyone passing by were watching the news and were able to recognize one of them and call the police.
He had to reduce the power of the device and turn off the vibrator when he noticed heavy bleeding apparently after another rape. It was this impulse that made him think for the first time about freeing Jay. He began to care for him truly and deeply, dressing his wounds and applying a healing ointment to the bleeding anus. He had to start the intoxication all over again, with gradually increasing doses of Breath, to make sure Jay was submissive to him. He then modified the tapes to suggest that what happened was their sexual play to warm up the atmosphere in the bedroom, and acted naturally as if nothing had happened.
Little by little during the month, Jay's privilege and freedom were given back. The cage and the vibrator were taken out from his body. The holdings to the bed frame were taken out from his extremities. He was able to walk around the house without surveillance, however, with doors and windows carefully locked. He returned with the domestic tasks including cooking. Everything was extremely cheering up. At some point, their routine returned to normal and even better. Jay has been extremely polite, even better than the old times, and deserves a reward. Not a sexual reward but a material reward, something he has desired since the old times. A TV. Is it a risk? Yes. But he has to sweet his remorse and reward his husband is a way to keep him in the right way. So, after work, he bought a TV and is an hour and a half later at home.
"Honey, I'm back." He announces his presence loud. He hid the box in his car.
"Josh?" Jay comes from the kitchen and throws the dishtowel on the sofa, hugging his husband tight. He hugs back. After a minute of silence and a hug, Josh realizes the tremble under his arms and the sound of a sweet cry coming from the smaller man.
"Hey, hey, what happened? Why are you crying?"
"You were late… I was worried I had messed up… I thought that you had walked away from me." He mumbles between sobs and shakiness.
"Shhh...it's okay. I'm not going anywhere." He repeats, calming the man down while satisfied with his reaction. "I'm not going anywhere."
"I don't want to sound controlling but where were you?" Jay asks making Josh smile, thinking about how innocent and influenced his stupid husband can be.
"I bought you something. His eyes shine with curiosity, like a child on Christmas evening waiting for a dream toy. "I'm going to grab it from the car and you're waiting on the couch with your eyes closed." He points to the furniture. The man obeys immediately and keeps his promise. Five minutes later he returns with a giant box in his hands and sets it on the floor in front of Jay. "You can open your eyes now, honey."
"A TV? Did you buy us a TV?"
"Yes, I bought it for you, you deserve a little more fun than just doing domestic tasks the whole day but use it wisely."
"I will, I promise you I will. Thank you! I love you so much!" He says, running to his arms, the collision almost making both of them fall on the ground miserably, Josh taking a step back to inhibit, before involving him in his arms again.
"You are welcome. I love you too. Glad to see you are happy!"
"How about we connect and turn it on? I just don't know how but I'm excited, I'm picking the scissors in the kitchen." Jay runs to the kitchen as Josh rolls his eyes with his husband's childish behavior and starts to connect the technological home appliance.
The other day
It took three hours for the TV to be connected. Jay insisted on calling a professional to get the installation done correctly and quickly than both of them could have done, but Josh disagreed. He wanted to do the installation himself, arguing that he knew what and how to do it - honestly, he had no minimal idea of what or how to install, but inviting a random person home with two men wanted by the police posed a great risk that a professional would recognize their faces from messages and call the cops. After working hard, they watched an interesting movie for a while to enjoy their new acquisition before they could enjoy a special joy in the four walls of their bedroom.
Jay wakes up happier than ever. He has to admit he likes gaining gifts - especially expensive and technological gifts like television - and this has another taste. A taste of something more than just the serotonin, happiness hormone, passing through him. Oxytocin. The trust hormone. Josh is trusting him again.
From time to time in flashbacks, he remembers very well what happened and understands Josh's plan to fantasize about the violence that happened in the last months and cover it, blaming it on fall or something else. He has been combating the drugs to ratiocinate better, especially ratiocination in his crazy conspiracy theory, the people, the phrases.
