"You! What the hell are you doing here?!"

Okay, so maybe politeness just doesn't run in my veins. Sue me. I've had dealings with Icemaster before, and having him suddenly show up like this just doesn't improve my day.

I mean sure, weird things happen in this dimension all the time. I've pretty much learned to 'go with the flow', if you know what I mean. I don't even bat an eye anymore if a dragon shows up to try to chew on Zelgadis, or if Kang starts yelling out drill instructions in his sleep. Fireballing Xellos has turned into a reflex that I don't even notice anymore. But this...this I noticed. It's kinda hard to ignore a house that just materializes in your backyard....especially when said house has completely covered the pool.

This wouldn't have bothered me to such an extent had one of my Harem Guys not been in the pool at the time.

"Comin' through!" I yelled as I shoved a still shocked Icemaster out of the way and barrelled into the house, ignoring all the stares from the people around me as a fireball materialized in my right palm. "Hope you've got insurance! FIREBALL!!!!"

"Hey! What do you think you're doing!? That was my livingroom!" Icemaster growled as he stared at the large hole that used to be polished hardwood floor.

I ignored him for the moment and reached down to grab the waistband of Duncan's trunks, grunting as I hauled him out onto dry land. "Your house landed on my pool," I retorted angrily as I leaned over the water-logged male and lightly slapped him on the cheek, trying to get a reaction from him. "Dammit, he's dead."

"Oh."

*sigh* Why me, Gods? Why? Why do you send me these people? Why can't you just stick to the usual dragon or my parents? Why? A worried voice from behind me pulled me out of my thoughts, making my mind scramble to comprehend what had been said.

"Oh, geez. You're sure he's dead? Can't you do CPR or something?"

I blinked at the voice and looked up, grinning. "Goku! Hey kewl, Icey does have good taste."

"Don't call me, Icey!"

He says that like he actually expects me to listen. How drole. I shook my head and slowly got to my feet, glancing at Goku with a shrug. "No use. He's dead." As the various members of Icemaster's Gang gather around the ill-fated Duncan, I sighed and glanced over at the headmaster of this little group. "Mind telling me what's going on?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. One minute we're watching a sparring match between Goku and Mario, the next the weather goes all funky and we end up here."

Crap. "That explains the lightning and the tornado that sent Zelgadis flying through the Palace wall...." I'll have to remember to go pull him out of the brickwork next chance I get.

At this point in time, I feel I should tell you a bit about Duncan. Y'see, he's an immortal. The only way he can 'die' and stay 'dead', is if someone cuts off his head. So drowning, that's nothing too serious. But I don't go around telling people this because my sadistic streak must be nutured. So while I was making chit-chat with Icemaster, all of his Gang was crowding closer and closer to the 'dead' Duncan. It made what happened next all the better.

As the 'dead' Duncan suddenly twitched, arched his back and took in a deep gasp for breath, all of the gathered people took a collective leap backwards, and did much screaming, swearing and I think I saw Gohan loose an energy blast.

"You do know that was evil," Icemaster commented as I leaned against a chair and laughed myself sick.

"That's what made it all the better!" I gasped out in between chuckles, raising a hand to wipe tears from my eyes. "Oh Lords that was great...."

"What.....what hit me?"

"A house."

Duncan blinked and looked at me as if I had grown a second head. "What? It's true! I had to blow a hole in the floor to get you out! Of course....I could always throw you back...."

"No no! That's okay!" he said quickly, waving his hands as if to fend me off. That's when he noticed the other people. "Um....why exactly are you all staring at me?"

"You were dead!"

"Uh...." The Immortal Scot frowned and looked at me. "You didn't tell them, did you?"

"Whyever would I do that?" I smiled.

His frown morphed into a glare. "You're evil."

I blinked and looked at him curiously. "Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?"

"Because it is," Icemaster grumbled from behind me as Duncan sighed and started to explain the perks of Immortality to the others.

"No comments from the peanut gallery," I growled as I turned to look at him. "Besides the fact that you've destroyed my pool, you've also ruined a perfectly relaxing day. Do you know how rare it is that we're not attacked by some looney or another?"

Duncan exchanged glances with the Gang and shrugged. "We're a popular bunch with the general population of wackos...er...present company excluded."

"This coming from someone who was just hit over the head with a house." A sigh escaped me as I headed for the front door, brushing past Icemaster as I did so. "Just give me an hour to scrounge up a spell for this and I'll send you home. In the mean time...." I glanced back at Icemaster and his group and glared. I think I saw Tai and Sonic wince. "No fighting, no energy blasts, no spells, no freaky hat and cape tricks and no going psycho. You do not want to attract attention to yourselves. Understand?"

Duncan frowned at me as he followed me outside, seemingly forgetting that he was still in his trunks and soaking wet. "Why'd you tell them that?"

"I'm trying to salvage a peaceful afternoon. Do you have any idea how much trouble there'll be if Goku gets anywhere near Blackwargreymon? He may be my Bonded, but he likes a challenging fight just as much as that Saiyan does. And I don't even want to think about what'll happen if Chichi meets Telca."

Even I could see the shudder that went through him at that thought. "Point."

"'Sides," I continued as we climbed the stairs up to the deck. "I think it'll be hard enough trying to find a spell that'll get them home. Whatever brought them here was powerful....very powerful...."

