Chapter Six: GANDALF STRIKES BACK!
Disclaimer: Eh. Too lazy to think up even a semi-witty/clever one. See any previous chapter.
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After being sold horses by some *very* shady salesmen, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were…riding. The horses had been *really* expensive, so they could only afford two. Aragorn had his own. Legolas was grudgingly sharing with Gimli, who, not being accustomed to horses, was a tiny bit skittish.
"GIMLI! I CAN'T BREATH!" Legolas gasped for the eight time as he heard one of his ribs crack. Gimli tentatively loosened his grip on Legolas' waist a tiny little bit.
Suddenly, Aragorn held up his hand for them to stop. Unfortunately, he stopped too abruptly, and Legolas' horse ran right into his horse. They all fell to the ground, and Gimli, who was stuck on his back, started to flail his arms and scream, "AH! I'M DROWNING! I'M DYING! HELP!" Aragorn and Legolas dragged the screaming Gimli to his feet, and Gimli promptly ran in circles flapping his arms and singing, "I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck, so I shake my butt!" Legolas screamed and covered his eyes while Aragorn tried to tackle Gimli.
"Quiet, all of you!" a voice bellowed. They all froze. Then, there was a noise of someone jumping through the trees and down a hill, singing, "Tiptoe Through the Tulips." Whoever was singing shouted suddenly, tripped, fell, rolled down the hill and lay still at the bottom.
"What is it?" Gimli asked, approaching the thingy on the ground and poking it with his ax.
"OW! THAT HURTS!" the thing screamed. They jumped back and drew their weapons, trying to look heroic.
"Now, now, little ones, be quiet! Put down you toys! Or no desert for you!" the person said, standing up.
"No desert?" Aragorn asked sadly. Legolas looked at Aragorn oddly, then turned to the person and asked, "Mithrandir?" The man smiled. "I am known by many names."
"IT'S A PANDEMIC!" Gimli screamed, pulling his hair angrily. "What are y-" Legolas tried to say.
"*WHY* DOES *EVERYBODY* HAVE *SO MANY NAMES* ???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gimli cried, falling to his knees. "It's too much for his little mind to handle, poor dear," Mithrandir/Gandalf smiled, patting Gimli on the head. Gimli bit Gandalf's hand. Gandalf smacked Gimli in the head with his staff.
"So what happened to you, Gandalf?" Aragorn asked.
"Well," Gandalf began, "I-" "NOOOOO!" Gimli wailed. "Mithrandir…" Legolas said quietly. "QUIET!" Gandalf shouted. He then continued to tell them about his visit to the Balrog's home, where he received dancing lessons and met a few very nice Elven female dance instructors and received new clothes.
"What?" Legolas asked in excitement. "New clothes? What do they look like? Do you have any Gucci?" The other three looked at him oddly. "No, I'll show you!" Gandalf said, about to undo his robes.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" the other three screamed, shielding their eyes and turning away. "WHAT?!" Gandalf shouted. "We wanted to see your new clothes, not a striptease!" Aragorn shouted. "You fools!" Gandalf shouted, smacking each of them with his staff. "My NEW robes!" Gandalf declared, throwing off his ratty robes. "Ooooooooh…" they marveled. Gandalf had on sparkling white robes with pretty glitter and little rhinestones and stuff. "He looks like the next Elton John…" Gimli muttered.
"Well, it's good to have you back, my friend," Aragorn said to Gandalf. They all sort of…stood around for a little. "Now we must go to the Golden Hall-" Gandalf began. "GOLD!!" Gimli screamed. "-of Rohan," Gandalf finished after a slight pause. "Why must we go there, Gandalf?" Legolas asked. "Don't start that again!" Aragorn warned him, and Legolas touched his ravaged hair lightly.
"We must go see Théoden, King of the Etch-A-Sketch. There, we will earn a powerful ally, Aragorn will go on to greatness and leave a hot babe behind, the plot will become more involved and interesting, and we will make many puns and jokes at the King expense." Gandalf said grandly.
The guys all got their horses and started off. Once they were a little bit in the distance, Gandalf turned to Legolas and asked, "Hey, what happened to your hair?"
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Sample of Next Chapter: More Time-Wasting Inanity
"I'm in my happy place…my happy place…" Gimli was trying to imagine he was underground.
"GIMLI! I'M GOING TO PASS OUT IF YOU DON'T LET GO!" Legolas' face was turning a very attractive shade of blue. Gimli just whimpered and held on tighter.