He doesn't know if the theory, people, phrases are real or imagined. If it's real, why would Josh want to protect him from them? Why did Josh react the way he did two months ago when he told the supposed names of the red-headed doctor man and the gorgeous blonde woman? Why do those phrases and the gray-haired man appear like cop sirens in a moment of desperation on his part, like a savior? However, if it was his imagination to entertain him to handle the rough situation he got in, it's certainly the best life he could wish for! Imagine yourself being a cop or a detective working in an elite group and having teammates and first responders as your friends? What a badass lifestyle! He would love to be a cop and have it. Instead, with all due respect, he is locked at home with a hot-headed husband whose care depends on his daily mood and is suffering from grave amnesia due to a car accident. Reality or imagination, the theory can be put to the side because he has a new form to distract himself.
He is thinking while slicing carrots and sighs in disapproval and delusion when hands hold his waist and a kiss is delivered on his cheek.
"I have to go to work now, baby."
"Yes, I know." He says, not facing the man breathing on his neck. Josh forces Jay to turn around at him.
"Are you sad because I have to work on our sixth marriage anniversary?"
"I'm used to that, Josh." He sighs. "But I wish I could do something more except domestic activity, I want to work outside like you. It is boring staying the whole day alone, day by day."
"I know what you are going through. We are going to talk about it someday. I promise you. But now, it's too early for this conversation." He puts his hand over Jay's cheeks and the man leans in favor. "For tonight, how about we order some food? Maybe pizza from that pizzeria you adore?"
"Yes, it sounds like a great idea. I will do it as the day goes." Jay tries to sound more enthusiastic and smiles softly.
"Awesome. I should go. See you later. Love you." He kisses him again on the mouth and goes to the door and out.
"Love you too." He says and sits down on a chair nearby, rubbing his face, wanting to fall apart but the tears aren't coming. He stays there for a while before looking around the house and realizing he has to be busy. The house won't organize itself alone.
Two hours and a half later
He finished cleaning two hours ago and had to shower right after that because he was sweating a lot. He comes downstairs clean and dressed in clean clothes, and takes the dirty ones to the laundry room. He stares at the TV. He remembers that the ice cream is still in the refrigerator, having the idea of making the device debut while watching the movie on its own. He picks up the remote and turns it on, turning on the first channel, which is a log documenting the climate change report, before he goes to wash, leave his clothes and collect ice cream. With ice cream in a bowl and a spoon, she goes to the living room when she hears a woman's voice coming from the TV.
Thanks, Clark. Now, we return to the case of the Chicago police officer kidnapped eight months ago.
Wow! A Chicago police officer was kidnapped eight months ago and apparently, they don't have contact with him for this whole period. Poor him. He prays silently for him and his family and friends. Imagine being missing for two quarters, not knowing if you are going to be able to experience what is freedom again, see the outside world and the most important people in your life. Imagine the agony they are experimenting with not knowing the conditions and fate of their loved one. He decides to watch the report before seeing the movie. However, when he puts his feet in the room and shifts his eyes from ice cream to look at the TV, he freezes.
Recapping the case: eight months ago, Detective Jay Halstead, a Chicago detective from the Intelligence Unit in district 21, was kidnapped with his brother, Doctor William Halstead of Gaffney Chicago Medical Center by a man called Josh Delacroix. After five days in captivity with his younger brother, the doctor was released, but Jay was not. Thanks to Will, the police were able to locate their place of residence, but both men escaped. Jay has not been seen since then. Unfortunately, we don't have any good updates on this. Josh has kidnapped and has since raped Jay. If you've seen any of them, call 911 immediately. Jay's life is at stake.
Pictures of Jay as the victim and Josh as the kidnapper appear on the screen. Then he sees the image of the doctor - his brother mentioned in the news. Suddenly he recognizes his face from his dreams.
