Disclaimer
Tenchi and all associated characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC. I don't own any rights to them. Any other characters are property of their respective copyright holders, not me.
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Ladies Night Out
Chapter 2
Myth-ed Connections
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With apologies to Robert Asprin for using his characters without permission (points finger at Wharpt.) He made me dood it!
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"Now where is this?" wondered Urd looking around at all the different types of beings. The three had materialized in a narrow alley between two rows of what appeared to be tents. The bronze goddess had stuck her head out of the alley's mouth to get a look at the local layout. What she saw didn't impress her. Tents everywhere separated by the occasional mud brick building or wooden stall. The streets were unpaved and the dust stirred up by the pedestrian traffic made her want to sneeze.
Ryoko poked her own head out for a quick survey. "Got me," she said. "And I don't see a bar anywhere near. Don't tell me this stupid things broken…" She banged Washu's device against a convenient pole a few times.
"Hey!" complained Nagi, stopping the pirate before she could actually damage the thing. "That's our way home, be careful with it." She took the device from Ryoko and tucked it into her cloak. "I'll just take care of it from now on."
"Well, I'm not going out that way," said Urd suppressing a sneeze. "Maybe the bar's at the other end." She levitated and started toward the opposite end of the alley. Ryoko floated after her and Nagi, who had no such powers, trudged along behind.
"Well, well, well! What have we here?" came a rough voice from above them. "Three good looking women who seem to be lost. Wadda ya say boys, should we help them get unlost?" A ragged chorus of agreement echoed from various places around them as eight or ten young ruffians stepped out into the open. The leader of the group hopped down from atop the back of a nearby stall. Nagi swept her cloak back to free her weapons for action as an orange plasma ball formed in Ryoko's hand.
"Boys," said Urd quietly. "I really think you should back off, you don't know who you're dealing with here."
The leader shrugged. "What's to know? We have three good-looking women who look to be fairly well off, and eight of us. Tell you what, pay us oh, say three gold pieces each, one for each of you, and we might let you go peacefully." He held out his hand.
"Heh, maybe if you apologize now, we'll let you go peacefully," Ryoko grinned evilly at him. She closed her fist and an orange blade formed from the plasma. Nagi pulled out her own blade.
"Look out, Magick!" called one of the gang as the rest reached for whatever weapons were handy.
The leader chuckled as he pulled his own sword out. It looked like it'd seen better days and sharper edges. He flashed it before the three women. "Behold! This blade contains a charm that is proof against magickal weapons."
Ryoko flicked her wrist cutting the 'charmed' sword into two pieces. The boy stared at the stump of metal left in his hand. "Too bad I'm not using this 'magick' of yours. Got anything else?" The pirate yawned.
The other seven young men had disappeared leaving only the leader. He turned to flee only to run into the ample chest of a gorgeous green haired woman who had appeared behind him. "Is there a problem here?" the woman asked looking at the hissing blade in Ryoko's hand.
"Nope," said the golden-eyed pirate as she opened her hand and the sword dissipated. "We were just asking directions of this gentleman." Ryoko saw the woman's companion for the first time. Obviously female as well, this person was tall, thin, completely bald and covered with fine greenish scales. "Are you the local law?" the pirate asked.
"Us?" responded the human looking woman as she gave the boy a kick in the rear to send him on his way. "Hardly. In fact quite the opposite." She saw the orange glow reappear in Ryoko's palm. "Oh no, no. Don't worry. Let's just say that the law around here is sometimes worse than the criminals." The glow faded.
"Oh. Well in that case, I'm Ryoko, this is Nagi," she indicated the bounty hunter. "And Urd." The goddess nodded her head in greeting; she was looking at the woman with a strange look on her bronze face.
"I'm Tananda but my friends call me Tanda. My companion here is Pookie. We were on our way to the office when we heard the commotion and decided to stop and check it out. The company we work for does security work for some of the businesses around here."
"So, you're private security guards?" Nagi asked sheathing her sword.
Tanda shook her head. "Nooo, I'm an assassin and Pookie's a bodyguard. Strange huh? You'd think we wouldn't get along given the diametrically opposed occupations." Tanda wrapped her arm around Pookie's narrow shoulders. "But we're friends anyway. We both have the boss's best interests in mind."
Ryoko noticed Urd staring at Tanda's face. "I'm goin' to kill that little twerp when we get home," fumed Urd as lightning crackled around her fingers.
"Wha…? Who ya going to kill and why?" wondered the pirate, her eyes moving back and forth between the goddess and the assassin.
