Chapter Thirteen: The Paperweight of Shininess
Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't be writing fanfics about it; I'd be flaunting the fabulous wealth I made from it. But anyway...we own nothing.
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"I wanna look in the shiny paperweight..." Pippin pouted that night as everyone else but Merry slept.
Merry groaned. "Here's my advice: YOU CAN'T HAVE IT SO GO TO SLEEP!" Then he rolled over and started to snore.
"How can I sleep with you breathing like an elephant, you...elephant- breather, you," Pippin said to himself. Then he slowly stood up and crept over to Gandalf and whispered in his ear, "REDRUM..."
Gandalf whined and rolled over, and Pippin could see the Paperweight of Shininess. Of course, Gandalf was clutching it tightly. Pippin reached down and picked up a rock almost the exact same size and shape as the Palantír. After looking from the rock, to Gandalf, to the Palantír, and to the rock again, he hit Gandalf in the head with the rock, grabbed the Palantír, and ran away laughing like a jackal.
"O Magic Palantír," Pippin said, shaking the Palantír, "will I eat mushrooms tomorrow?"
The foggy blue...stuff...inside the Palantír moved back to reveal a little white plastic...thing: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
" 'Don't count on it'?! Stupid Magic Palantír!" Pippin sulked, chucking the Palantír against a tree...and breaking it.
"Oops."
"No...cat gonna get me...must get back to mousehole..." Gandalf pitched around in his sleep and awoke with a start. His eye bulged upon seeing the Palantír in pieces with Pippin standing next to it, trying to look innocent.
"Pippin! What did you see?!"
"Umm...dead people?"
Gandalf jumped up and started pacing back and forth, trampling the heads of random sleeping people. "This is bad, this is very bad, we're all gonna die..."
"No worries!" Pippin said, rushing for his pack and digging around frantically. He pulled out a role of duct tape, grabbed the shattered Palantír, and quickly taped the pieces back together. "Good as new!" he exclaimed, holding up the mess of rock and tape. "This is why we can't have nice things, Peregrin!" Gandalf shouted.
Pippin chucked the Palantír at Gandalf, pouted, crossed his arms, and looked away. Gandalf stepped on Merry's head, and Merry bit Gandalf's foot, and Gandalf tried to smack Merry's head with his staff, but Merry ran away.
"I need to get to a Fed Ex..." Aragorn said suddenly. Pippin looked over and saw Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli standing around. "Since when are you guys awake?" Gandalf asked. "Since you stepped on our heads," Gimli growled (ha! Alliteration!).
"Well, the nearest Fed Ex is at Minas Tirith..." Gandalf said thoughtfully, but just then, Éomer cut in.
We just got one a doz new 'Fed Ex' drop boxes back at da Hall," he said, motioning in the direction he must have thought led to Edoras, but, in actuality, led to Mordor.
"You're coming with me!" Gandalf said, grabbing Pippin. "We're going to Minas Tirith! See you later!" the wizard shouted, waving to everybody.
"Why do *I* have to come with you?!" Pippin demanded as Gandalf tucked said hobbit under his arm like a piece of luggage and started running to his horse.
"Well, I need a traveling friend," Gandalf responded. Someone to sing traveling songs with, roast marshmallows, tell scary stories...I just don't wanna be aloooooooooone!" Gandalf bawled.
Pippin tried desperately to get away, but Gandalf was also much stronger than he looked and held onto him. Then he jumped onto Shadowfax-
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!"
...next time, he'll judge his jumps a little better...and sped painfully off to Minas Tirith.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*
Sample of Next Chapter: Don't Mess With the Vase
"Okey dokey!" Frodo said, looking all around. They (Sam and Frodo) were standing somewhere in Emyn Muil on the edge of a tall cliff. "We're stuck up here, but we need to be down there!" Frodo exclaimed. Sam dug through his pack, paying no attention to his idiotic buddy. "So, what've we got in the Bottomless Pack of Samwise?" Frodo asked, trying to see what Sam had.
Yes, Frodo and Sam make their grand appearance and are joined by Gollum a.k.a. Sméagol a.k.a. Martha Stewart. Oh, and as for the title? Just trust us on this one. You'll see.
Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't be writing fanfics about it; I'd be flaunting the fabulous wealth I made from it. But anyway...we own nothing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"I wanna look in the shiny paperweight..." Pippin pouted that night as everyone else but Merry slept.
Merry groaned. "Here's my advice: YOU CAN'T HAVE IT SO GO TO SLEEP!" Then he rolled over and started to snore.
"How can I sleep with you breathing like an elephant, you...elephant- breather, you," Pippin said to himself. Then he slowly stood up and crept over to Gandalf and whispered in his ear, "REDRUM..."
Gandalf whined and rolled over, and Pippin could see the Paperweight of Shininess. Of course, Gandalf was clutching it tightly. Pippin reached down and picked up a rock almost the exact same size and shape as the Palantír. After looking from the rock, to Gandalf, to the Palantír, and to the rock again, he hit Gandalf in the head with the rock, grabbed the Palantír, and ran away laughing like a jackal.
"O Magic Palantír," Pippin said, shaking the Palantír, "will I eat mushrooms tomorrow?"
The foggy blue...stuff...inside the Palantír moved back to reveal a little white plastic...thing: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
" 'Don't count on it'?! Stupid Magic Palantír!" Pippin sulked, chucking the Palantír against a tree...and breaking it.
"Oops."
"No...cat gonna get me...must get back to mousehole..." Gandalf pitched around in his sleep and awoke with a start. His eye bulged upon seeing the Palantír in pieces with Pippin standing next to it, trying to look innocent.
"Pippin! What did you see?!"
"Umm...dead people?"
Gandalf jumped up and started pacing back and forth, trampling the heads of random sleeping people. "This is bad, this is very bad, we're all gonna die..."
"No worries!" Pippin said, rushing for his pack and digging around frantically. He pulled out a role of duct tape, grabbed the shattered Palantír, and quickly taped the pieces back together. "Good as new!" he exclaimed, holding up the mess of rock and tape. "This is why we can't have nice things, Peregrin!" Gandalf shouted.
Pippin chucked the Palantír at Gandalf, pouted, crossed his arms, and looked away. Gandalf stepped on Merry's head, and Merry bit Gandalf's foot, and Gandalf tried to smack Merry's head with his staff, but Merry ran away.
"I need to get to a Fed Ex..." Aragorn said suddenly. Pippin looked over and saw Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli standing around. "Since when are you guys awake?" Gandalf asked. "Since you stepped on our heads," Gimli growled (ha! Alliteration!).
"Well, the nearest Fed Ex is at Minas Tirith..." Gandalf said thoughtfully, but just then, Éomer cut in.
We just got one a doz new 'Fed Ex' drop boxes back at da Hall," he said, motioning in the direction he must have thought led to Edoras, but, in actuality, led to Mordor.
"You're coming with me!" Gandalf said, grabbing Pippin. "We're going to Minas Tirith! See you later!" the wizard shouted, waving to everybody.
"Why do *I* have to come with you?!" Pippin demanded as Gandalf tucked said hobbit under his arm like a piece of luggage and started running to his horse.
"Well, I need a traveling friend," Gandalf responded. Someone to sing traveling songs with, roast marshmallows, tell scary stories...I just don't wanna be aloooooooooone!" Gandalf bawled.
Pippin tried desperately to get away, but Gandalf was also much stronger than he looked and held onto him. Then he jumped onto Shadowfax-
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!"
...next time, he'll judge his jumps a little better...and sped painfully off to Minas Tirith.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*
Sample of Next Chapter: Don't Mess With the Vase
"Okey dokey!" Frodo said, looking all around. They (Sam and Frodo) were standing somewhere in Emyn Muil on the edge of a tall cliff. "We're stuck up here, but we need to be down there!" Frodo exclaimed. Sam dug through his pack, paying no attention to his idiotic buddy. "So, what've we got in the Bottomless Pack of Samwise?" Frodo asked, trying to see what Sam had.
Yes, Frodo and Sam make their grand appearance and are joined by Gollum a.k.a. Sméagol a.k.a. Martha Stewart. Oh, and as for the title? Just trust us on this one. You'll see.