Chapter Eleven: Fun With Megaphones!
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it, but hey! If I ever win the lotto I might be able to buy it! Or at LEAST be able to afford all the legal crap for L and me to publish the story without getting sued! You never know!
A/N: Here's a random though for you because J thinks of weird things when reading 'Lord of the Rings' at 11 o'clock at night: On page 243 of 'The Fellowship of the Ring', Strider says of the Black Riders: "...More deadly to him was the name of Elbereth...". So, would it have done any good if all the members of the Last Alliance ran around screaming 'ELBERETH! ELBERETH!' while they were fighting the eeee-vil forces of Mordor? Huh? HUH?!
A/N2: J HAS ROADRUNNER NOW! *skips around happily* I love it, I love it, I LOVE IT!
A/N3: Anna: I think that was just a glitch in FF.net. I could only access the first chapter for a while as well.
LOTRWriter: Someone thought it was an actor fic. But it WASN'T! Just read on their rules page: they define Actor stories as 'revolving around real actors'. WE DIDN'T DO THAT! WE JUST BORROWED THEM FOR A FEW MINUTES! *L and J beat their heads against a table in frustration*
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~At Isengard~
"YAAAAAAY!" Everyone cheered as they got within sight of Orthanc. "Alright, Gandalf, OFF WITH THE POLKA-DOTS!"
"But you all look so cute..." Gandalf began. Suddenly, every weapon in the clearing was leveled at Gandalf.
"I don't know why we didn't think of this before," Gimli said.
"Because the authors think we look cute too," Aragorn muttered.
"Okay, okay..." Gandalf waved his staff, and all the polka-dots disappeared, except on Aragorn, who still unknowingly had polka-dots down his back. "HI!" Merry and Pippin hopped over suddenly.
"AHHHH!!! THE EVIL PIXIES ARE ATTACKING!" The Rohirrim all screamed and hid in the forest.
"Yes! Fear us and our mighty pixie powers!" Pippin made various spooky noises, then turned to Gandalf and Aragorn and those other two guys.
"Hi! Nice to see you again!" he said, bouncing in a highly annoying fashion from foot to foot. The he looked closer. "There's something different about you guys." he said, peering at the Beardless Aragorn, the Crew-cut Legolas, the Rejuvenated Gandalf, and the Hasn't-Really-Changed-Much Gimli. "Legolas! Have you lost weight?"
Everyone sighed and put their faces in their hands, begging Manwë or any other Valar who might be listening to please smite L so she will STOP MAKING FUN OF J OVER THE PHONE!, and as an afterthought, to cure Pippin of his ADHD.
"No, I knew that wasn't it...Gimli! You've grown!
Merry interjected, "Pip?"
"Yes, Merry?"
"Stop talking. When you open your mouth, stupid things come out."
"Hel-LO?" Gandalf stretched out his arms. "A-HEM?"
"Sure, I'll hug you!" Pippin gave Gandalf a hug.
"EW! I meant, HELLO, I'VE RESURRECTED FROM THE DEAD!"
"Oh.cool." Merry blinked.
"That's it? No, 'OH GANDALF, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!'? No, 'FEARLESS LEADER, THANK THE VALAR YOU'RE BACK!'? No, 'WE WERE STUMLING BLIND THROUGH THE WILDERNESS WITHOUT YOU! NOW YOU'RE BACK AND WE LOVE YOU!'?"
"Nope. Never thought that."
"Uh-uh."
Gandalf sighed. "Why do I ever bother..."
Théoden rode up and looked about. "I must speak with Moss Man, as my business with him is very important," he said. Pippin looked at Théoden oddly, and Merry tried not to laugh. Legolas, tired of sitting on a horse with Gimli, jumped down, which caused Gimli to do the one thing that Dwarves do best: play opossum(Why does that have an 'o' at the beginning if it's pronounced 'possum'? My life will not be fulfilled until I figure out WHY that 'o' is there.but I digress...). He fell from the horse and lay on the ground, frozen in place. Everyone stared at him.