"Skuld. Don't you get it Ryoko? Look at their eyes… Not only are we not on Earth or in our own Reality, we're not even in our own Genre anymore."
Ryoko squinted at Tanda noticing her smaller eyes for the first time. "Yeah, but her hair's the right color though. Nice shade of green by the way." Ryoko looked over at the Trollop's companion. "But what's up with the lizard girl, Pookie, wasn't it?"
"Oh, she's from Perv so she's a Pervert," teased Tanda by way of an explanation.
Ryoko shrugged. "Well, we all have our little quirks."
Pookie growled, showing an impressive array of sharp pointy teeth. "That's PERV-ECT, thank you very much. I, like most of my people am as straight as an arrow."
"Riiiight!" exclaimed the green haired assassin with a huge grin. "Maybe you are, but what about…"
"Ok, that's enough," said the scaled woman poking her companion in the ribs. "So, what are demons like you guys doing in a back alley like this?" she asked Ryoko innocently.
It was Ryoko's turn to growl and show her fangs. "Watch it lady," she said in a low tone. "I haven't been called that in a while and I still don't like it."
Tanda grinned and held up her hands in mock alarm. "Aw, struck a nerve, did she? Anyway, around here demon is short for Dimensional Traveler. We're all demons here in the Bazaar. Except the Deveels of course. This is their home dimension, Deva."
"Bazaar?" said Ryoko, looking around at the backs of all the booths. "As in shopping?"
"Yeah; shopping, eating, drinking, gambling, you name it," said Tanda spreading her arms wide. "It's all here."
Urd's eyes lit up when gambling was mentioned. "Casinos?" she asked, rubbing her hands together.
Tanda and Pookie looked at each other. "Sure," said the Pervect. "And we know just the place, don't we?" She nudged the buxom assassin with her elbow.
"Oh, sure! Follow us." The two locals started of through the crowd. Ryoko looked back at Nagi who shrugged noncommittally. The three off-worlders started after them, catching up quickly.
*****
"So, what kind of place is this?" asked Urd as she looked up at the edifice before them.
Tanda followed the goddess' gaze up the garishly painted side of the building. "Bar, casino, hotel, restaurant, nightclub, shopping mall. It was the boss's idea. Come on, let's go get a drink."
"Won't you guys get in trouble?" Ryoko wondered. "After all, you were on your way to work…"
Pookie waved off the pirate's concern with a simple gesture. "Nah, we're executives we are. 'Course everyone in the company's an executive. Besides, we can always claim we were checking on our investments."
"You think they'll have sake?" asked Ryoko.
Tanda thought for a moment. "Sake, as in rice wine? Sure, I think I've seen it in the back room."
Ryoko and Urd took off in a cloud of dust. A few moments later the others joined them in the hotel lounge.
"What'll it be for you?" the assassin asked the bounty hunter as they headed up to the bar.
"Beer's fine," Nagi replied. "And a bowl of carrots for my friend here." She indicated Ken-ohki.
"Chow!" the cabbit agreed, with an unintended pun.
Tanda looked closely at Nagi for the first time and her eyes brightened. "Hey!" she exclaimed. "Is that really a cabbit on your shoulder?"
Nagi reached up and gave Ken-ohki's fur a quick stroke. The cabbit purred with delight. "Yes it is. His name's Ken-ohki."
"He? It's a male? Wow, those are rare. Don't let any of the locals know that or they'll try to buy him and you know what they say about dealing with a Deveel..."
Nagi chuckled at the idea of someone trying to take a cabbit against its will. For all their cuteness and seeming harmlessness, they had the impressive ability of defending themselves by turning into powerful, well-armed space cruisers. "I don't think that'll be a problem," she said, scratching her furry friend under his chin.
"How do you know about cabbits anyway?" Ryoko asked the green haired woman.
"Well, I've never actually seen one. No one has. But years ago someone had a booth here and they were in their catalog."
"Washu had a booth here?" wondered the pirate.
"Small red head with a thing for crabs?" asked the friendly assassin. Ryoko nodded and Nagi chuckled. "You talk like you know her," the green haired woman said to Ryoko.
"She does," explained Urd. "Washu's her mom."
"Shut up Urd," Ryoko whispered out of the corner of her mouth. "We don't know which Washu she's talking about."
"Oh, right!" the goddess mumbled back. She turned to Tanda, "Hey, didn't you say something about gambling?"
*****
The minute the group entered the room Urd's eyes lit up. She made a beeline for one of the card tables whose dealer was a small, very female, reddish colored humanoid with horns and a pointed tail. The rest of the group followed Urd to the table.