Disclaimer: Eh. Too lazy to think up even a semi-witty/clever one. See any previous chapter.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After being sold horses by some *very* shady salesmen, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were…riding. The horses had been *really* expensive, so they could only afford two. Aragorn had his own. Legolas was grudgingly sharing with Gimli, who, not being accustomed to horses, was a tiny bit skittish.
"GIMLI! I CAN'T BREATH!" Legolas gasped for the eight time as he heard one of his ribs crack. Gimli tentatively loosened his grip on Legolas' waist a tiny little bit.
Suddenly, Aragorn held up his hand for them to stop. Unfortunately, he stopped too abruptly, and Legolas' horse ran right into his horse. They all fell to the ground, and Gimli, who was stuck on his back, started to flail his arms and scream, "AH! I'M DROWNING! I'M DYING! HELP!" Aragorn and Legolas dragged the screaming Gimli to his feet, and Gimli promptly ran in circles flapping his arms and singing, "I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck, so I shake my butt!" Legolas screamed and covered his eyes while Aragorn tried to tackle Gimli.
"Quiet, all of you!" a voice bellowed. They all froze. Then, there was a noise of someone jumping through the trees and down a hill, singing, "Tiptoe Through the Tulips." Whoever was singing shouted suddenly, tripped, fell, rolled down the hill and lay still at the bottom.
"What is it?" Gimli asked, approaching the thingy on the ground and poking it with his ax.
"OW! THAT HURTS!" the thing screamed. They jumped back and drew their weapons, trying to look heroic.
"Now, now, little ones, be quiet! Put down you toys! Or no desert for you!" the person said, standing up.
"No desert?" Aragorn asked sadly. Legolas looked at Aragorn oddly, then turned to the person and asked, "Mithrandir?" The man smiled. "I am known by many names."
"IT'S A PANDEMIC!" Gimli screamed, pulling his hair angrily. "What are y-" Legolas tried to say.
"*WHY* DOES *EVERYBODY* HAVE *SO MANY NAMES* ???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Gimli cried, falling to his knees. "It's too much for his little mind to handle, poor dear," Mithrandir/Gandalf smiled, patting Gimli on the head. Gimli bit Gandalf's hand. Gandalf smacked Gimli in the head with his staff.
"So what happened to you, Gandalf?" Aragorn asked.
"Well," Gandalf began, "I-" "NOOOOO!" Gimli wailed. "Mithrandir…" Legolas said quietly. "QUIET!" Gandalf shouted. He then continued to tell them about his visit to the Balrog's home, where he received dancing lessons and met a few very nice Elven female dance instructors and received new clothes.
"What?" Legolas asked in excitement. "New clothes? What do they look like? Do you have any Gucci?" The other three looked at him oddly. "No, I'll show you!" Gandalf said, about to undo his robes.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" the other three screamed, shielding their eyes and turning away. "WHAT?!" Gandalf shouted. "We wanted to see your new clothes, not a striptease!" Aragorn shouted. "You fools!" Gandalf shouted, smacking each of them with his staff. "My NEW robes!" Gandalf declared, throwing off his ratty robes. "Ooooooooh…" they marveled. Gandalf had on sparkling white robes with pretty glitter and little rhinestones and stuff. "He looks like the next Elton John…" Gimli muttered.
"Well, it's good to have you back, my friend," Aragorn said to Gandalf. They all sort of…stood around for a little. "Now we must go to the Golden Hall-" Gandalf began. "GOLD!!" Gimli screamed. "-of Rohan," Gandalf finished after a slight pause. "Why must we go there, Gandalf?" Legolas asked. "Don't start that again!" Aragorn warned him, and Legolas touched his ravaged hair lightly.
"We must go see Théoden, King of the Etch-A-Sketch. There, we will earn a powerful ally, Aragorn will go on to greatness and leave a hot babe behind, the plot will become more involved and interesting, and we will make many puns and jokes at the King expense." Gandalf said grandly.
The guys all got their horses and started off. Once they were a little bit in the distance, Gandalf turned to Legolas and asked, "Hey, what happened to your hair?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sample of Next Chapter: More Time-Wasting Inanity
"I'm in my happy place…my happy place…" Gimli was trying to imagine he was underground.
"GIMLI! I'M GOING TO PASS OUT IF YOU DON'T LET GO!" Legolas' face was turning a very attractive shade of blue. Gimli just whimpered and held on tighter.