Moving On (jerrica76@yahoo.com)
By Shelly Lee
Disclaimer-Standard, Don't own um' never will' Check out NBC and Sorkin
Dedicated to all the dear people who sent feedback, you're the reason why- Shelly
Josh didn't know what to say, he almost didn't know what to thing. All that he could do was replay the words that she had said to him over and over again inside his head.
"Cardiomiapothy.Heart.Really bad." They kept running through his head like a terrible song. He could feel her sobbing in his arms, wetting the front of his shirt through to the skin, but he didn't even care.
Donna was sick.
He hadn't expected that, hadn't let that thought even touch his mind in all the months that she was gone but now it was there, full force and as real as she was at that moument.
"Donna, Did you see where your mother left the wood glue?" A voice called out from somewhere beyond them. Josh felt a sudden emptiness as Donna stepped back and wiped her eyes quickly.
"Try in the third drawer of the sideboard." She called out. For a moument something quiet passed through them and there was nothing to say at all. To much had been said to try to say anymore just then.
Instead Donna just looked at him and gave him a somewhat shaky smile.
"Lets go for a walk." She said. Nodding quickly Josh followed her out the door and they began to walk down the dusty front lane that he'd driven up only a few moments before.
For a long time they didn't say anything at all, just letting everything sink in. For Josh this was almost murder. He wanted to yell, wanted to cry, wanted to tell her that everything would be all right.
But he knew that he couldn't say that because there was no way that he could ever know if it were true.
And they had never lied to each other, even when it hurt.
"I missed you." He said finally, realizing that the truth would probably be the best thing to start with.
"I missed you to." She answered, then reached down and carefully took his hand in hers. Josh didn't say anything about it, just gave her a slight smile and a squeeze of the hand.
"You didn't have to go you know, we could have." Josh started simply. Donna just sighed then and stopped walking.
"Yes.I did." She answered. Josh felt his confusion raise a level as he looked at her then.
"Why, because you're sick? Donna, last time I looked that didn't break any kind of laws, even in the White House." He replied. She let go of his hand then and started to walk forward a bit, but Josh knew that he couldn't let up now.
"Why did you have to go Donna?" He asked her gently, as he stood in front of her looking into her eyes.
"Because of this Josh, This is why I couldn't stay." She said finally.
"I don't understand?"
"Because I couldn't do this, Because I knew that If I stayed there then eventually it would become to much of a distraction. Josh how much of a help could I be. The only thing they can do for me is give me a heart transplant Josh. Josh.I couldn't let you watch me die." She said desperately
"You're not going to die Donna." Josh said.
"Josh, I might.If I don't get to have a transplant in time I could.." She started to say. Josh walked away from her then, but only for a moument, then he stalked back.
"No, You are not going to die Donna. That's it, end of story." He said in a voice that was almost anger but not and also did not quite hide the something else that was linger under his words.
"Josh."
"No, You're not going to die. You're Donnatella Moss, and you don't get to die one minute before I do." He said then in a voice that sounded more like a plead then a command.
Josh didn't know what to do, or what to say. His feelings were to big for any of the words that he held inside that great big brain of his. She could die, she really really could. For a moument it felt like all the air around him had disappeared and he had to fight for breath.
He could loss her.
She came to him then, wrapping him up in her arms and holding him close until he was able to get his breath again. Holding her then helped to remind him that she was real and that she was here.
"Its OK Josh, I really am OK. I just.I couldn't wait for whatever is going to happen there. It would have been to hard for all of us." She said softly as she rested her forehead against his.
"And now, Can you come back now." He asked her in a raspy whisper.
"Josh.Nothing changed. I'm still sick, probably going to get sicker. And you are still needed back in Washington with everyone else." She said sadly. "I don't belong there anymore."
"Damn it Donna, you do. If you had any idea what a mess things have been since you've gone you'd never be able to say that again." He answered back.
"Josh, right now.this minute. I am OK, I'm health and the sun is shinny. I don't want to fight with you about this." She replied as she put her hand on his shoulder.
"Come back just for a little while then, Just.until .well, until you want to come home." He said, refusing to let the thought that she might become to ill to stay enter his mind. "Come back and help us until then.help me." He pleaded.
He watched her then, and waited for a moument. He could see the possibility crossing her mind, even though she hadn't said a word.
"I'll think about it, OK?" She answered, and he rewarded her with a grin. "If you promise me that we don't have to talk about this again for the rest of your visit."
"All right." He said, and felt himself lift a bit. Donna shook her head and gave him a smile as they walked back up to the house. "So.What do you do out here in the wilderness?" He asked
"Josh, it's Wisconsin, not Siberia." She joked. He laughed then, and realized it was probably the first time in weeks he'd done that. "Mom and Dad are going to the finale dinner for mom's French cooking class so I had planned to stay home and watch videos."
"Sounds good, I have to run over and check into the hotel and then I'll meet you back here." He said as they topped the stairs.
"You'll do no such thing." Mara Moss said as she saw them walking onto the porch. "You're going to stay here with us." Mara said as she smiled over at Josh.