The goddess watched the game for a few moments then turned to Tanda. "What do you use for money here?" she asked the assassin.
Tanda shrugged. "Gold is accepted pretty much everywhere, but since this is the Bazaar they'll take anything that's legal tender, anywhere." She crooked a finger at one of the pit bosses and he made his way over to them. She whispered in his ear and he nodded and snapped his fingers. A pile of chips and a cup of sake appeared next to Urd as she sat down at the table.
"May I ask your name My Lady?" the dealer said to Urd.
Urd produced one of her cards from thin air. "Sure, I'm Urd, Goddess First Class…"
"Second Class," muttered Ryoko loudly enough for everyone to hear.
Urd glared angrily at her friend. "Second Class," she corrected. "Limited." She handed the card to the Deveel who neatly tucked it away in her vest.
"Very good My Lady," said the dealer as if goddesses joined her game every day. To the rest of the table she said, "The goddess Urd has joined the table. The game is Blackjack and the bet is two gold pieces."
*****
"So you're a troll huh?" Ryoko asked Tanda as she took a sip of her sake and watched Urd play cards.
"Kinda," replied the woman. "I'm a Trollop, that's the female of the species."
"I saw a movie with trolls once. Now what was it called…?" Ryoko's expression showed her lost in deep thought.
"The Tenth Kingdom?" prompted Urd, turning over her cards to reveal another blackjack. She started bouncing up and down causing several male bystanders to faint.
"No," said the pirate tapping her chin with a finger. "Tenchi rented that one once but the trolls in it looked more like deformed Klingons. I did like the scene with the talking mushrooms though. The one I'm thinking of was a cartoon with a smartass donkey." Ryoko started to quietly sing 'A Whiter Shade of Pale' as she tried to recall the name of the other movie.
Urd accepted a card from the dealer, she lifted it's edge then flipped it over. Her total was twenty. "Shrek," said Urd raking in another pile of chips. "The donkey was funny."
"That's it!" Ryoko stopped singing in mid tune causing many in the large group of males that had gathered around them to moan in disappointment. "Anyway," she continued to Tanda as if nothing had happened. "I thought trolls were hideous monsters that ate children."
"Oh, you mean like my brother, Chumley. But he doesn't really eat children, in fact he loves kids. He does scare them a bit though when he's out on a job in his 'Big Crunch' persona."
Ryoko just nodded politely, not having any idea what the Trollop was talking about.
*****
Nagi wandered back over to the table from where she'd been chatting with several beings. She whispered something in Ryoko's ear and the pirate nodded, finishing her drink with one gulp. Putting the empty down she touched Urd on the elbow. "Time to go," she said. She turned to Tanda to explain. "See, we're only out for the evening and we've given ourselves an hour or so at each place. Nagi here's acting as our conscience and watchdog."
"But… but… I'm winning! Wah! I don't want to leave!" cried the goddess. Ryoko looked over at the assassin who gently patted Urd on the shoulder.
"Don't worry dear," Tanda said. "We'll keep your winnings in the bank so that you'll have something to spend the next time you're out this way."
"Really?" sniffed Urd, her expression brightening.
The green haired woman nodded. "Of course. Our company is a major shareholder in this establishment and as a company executive you have my word." She led them out of the casino. "I wish I could join you guys, sounds like loads of fun, but I'm already late for work. Maybe we'll see you again sometime."
*****
"Damn it's cold here," Nagi complained out loud as she pulled her cloak tighter to ward off the chill, damp air. Both Ryoko and Urd seemed unaffected by the cold. "Where are we now?" the bounty hunter wondered.
"Don't know," said the pirate. "But that looks like a good place to find out." She pointed down the deserted street to a building with raucous sounds of merriment pouring out of it. They started down the street towards the tavern, Ryoko and Urd floating and Nagi walking once again.
"Wherever this is it's low-tech," grumbled Nagi as she followed the other two.
Ryoko's sensitive ears caught the comments and she floated back to the bounty hunter. "How would you know that?" she asked.
"They use horses," Nagi replied. "No motorized vehicles."
"What led you to determine this?" wondered the pirate.
"I just stepped in some of the evidence," explained the bounty hunter as she attempted to scrape said 'evidence' off her boot against a low wooden railing.
*****
Apart from a few sidelong glances no one paid any obvious attention to the three travelers as they entered and took a table near the roaring fire. The tavern had a rough-hewn plank floor and was dimly lit by two cast-iron chandeliers hung from what appeared to be oak beams; wall sconces were more or less evenly spaced around the periphery, all with real torches and candles.