The ice cream bowl collides with the ground, sharp shards of pottery litter the floor, and the ice cream is slowly melting. Jay is losing ground. His world turns dark, a wave of dizziness and tremors engulf him, as if he has not eaten that morning or is cold. He did, and the food climbed his windpipe and ran to the toilet, treading on debris, some of which fell into his bare sole. He doesn't even notice until he kneels in front of the toilet and empties his stomach. Vomit mingles with tears as he accepts the truth.
"Hey Jay, I will take you to a better place. You are going to like it."
"So good, you are so wonderful. My treasure. You want it, right?"
"Shhh take it easy, you want it, you'll be satisfied. Give up to my touch, I love you and you love me. You want it just like me"
"Jay, I'm William Halstead, I'm your brother. You are Jay Halstead, son of Patrick Halstead and Kathleen Halstead, former Ranger of the US Army and Intelligence detective from the Chicago Police Department. You work for Sergeant Hank Voight and your partner is Detective Hailey Upton. This psycho man, named Josh, kidnapped us some days ago in our apartment after a night at a bar called Molly's. He's been drugging you and raping you because in his maniac obsessed mind you are his husband."
This is Detective Jay Halstead, badge number 51163."
"You're a cop?" A female voice.
"Intelligence, I want Intelligence."
"I was in the Army. Third battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment. My name is Jay."
"Your boy tough. He won't talk. You should be proud."
"I'm lucky to have you in my unit."
A tall red-haired man, his brother Will Halstead.
Gorgeous long-haired blonde, his partner and crush Detective Hailey Upton.
A hoarse and grey-haired man, his boss Sergeant Hank Voight.
"I am him." Within seconds, Jay's entire world collapsed and he was limping stumbled behind until landing a chair. In an instant, he was a happy and desired husband. Suddenly it turned out that his life so far was one big lie. His conspiracy theory is all true. At this point, Jay remembers everything, who he is. He is the missing Chicago police officer and former Ranger. His husband, his captor, and rapist, Josh is fake as much as the car accident and the amnesia. He knows he has a fallen mother, the redheaded doctor who attended him was another Josh's prisoner and his brother, family that is also his teammates in Intelligence Unit, his job, friends. 'His thoughts' are recordings sounding around the house like a mantra to influence him. He knows he has been kidnapped, drugged, manipulated, tortured, raped. "Josh assaulted me. I was raped."
He cries for an hour approximately as the chip is falling. He has to get out of there. However, he decides he shouldn't reveal he knew the truth and remembered everything. He doesn't want to be beaten, tied up, and raped again. He doesn't want to be treated again as a prisoner, obey orders and do everything in time to get back to bed and be immobilized and tortured again. He has to get out of there carefully.
"Jay, I'm back home… what the hell happened here?" His voice comes from a sweet tone to a mixture between frightening and madness when he notices the mess in the entrance of the kitchen, the dirty vomit in the lavatory, and his shaking paled form sitting down on a chair in the kitchen. "Can you fuck explain what the hell have you done?" Jay gets up immediately and sees the TV. It is on but the journal has ended and is passing a quiz show. Random. Pleased. Josh isn't going to suspect. He had to act normal as before even though it's disgusting. He forces himself to hug the man but it's pushed. "I asked a question. Answer!" The cop Jay would answer sarcastically but, for now, he isn't yet him again. He has to be undercover. Embody the character.
"I...I was going to watch TV while eating ice cream...but...a wave of dizziness attached me...that's the result." In part, it isn't completely a lie. He just lied about the part he knows who his real him is and what he, his monstrous rapist, is making him go through. "But don't worry...love...I took my medicines. I was just recovering my breath because I ran out of air. I'm going to clean it. Why are you early from work?"
"I'm not early, it's almost 6:30 pm, my usual time to arrive from work. Sit down and recover, I'm cleaning this. So, about what you requested from me this morning about the food, have you decided which pizza you want? Are you good at eating pizza or is it better something lighter for your stomach?"
