Disclaimer
Tenchi and all associated characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC. I don't own any rights to them. Any other characters are property of their respective copyright holders, not me.
*****
Ladies Night Out
Chapter 3
Sometimes You Want To Go…
*****
The bartender handed the chubby man at the end of the bar another beer. "Ok, so these four beautiful women come walking into the bar…"
"Is this a joke?" asked the big man taking the beer with a nod and grabbing a handful of pretzels.
The first man held up his bandaged and splinted arm. "Believe me, I wish it was. So anyway… Where was I?"
"Four women…" prompted the other.
"Oh yeah. So these four good-looking women walk in and take a table. Right away every head in the place turns and looks at them. There was just something about those four…" His eyes lit up and he took a long swallow of his bottled water. "Just something about them…"
*****
Ryoko pushed open the door to the taproom and walked in, followed by Urd, Nagi and Naga the Serpent. A blast of cold air accompanied by a flurry of snow came in on their heels. The door closed behind them blocking the winter storm that was raging outside. Nagi shrugged out of her cloak, as did Naga; the later now wearing a sensible outfit hastily conjured by Urd's magic after seeing how all the others in this place were garbed. The aforementioned goddess spied an unoccupied table against the far wall and the small group made their way to it across the brightly lit, sparsely filled room.
Ryoko leaned over the table so that the others could hear her over the din. "This reminds me of a few places I've been to back home. I think they call them 'pubs' or something like that. Supposed to be European or American."
Urd nodded as she looked around. "I've been in a few of those myself, as well as real pubs in Britain a couple of times over the centuries. It does kinda look like that. Friendly, everyone knows everyone else. A nice place to have a good time. The storm must be keeping people away though, usually these places are packed."
A small woman with dark, curly hair and a perpetually sour expression made her way over to the table. "What'll it be ladies?" she asked.
Naga looked across the table at Ryoko. "What language is she speaking?" the sorceress asked, raising a shapely eyebrow.
Ryoko shrugged. "Can't really tell. My brain has a built-in translator; I can understand pretty much everything I hear. Could be Russian for all I know."
"English," said Urd. "American English if I'm not mistaken. New England from the accent."
"Ah!" Ryoko brightened. "Tenchi's been teaching me and Ayeka English, with Washu's help of course. I'm getting pretty good too, according to them."
The waitress smirked at them. "Foreigners, eh? What - can - I - get - you?" she repeated, pausing between each word as if that would help them understand better.
"Just a moment," Ryoko said in flawless English, holding up her index finger. She turned to the bounty hunter. "She wants to know what we want to drink."
Nagi nodded in understanding. "Beer for me," she said. "Whatever's on tap'll be fine. Naga?"
"Wine," replied the tall sorceress. "A nice red. Bring the whole bottle."
"A draft and a bottle of red for them, whatever's cheap," Ryoko told the woman. "Sake for me, if you have any. Otherwise a shot and a beer."
"Sake? Yeah, we got that. We have some Jap businessmen that stop in every once in a while. They drink it like water." The tiny woman looked at Urd. "How's about you?"
"The same, sake. Just bring us the bottles," the goddess said in mildly Scandinavian-accented but otherwise perfect English.
The small waitress gave Urd a queer look then wandered over to the bar to order from the tall bartender. He looked over at the table and saw Ryoko watching him. He smiled and winked before heading off to the back room to fetch the liquor. The other waitress, a cute blond, watched him go with a frown on her face and a possessive gleam in her eye then turned her attention back to the book she was reading.
Urd's attention was caught by the television mounted over the bar. It didn't matter that it was on a 24-hour news channel, monitoring the effects of the storm. What mattered was that it was a TV. She slowly swiveled in her seat and her eyes locked onto the small screen like a targeting radar.
*****
The bartender slid another cold one to the rotund man and refilled the pretzel bowl. He reached under the counter and set a bowl of peanuts alongside it.
"That still doesn't explain what happened to your arm, what came next?" the big man asked, nodding his thanks for the beer.