"This place looks positively medieval," said Urd as she looked around the room noticing the rough-looking crowd. She sniffed the air. "Smells like it too."
"That's Nagi's boots," Ryoko replied.
Nagi gave Ryoko a dirty look then stood up and swaggered to the bar to order their drinks as Ryoko continued.
"Yeah," the pirate said surveying the décor. "Yet there's something vaguely familiar about it…"
Urd shuddered. "I know, and it doesn't have a pleasant feeling to it either. It's almost like we've been here before and something terrible happened." About this time Nagi returned with two flagons of wine and a mug of beer for herself. She set them down on the table and took her seat. Urd nodded her thanks and took a sip. "I don't know," the goddess continued. "There's just this vague feeling…" She shrugged it off and turned her attention to her drink.
The three sat nursing their drinks quietly for a few minutes drawing looks from the other patrons. One exceeding large fellow started toward their table but a glare from Nagi and a flash of her sword hilt sent him back to his teasing friends. Nagi knew it was only a matter of time though until one of them got up enough alcoholic courage to approach them. The bounty hunter finished her drink and stood up to get another when the door to the tavern suddenly flew open. Every head in the place turned to look at the tall, cloaked shadow that stood on the threshold.
"Oh ho ho ho ho ho," the person laughed as they stepped inside. The door closed by itself behind them. Urd's eyes widened and she spit out a mouthful of wine as Ryoko cringed back against the wall.
It couldn't be, Ryoko thought. The woman threw back her hood to reveal a beautiful, finely chiseled face framed by a mass of long dark hair. A golden circlet gleamed on her forehead. It is! "Urd, that's…" the pirate turned to the goddess just as the woman threw back her head and laughed again. "Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho"
"I know," gritted out Urd while covering her ears "That's why this place looked so familiar." The crowd of ruffians had disappeared leaving only the three women, the barkeep (who was now wearing earplugs) and the tall stranger. Nagi sat back down to watch what would happen as the woman stepped up to the bar.
Totally oblivious to the fact that she was the only person standing, the tall woman threw a handful of coins on the rough wooden surface and demanded a mug of wine. Downing it in one gulp she ordered another then turned to survey the room. When her gaze fell upon the three seated at the table she picked up her mug and headed over. Ryoko and Urd vainly tried to make themselves invisible by ducking under the table, but it was too late, the woman had already recognized them.
"Oh ho ho ho ho! Look what we have here! I know you two," she pointed at Ryoko. "You're one of that Prince Tenchi's wives and you," she looked at Urd. "Are a goddess. Am I right? Tell me, am I?"
Ryoko winced at the sound of the laughter and tried to cover her ears, Urd's eyes were starting to spin and she took a huge swallow of her drink to calm her nerves. Nagi looked up at the woman with interest and the other coolly returned the appraising look. "Aren't you going to introduce me to you friend Ryoko?" the woman asked, shedding her cloak to reveal a well-endowed figure barely covered by a skimpy leather outfit. She sat down across from Nagi, next to Ryoko.
"Uh, sure," Ryoko nodded to the hunter. "This is a friend of ours, her name's Nagi. She's a bounty hunter by trade. Nagi, this is Naga the Serpent. We met her once before."
"Oh ho ho ho ho! Nagi and Naga. Let's hope they don't get us mixed up."
"Not much chance of that," grumbled Nagi, standing up and heading to the bar for her refill.
"So, how is your beautiful wife?" Naga asked Ryoko after Nagi had resumed her seat.
"Beautiful?" Ryoko snorted. "Ayeka? She's fine. She and Tenchi had a little boy a couple of months ago. They're all doing well."
"And when is it going to be your turn my dear?" the tall sorceress asked, leering at the other woman.
Ryoko growled into her drink "Touchy subject. Let's not go there."
They all drank in silence for a few moments before Urd spoke up. "So tell me Naga, where's Lina? I thought you were going to stick with her for a while."
Naga looked down at the table before replying. "I was and she forgave me for that time on Mipross; but her and Gourry… I just couldn't hang around while all that was going on, so we parted ways several months ago."
"And you haven't gone back to Saillune yet?" the goddess asked.
"Never. But I did give Amelia permission to tell daddy that she saw me and that I was all right. But not where I was; I'm not ready to face him yet." Naga finished her drink and started for the bar to get a refill.
Nagi leaned over to Ryoko. "What's the story with her?" whispered the bounty hunter, keeping one eye on the tall woman. "She sounded all depressed when Urd started talking about those other people."