"No, I'm fine. Pizza sounds good, I want pepperoni, please." He says and smiles trying to look confident.
"I'm going to clear up any dizziness when you order our dinner. I want the highest pizza." Jay says to Josh and disappears into the kitchen. He sighs. It was so close to losing control but he deceived the human. He has to get out of there carefully.
In the middle of the night Jay, after eating dinner and successfully having sex with his fake husband - true rapist in the evening, cannot sleep. The events and discoveries of the day are keeping him awake and overthinking. Hailey and Will are alternating in his mind. He remembers the abduction perfectly. He and Will were at Molly's, watching the game, chatting, and drinking beer. They went home. He went to shower while his brother went to his bed. A noise. He went to check on Will. Traditionally, it ends with a needle, but this time he sees Josh's face as the person holding the needle. Unable to sleep, he stares at Josh all night and wonders if he will be able to escape. He doesn't have a phone or doesn't know where his true one might be but he has to call and knows Josh has. Without waking his husband, got up and left the bedroom. After a short search, he managed to find the phone and put it in a safe place. Tomorrow he will use it and run away. Despite this, he must behave and cover towards the "husband" as theretofore, meekly and pretend to be a stupid, injured man. He is a cop. He makes undercover assignments, like Arthur's, Keyes', and Camille's. He can do this.
Hours later, Josh woke up and brought him closer again, he doesn't sense any difference in Jay's behavior. His husband is affectionate, active, innocent, injured, and as always, "horny" from the end of his sentence. They had breakfast together, before leaving the house to work. When alone, Jay picks up the phone and dialed the string of numbers.
"Detective Hailey Upton, how can I help?" Is it real? Is she on the other line of the call or is it a dream? Yet broken and fragile, her angelical and calm voice is the most perfect symphony he ever heard and he remembers her angelical form. He misses her unconditionally. "Detective Hailey Upton, how can I help?" She repeats, tough and abrupt.
"Hailey?"
"Jay?" She screams on the other side and voices in the background can be heard stunned. "Jay, is that you?" At this point, Hailey turns on the speaker and Ruzek begins to locate the call when the team agglomerates around the phone which the friend's panicked voice is coming from.
"Is the team with you? Voight?" He asks, anxious.
"Yes, Jay, we are here." The unique hoarse wonderful voice of his leader invades his ear and he never felt so relieved. "We are all here."
"How is Will? What this motherfucker had done to my brother?"
"Will is physically fine, Jay," Antonio says. "Just worried about you as everyone else."
"I'm sorry, I let him...rape me. I never fought back. I'm a fucking cop goddamit. I understand if you hate me, it's my fault, but help me, please. I don't know where I am, I can't handle it anymore nor leave the house. I'm scared. Please help me get out of here." Jay can't contain his tears anymore and begins to sob and cry.
"Take it easy, Jay. Nothing of this is your fault. He drugged and manipulated you, didn't have something you could have done. I'm sorry for not saving you early, I should have realized something was weird early. It's my fault." Hailey is crying.
"It's not your fault either, Hailey. Thank you. I'm afraid he might come back soon...hurry up please."
"I'm in love with you, Jay. It isn't the right moment, I know. It's been years since I have just seen you as my partner. I love you, Jay. I know you don't feel the same…" she vents instantly, emotions dominating and running her over.
"I love you too, Hailey. I always have." He smiles truly for the first time in months and feels she is going the same and the brightness and hope invade him.
"I found him," Ruzek screams in the background.
"Have you heard this, Jay? We found you, here we go." She sounds relieved. And she vents. "I love you, Jay."
"I knew you were going to find me." He cries relieved with a smile. "I love you, Hailey!"
"You love who, Jay?" Jay turns in the voice's direction and on the other side of the phone, everyone freezes.
