Chapter Twelve: The Spandex of Saruman
Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will, belongs to Tolkien's Estate and everyone knows it A/N: Hey, I managed to get my hands on a bootleg copy of "Fellowship of the Ring". Did you know it took Boromir almost five minutes to die? Useless trivia, ne? ^_^;;;
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"Saruman, come out!" Aragorn called. "SARUMAN, YOU HAVE VISITORS!" Moss Man shouted. "I'm not coming out until I get a COSTUME CHANGE!" Saruman shouted. "Whiny baby," Gandalf muttered. "I only have one outfit and I'm not whining..."
"Yeah, well you haven't seen what I'm wearing!" "Woo hoo! Come out and show us, stupid!"
"FINE!"
And Saruman ran out onto the porch, allowing them all to see his wonderful blue and orange spandex. They all just stared at him, except for Legolas, who fainted dead away. "You killed Legolas!" Pippin shrieked. "I didn't mean-" Saruman began, but their cheers drowned him out.
Using this distraction, Saruman tried to go back in, but the door jammed and he got stuck outside. "Gríma! Let me in!" he shouted and pounded on the door. All the Rohirrim started laughing at him, and when he got back inside, he grabbed the nearest thing, the Palantír, and hurled it into the crowd, hitting Pippin on the head.
"Pippin! Are you okay?!" Merry said, shaking Pippin as he lay on the ground.
"Merry, I think I'm cured!"
"Of what?"
"MY HYPERACTIVITY!"
"HURRAH!"
But suddenly, Pippin jumped up and into the nearest Rohirrim, shouting, "I NEED A HUG!" Everyone sighed and wondered how much longer until Ritalin would be invented.
"So you're just going to stay in there and be a brat, huh?!" Gandalf yelled at Saruman.
"Yes!" Saruman yelled back.
"Fine, then we'll just stand out here and wait for you!"
"That's fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!" Gandalf stormed off in a hissy fit and everyone ran after him.
"What do I do with this rock?" Merry asked. "It's not a rock, it's a jawbreaker!" Pippin said and stuck the Palantír in his mouth. "No, it's a Seeing Stone!" Gandalf shouted. "Give it here!"
And Pippin spat it out of his mouth into Gandalf's outstretched hand. "Ugh, that's disgusting!" Gimli said.
"What do you see?" Legolas (who was magically revived) asked. "I see..." Gandalf said, waving his hand over the Palantír in a mysterious way.
"Yes?"
"I see..."
"What? What do you see?"
"I see..."
"WHAT, YOU SENILE OLD FREAK?!"
Gandalf looked up and said in a solemn, terrified, tiny whisper: "I see dead people."
Since none of them had ever seen 'The Sixth Sense', seeing as how movies had not yet been invented, everyone thought he was serious and started freaking out and began writing out their wills and trying to run home and hide until Gandalf threatened to put the polka-dots back on their clothes. This shut them all up, and Gandalf put the Palantír into his pocket. Then they all went to find a Best Western to stay in, but they couldn't find one, so they decided to sleep on the ground. The Ents remained outside of Saruman's tower, shouting through their megaphones for him to please come out and give himself up.
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Next Chapter: The Paperweight of Shininess
*nervous cough/laugh* Yah, I know the summary isn't here...that's because J has been lazy and hasn't gotten around to typing up the next chapter yet, but she will...also, I'm going away for a week on Saturday, so I will be sure to have chapters 13 and 14 up for your viewing pleasure by then...WITH summaries. :)
Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will, belongs to Tolkien's Estate and everyone knows it A/N: Hey, I managed to get my hands on a bootleg copy of "Fellowship of the Ring". Did you know it took Boromir almost five minutes to die? Useless trivia, ne? ^_^;;;
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Saruman, come out!" Aragorn called. "SARUMAN, YOU HAVE VISITORS!" Moss Man shouted. "I'm not coming out until I get a COSTUME CHANGE!" Saruman shouted. "Whiny baby," Gandalf muttered. "I only have one outfit and I'm not whining..."
"Yeah, well you haven't seen what I'm wearing!" "Woo hoo! Come out and show us, stupid!"
"FINE!"
And Saruman ran out onto the porch, allowing them all to see his wonderful blue and orange spandex. They all just stared at him, except for Legolas, who fainted dead away. "You killed Legolas!" Pippin shrieked. "I didn't mean-" Saruman began, but their cheers drowned him out.
Using this distraction, Saruman tried to go back in, but the door jammed and he got stuck outside. "Gríma! Let me in!" he shouted and pounded on the door. All the Rohirrim started laughing at him, and when he got back inside, he grabbed the nearest thing, the Palantír, and hurled it into the crowd, hitting Pippin on the head.
"Pippin! Are you okay?!" Merry said, shaking Pippin as he lay on the ground.
"Merry, I think I'm cured!"
"Of what?"
"MY HYPERACTIVITY!"
"HURRAH!"
But suddenly, Pippin jumped up and into the nearest Rohirrim, shouting, "I NEED A HUG!" Everyone sighed and wondered how much longer until Ritalin would be invented.
"So you're just going to stay in there and be a brat, huh?!" Gandalf yelled at Saruman.
"Yes!" Saruman yelled back.
"Fine, then we'll just stand out here and wait for you!"
"That's fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!" Gandalf stormed off in a hissy fit and everyone ran after him.
"What do I do with this rock?" Merry asked. "It's not a rock, it's a jawbreaker!" Pippin said and stuck the Palantír in his mouth. "No, it's a Seeing Stone!" Gandalf shouted. "Give it here!"
And Pippin spat it out of his mouth into Gandalf's outstretched hand. "Ugh, that's disgusting!" Gimli said.
"What do you see?" Legolas (who was magically revived) asked. "I see..." Gandalf said, waving his hand over the Palantír in a mysterious way.
"Yes?"
"I see..."
"What? What do you see?"
"I see..."
"WHAT, YOU SENILE OLD FREAK?!"
Gandalf looked up and said in a solemn, terrified, tiny whisper: "I see dead people."
Since none of them had ever seen 'The Sixth Sense', seeing as how movies had not yet been invented, everyone thought he was serious and started freaking out and began writing out their wills and trying to run home and hide until Gandalf threatened to put the polka-dots back on their clothes. This shut them all up, and Gandalf put the Palantír into his pocket. Then they all went to find a Best Western to stay in, but they couldn't find one, so they decided to sleep on the ground. The Ents remained outside of Saruman's tower, shouting through their megaphones for him to please come out and give himself up.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Next Chapter: The Paperweight of Shininess
*nervous cough/laugh* Yah, I know the summary isn't here...that's because J has been lazy and hasn't gotten around to typing up the next chapter yet, but she will...also, I'm going away for a week on Saturday, so I will be sure to have chapters 13 and 14 up for your viewing pleasure by then...WITH summaries. :)