"Okay...Moss Man is at Isengard, and they're trying to get Saruman," Merry finally said. They all walked over to the tower, only to find they couldn't get near it, as it was surrounded by water.
"It's a giant water park!" Aragorn said. "No," an Ent said, walking over as it adjusted its headset. "This is just a precaution. We're trying to drown out all these rats like rats so we don't need to worry about Saruman escaping. If you would like to by a commemorative T-shirt, mug, or baseball cap, the gift shop is just around the corner."
"I must see Moss Man, my good Ent," Théoden said importantly. "Moss Man is busy now," the Ent said. "I must speak with him," Gandalf said also. "He is busy," the Ent said stubbornly. "I will make you an offer you cannot refuse," Théoden said. The Ent raised an eyebrow; "What would that be?" Théoden pulled out a Zippo and flipped open the top.
***
Meanwhile, Moss Man and the other FBI Ents were trying to coax Saruman out of his room. "I look like an idiot! I'm not coming down!" Saruman shouted. "WE NEED YOU TOO COOPERATE," an Ent said through a megaphone.
Just then, an Ent ran by screaming, its branches aflame. Following a little ways behind were Théoden and Gandalf, trying to act casual. "Mister Moss Man?" Gandalf began. "YES?" Moss Man responded through his megaphone. "We must speak with you," Théoden said. "I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW." Théoden pulled out the Zippo again, and Moss Man stopped. "ZIGGY!" Moss Man said to another Ent (still using the megaphones...). "YES?" "WATCH MY POST FOR A BIT." "TEN-FOUR." Moss Man was about to set his megaphone down when Gandalf got fussy.
"Could you hurry it up?" he said irritably. "THIS IS A DELICATE BUISNESS, MISTER!" Moss Man screamed through his megaphone. "I CAN'T BE RUSHED!" Théoden tapped the Zippo against his thigh, and Moss Man suddenly realized he COULD be rushed and sped over to Théoden and Gandalf.
***
Meanwhile (again!), Pippin and Merry were telling their very boring, overly long story called 'Merry and Pippin save the day with a little bit of help from the Ents'. As previously stated, it was very boring and overly long, and soon everyone, with the exceptions of Merry and Pippin, who loved the sounds of their own voices, was asleep.
"...and THAT'S how we saved the day!" Merry concluded, beaming with pride.
Everyone who should have been listening snored.
"I know! Great, wasn't it?"
Gandalf walked over and poked the sleeping people. "WAKE UP! We're going to visit Saruman!"
"Zzzz...no, mommy...I'm too old for the tiny pants..." Aragorn muttered in his sleep. Gandalf sighed and whacked Aragorn's head with his staff. "I SAID, GET UP!" "AH! WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON?!"
"We're going to visit Saruman and bring him some get-well cards. He's not feeling too well." "Well, I'm sure you wouldn't be feeling well either if your house was full of water," Aragorn muttered.
"His house is full of water?" Merry asked. "Yes, shut up, Merry, or I'll drown you again!" Aragorn shouted. Merry just shrugged his shoulders and kept walking.
" 'Dear Saruman,'," Pippin read as he wrote out a card. " 'I hope you feel better and your intestinal parasites go away. Signed, Peregrin'."
"What are you talking about?!" Legolas said. "Saruman doesn't have intestinal parasites!" "Oh? And how do YOU know he doesn't?" Pippin asked. "Well, I ah...oh, do be quiet, Peregrin!" Legolas exclaimed. Pippin grinned and stuck his card into an envelope and sealed it.
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Sample of Next Chapter: The Spandex of Saruman
And Saruman ran out onto the porch, allowing them all to see his wonderful blue and orange spandex. They all just stared at him, except for Legolas, who fainted dead away. "You killed Legolas!" Pippin shrieked. "I didn't mean-" Saruman began, but their cheers drowned him out.