Josh finished his assignment and realized he hasn't checked at home since he left. He reached into his pocket for his phone and found nothing.
What the hell? In a panic, he searched all the pockets of his jacket, trousers, and bag. Goddammit. He didn't find the phone. He must have left it at home. Frustrated, he got inside his car and drove back to his home in twenty minutes before returning. After parking the car, he is about to put the key on the lock when he hears.
I love you too, Hailey. I always have.
I knew you were going to find me. I love you, Hailey!
Son of a bitch! Jay stole and hid his phone from him… He discovered the truth from some journal television and stole my cellphone from me while I was asleep. He is calling the police. He is calling Hailey, the blonde detective who suspected him while he was talking with Natalie months ago.
"You love who, Jay?"
The day from the eighth disappearance birthday started miserably like the last two thousand forty-four days. Quiet. Tense. Numb. Stress. Anxious. The team is completely shattered and the guilty for taking too long what they could have found out Jay was being stalked or safe him in the first opportunity and still haven't found him is dominating them; the sense of family is evaded, they just work the day and in the end, go rest at their houses; the fine line that is keeping them together in the hope to find Jay alive and rescue him from Josh. Maybe, that's when they will finally feel well and alive again like the old times.
Voight, for being the leader and his safety and well-being his responsibility, is blaming himself the most deeply. He should have realized something bad had happened as soon as Jay was one minute late. Jay, in the very beginning, was just his new subordinate mentored by Dawson. After Dawson's shot, Jay gained his entire respect. The way he stood up, when everyone stood out, contradicting him in making justice with his own hands and drowning Pulpo into the Chicago river was admirably glorious. After Shostak's case, Jay became his protege. Against general will and direct decree to stay in the district, he willingly put his life at risk. After Keyes' case, Jay became his protege and son. He swore to himself that if someone dared to lay a finger on him after that day, would go on a ride that he was just going to return. As he said at the closed attack at an armored car where Terry died, he is proud to have him in his unit.
Will, for being the oldest worried brother and being a flash and bones witness of the atrocity he manipulated little brother is being put through, still blames himself for having told the truth that made him walk away. He knows it was for the good and necessary to tell Jay but the consequences make him doubt. He made the Intelligence members promise him updates on the case as soon as he was out of the hospital and his depression was increasing. Everyone is worried about him, specifically Natalie, the brunette woman of his dreams who still loves him is having a hard time dealing with him. He tried to push her away but the care and love she has from the deepening in her heart are making her support him and handle all the difficulties. The videos and photos hunt him on his night and his work at the hospital is his way to not fall in a hole without return.
Hailey, for being his partner and being in love with the missing friend, still blames herself for not realizing early he was being stalked. Her feelings for him are more transparent and bright than a diamond, everyone is aware of her conviviality. Her dream is to find him and confess her feelings for him even if having the possibility he doesn't reciprocate and she will break a long and stunning friendship and work partnership and her nightmares are, someday, find he is completely changed by the medications or dead for good…this thought makes her blue ocean eyes oceans. Although she is his partner, she never knew much about him as she knows currently thanks to Will. The quality time she is by his side is greatly enjoyed to share stories about the ex-Ranger. They laugh and cry.
Alvin showed his soft and sensible side just experienced by Voight when the man broke up with his wife, Michelle, decades before, and him, everyone in the current unit - including Erin and except for Hailey - his daughter's death, killed in the criminal fire. Kevin walked away from the comedy stage, not having the mental health and inspiration to develop jokes and distract his incomplete family for minutes from the disgrace of the world when the disgrace invaded the environment. Antonio, having taken a piece in the shared self-imposed guilty, threw himself deeply into between the work and his blood family, specifically, Eva and Diego, the teenage girl, and the preteen boy were as devastated as him when finding out randomly the disappearance of the boy who dated their aunt and was brought in by the father. Adam returned to crash with Kim for a while after the brunette officer had flashbacks from her sister's rape case revolving around Jay's. Her greatest fear is to receive a call from a weak Jay like had happened to her sister, covered in blood in his genitalia and high as a kite for being drugged. He is trying to keep sane to his ex-fiance's well-being and tranquilization but he is boiling inside. What he told Hailey about Jay in the car when they paid a visit to the maniac man's parents' house, it's true. And, at this exact moment, he is regretting every time he should have thanked him more from advice and moral compass and an inspiration to young detective like him - even Jay denying to take the deserved credit vehemently.
