Author's notes: Today's the day when we talk about how Fan Fiction screwed up on Elanor.

Draco's note: Stupid muggle excuse. Elanor's probably lying...

Disclaimer: I'd hate to be a disclaimer writer- by the way- Rowling's!

Chapter 7 : Reviews 20 to 23 and Why not to call Draco Blondey

So, another day and another eventful event is about to happen...

"What's that going to be? You saying something intelligent for once in your life?" Draco sneers. Elanor wonders if his facial expressions ever get tired.

"They don't, actually," Draco sneers (!) yet again.

"You mean they're fake and made from metal," Elanor asks. "Ah ha! I always knew it. The way your face goes kind of funny in that movie- must have been the fake jaw not working properly."

"THEY ARE NOT FAKE JAWS, YOU INSOLENT FOOL." Draco exclaims very angrily. "Besides, it's not me in the Harry Potter movie. It's an actor called Tom Felton YOU DUMB FOOL."

You would have thought that Draco would have got tired of screaming at Elanor. This is really because Elanor tunes off into 'Ronniekins world' almost 24 hours a day... If you take a peek into Elanor's insane brain, you will find that Ronniekins world is a world full of gnomes and Ronniekins asking Elanor or Hermione to marry him. Today, because Elanor's Ron/Hermione ship side of the brain is acting very strong, Ron is marrying Hermione in Ronniekins world.

"That's not fair." Elanor exclaims and starts sulking to her Ron/Hermione ship side of the brain.

"Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," Draco mutters matter-of-factly.

"And singing to yourself is the second sign," Elanor exclaims, and starts to sing a Wacky Wacko's song to herself.

"Ahhhh... my ears, they're burning," Draco exclaims and ducks under the cushions. He then finds his 20th letter.

"What was this doing here Elanor?" Draco demands angrily. "Think you were going to sabotage me and hide my letters, did you?" Draco muttered very accusingly.

"What do you mean they weren't chocolate wrappers?" Elanor asks, very confused.

Draco rolls his eyes, glad that he only has another 77 reviews before he can leave this insane world!

~*~

Draco,
Okay listen up. I'm evil and hate Potter as much as you do. So do you want to go out with me? I live in America but I'm going to be in Britan for a year. If you go out with me I'll get you out. I know the girl who kidnapped you and I'll get you out. All you have to do is say yes. *smirks* Sounds like going out with me is the best choice you have.
Pureblood

~*~

"Allelaljuhie! I am saved!" Draco shouts to the wind happily.

Elanor rolls her eyes. "It's Halleluiah not Allelaljuhie. Besides, weren't we going to do the operation 'MARYSUE BASH PANSY' when you get back?"

Draco's heart drops. But only for a second as his eyes light up again and he picks up his quill and writes...

~*~

Dear Pureblood,

I am very flattered that you take such a liking to me. I can't blame you of course, no one resists the Malfoy charm. (Sounds of fake vomiting noises in the background). No one hates Potter as much as I do. He is the lowest scum even to tread upon the Earth. But if your hatred comes a close second, I'll be very interested in what you have to offer.

As for being evil, you must prove it. Actions, not words, are what the Malfoy family take into consideration. I suggest you offer your allegiance to the Dark Lord right now. Come back when you have the Dark Mark burning on your left shoulder. (Elanor starts poking Draco's sleeve but unfortunately, does not see an evil ugly monkey's shrivelled black face on his arm. "I was going to get it done just before your cloud kidnapped me. And it's called a Dark Mark!" Draco shouts.)

As I said, I am very flattered that YOU want to go out with ME. Of course I will graciously give you a go. I do not know where America is except Elanor told me that it is the Land of Mary Sue. But of course, no one listens to her. ("Oi," Elanor exclaims very angrily.)

So when you come to Britain, enroll yourself into Hogwarts and I look very forward to meeting you. If you can pass the sorting hat Slytherin test, that is. Are you sure you won't get sorted into Hufflepuff? Who knows where you really belong... (Draco smirks here.)

A Malfoy never runs out of choices. If I don't say Yes, I can wait for another 77 reviews, which I am sure Elanor has hidden away somewhere. Besides, I already lied to Pansy about my 'wedding'. So when I get out, I'll still need Elanor's help with the Mary Sue.

My decision is Maybe, if I feel like it. You should be very flattered by this answer, which I am sure you are.

Written by,

Draco Malfoy

~Through evil, we gain power~

~*~

"What's that last line thingy?" Elanor points to it as she reads from behind Draco's shoulder.

"You mean our family motto?" Draco replies smugly. "Through evil, we gain power."

"Should be ~Through kissing Moldie Voldie's shoes, we hope he gives us power." Elanor replies equally smugly.

"WHY YOU..." Draco hisses angrily. "Wingardium Levi-O-sar," he mutters and points his wand at Elanor.

Elanor suddenly finds herself flying in the air. "Weehoo," Elanor exclaims happily, "I can fly." She flaps her arms awkwardly in the air unaware of a very nasty smirk on Draco's face.

THUD!