"I'm coming to that," the bartender replied. "I went and got the sake and wine and thought that I'd serve them myself…"
*****
The waitress brought Nagi her beer before the man had returned with the other drinks. Nagi took a sip and settled back in her seat, automatically scanning the room for trouble. Nothing seemed to be out of place; in fact the whole establishment fairly oozed friendliness and companionship. For the first time that evening she let her guard down and relaxed, enjoying the beer. Out of the corner of her eye she watched Naga the Serpent look around the room in wide-eyed fascination. The bounty hunter spent a few moments reviewing what Ryoko had told her about the sorceress and she decided that she rather liked the tall, dark haired woman. Her attention shifted to the bartender as he came out of the back room carrying three bottles. He stopped at the bar to pick up three glasses and started for their table. She chuckled with amusement as the blonde waitress's head snapped up and her eyes narrowed.
The bartender carefully placed the three bottles and glasses on the table then scooted over a chair from an adjacent table. He sat down between Urd and Ryoko, almost directly across from Naga. Nagi hid a grin as she realized what was coming next.
The man rested his elbows on the table. "So ladies, what brings you out into the weather on a night like this? Even my regulars are staying away tonight, although it's still early."
Naga spent a few moments figuring out how to get the plastic cork out of the wine bottle, not paying any attention to the man since she didn't understand him anyway. She eventually figured it out and was amazed at the simplicity of the design. Tossing the cap away she downed the bottle in two long swallows and smacked her lips as she gave Ryoko a quizzical look.
Ryoko caught Naga's meaning. "Another…" she said plainly.
Naga nodded and said "'Nathrr"
The man looked at Ryoko then at Naga. "If you'll excuse me?" he said, standing up and going back into the back room.
"Naga," said Ryoko in Japanese. "Try it again. Ay Nahth Err," she enunciated.
"Ay Nahth Er" repeated Naga.
"Good," Ryoko nodded. "Now faster."
"Aynathrr," said the sorceress
"Again."
"Aynather."
Ryoko clapped her hands. "Good. Make the first sound slower and soften the middle. And say 'please' afterwards, it's polite."
"Anotherr. Preeze."
The pirate smiled at the sorceress. "Great. That's all the English you need to know for now."
*****
The rotund patron set his empty glass down and motioned for a refill. "Sounds like you were having a good time. Where were they from that half of them didn't speak English?"
The bartender took the empty and replaced it with a full one. "Never did find out. Or maybe they just wouldn't say. They did look a little strange though. Beautiful, but strange."
*****
The barkeep returned to the table with two more bottles of the wine and another of sake. Passing the wine to Naga, he resumed his seat. "So, are you ladies members of a band or something?" he asked innocently.
Ryoko crinkled her brow. "A band? What makes you think that?" She poured herself and Urd another drink.
"I dunno. The hair color, the clothing. I mean, blue hair isn't common around here, unless you're over 70 that is. And the contacts… I've never seen golden or red eye color before. Kinda sexy though."
"Thanks," said the ex-pirate. "My husband thinks so too."
"Oops. Sorry, I didn't know you were married. My apologies."
"S'all right. I'll let it pass this time." Ryoko toasted him with her glass.
"What about your friends, are they all married too?" the man asked.
"Them? No. But somehow I don't think that Nagi or Naga would be interested. Feel free to try though. If you can make them understand you."
"How's about her? Would she be interested?" he inclined his head towards Urd.
"Urd? Maybe. She's a hard one to figure out."
"So, now I know their names. What's yours?"
"I'm called Ryoko. It means 'Devil Caller' in Japanese. Pretty much the same in Juraian too."
He smiled condescendingly at her. "Juraian? Never heard of it. Well, if you're not members of a band, what do you all do?"
"Me? I'm a Princess of Jurai now and an ex-pirate."
That brought on another wink and a smirk. "Uh huh. Right. And I'm the Prince of Wales."
Ryoko smiled behind her cup. She hadn't expected him to believe her, even though it was nothing but the truth.
