Author's notes: A word to all lovely people-warning slash!

Draco's note: What's slash? Is it this: / ?

Disclaimer: A disclaimer is a thingy that I write.

Chapter 9 : Reviews 27 to 30 and Draco first sees slash

Elanor is learning to do her Mathematics homework today. Unfortunately, Elanor never ever does her Maths homework so today, she has to do everything she's not done for five months...

Indices... Surds... Algebra...

Death...

Boredom...

You name it, Elanor hasn't done it for her homework.

"The correlation and law determination of logarithms as the definition of exponential graphs? Or don't tell me you don't know what that is." Draco asks smugly.

Elanor gives Draco a funny glare and sees in her head a bright neon banner in front of Draco's head saying 'Freaky Nerd'.

Elanor then shakes her head and talks to her audience- you people. "Okay today, Elanor is loaded with many scary Maths monsters and unfortunately, Harry Potter is away praying in a monastery. Therefore, Elanor has to combat her scary Maths exam later on this week by herself."

"Ha," Draco snorts in glee, "Serves you right that you are going to fail this maths exam."

Elanor glares evilly at Draco. "Meanie Carrot," she mutters under her breath.

Draco does nothing except sit on his desk smirking . Next to him, there is a badge which Draco enchanted to say: Fail Stinky Cheese Elanor, Fail and then to: Fat Potter is a monk.

"I think another letter has come." Draco replies smoothly, while Elanor is in the background screaming and twisting her hair in fury. Yells of I will not fail my maths test can be heard in the background.

"You just do that," Elanor replies and her eyes glint evilly as she takes up one of her fan fiction manuscripts, which just happens to be "That I must love a loathed enemy".

"And afterwards, I can so you my first slash fiction... Muhahaha."

Draco looks puzzled because he has do idea in the whole world what slash is! Which would be a relief to all the girl Draco fans of the world.

~*~

Dear Draco

I pity you very greatly, and hope you come out of Elanor's crazy, not to mention scary mind in one piece. Your torture must be great, wonder why your master hasn''t saved you yet? Anyway down to my question, I've been recently surfin the net checking it out for the best Fan Arts of well you. Anyway I found very nice one in my opinion yet I would like your opinion on it check it out at -

http://potterism.tyrotinge.com/ {ok to get to the art thingy is simply to the square with A in it closet to the bottom {it will come up as art work} click it when you in that section go 5 thumbnails across and on down and it school come when your mouse is over the right piccy have in a little rectangle, 'Draco with alcohol'' click on it} then tell me your personal opinion.

Lastly a few comments to the other people out there death to you all! Especially Potter, Weasley, Granger all Gryffindors, Fan Fiction writers {expect me} and Elanor too! {of course not u Draco}

yours not truly,

T J Hamilton

~*~

Dear T J Haminlton,

My torture is very great indeed and I thank you for sympathising with me. My master has not saved me yet because he is a very busy person. Dark Lords have many people to kill, you know.

What is Fan Art? Anyway, Elanor dragged me off to that muggle page thing after we clicked on some weird words. And after much fighting over the the muggle net (or something like that), which I must say that I am now better on than Elanor, we got there.

It was like a mirror- ah my perfection was expressed very well. Although I am always more perfect than the masterpiece, this one was good. I liked my style, my attitude. Except I'm not sure about the green umbrella. I don't think those small green umbrellas are big enough to block the rain.

I sent another owl off to mother to show her the portrait of her in the background. I'm sure mother will be very flattered. It portrays her so well.

I agree with you- death to POTTER and Elanor and Dirty faced Weasel.

Yours, never truly,

D.L. Malfoy

~*~

Draco is now standing in front of the mirror posing to himself at any angle. He tilts his nose, does a sneer, turns his head slightly and then does all this and that.

And you thought girls were vain.

"I am not vain." Draco snubs in, "I simply like to admire beauty when I see it."

~*~

Draco -

There was once a time when I would be begging you to marry me in one of these things. But not this time.

I was actually wondering if you could recommend me to your Master? I mean, there's not a great deal of people more evil than me in the world.

--Ducky

PS. Please do not comment on the name. It's all a disguise, so people can't tell that I'm evil.
PPS. In your position, I'd hex her into oblivion.