Suddenly, Elanor finds herself crashing on the floor. "WHY YOU LITTLE EVIL MALFOY," she screeches. Unfortunately, Elanor gets very dizzy from the fall. "Oh look, dancing pixies," Elanor giggles and tries to catch something in the air.

However, after another second or so, Elanor recovers. And Draco groans.

"Do you know this Pureblood person?" Draco asks Elanor after a while.

"Ummm... maybe I met a Mrs. and Mr. Pureblood in America and they had a daughter named Pureblood Pureblood." Elanor shrugs her shoulder.

~*~

Simply adorable!

Green Fairy (lightbug@yandex.ru)

~*~

Elanor and Draco stares at the letter in shock. "This has to be the shortest letter in history." Draco mutters.

Elanor is still gobble-smacked... "Hey, maybe Green Fairy was talking about me. I know I'm simply adorable," Elanor suddenly says happily.

"No, it's me." Draco says.

"No, It's me."

"It's me."

"It's not you, it's me."

"Me!"

"You two down there! Get a move on!" The cloud of smoke shouts angrily. "Your readers are getting impatient."

"Okay," Elanor squeaks.

~*~

Dear Green Fairy,

What more can I say than that I am very flatter that you think I am simply adorable. (Elanor is heard sulking in the background). Of course, everyone knows I am adorable. If you are interested in the Dark Legions, I can recommend you.

From The Great and Simply Adorable One- Draco Malfoy.

~*~

"Elanor, are you still sulking?" Draco asks.

"YES." Elanor grumbles back.

"Sometimes, you just have to face reality." Draco tries to tell Elanor like a know-it-all snobby teacher a.k.a Professor Snape!

Elanor glares evilly. "I wear the Cheese. But the Cheese does not wear me," she mutters darkly, while looking at Draco.

Draco hurriedly goes to his next letter before Elanor gets any more insane.

~*~

Dear Blondey,

Did you know that the name Draco is a Spartan name. the Spartans were a warrior race that showed know fear. One of the most ruthless rulers was Emporer Draco soooooooooooooo everybody hated his blooody sickening guts. Is the the same for your life?
singed,
Kris Hunter
~founder of the insanity rules club~
P.S. I am also a Slytherin and I hate Ron Weasley. I love reading Ron bashing fics espacilly if Harry is evil.

~*~

"Blondey?" Draco exclaims! "No one calls me Blondey! My father will inform Master about this!"

~*~

Dear Useless piece of garbage ("Ow, that has got to hurt," Elanor says.)

Draco is Latin for Dragon. In other words, I am named after the most powerful mythological creature ever alive. And I shall be happy to tell you that when I get a pet dragon, I will roast you alive. Insolent Fool. I wonder why you were put in Slytherin. You won't live long, that's all I can say.

I do not know that Draco is a Spartan name, but of course, I pride myself on being a strong warrior who has no fear. And when I will be the most ruthless emperor Draco, I will make sure that you have no bloody sickening guts left. You are jealous because I am the pride of Slytherin...

("Can I join the Insanity rules Club," Elanor squeaks. "You're the vice- founder, most likely," Draco mutters.)

I am glad however that you hate the dirty-faced Weasel. I have not read any Ron bashing fics but I love bashing Ron.

From,

My name is Draco Malfoy.

~*~.

"That was mean, Draco." Elanor scolds, "Not letting me join the Insanity Rules Club, I mean."

"But he called me Blondey."

~*~

Dear Draco,

I do not attend Hogwarts, but if I did I would most likley be placed in Slytherin. I just wanted to point a few things out to you. The Aurors did kill the last vampire who had conections to the wizarding community, but they left the vampires in the muggles world completly alone. I am one of those vampires. I don't want to suck your blood or anything like that, I'm not Bela Lugosi. And the other thing is that crusifixes do not stop vampires. That is an old wives tale. I hope that you get away from your capturer soon.

P.S. If you even need a semi-evil vampire to help you out with anything, just call me.

Yours,
Krystal de Lioncourt

~*~

Dear Krystal de Lionsourt,

Are you French or imitating the French? Just so you know, I know a lot of French and will not be fooled by anyone. Well then, thank you for the very much needed information on crucifixes. So wearing one won't work then? Well, I'll just keep some holy bread in my crucifix then. In fact, I think there's some already in here.

Whatever it may be, I will not eat Garlic or go near it. I thank you very much for your kind letter. I hope no one goes near you with a stake. Anyway, how do you vampires survive if you do not drink human blood then? I heard Potter's blood is very juicy. ("That plan will never work," Elanor snorts, "Potter will only turn into a vampire and live forever." Draco pales instantly.)

Forget what I just said.

Thank you for your offer and I want to tell you that the Dark Lord needs some Vampire allies very much.

Yours,

Draco Malfoy wearing a holy bread crucifix on around his neck just to make sure.

~*~

"Phew, that was a very long day Blondey."

"HOW DARE YOU UTTER THAT VILE SYLLABLE."

Elanor does not hear a thing because she is in Ronniekins world again.