"And what about them? Are they all princesses too?" he joked.
"Well, Naga is," Ryoko said seriously. "Sorta anyway. She's also a sorceress."
"Yes, she casts quite a spell, doesn't she?" the bartender said agreeably.
The woman in question, her cheeks beginning to flush pink with alcohol, knew they were talking about her. She looked at them and gave a slight wave then giggled and resumed her drinking.
"How's about Nagi? What does she do when she's not out having a beer?"
Ryoko glanced over at the other woman. "She's a bounty hunter. Quite good in fact, she almost always gets her target; there's only one that's ever gotten away from her, my 'sister'."
Nagi raised an eyebrow and smiled as the pair's attention turned to her. She didn't have a clue as to what they were talking about, but she recognized her name and it didn't appear to concern anything bad. Ken-ohki stuck his nose out from under the Nagi's cloak and twitched his whiskers. The cabbit, sensing no danger, hopped out onto the table and the man started petting him.
"Ah. Well, she's certainly captured my heart, along with her little friend here. Usually we don't allow pets, but this time I'll make an exception. He looks like a cross between a rabbit and a cat. What is he?"
Ryoko giggled. "A cross between a rabbit and a cat. He's a cabbit, they're very rare."
"Yes, I guess they would be." He gave the little animal a final pat and Ken-ohki disappeared back under the bounty hunter's cloak. "Getting back to our original topic," the barkeep continued. "What about tall, tan and beautiful here? The one with the TV addiction."
"I'm a goddess," said Urd, her eyes not moving from the TV screen.
The man took Urd's hand and kissed it. "Yes you are. And I shall worship at your feet from this moment on."
This drew the goddess' attention away from the TV for a moment. She gently pulled her hand away from his. "That's really not necessary. As far as I know my temple doesn't even exist anymore. Besides, I foresee that you'll have other matters to attend to in your spare time." She indicated the blonde with the book who was glaring angrily in their direction. Seeing that she'd been noticed, she slammed the book down with a thud and stalked off to the ladies room. The bartender pretended he hadn't seen anything.
"This guy knows all the lines, doesn't he?" Urd asked Ryoko in Japanese.
Ryoko chuckled into her sake. "Sure does. He's good; Tenchi could've taken a few pointers from him. Probably still could."
*****
The bartender took a swig from his water bottle and leaned against the wooden surface. A few more people had found their way in as the evening progressed but it looked like the storm was going to keep business down tonight. A man in a snow covered gray and blue uniform opened the door and staggered in, banging his mittened hands together to help thaw them. The bartender drew another brew and set it out for the new arrival.
The big man already seated at the end of the bar stuffed a handful of peanuts into his mouth. "Geez. I wish I'd gotten here earlier, sounds like I missed the fun. A goddess, a pirate, a sorceress and a bounty hunter, quite a group though it's a bit late for Halloween. But that still doesn't explain about your arm."
"Hold on, I'm coming to that part."
The postman took a stool and listened as the bartender continued his story.
*****
Ryoko poured another cupful of sake for herself and glanced out the window at the blowing snow. She shivered at the thought of going back out into the storm, even though nothing but really extreme temperatures bothered her anymore (according to Washu since Kagato had messed with her genetics); still, it looked damned cold out there. Every so often a well-bundled pedestrian would move past, hunched against the cold wind. According to the television over the bar, which Urd was still glued to with rapt attention Ryoko noticed, the entire city was shut down because of the weather.
Nagi watched the young man make his way down the steps and into the bar. She saw nothing unusual about him, dressed for the weather as he was, but she felt uneasy, as if something was about to happen. He stood next to the bar for a minute and looked around the almost empty room. The blonde waitress put down her book and after giving the bartender another dirty look, went to take the man's order.
Ryoko watched the young man with detached interest as he talked briefly with the waitress. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Nagi tense up as the man reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out something that glinted evilly in the light. She heard a sharp intake of breath as the waitress recognized the pistol pointing at her. The bartender leaped out of his seat and dived for the thief only to be knocked down by Urd as the weapon swung in his direction.