Ryoko paused for a moment wondering if she should tell Nagi the story. Ah hell, she thought. What's it gonna hurt? "Well, you see… Naga's in love with Lina, another sorceress, but Lina doesn't return the feeling because Lina loves some swordsman named Gourry, although she has a problem admitting it. Naga's tried to stay friends with both of them but it looks like it was too much for her to handle."
Nagi shook her head in disbelief. "And I thought you, Tenchi and Ayeka were bad. Who's this Amelia person? Another love interest?"
Ryoko smiled at Nagi's sudden curiosity. Knowing both women's sexual orientation an idea occurred to her. Maybe Urd had some of her little pills tucked away somewhere... "Nope, Amelia's her little sister, Princess Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune. Their dad's the ruler of Saillune, one of the largest countries around."
Nagi looked at Naga with a new awareness. "She's a princess?"
Ryoko shook her head negatively. "Was a princess. She ran away from home years ago after a traumatic incident and she's never gone back." Ryoko scratched the back of her head, a habit she'd picked up from her husband. "I dunno though, I guess she's still a princess maybe."
Naga returned with another round of drinks. "So what brings you all here this time?" she asked cheerfully. "That Xellos person playing tricks again?"
"Nope," replied Urd accepting the wine. "We're just out for a night on the town and we ended up here courtesy of one of Washu's machines and my sister's meddling." The goddess explained about the randomness of the machine and why.
"That sounds… interesting. Mind if I tag along for the rest of the night? I'm bored here."
Ryoko looked at Urd who just shrugged. She then glanced at Nagi who had a sudden gleam in her eye. Might not need those pills after all. She made her decision. "Sure, why not? The more the merrier they say."
"Great!" responded Naga the Serpent. She finished her drink and stood up. "Where to next?"
"That's all part of the fun," said Urd sourly. "We don't know where we'll end up or who we'll meet."
Nagi swallowed the last of her beer and stood up. "Then I guess we'd better find out."
The three, now four, travelers left the tavern and vanished into the darkness of the night except for a loud voice that echoed back into the now empty tavern, "Ew! Not again!"
*****
To be continued?
(Maybe)
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Author's Notes
For those of you that have absolutely no idea who Tananda, Pookie, Chumley and the rest are I wholeheartedly suggest you run, not walk, to your local bookstore or library and check out the Myth series by Robert L. Asprin. If the name sounds familiar it's because he's also the editor of the Thieves World books. The Myth series chronicles the (mis)adventures of Skeeve, Aahz, Tananda, Gleep the Dragon and a whole host of other unique and comical characters as they venture across the dimensions using magic and technology. (Sound familiar? I didn't realize it until it was pointed out to me but I guess the Myth stories have influenced me more than I thought.) Thus I break my own rule and include non-anime/manga characters in the story. Sigh…
After writing this chapter I realized that it should have been posted under Crossovers-Anime not Anime-Tenchi Muyo, as it fits better there. Oh well, too late now; I don't want to move it and lose all the reviews. Besides, given the amount of Tenchi postings that have been occurring lately it'll probably be buried three or four pages deep within a few hours anyway. (That's a good thing BTW!)
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Review Responses
Dennisud – I'm already working on that story about Ayeka's pregnancy. I have a few ideas but it's going to take a while for it to come together I think.
Lizzy Hakubi – Here's Chapter 2. I realize you won't know some of the characters but I hope you enjoy it anyway.
Agent_86 – Now that I have the cast assembled its time to get down to some serious drinking and hell-raising.
Vsdefender – You want property damage? Heh, now we've got Naga in the mix as well. (Got kinda carried away with the review button, didn't ya?)
Wharpt – All right, there's Tananda. I couldn't fit Aahz in but will his cousin do? And the more I thought about it the more I remembered that Bunny and our favorite Trollop don't get along that well so I left Skeeve's Administrative Assistant out. Hope you don't mind.
Thundergod – Feel free to write something, anything. All the permanent players are now in place and remember that time runs at different speeds in the various Realities so even though this is only one night, it could go on for a while.
Alighthawk – Hey, watch it with the age jokes. Just because I'm probably one of the older (age wise, certainly not skill wise) writers here there's no need to shout it around. JK Anyway, they were in the Universe Reality, but not now. And I hope the sorceress I put in was the one you meant. (I was going to use her from the start anyway, too bad she can't cast a Dragon Slave – talk about property damage…)
Akemi Akibi – I think that story's done but I did leave the original group on Jurai so there's certainly room for a couple more chapters if I want to do them later.
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BobR
04/30/2002