Chapter Fifteen: The Dead.Mushes?
Disclaimer: Last time I checked, we didn't own Lord of the Rings. *checks again* Nope, still don't.
A/n: *sighs* What a crappy vacation. Due to combinations of circumstances beyond my control, one of which being the weather, I did not get to swim at all. I also did not get tanned OR meet any cute guys. *cries* WHAT A CRAPPY VACATION! So, please cheer me up with a little review? *winces* Yes, I have lowered myself to begging. Just review the damn thing and make me feel better.
Ginsing: The part with Gollum's brain? Couldn't tell ya. L wrote that bit. I, however, found it hysterically funny in a weird way.
Oh, and of course, shameless promotions.GO READ CON QUEST AND LOTR VERSION 7.0 BY ECHO STARLITE! That is L's pen name, and she has written these two very humorous humor stories, which I am now shamelessly promoting. Both stories are very good and carry L's unique writing style. LOTR Version 7.0 is under my favorites, if you need some help finding them. BUT YOU MUST GO READ THESE TWO STORIES, IF NOTHING ELSE! That is all.
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"Oh, we're marching, marching, marching, marching, marching, marching, marching!" Sam sang as they walked along. "Jeez, all we do is a lot of walking!" Frodo exclaimed. "We should almost be at the Marshes..." Gollum hissed.
"Hey, what's that smell?" Frodo said, nearly gagging. "Ugh! It's not me!" Sam said, sniffing his armpits (Eew...). "It'sssss the Marshes!" Gollum said happily. "Silly hobbitses! We must go through the Marshes to get to Mordor! Silliesss." He ran ahead into the stinking mist and jumped into a puddle and rolled around. Frodo threw up.
"Well, if we have to go..." Sam said nervously. "Please, let's go another way!" Frodo begged. "Frodo, there IS no other way," Sam said. "But..." Frodo begged, pouting and giving Sam puppy-dog eyes. "That's not gonna work, Frodo," Sam said. Frodo sniffed (ugh...). "Frodo..." Sam said irritably. "Sam..." Frodo whined. Sam sighed.
"Gollum, can we go another way?" Sam asked. Gollum stopped, turned, and glared at Sam. "FOLLISH HOBBITSESSSS!" Gollum bellowed. There was a rumble of thunder, and lightning flashed behind Gollum. "Nice effect," Frodo muttered to Sam.
"Foolish hobbitses, we MUST go through the Mushes!" he bellowed. "You mean the Marshes," Sam corrected. "That's what I said: Mushes!" "You said Mushes. It's Marshes." "Mushes! Yes! That's what I said!" "But it's Marshes."
Gollum growled and clawed at his head and began to twitch and foam at the mouth. "Uh...Gollum?" Frodo chanced.
Gollum screamed and beat his chest and flew at Sam screaming and shrieking. Sam turned and fled.
"Hmmm...so the fastest way is THROUGH the Marshes?" Frodo said to himself as Gollum chased Sam around him. "I guess we can't just go around..." Frodo said to himself. Gollum's still chasing Sam... "I've decided something, guys," Frodo said, sticking his foot out in front of Sam, who toppled face- forward into the dirt. Gollum tripped over him and flew into a mud puddle.
"We're going to go through the Marshes," Frodo said, walking forward and stepping gingerly into the disgusting muck. He made an icky face as his foot made squealching (Yes, I am well aware that is not a word) sounds, then, with great effort, he started trudging through. Sam enthusiastically followed, squealching along. Gollum heaved a heavy sigh, then walked down the banks a few feet to cross over the nice wooden plank bridge.
***
After walking an hour, they stopped at a food stand and bought some hotdogs. There were party lights strung up everyplace, but there were no people around. As Sam sat on the edge of the plank walkway, he peeked over into the water. As he munched on his hotdog and swung his feet, he suddenly saw people in the water. One of these people reached up and grabbed his hotdog.
"Mr. Frodo! Gollum!" Sam screamed, jumping up and rushing over to them. "There's something in the water!" Frodo and Gollum immediately spat out their drinks. "No, not THAT water! The Marshes!" Sam said.
The three of them walked to the edge and looked into the water. "My hotdog..." Sam mumbled, his tummy rumbling. "What are people doing in the water like that?" Frodo asked.
"It'sssss only reflectionesssesss. Nothing wrong..." Gollum said. "But my hotdog!" Sam protested. "Not now, Sam," Frodo said. "But they took it!" Sam replied. "Who took what?" Gollum asked. "One of those water people snatched my hotdog!" Sam exclaimed. Frodo looked at him oddly, eyed Sam up and down, and said, "Sam, you think too little."
Sam knocked Frodo into the water. The people disappeared, muttering about stage-diving midgets. Frodo got back out onto the wood planks and glared at Sam. "You deserved it!" Sam said weakly. Frodo lunged at Sam, and they both fell into the water. "DOG PILE!" Gollum screamed, jumping down after them.
***
After they had had a roll in the water, they hauled themselves out again and shook themselves off like wet dogs. Then...they started walking.
Again.
And walking...
And walking...
And WALKING...
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Sample of Next Chapter: Welcome to NYC!
"Welcome to NYC!" Gollum finally announced. Frodo scowled. "NYC? We want to go to MORDOR."
"Not quite sure why..." Sam muttered.
Gollum shrugged. "NYC, Mordor, same diff. Anyway, you're here, the Ring's here, and I'm going to go get a scone. Hey, Shelob!" Gollum yelled. A huge, evil-looking spider appeared.