~*~

Dear Duck Sorceress (Elanor restrains herself from laughing while Draco says elegantly, "It's an alibi stupid Elanor.")

I am glad that you do not ask me to marry you. I only marry those who are equal to me in status, perfection, beauty and prestige. Anyway, I will be delighted to recommend you to my Master. And when you do join us, the death eaters will give you a better name to disguise yourself.

It makes me laugh evilly when all our dark legions are going to attack the Ministry by surprise. Do you have any suggestions of what we can do to torture Fudge, the fool?

Your disguise works very well- the name gives nothing away. I on the other hand, do not need a disguise to remain rich and royal in the wizarding world.

If I do hex Elanor into oblivion, I would be trapped here forever. An oath is very important. They can only be broken in secret. And Elanor is reading this over my shoulders right now...

Ouch!

Yours evilly,

Draco Malfoy- resident evil.

~*~

"So you wanted to hex me into oblivion?" Elanor asks threateningly. "Well then take this Draco. Enjoy yourself."

Draco picks up a manuscript of "That I must love a loathed enemy." He flicks through the pages. At first, Draco starts to read about his own feelings and how he hates Harry Potter.

"I like it," Draco sneers as he reads the part where he wishes Harry dead.

But the feeling does not last long...

"Ahhhhh!"

It seems that Draco has got his first ickle taste of the slashy world.

~*~

Funny.

Sure, go ahead and dye Draco's hair red. I'd love to see his reaction.

What does the HuffleWump - and isn't it hufflump? have to do with anything? *mad grin*

~*~

Dear Morbane,

I must tell you that all this is not funny in one degree. You vile sadist creature. Elanor will not dye my hair red. It's is perfect as it is. Has it ever occured to you that no hairdresser in the whole world has my hair colour in a bottle?

I am too rare and my looks are too perfect to be captured.

I do not know what a HuffleWump or Hufflump does. Elanor says she thinks she spelt it wrong and that she loves a Pooh. But I think you are both crazy.

Please excuse me while I vomit again. I hate slash. Potter? Argh! Evil!

Draco.

~*~

Sounds of pretend vomiting, paper burning (Draco mutter Fireacio after he read the end of Elanor's first chapter), torture and Draco's screams can be heard for one or two hours.

Draco finally speaks on his first experience of slash.

"WHAT DO YOU SAD SAD SCARY SICK AUTHORS HAVE TO DO ELSE THAN HAVE ME AND POTTER LIKE EACH OTHER? URGH! ARGH! MY MATER SHALL DESTROY ALL YOU VILE PEOPLE! DIE! SICK MINDS! SICK ELANOR! SLASH IS FOUL!"

Elanor grins evilly. "I told you I was going to do something the next time you annoyed me."

"BUT THIS? THIS IS VILE AND MURDEROUS! YOU SICK SICK SICK ELANOR!"

~*~

Käära Draco,
Har du nåågonsin funderat påå att besööka Sverige? Häär lever näämligen den ondaste varelse som existerat sedan tidernas begynnelse, ÅÅke Ohlmarks. Föör öövrigt vill jag meddela att du äär en av de kääraktäärer jag tycker bääst om, undantaget Remus Lupin.
Kan du lääsa det häär brevet ska jag se till att du fåår Nobelpriset.
/Alishandre av Sverige

~*~

Dear /Alishandre av Sverige,

Unfortunately I cannot understand Swedish because my translator is not with me at the moment. The cloud forgot to kidnap him.

I hope your English improves much- it is already good, and yes, To kill a Mocking Elanor is a Nobel Prize. It is a fantastic book full of gore and dead Elanors.

I do not like Remus Lupin- I think he is a stupid werewolf who should have been shot dead.

I hope that Vampires do not exist- even though some crazy people claim they are vampires.

Do you watch JAG? Elanor loves it. I hate it so much- it's foul and too mugglely!

From Draco Malfoy.

~*~

Draco Malfoy will be denied any comment for some time as he is suffering tremendous shock at his first taste of slash. However, the boy has to find out that there are more serious slashers who write, shall I say, him and Potter shagging.

"AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"