They miss Jay.
After a usual long night of insomnia and nightmares, the blonde detective joins the district. Slightly under purple bags becomes a permanent feature on her pale face and her hair is always in a messy ponytail, energy deprived to brush her long curly locks. Her humor is far from receptive and pleasant, her face expressing it in mad faces or stoic faces; the smile faded away and she doesn't remember the last time she did the act. She quietly greets her coworkers while throwing her jacket, followed by her body, into the chair and turning on the computer. Her phone rings. Unknown ID. She is not in the mood for anonymous calling, if someone is going to bother her, will hear great compliments about the mother. And yes, it's ironic. She picks up the phone and answers.
"Detective Hailey Upton, how can I help?" Whoever on the other side doesn't respond at the second later as she expected and it pisses her off. "Detective Hailey Upton, how can I help?" She repeats, tough and abrupt.
"Hailey?"
"Jay?" She gets up, screaming. The voice of her dreams is talking in her ear. She pinches herself to confirm she's not dreaming and the pain shows the call is true. Hank comes from his office and joins the team running to her desk as she has on the speaker. "Jay, is that you?" Ruzek begins to locate the call.
"Is the team with you? Voight?" He asks, anxious.
"Yes, Jay, we are here," Hank says and everyone, him and Alvin included, is slightly crying. "We are all here."
"How is Will? What this motherfucker had done to my brother?" Burgess picks her phone and goes away like she is calling Will that they might have a lead on him.
"Will is physically fine, Jay," Antonio says. "Just worried about you as everyone else."
"I'm sorry, I let him...rape me. I never fought back. I'm a fucking cop goddamit. I understand if you hate me, it's my fault, but help me, please. I don't know where I am, I can't handle it anymore nor leave the house. I'm scared. Please help me get out of here." Jay can't contain his tears anymore and begins to sob and cry. No one - maybe Erin in the past and Will from time to time - had seen or heard him crying.
"Take it easy, Jay. Nothing of this is your fault. He drugged and manipulated you, didn't have something you could have done. I'm sorry for not saving you early, I should have realized something was weird early. It's my fault." She is crying.
"It's not your fault either, Hailey. Thank you. I'm afraid he might come back soon...hurry up please."
"I'm in love with you, Jay. It isn't the right moment, I know. It's been years since I have just seen you as my partner. I love you, Jay. I know you don't feel the same…" she vents instantly, emotions dominating and running her over, and the chip of what she had just said falls. She is going to apologize for her overwhelmed reaction when he says.
"I love you too, Hailey. I always have." The weight of her shoulder is gone at the answer. For the first time, she isn't doubting the feeling, she is going to trust in a truly 'I love you. She smiles genuinely and blushes. What a wonderful feeling! Love. Love. Love. She can sense him smiling truly for the first time in months and feels she is going the same and the brightness and hope invade him.
"I found him," Ruzek screams in the background.
"Have you heard this, Jay? We found you, here we go." She has never been so relieved, nor when she finally escaped from her abusive and toxic house with her parents to live alone in an apartment. He is physically away from her but their heart has made an unbreakable connection and she is close to him in a way. "I love you, Jay."
"I knew you were going to find me." He cries relieved. "I love you, Hailey!"
"You love who, Jay?" Their breath engates on their throat when they hear in the background Josh's voice.
That's it for chapter 11! What are your opinions on this chapter? See you next time! Bye!