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it, but hey! If I ever win the lotto I might be able to buy it! Or at LEAST be able to afford all the legal crap for L and me to publish the story without getting sued! You never know!
A/N: Here's a random though for you because J thinks of weird things when reading 'Lord of the Rings' at 11 o'clock at night: On page 243 of 'The Fellowship of the Ring', Strider says of the Black Riders: "...More deadly to him was the name of Elbereth...". So, would it have done any good if all the members of the Last Alliance ran around screaming 'ELBERETH! ELBERETH!' while they were fighting the eeee-vil forces of Mordor? Huh? HUH?!
A/N2: J HAS ROADRUNNER NOW! *skips around happily* I love it, I love it, I LOVE IT!
A/N3: Anna: I think that was just a glitch in FF.net. I could only access the first chapter for a while as well.
LOTRWriter: Someone thought it was an actor fic. But it WASN'T! Just read on their rules page: they define Actor stories as 'revolving around real actors'. WE DIDN'T DO THAT! WE JUST BORROWED THEM FOR A FEW MINUTES! *L and J beat their heads against a table in frustration*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~At Isengard~
"YAAAAAAY!" Everyone cheered as they got within sight of Orthanc. "Alright, Gandalf, OFF WITH THE POLKA-DOTS!"
"But you all look so cute..." Gandalf began. Suddenly, every weapon in the clearing was leveled at Gandalf.
"I don't know why we didn't think of this before," Gimli said.
"Because the authors think we look cute too," Aragorn muttered.
"Okay, okay..." Gandalf waved his staff, and all the polka-dots disappeared, except on Aragorn, who still unknowingly had polka-dots down his back. "HI!" Merry and Pippin hopped over suddenly.
"AHHHH!!! THE EVIL PIXIES ARE ATTACKING!" The Rohirrim all screamed and hid in the forest.
"Yes! Fear us and our mighty pixie powers!" Pippin made various spooky noises, then turned to Gandalf and Aragorn and those other two guys.
"Hi! Nice to see you again!" he said, bouncing in a highly annoying fashion from foot to foot. The he looked closer. "There's something different about you guys." he said, peering at the Beardless Aragorn, the Crew-cut Legolas, the Rejuvenated Gandalf, and the Hasn't-Really-Changed-Much Gimli. "Legolas! Have you lost weight?"
Everyone sighed and put their faces in their hands, begging Manwë or any other Valar who might be listening to please smite L so she will STOP MAKING FUN OF J OVER THE PHONE!, and as an afterthought, to cure Pippin of his ADHD.
"No, I knew that wasn't it...Gimli! You've grown!
Merry interjected, "Pip?"
"Yes, Merry?"
"Stop talking. When you open your mouth, stupid things come out."
"Hel-LO?" Gandalf stretched out his arms. "A-HEM?"
"Sure, I'll hug you!" Pippin gave Gandalf a hug.
"EW! I meant, HELLO, I'VE RESURRECTED FROM THE DEAD!"
"Oh.cool." Merry blinked.
"That's it? No, 'OH GANDALF, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!'? No, 'FEARLESS LEADER, THANK THE VALAR YOU'RE BACK!'? No, 'WE WERE STUMLING BLIND THROUGH THE WILDERNESS WITHOUT YOU! NOW YOU'RE BACK AND WE LOVE YOU!'?"
"Nope. Never thought that."
"Uh-uh."
Gandalf sighed. "Why do I ever bother..."
Théoden rode up and looked about. "I must speak with Moss Man, as my business with him is very important," he said. Pippin looked at Théoden oddly, and Merry tried not to laugh. Legolas, tired of sitting on a horse with Gimli, jumped down, which caused Gimli to do the one thing that Dwarves do best: play opossum(Why does that have an 'o' at the beginning if it's pronounced 'possum'? My life will not be fulfilled until I figure out WHY that 'o' is there.but I digress...). He fell from the horse and lay on the ground, frozen in place. Everyone stared at him.
