Chapter Three: THE FANGIRLS ATTACK!
Disclaimer: We disclaim LOTR. It's not ours. It never will be. Now leave us to our grief. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Back to Merry and Pippin:
"Are we THERE yet?" Merry asked of the Uruk-Hai who was carrying him.
"NO FOR THE FORTY-SIXTH TIME!" The Uruk-Hai was trying REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD not to bash Merry's curly little hobbit head against a large rock. And was so far doing a pretty good job.
"OOOOH! Lookit the cute little squirrel!" Pippin was kicking and flailing in the Uruk-Hai's grasp, trying to get down and pet the squirrel.
"God dammit, isn't there anything you can do to shut this stupid hobbit up?!" the Uruk-Hai holding Pippin demanded of Merry.
"Nope. Not a thing."
***
Ping-Pong…bonk! Back to the terrific trio!
Gimli came back and whacked Aragorn and Legolas with his ax (the flat side), waking them up.
"Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel…" Aragorn sputtered.
"Hee hee…lookit all the pretty stars…" Legolas giggled.
Aragorn jumped up and shook his head, went to scratch his beard, remembered it wasn't there anymore, so scratched his nose instead. Legolas jumped up and started walking towards the woods. "Where are you going?" Aragorn asked. "To the Little Elves Tree…" Legolas responded with a sniff, disappearing among the foliage.
"Okeee…whatever…" Aragorn said. Gimli grunted.
And so…they waited…
…And waited…
…And waited…
…Until finally…
"OH GOD! NOOOO!" Legolas' screams came echoing out of the woods. Thinking Legolas was being attacked by something totally and completely evil from Sauron, they grabbed their weapons and ran to help him.
However…they were only half right. While it WAS totally and completely evil, it wasn't from Sauron. No, the evil that had descended upon Legolas moved independently and served no master save itself and its own desires. That's right: Legolas was being attacked by the most feared and despised creature of all time: the dreaded FANGIRL!
It all started ten minutes earlier, when…
"Aaaaah…" Legolas sighed contently.
"Ah, where am I? Jeez, this forest has no end…" a female voice came through the foliage. Legolas looked up in horror as a girl came crashing through the foliage. LUCKILY FOR HIM…he managed to…umm…hide…himself…before the fangirl saw…um…you know…his…*awkward cough*…him-ness. But she saw…um…the rest of him...anyway. *cough* MOVING ON…
"OH. MY. GOD!!!!!!!!!!" the fangirl screamed, causing Legolas' Extra-Super- Special-Elven Ears to bleed. Oh my god oh my god! It's LEGOLAS! Oh my god oh my god oh my god…AAAAAAH!" the fangirl screamed in ecstasy, and Legolas just screamed and scrambled up a tree.
"No, no, wait! Come back!" the fangirl yelled desperately. "I just want an autograph!"
"No! Get away!" Legolas yelled, throwing sticks and acorns at the fangirl. She wasn't daunted by them and avoided them, then started jumping around at the base of the tree with her arms outstretched.
"AAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Legolas grabbed a branch and held on as though his life depended on it. The fangirl pouted and resorted to climbing the tree.
"OH GOD! NOOOOO!" Legolas scrambled higher into the tree, but nothing could stop the demented evil of the fangirl. "Why won't anyone leave me alone?! What did I ever do to deserve this?!" he bawled.
Aragorn and Gimli meandered through the trees. "LEGOLAAAAAAAAS…"
"THANK GOD! ARAGORN! GIMLI! SAVE ME!"
"Jill, where'd you go?" two female voices called from the nearby bushes. "Guys, Legolas and Aragorn!" the first fangirl called. The other two quickly broke through the underbrush and looked around quickly. Then all three of them started hopping in circles and screaming, "Oh my God, OH MY GOD!"
"AAAAAAAAH!!" the guys screamed. "It is their deadliest attack!" Gimli shouted. "Run, run!" Aragorn shouted, and they all took off through the trees.
"NOOOOO! WAIT, COME BACK!" the girls screamed, and ran after them. They caught up with them, and the first fangirl tackled Legolas round the waist and the other two took down Aragorn, while Gimli kept running.
"GIMLI! HELP US!" they screamed, but Gimli kept running and shouted over his shoulder, "Sayonara, suckers!"
Legolas and Aragorn struggled to break free as more and more fangirls crawled out of the forest. "It's been nice knowin' ya, Aragorn," Legolas said, and the two cowered in fear. Suddenly, the fangirls stopped.
"What's wrong with Legolas' hair?" they all muttered, while others whispered, "Aragorn looks like he had a bad run-in with a razor blade…"
Legolas and Aragorn shot quick glances at each other, then looked back up in terror at the fangirls, who were rapidly loosing interest.
"Hmmm…come on, girls…I think I saw Frodo leaving in a boat a little while back…" the fangirls dispersed, leaving Aragorn and Legolas very relieved but slightly insulted as they slowly stood up, but the first crazy fangirl Jill gave Legolas a nice big glomp that left him even more emotionally traumatized (it was a very big glomp) before they all disappeared into the forest again.
Gimli appeared again with a 'poof!' and a cloud of pink smoke. "I'm back!" he announced, though nobody cared. "Yeah, thanks for nothing, you little backstabber…" Aragorn muttered.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sample of Next Chapter: Leather?…
"-And I will name you Bob, and we will have wonderful picnics in the park and play games in the open fields and-" Pippin was talking to a 'special' rock the Uruk-Hai had given him in an utterly futile attempt to shut him up. As I said, it was utterly futile.