"Mom I'm sure he'd be more comfortable in a hotel." Donna said.
"No, actually here's fine." Josh said as he grinned at Mrs. Moss. "Thank you for the kind offer Ma'am." He said.
"Fine." Donna answered, Throwing her hands up in the air. "But I get to pick the movie." She said stubbornly and walked back into the house. Josh just laughed and turned to Mara Moss who motioned for him to sit down with her on the porch swing.
"I'm very glad to see you Josh. Donna won't say a word but we knew she was missing all of you." She said as she tucked her feet
"We've missed her too." He answered. "When she left we where all worried about her." He started, not bothering to mention that he'd be the most worried of them all.
"I am sorry about that. I wanted to tell you but Donna made us swear not to. She just, she can be very very stubborn when she thinks she's right." Mara said simply. "She just wanted to spare you I suppose." Mara said sadly.
"She's going to be fine you know Mara." He said, not sure if he was saying it more for her or for himself. Mara only patted his shoulder.
"We're all praying she will be." She said. "Well I better get back inside and get the bed ready for you. I hope the sleeper sofa is OK?" She said as she got up and headed towards the house.
"It will be fine." Josh said with a smile. A little while later He walked in with his suitcase and placed it in a small closet off the living room. He could see the sofa had been pulled out and fresh sheets place on it.
"Mom and Dad had to leave. They said they'd give you a proper welcome in the morning." Donna said as she walked in carrying a plastic video box and a big bowl of popcorn.
"Nice On Some there Jo-jo." He teased as she walked pass him and sat the popcorn down on the coffee table. He was teasing of coarse because he could never tell her that even in boxers and a T-shirt she was about the cutest thing he'd ever seen.
"Hey you invited yourself to this party so no complaining." She said as she started the movie and flopped down on the bed beside him.
"Fine by me." He answered as he stretched out beside her on the bed. Josh never did find out what the movie was about, he fell asleep within the first forty-five minutes. When he woke up, he was greeted by quiet, the TV gently glowing a solid blue. Rolling over he gazed at Donna in the light of the pale blue glow of the TV screen.
Donna had fallen asleep to. For a long moument he just lay there and gazed at her, trying to memorize how she looked. She'd stolen his pillow sometime during their sleep, but Josh found he didn't mind, he'd have gladly let her have his pillow ever night to be able to lay here and have her near forever.
And he knew then, as he lay there looking at her in the blue glow, that things had changed. She would never ever be just his friend again, if in fact she ever had been. He knew that he couldn't bear to loss her again.
And tomorrow, Tomorrow would be a new day
In more ways then one.
Disclaimer-Standard, Don't own um' never will' Check out NBC and Sorkin
Dedicated to all the dear people who sent feedback, you're the reason why- Shelly
Josh didn't know what to say, he almost didn't know what to thing. All that he could do was replay the words that she had said to him over and over again inside his head.
"Cardiomiapothy.Heart.Really bad." They kept running through his head like a terrible song. He could feel her sobbing in his arms, wetting the front of his shirt through to the skin, but he didn't even care.
Donna was sick.
He hadn't expected that, hadn't let that thought even touch his mind in all the months that she was gone but now it was there, full force and as real as she was at that moument.
"Donna, Did you see where your mother left the wood glue?" A voice called out from somewhere beyond them. Josh felt a sudden emptiness as Donna stepped back and wiped her eyes quickly.
"Try in the third drawer of the sideboard." She called out. For a moument something quiet passed through them and there was nothing to say at all. To much had been said to try to say anymore just then.
Instead Donna just looked at him and gave him a somewhat shaky smile.
"Lets go for a walk." She said. Nodding quickly Josh followed her out the door and they began to walk down the dusty front lane that he'd driven up only a few moments before.
For a long time they didn't say anything at all, just letting everything sink in. For Josh this was almost murder. He wanted to yell, wanted to cry, wanted to tell her that everything would be all right.
But he knew that he couldn't say that because there was no way that he could ever know if it were true.
And they had never lied to each other, even when it hurt.
"I missed you." He said finally, realizing that the truth would probably be the best thing to start with.
"I missed you to." She answered, then reached down and carefully took his hand in hers. Josh didn't say anything about it, just gave her a slight smile and a squeeze of the hand.
"You didn't have to go you know, we could have." Josh started simply. Donna just sighed then and stopped walking.
"Yes.I did." She answered. Josh felt his confusion raise a level as he looked at her then.
"Why, because you're sick? Donna, last time I looked that didn't break any kind of laws, even in the White House." He replied. She let go of his hand then and started to walk forward a bit, but Josh knew that he couldn't let up now.
"Why did you have to go Donna?" He asked her gently, as he stood in front of her looking into her eyes.
"Because of this Josh, This is why I couldn't stay." She said finally.
"I don't understand?"
"Because I couldn't do this, Because I knew that If I stayed there then eventually it would become to much of a distraction. Josh how much of a help could I be. The only thing they can do for me is give me a heart transplant Josh. Josh.I couldn't let you watch me die." She said desperately
"You're not going to die Donna." Josh said.