"Okay...Moss Man is at Isengard, and they're trying to get Saruman," Merry finally said. They all walked over to the tower, only to find they couldn't get near it, as it was surrounded by water.
"It's a giant water park!" Aragorn said. "No," an Ent said, walking over as it adjusted its headset. "This is just a precaution. We're trying to drown out all these rats like rats so we don't need to worry about Saruman escaping. If you would like to by a commemorative T-shirt, mug, or baseball cap, the gift shop is just around the corner."
"I must see Moss Man, my good Ent," Théoden said importantly. "Moss Man is busy now," the Ent said. "I must speak with him," Gandalf said also. "He is busy," the Ent said stubbornly. "I will make you an offer you cannot refuse," Théoden said. The Ent raised an eyebrow; "What would that be?" Théoden pulled out a Zippo and flipped open the top.
***
Meanwhile, Moss Man and the other FBI Ents were trying to coax Saruman out of his room. "I look like an idiot! I'm not coming down!" Saruman shouted. "WE NEED YOU TOO COOPERATE," an Ent said through a megaphone.
Just then, an Ent ran by screaming, its branches aflame. Following a little ways behind were Théoden and Gandalf, trying to act casual. "Mister Moss Man?" Gandalf began. "YES?" Moss Man responded through his megaphone. "We must speak with you," Théoden said. "I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW." Théoden pulled out the Zippo again, and Moss Man stopped. "ZIGGY!" Moss Man said to another Ent (still using the megaphones...). "YES?" "WATCH MY POST FOR A BIT." "TEN-FOUR." Moss Man was about to set his megaphone down when Gandalf got fussy.
"Could you hurry it up?" he said irritably. "THIS IS A DELICATE BUISNESS, MISTER!" Moss Man screamed through his megaphone. "I CAN'T BE RUSHED!" Théoden tapped the Zippo against his thigh, and Moss Man suddenly realized he COULD be rushed and sped over to Théoden and Gandalf.
***
Meanwhile (again!), Pippin and Merry were telling their very boring, overly long story called 'Merry and Pippin save the day with a little bit of help from the Ents'. As previously stated, it was very boring and overly long, and soon everyone, with the exceptions of Merry and Pippin, who loved the sounds of their own voices, was asleep.
"...and THAT'S how we saved the day!" Merry concluded, beaming with pride.
Everyone who should have been listening snored.
"I know! Great, wasn't it?"
Gandalf walked over and poked the sleeping people. "WAKE UP! We're going to visit Saruman!"
"Zzzz...no, mommy...I'm too old for the tiny pants..." Aragorn muttered in his sleep. Gandalf sighed and whacked Aragorn's head with his staff. "I SAID, GET UP!" "AH! WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON?!"
"We're going to visit Saruman and bring him some get-well cards. He's not feeling too well." "Well, I'm sure you wouldn't be feeling well either if your house was full of water," Aragorn muttered.
"His house is full of water?" Merry asked. "Yes, shut up, Merry, or I'll drown you again!" Aragorn shouted. Merry just shrugged his shoulders and kept walking.
" 'Dear Saruman,'," Pippin read as he wrote out a card. " 'I hope you feel better and your intestinal parasites go away. Signed, Peregrin'."
"What are you talking about?!" Legolas said. "Saruman doesn't have intestinal parasites!" "Oh? And how do YOU know he doesn't?" Pippin asked. "Well, I ah...oh, do be quiet, Peregrin!" Legolas exclaimed. Pippin grinned and stuck his card into an envelope and sealed it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sample of Next Chapter: The Spandex of Saruman
And Saruman ran out onto the porch, allowing them all to see his wonderful blue and orange spandex. They all just stared at him, except for Legolas, who fainted dead away. "You killed Legolas!" Pippin shrieked. "I didn't mean-" Saruman began, but their cheers drowned him out.