Disclaimer: Last time I checked, we didn't own Lord of the Rings. *checks again* Nope, still don't.
A/n: *sighs* What a crappy vacation. Due to combinations of circumstances beyond my control, one of which being the weather, I did not get to swim at all. I also did not get tanned OR meet any cute guys. *cries* WHAT A CRAPPY VACATION! So, please cheer me up with a little review? *winces* Yes, I have lowered myself to begging. Just review the damn thing and make me feel better.
Ginsing: The part with Gollum's brain? Couldn't tell ya. L wrote that bit. I, however, found it hysterically funny in a weird way.
Oh, and of course, shameless promotions.GO READ CON QUEST AND LOTR VERSION 7.0 BY ECHO STARLITE! That is L's pen name, and she has written these two very humorous humor stories, which I am now shamelessly promoting. Both stories are very good and carry L's unique writing style. LOTR Version 7.0 is under my favorites, if you need some help finding them. BUT YOU MUST GO READ THESE TWO STORIES, IF NOTHING ELSE! That is all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Oh, we're marching, marching, marching, marching, marching, marching, marching!" Sam sang as they walked along. "Jeez, all we do is a lot of walking!" Frodo exclaimed. "We should almost be at the Marshes..." Gollum hissed.
"Hey, what's that smell?" Frodo said, nearly gagging. "Ugh! It's not me!" Sam said, sniffing his armpits (Eew...). "It'sssss the Marshes!" Gollum said happily. "Silly hobbitses! We must go through the Marshes to get to Mordor! Silliesss." He ran ahead into the stinking mist and jumped into a puddle and rolled around. Frodo threw up.
"Well, if we have to go..." Sam said nervously. "Please, let's go another way!" Frodo begged. "Frodo, there IS no other way," Sam said. "But..." Frodo begged, pouting and giving Sam puppy-dog eyes. "That's not gonna work, Frodo," Sam said. Frodo sniffed (ugh...). "Frodo..." Sam said irritably. "Sam..." Frodo whined. Sam sighed.
"Gollum, can we go another way?" Sam asked. Gollum stopped, turned, and glared at Sam. "FOLLISH HOBBITSESSSS!" Gollum bellowed. There was a rumble of thunder, and lightning flashed behind Gollum. "Nice effect," Frodo muttered to Sam.
"Foolish hobbitses, we MUST go through the Mushes!" he bellowed. "You mean the Marshes," Sam corrected. "That's what I said: Mushes!" "You said Mushes. It's Marshes." "Mushes! Yes! That's what I said!" "But it's Marshes."
Gollum growled and clawed at his head and began to twitch and foam at the mouth. "Uh...Gollum?" Frodo chanced.
Gollum screamed and beat his chest and flew at Sam screaming and shrieking. Sam turned and fled.
"Hmmm...so the fastest way is THROUGH the Marshes?" Frodo said to himself as Gollum chased Sam around him. "I guess we can't just go around..." Frodo said to himself. Gollum's still chasing Sam... "I've decided something, guys," Frodo said, sticking his foot out in front of Sam, who toppled face- forward into the dirt. Gollum tripped over him and flew into a mud puddle.
"We're going to go through the Marshes," Frodo said, walking forward and stepping gingerly into the disgusting muck. He made an icky face as his foot made squealching (Yes, I am well aware that is not a word) sounds, then, with great effort, he started trudging through. Sam enthusiastically followed, squealching along. Gollum heaved a heavy sigh, then walked down the banks a few feet to cross over the nice wooden plank bridge.
***
After walking an hour, they stopped at a food stand and bought some hotdogs. There were party lights strung up everyplace, but there were no people around. As Sam sat on the edge of the plank walkway, he peeked over into the water. As he munched on his hotdog and swung his feet, he suddenly saw people in the water. One of these people reached up and grabbed his hotdog.
"Mr. Frodo! Gollum!" Sam screamed, jumping up and rushing over to them. "There's something in the water!" Frodo and Gollum immediately spat out their drinks. "No, not THAT water! The Marshes!" Sam said.
The three of them walked to the edge and looked into the water. "My hotdog..." Sam mumbled, his tummy rumbling. "What are people doing in the water like that?" Frodo asked.
"It'sssss only reflectionesssesss. Nothing wrong..." Gollum said. "But my hotdog!" Sam protested. "Not now, Sam," Frodo said. "But they took it!" Sam replied. "Who took what?" Gollum asked. "One of those water people snatched my hotdog!" Sam exclaimed. Frodo looked at him oddly, eyed Sam up and down, and said, "Sam, you think too little."
Sam knocked Frodo into the water. The people disappeared, muttering about stage-diving midgets. Frodo got back out onto the wood planks and glared at Sam. "You deserved it!" Sam said weakly. Frodo lunged at Sam, and they both fell into the water. "DOG PILE!" Gollum screamed, jumping down after them.
***
After they had had a roll in the water, they hauled themselves out again and shook themselves off like wet dogs. Then...they started walking.
Again.
And walking...
And walking...
And WALKING...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sample of Next Chapter: Welcome to NYC!
"Welcome to NYC!" Gollum finally announced. Frodo scowled. "NYC? We want to go to MORDOR."
"Not quite sure why..." Sam muttered.
Gollum shrugged. "NYC, Mordor, same diff. Anyway, you're here, the Ring's here, and I'm going to go get a scone. Hey, Shelob!" Gollum yelled. A huge, evil-looking spider appeared.