Author's notes: Today's is another day...obviously

Draco's note: She's insane- points to Elanor who is happily eating chocolate now.

Disclaimer: Gr... You think this is mine? Not!

Chapter 8 : Reviews 24 to 26 and The return of Two greats

Elanor, today, is pretty happy because well... crazy people are always happy.

"Crazy people and Freaky uncrazy people, welcome to the 'Elanor bashes Draco and loves dear little Ronniekins' talk show. Here, we will talk about Elanor's failed Fan Fiction stories, Slashy Draco fics with Draco's own opinion and Slut! Draco and Nice! Draco and other variations..." Elanor says chirpily.

Draco has now been reduced to a crumpled heap on the ground.

"Should have left Slut! Draco to the end of today," Elanor mutters, hitting her head in frustration. "Oh why am I so dumb?"

"I call it being a idiotical moron." Draco gets up suddenly (which he's been doing a lot lately) and smirks.

Elanor doesn't quite hear what Draco says because she thought Draco was actually a Draco ghost coming back to haunt her. By the time Elanor realises Draco is not transparent, she then replies very cheerfully, "Do you honestly think Ron is dashing in Maroon?"

"I said Moron. Not Maroon!"

"Oh." Elanor mutters very disappointedly, "But do you think Ron looks dashing in maroon?" Elanor brightens up immediately.

"NO!" Draco growls. "I wish Father was here... He would have wiped your brain out..."

"And would he have helped you make a Mary Sue?" Elanor replies, trying to blackmail Draco because she and Draco are in a plan to get rid of Pansy Parkinson...

"Of course," Draco replies, "Father can do everything."

"Even bring Moldie Voldie back to life..."

"HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT OUR DARK LORD, INSOLENT MUGGLE!"

"Okay, I'll shut up for a while," Elanor says. Of course, Elanor never keeps any promises. Which is a good thing because Elanor promised Hagrid one thousand giant squids for his birthday. Hagrid had thought that the giant squid in Hogwarts needed company and Elanor had agreed.

"One day Hagrid, when I buy my own little butterfly net, I'll catch you the squids. Right now, I hope you've forgotten about them all." Elanor says.

"Talking to our selves are we again?" Draco sneers.

"Of course not," Elanor exclaims indignantly, very much like Bridget Jones, "Why would I talk to myself. Isn't Draco simply crazy, Elanor?"

No sneer is needed for Draco to prove his point.

Draco sneers.

"I said no sneers are needed for you to prove your point." Elanor says grumpily. "Go and eat beetle dung."

Draco sneers.

Elanor sulks and sits in a corner planning World Dominance and hoping that George Bush will not find out and start bombing her to a stone head.

Draco sneers.

"Get on with the story, Draco." Elanor groans, getting very impatient and also worried that George Bush has thought vibes which can pick up her plans of World Dominance.

"I was just proving my point." Draco smirks. "I'm more intelligent and mature than you Elanor." Draco looks over at Elanor and realises that Elanor has suddenly started fighting away an imaginary George Bush and his hoards of George Bush posters very much like 1984 and Big Brother.

Draco sighs, "Why do I even bother?"

He then picks up his 24th letter.

~*~

Dear Draco:

I admire you, I really do, mkay? Evilness rocks! Hahahaha. Sorry.

Have you ever read a fanfiction where you DIED? Did it make you angry? Hahaha...guilty...

And also, do you like Sum 41?? Hahahahaha...

Ciao!

-S.R.

Heehee, this is funny.

~*~

Dear S.R which stands, in my belief, for Silly Rubbish,

But then again, you do admire me don't you? And you think that evil shall always prevail? Well in that case then, you're silly initials shall be excused. I find it deeply disturbing that you use the word 'hahahaha' too many times. Maybe you should think over your mental state of health for a while.

In any case, I do not want you to be like Elanor... (At which Draco shoots another glance at Elanor where she is pretending to shoot imaginary pies at aliens. "But they're real," Elanor protests when she sees Draco looking at her...)

People like Elanor- lunatics on the loose- are very disturbing to the general public. Like that mad axeman Bloody Sirius Black for instance.

I do not read Fan Fiction as I do not want to travel into the depths of the muggle mind and see what they do for enjoyment... WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIE? I, LORD OF THE HOGWARTS EVIL SLYTHERINS DIE? When those writers meet me, I shall burn them into a crisp ("Like crispy bacon or crispy cheese?" Elanor asks. "NONE!" Draco snaps).

What is Sum 41? I know my Mathematics very well. Indeed I am a very good student at Arithmacy. The Sum of 41 can be 20 plus 21. Or 19 plus 22 and other such numbers. I do not like spending my time counting numbers which add up to the Sum of 41. (Elanor in the background listening to "Fat Lip".)

Good bye.

Mr. Malfoy the Privileged.

- And exactly what do you find so funny? Me being in torture and trapped here in despair, funny? Why you nasty little... Gryffindor! ("That was my worst insult I have ever given before," Draco mutters proudly).

~*~

"Hey, guess what we have planned for the rest of the day, Draco!" Elanor asks excitedly.

"Me answering insane questions and you going off to do other mental things." Draco sneers.

"I mean apart from that." Elanor replies. "We will be meeting the Two Greats again."

"You mean Father and the Dark Lord are coming over to save me?" Draco shouts happily.

"No, I mean Aylena and Quiet One." Elanor replies staring at Draco very weirdly.