"Josh, I might.If I don't get to have a transplant in time I could.." She started to say. Josh walked away from her then, but only for a moument, then he stalked back.
"No, You are not going to die Donna. That's it, end of story." He said in a voice that was almost anger but not and also did not quite hide the something else that was linger under his words.
"Josh."
"No, You're not going to die. You're Donnatella Moss, and you don't get to die one minute before I do." He said then in a voice that sounded more like a plead then a command.
Josh didn't know what to do, or what to say. His feelings were to big for any of the words that he held inside that great big brain of his. She could die, she really really could. For a moument it felt like all the air around him had disappeared and he had to fight for breath.
He could loss her.
She came to him then, wrapping him up in her arms and holding him close until he was able to get his breath again. Holding her then helped to remind him that she was real and that she was here.
"Its OK Josh, I really am OK. I just.I couldn't wait for whatever is going to happen there. It would have been to hard for all of us." She said softly as she rested her forehead against his.
"And now, Can you come back now." He asked her in a raspy whisper.
"Josh.Nothing changed. I'm still sick, probably going to get sicker. And you are still needed back in Washington with everyone else." She said sadly. "I don't belong there anymore."
"Damn it Donna, you do. If you had any idea what a mess things have been since you've gone you'd never be able to say that again." He answered back.
"Josh, right now.this minute. I am OK, I'm health and the sun is shinny. I don't want to fight with you about this." She replied as she put her hand on his shoulder.
"Come back just for a little while then, Just.until .well, until you want to come home." He said, refusing to let the thought that she might become to ill to stay enter his mind. "Come back and help us until then.help me." He pleaded.
He watched her then, and waited for a moument. He could see the possibility crossing her mind, even though she hadn't said a word.
"I'll think about it, OK?" She answered, and he rewarded her with a grin. "If you promise me that we don't have to talk about this again for the rest of your visit."
"All right." He said, and felt himself lift a bit. Donna shook her head and gave him a smile as they walked back up to the house. "So.What do you do out here in the wilderness?" He asked
"Josh, it's Wisconsin, not Siberia." She joked. He laughed then, and realized it was probably the first time in weeks he'd done that. "Mom and Dad are going to the finale dinner for mom's French cooking class so I had planned to stay home and watch videos."
"Sounds good, I have to run over and check into the hotel and then I'll meet you back here." He said as they topped the stairs.
"You'll do no such thing." Mara Moss said as she saw them walking onto the porch. "You're going to stay here with us." Mara said as she smiled over at Josh.
"Mom I'm sure he'd be more comfortable in a hotel." Donna said.
"No, actually here's fine." Josh said as he grinned at Mrs. Moss. "Thank you for the kind offer Ma'am." He said.
"Fine." Donna answered, Throwing her hands up in the air. "But I get to pick the movie." She said stubbornly and walked back into the house. Josh just laughed and turned to Mara Moss who motioned for him to sit down with her on the porch swing.
"I'm very glad to see you Josh. Donna won't say a word but we knew she was missing all of you." She said as she tucked her feet
"We've missed her too." He answered. "When she left we where all worried about her." He started, not bothering to mention that he'd be the most worried of them all.
"I am sorry about that. I wanted to tell you but Donna made us swear not to. She just, she can be very very stubborn when she thinks she's right." Mara said simply. "She just wanted to spare you I suppose." Mara said sadly.
"She's going to be fine you know Mara." He said, not sure if he was saying it more for her or for himself. Mara only patted his shoulder.
"We're all praying she will be." She said. "Well I better get back inside and get the bed ready for you. I hope the sleeper sofa is OK?" She said as she got up and headed towards the house.
"It will be fine." Josh said with a smile. A little while later He walked in with his suitcase and placed it in a small closet off the living room. He could see the sofa had been pulled out and fresh sheets place on it.
"Mom and Dad had to leave. They said they'd give you a proper welcome in the morning." Donna said as she walked in carrying a plastic video box and a big bowl of popcorn.
"Nice On Some there Jo-jo." He teased as she walked pass him and sat the popcorn down on the coffee table. He was teasing of coarse because he could never tell her that even in boxers and a T-shirt she was about the cutest thing he'd ever seen.
"Hey you invited yourself to this party so no complaining." She said as she started the movie and flopped down on the bed beside him.
"Fine by me." He answered as he stretched out beside her on the bed. Josh never did find out what the movie was about, he fell asleep within the first forty-five minutes. When he woke up, he was greeted by quiet, the TV gently glowing a solid blue. Rolling over he gazed at Donna in the light of the pale blue glow of the TV screen.
Donna had fallen asleep to. For a long moument he just lay there and gazed at her, trying to memorize how she looked. She'd stolen his pillow sometime during their sleep, but Josh found he didn't mind, he'd have gladly let her have his pillow ever night to be able to lay here and have her near forever.
And he knew then, as he lay there looking at her in the blue glow, that things had changed. She would never ever be just his friend again, if in fact she ever had been. He knew that he couldn't bear to loss her again.
And tomorrow, Tomorrow would be a new day
In more ways then one.