Disclaimer: We disclaim LOTR. It's not ours. It never will be. Now leave us to our grief. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Back to Merry and Pippin:
"Are we THERE yet?" Merry asked of the Uruk-Hai who was carrying him.
"NO FOR THE FORTY-SIXTH TIME!" The Uruk-Hai was trying REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD not to bash Merry's curly little hobbit head against a large rock. And was so far doing a pretty good job.
"OOOOH! Lookit the cute little squirrel!" Pippin was kicking and flailing in the Uruk-Hai's grasp, trying to get down and pet the squirrel.
"God dammit, isn't there anything you can do to shut this stupid hobbit up?!" the Uruk-Hai holding Pippin demanded of Merry.
"Nope. Not a thing."
***
Ping-Pong…bonk! Back to the terrific trio!
Gimli came back and whacked Aragorn and Legolas with his ax (the flat side), waking them up.
"Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel…" Aragorn sputtered.
"Hee hee…lookit all the pretty stars…" Legolas giggled.
Aragorn jumped up and shook his head, went to scratch his beard, remembered it wasn't there anymore, so scratched his nose instead. Legolas jumped up and started walking towards the woods. "Where are you going?" Aragorn asked. "To the Little Elves Tree…" Legolas responded with a sniff, disappearing among the foliage.
"Okeee…whatever…" Aragorn said. Gimli grunted.
And so…they waited…
…And waited…
…And waited…
…Until finally…
"OH GOD! NOOOO!" Legolas' screams came echoing out of the woods. Thinking Legolas was being attacked by something totally and completely evil from Sauron, they grabbed their weapons and ran to help him.
However…they were only half right. While it WAS totally and completely evil, it wasn't from Sauron. No, the evil that had descended upon Legolas moved independently and served no master save itself and its own desires. That's right: Legolas was being attacked by the most feared and despised creature of all time: the dreaded FANGIRL!
It all started ten minutes earlier, when…
"Aaaaah…" Legolas sighed contently.
"Ah, where am I? Jeez, this forest has no end…" a female voice came through the foliage. Legolas looked up in horror as a girl came crashing through the foliage. LUCKILY FOR HIM…he managed to…umm…hide…himself…before the fangirl saw…um…you know…his…*awkward cough*…him-ness. But she saw…um…the rest of him...anyway. *cough* MOVING ON…
"OH. MY. GOD!!!!!!!!!!" the fangirl screamed, causing Legolas' Extra-Super- Special-Elven Ears to bleed. Oh my god oh my god! It's LEGOLAS! Oh my god oh my god oh my god…AAAAAAH!" the fangirl screamed in ecstasy, and Legolas just screamed and scrambled up a tree.
"No, no, wait! Come back!" the fangirl yelled desperately. "I just want an autograph!"
"No! Get away!" Legolas yelled, throwing sticks and acorns at the fangirl. She wasn't daunted by them and avoided them, then started jumping around at the base of the tree with her arms outstretched.
"AAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Legolas grabbed a branch and held on as though his life depended on it. The fangirl pouted and resorted to climbing the tree.
"OH GOD! NOOOOO!" Legolas scrambled higher into the tree, but nothing could stop the demented evil of the fangirl. "Why won't anyone leave me alone?! What did I ever do to deserve this?!" he bawled.
Aragorn and Gimli meandered through the trees. "LEGOLAAAAAAAAS…"
"THANK GOD! ARAGORN! GIMLI! SAVE ME!"
"Jill, where'd you go?" two female voices called from the nearby bushes. "Guys, Legolas and Aragorn!" the first fangirl called. The other two quickly broke through the underbrush and looked around quickly. Then all three of them started hopping in circles and screaming, "Oh my God, OH MY GOD!"
"AAAAAAAAH!!" the guys screamed. "It is their deadliest attack!" Gimli shouted. "Run, run!" Aragorn shouted, and they all took off through the trees.
"NOOOOO! WAIT, COME BACK!" the girls screamed, and ran after them. They caught up with them, and the first fangirl tackled Legolas round the waist and the other two took down Aragorn, while Gimli kept running.
"GIMLI! HELP US!" they screamed, but Gimli kept running and shouted over his shoulder, "Sayonara, suckers!"
Legolas and Aragorn struggled to break free as more and more fangirls crawled out of the forest. "It's been nice knowin' ya, Aragorn," Legolas said, and the two cowered in fear. Suddenly, the fangirls stopped.
"What's wrong with Legolas' hair?" they all muttered, while others whispered, "Aragorn looks like he had a bad run-in with a razor blade…"
Legolas and Aragorn shot quick glances at each other, then looked back up in terror at the fangirls, who were rapidly loosing interest.
"Hmmm…come on, girls…I think I saw Frodo leaving in a boat a little while back…" the fangirls dispersed, leaving Aragorn and Legolas very relieved but slightly insulted as they slowly stood up, but the first crazy fangirl Jill gave Legolas a nice big glomp that left him even more emotionally traumatized (it was a very big glomp) before they all disappeared into the forest again.
Gimli appeared again with a 'poof!' and a cloud of pink smoke. "I'm back!" he announced, though nobody cared. "Yeah, thanks for nothing, you little backstabber…" Aragorn muttered.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sample of Next Chapter: Leather?…
"-And I will name you Bob, and we will have wonderful picnics in the park and play games in the open fields and-" Pippin was talking to a 'special' rock the Uruk-Hai had given him in an utterly futile attempt to shut him up. As I said, it was utterly futile.