Draco gasps and turns pale with shock. "Not those two insane lunatics. Not them again."

"Yep, it's them." Elanor then turns to an imaginary audience and explains that Aylena and Quiet One have been sending the most letters and henceforth received the titles The Two Greats. Of course, Elanor originally wanted to name them the Two Brats but did not want to lose any readers or reviewers for fear of angering them.

"And here is Aylena!" Elanor introduces.

~*~

That just shows how little you know. It's called the Crutiatus curse. Crucio is the spell that you say to preform the spell. Every decent Slytherin knows that. I have been leaving Crabbe and Goyle alone. I wouldn't waste my time on them. I merely commented that you shouldn't run to your father. Personally, I think your plan with Mary-Sue will work, just because she's so stupid. I do have to ask where your going to find this Mary Sue. I am not jealous of your image and never would be. I hate to inform you, but since your disaperace, your social status has dropped considerably. Your father is not more loyal to the Dark Lord then mine in any way, shape, or form. No, Weasel doesn't curse me almost every day, I curse him almost every day. My deuling skills are perfect, and I could beat you any day, you just don't want to belive it. As for hexing Potter, I though you wanted me to leave him for you? If not just tell me and I'll be glad to go and curse him. Also the next meeting of Death Eaters has not yet been announced, yet I imagine it will be within the next week or so.

Aylena

~*~

Dear Aylena,

I thought that I had got rid of you for good but no! I guess life is never perfect. For you, that is. I am perfect in every degree down to the last particle of matter in my glorious being. And for your information, I call the Crucio curse the Crucio curse because just by saying the name, I can cast a person into oblivion. (Draco turns and looks for a innocent victim. Elanor whimpers and hides under the box of eaten Chocolate Frogs.)

I am glad you have left my goons alone and I want to say that they do not want to associate with the likes of you either. I do not run to my Father- I go and ask him for helpful advice. I suppose you are just jealous that your Father does not as much influence over Death Eaters and the Ministry of Magic AT THE SAME TIME. Pansy is so stupid she would believe me if I told her to jump over the Gryffindor Tower.

My social status never drops. It is already so high that nothing on Earth can taint it to the slightest degree. People everywhere, especially my fellow Slytherin- you are a misfit among us- admire me and how I manage to bear with the craziest and most dangerous Fan Fiction Writer of all time.

My Father is most loyal to the Dark Lord. I didn't see your Father present at the meeting where the Death Eaters gathered to watch the rise of the Dark Lord yet again. Or is your Father called Avery? Even Potter realises who my Father is.

You believe what you like about your pathetic duelling skills. So far, Weasel and Potter have not been hurt as far as a pinch yet. Are you sure you are holding a wand, not a twig? I realise that you do not know the difference between these two and will try to be patient with your stupidity... You can hex Potter- I just want to kill him. And make him suffer...

I am very impatient for the next meeting. Tell all death eaters I need to be rescued.

Draco Malfoy- Fellow Death Eater in Capture.

~*~

"That's no way to treat one of The Greats," Elanor exclaims, feeling very shocked.

"Shut up or I'll eat your chocolate coated peanuts." Draco raises his eyebrows menacingly.

"Not the Peanuts, I'll tell you anything." Elanor exclaims in the manner of a tiny defenceless Gingerbread man.

~*~

I agree that when something is wrong, Muggles always blame it on their computers. I agree with you about Elanor's fate. Also I think I'll have to pick up a copy of that book. If it's worthy of a Nobel Peace prize then it must be good. Another thing. I don't hate you cause your beutifull, And your not better then me. I also like the exclaimation mark after your signature. Nice touch.

Quiet One. (I just use a period)

~*~

Dear Quiet One,

I agree with you. Elanor is very pathetic when it comes to excuses. ("Listen to me. I can still explain. I can explain." Elanor wails in the background.) It's very sad to see millions of stupid muggles blaming their computers and Fan Fiction. I don't see anything wrong with Fan Fiction.

'To Kill a Mocking Elanor is a very recommended book to read. When I shall rise in my Death Eater's status, I shall put it on the 'to-read' list. Here is an extract from the book:

When seeing a crazy Elanor approaching you in lunacy, always keep in mind that crazy Elanor loves Dirty-faced Weasleys very much. So, as a very foolproof way to kill Elanor, simply make an imitation Weasley figurine and put a time delayed death curse inside it. Then, give this fake Weasley to Elanor and make sure the red hair is red on the scale of 10. Wait a few seconds, run for it and if you are extremely lucky, Elanor might die. However, if Elanor does not die, she will be so heart-broken that 'Weasley' died that she will die of a broken heart.

A very brilliant book, written by a very brilliant anonymous author.

I am very better than you.

Very much. I am glad you like the exclamation marks.

Draco Malfoy...

~*~

Draco writes his last letter for the day than reads the last part in shock. "Elanor, what's a period?"

Elanor looks er... very Elanory, "And why do you want to know?"

"Because Quiet One says she likes using Periods."

Elanor bulges in her seat. You see, in America, they call full stops periods. But in England, where Elanor and Draco are from, Periods are quite a different thing... Very different thing indeed...

"What? Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Elanor screams in horror... "Periods? As in the you-know-what-thingy?"

Draco looks confused for a while because he is a boy and does not go through the tortures but then he gets it too.

"Ahhhhhhhh!"

It is impossible to tell who screamed the loudest.