Nagi tried to draw her own weapon but it was caught in her cloak. The bounty hunter cursed and watched helplessly as Ryoko teleported away. There was a hiss and an orange flash then the gun was suddenly in two pieces, the barrel and half of the receiver falling to the floor with a loud clatter. Ryoko rematerialized next to the would-be robber, her energy blade held at his throat.
"Uh, uh," the pirate said in a low voice. "It's not very nice to intrude on a lady's fun. Now I think you'll have to pay for your interruption." She winked at Nagi and brought the sword slightly closer to his neck. The heat and the static discharge made thief moan in terror and he looked up at Ryoko pleadingly. The pirate grinned evilly, showing a bit of elongated canine. The man's eyes suddenly rolled back in his head and he went limp.
"Oops," the cyan haired woman said to no one in particular. "It seems that he's had a little accident." The energy blade flickered out and Ryoko looked down at Urd and the bartender on the floor. She poked the goddess with her toe. "It's ok, you can let him up now."
Urd floated up and the barkeep took a deep breath, he had been in the process of being smothered by one of the softer portions of Urd's anatomy. The man slowly got to his feet as police sirens sounded outside the bar. His eyes were unfocused and he had a strange smile on his face.
At the sound of the sirens the blonde waitress hung up the phone she had grabbed during Ryoko's little display. Turning to the others, she saw Ryoko holding the limp robber and the bartender rising from under Urd who, like Ryoko, was now floating several inches off the floor. Seeing the look of rapture on the man's face her eyes narrowed. Looking around for a weapon her gaze fell upon the book she's been reading moments before. She picked up the thick, bound volume and sent it flying at the barkeep in a toss that would have done any big-league pitcher proud. In his dazed state he barely got his arm up in time to deflect it; there was a sharp crack as the spine of the book hit his forearm followed by a howl of pain. The look of anger on the woman's face was quickly replaced by one of concern but it was too late; the dark sorceress, still seated at the table and well into her third bottle of wine, saw the waitress attack the nice bartender. Getting unsteadily to her feet Naga pointed a finger at the woman. "Freeze Arrow!" she yelled. A blue light flew from her outstretched hand and encompassed the blonde. When it faded the woman was entirely covered in a thin casing of ice, frozen in her last position. Naga sat down heavily and fell over into Nagi's arms. "Preeze," she sighed. She let out a quiet hiccup then started snoring gently. Nagi sat there holding the other woman and wondering what had just happened.
Ryoko draped the limp form of the unconscious thief over a bar stool and grabbed Urd by the wrist. She wanted to be gone by the time the cops got through the door so she headed for the ladies room down the back hallway. Letting the goddess go, she snagged Nagi and Naga as they passed the table. Urd tossed a few pieces of gold down on the round tabletop then followed the others. She passed the other waitress coming out of the pool and dart room in the back, rushing to see what was going on up front. The woman was spun around several times as Urd ducked into the bathroom just in time to see Ryoko pull Washu's device from under Nagi's cloak.
"Time to go ladies," the ex-pirate and occasional Juraian princess said as they all gathered close, Naga still slumped over Nagi's shoulder. Ryoko pushed the button.
*****
"And then the silver haired one tackled me," said the bartender in awe. "Next thing I knew, I was in heaven; she was like a divine being, so light, so warm, so soft, so strong..."
The chubby patron took another swig of his beer. "You don't remember anything after that?"
"I remember the blue haired one holding some sort of glowing rod to the thief's neck and him fainting after he wet himself. It was like something from Star Wars the way it hissed and sparked."
"He wet himself and it hissed and sparked? How unusual."
The bartender shook his head in disbelief. "The whole situation was unusual, but that's not what I meant. The glowing rod hissed and sparked."
"Is that when you hurt your arm?" asked the thinner of the pair.
"Nope, it was afterwards. It was when… Um, lessee… Oh, my goddess let me up just as the cops showed up and then Diane…"
The uniformed man nodded in understanding. "THAT'S when you hurt your arm."
The bartender gave him a half grin. "Yeah. I had this silly smile on my face and she threw her book at me. It's a clean break the paramedics said."
"Where's Diane now?"
"Well the tall dark haired one I was telling you about, Naga, the one with the big… Anyway, she pointed at her and yelled something, in Japanese I think. Suddenly Diane was covered in ice; Carla's in the back thawing her out with a hair dryer right now."
The chubby man looked at the bartender over the rim of his mug. "Sammy, you'd better get out of here before she regains consciousness," he advised.
A blood-curdling scream echoed from the office and the cackle of wicked laughter closely followed it. Sam cringed and grabbed his coat from under the bar. He wasn't looking forward to braving the storm, but discretion and all that… "Yeah, I think I'll take the rest of the night off. Watch the bar for a bit, will ya Norm? Woody'll be here in a few minutes." With that he shrugged into his coat and headed out into the storm.
Norm sighed deeply, then smiled and got up to pour himself another beer. "So, whadda ya think Cliffy? Sammy fall off the wagon and start tapping into his stock? I mean flying women, disappearing and reappearing babes. A lightsaber for crying out loud." His eyes grew wide as he spotted some oddly shaped pieces of yellow metal glinting on the shelf under the bar. "Uh, Cliff…"
The mailman didn't hear him; he was still answering the last question. "Sam fall off the wagon? Nah. I think he's telling the truth. There are many strange things in this world. Did you know that in the old Norse Pantheon there were these three witches…"
*****
To be continued
*****
Author's Notes
I want to thank Vsdefender for giving me the premise for this chapter. How's about the most famous bar in America he said. Send them to a place where everybody knows your name he said. So I did. But I tried to keep you guessing until the very end. Don't know if I succeeded or not.
*****
Review Responses
Thundergod – I'm surprised you've never heard of the Myth series. I hope you can still find them, they're most enjoyable.
Meekachu – Don't know if you're going to see this or not. I hope you're enjoying your summer off of school. Seems my own school had no classes available for me to teach (enrollment's down) so I get the summer off too. I'm gonna miss the $$ and a few of my students.
Agent_86 – That's per-VECT to you bud. (Aahz and Pookie snarl and each show several rows of sharp, pointy teeth…) Don't tell me you've never read any of the Myth books either?
Lizzy Hakubi – I know, I'm sorry. I don't know if you'll do any better with this chapter either. (I have to work on getting this storyline back onto its original premise. But not too hard, I'm having fun.)
Dennisud – Actually, I considered Quark's place on DS9, but someone's already tried that. They never finished it though.
Chandelle – Heh. Seems this chapter starts where your review left off.
Vsdefender – The more I think about it, the more I agree. Both have women chasing after them but are too shy to take advantage of it. But where would Massha fit into any of the Tenchi continuums? Or Don Bruce? Guido? Nunzio? Forget Guido and Nunzio, they're Azaka and Kamidake. (Say, that gives me an idea…)
Wharpt – Sorry, I'm not really into Ranma (although I'm currently reading and enjoying the mangas) and you're right, Sailor Moon's too young. Now, the rest of the Sailor Scouts… (Nah, let's not even go there.)
Kurai Sakura – Here it is.
Alighthawk – I don't have to check for grays. I see them in the mirror every morning. My beard, my temples…
Priest – Continue I shall, albeit slowly.
Smack54 – Well, trouble IS Urd's middle name.
DragonBard – Still dwelling on The Game? That piece had some major flaws. sigh
Ryoko's not "mature" enough to deal with it yet and Urd doesn't have the fine control required. (That's why she's still second class)
Sure, Washu could probably fix Ryoko's "problem", but that would require genetic alteration and then Ryoko wouldn't be Ryoko any more.
The niece of their goddess? Hell, she's the SISTER of their goddess.
*****
BobR
5/21/2002