"How powerful?"

"ACK!" Startled, I tripped and ended up crashing down the stairs, a string of curses escaping me as I landed on my back on the ground. Dazed, confuzzled and very much in pain, I managed to convince my eyes to focus just enough so I could glare up at a surprised Icemaster.

"Are you okay?!" Duncan yelped as he scrambled down the stairs and knelt by my side.

I was too busy glaring at Icemaster to care. "I'd fireball you if I could raise my arm."

"Wouldn't do you any good."

Annoying little- I stopped that thought before the idea of violence became too tempting and decided to let Duncan pull me to my feet, graciously reminding myself not to throw up on him when the world around me tilted. "Ooh. I don't think the landscape's supposed to be movin' like that...."

"You gonna be okay? Want me to go get Blacky?" Duncan asked worriedly, yelping when I swatted him aside.

"I'm fine. There will be no panicking of my Bonded. 'Sides, I recover much quicker after the upgrade."

"Upgrade?" Icemaster echoed, looking at me curiously. "What are you talking about?"

"You don't know?" I frowned, seeing him shake his head. "Oh. Well, it's nothing grand. Telca and I were dead for a little while."

"WHAT?!"

"Well, we got better. L-Sama - she's the Lord of Nightmares - and Gaia - you probably know her as Mother Earth - made us their Avatars and brought us back. Kewl, ne?" Oh look, he's twitching.

"A-Avatars? You and Telca?" I nodded. "Oh boy... and which are you?"

I chuckled and bowed. "Avatar to L-Sama, Mother of All. She calls me her Chaos Knight."

Duncan sighed as Icemaster's face went blank, his gaze rather catatonic. "I really wish you'd stop doing that to people."

"What? It's fun. Go get the camera and take a picture of this before he comes back to himself. I'm heading up to the Library."

"Yes ma'am."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"An entire Library full of spellbooks...and not one that explains what the hell is going on!" I snarled, throwing a book to the floor in disgust. I had been up here for almost three hours, and what did I have to show for it? Five paper cuts and a newly formed hatred of spellbooks that weren't in English. Joy.

~Lashana?~

"What?!" I whirled and discovered that Mewtwo had actually taken a step back at the amount of rage that had been in my voice. I sighed and rose a hand to rub at my aching temple. "Sorry. What is it?"

~Two things. First, why is there a house on the pool?~

I groaned. "Because the L-Sama probably needed a laugh. That's Icemaster's house. What's number two?"

~There's two spikey black haired males emptying the fridge.~

"What?!" Oh look, he backed away again. Smart Pokemon. Let the Elf past and avoid all eye contact. I stomped out into the hallway and paused to compose myself for a moment before opening a portal and leaping through, landing on the island counter in the Kitchen. "Goku! Put that triple chocolate cake back into the fridge this instant! Gohan, if you even think about finishing off that fruit salad I'm gonna hurt you!"

"You can't talk to them that way!"

I frowned and turned to look down at a woman that could only be Chichi. "Oh not you too. Gods Above..." I sighed and rolled my gaze towards the ceiling. "Why me?"

"Who are you talking to, miss?" I glanced behind me and gazed down at the group of teens. A group of teens that my mind identifyed as the Digidestined. The Digidestined children with their newly arrived Digimon. This is not good, I mused to myself as I let my gaze roam over Tai, Sora, T.K. Kari, Mimi, Izzy and their respective Digimon. How many people can Icemaster fit in one house?! Oh Lords....I need an Excedr-- "GOKU!! What did I tell you about that cake?! Put. It. BACK!"

"What's all the yelling about?" I looked over and saw Kang's jaw drop open in shock. "What the hell?"

"Don't ask. Please, don't ask," I moaned as I hopped off the counter, slammed the fridge door shut and wove a shield spell over the entire thing before sending a vemonous glare in the two Saiyan's direction. "No touching. Comprende? Good. Kang? Do me a favor and go tell....uh....my Bonded to avoid el children at all costs."

"Huh?" He glanced past me, then paled. "Right. I'm going."

"And tell Zelgadis to meet me in the Main Hall in five minutes!!" I called after him, sighing as I turned to look at the large gathering in the Kitchen. "Get out."

"Make us!"

I glared at Chichi, baring my fangs in a feral grin as I let my aura flicker to life around me, my voice gaining that 'I've gone psychotic' tone. "Don't tempt me."

Most of the gathering made a stampede for the door, and I sighed in relief before looking at a battle-ready Goku and grimacing. "Oh, leave me alone," I grumbled as I headed into the Main Hall, noting the distinct lack of chimera. Dammit. I guess Kang hasn't found him yet.... And Telca's gone out to see that new Spiderman movie with Remy....again....

I sighed again and sank down onto the main stairs, resting my elbows on my knees as I stared at the carpet under my feet, trying to figure out what the hell was going on and how it could be fixed. The sudden appearance of black boots in my line of vision made me blink and raise my head to meet Goku's gaze. I handled myself pretty well....considering. "Whaaaaaaat?" Whining. It's an art.

He blinked. I don't know what he had been expecting, but it wasn't an exasperated whine. "Um.... no offense... but what are you?"

I rose a hand and tucked some hair behind my pointed right ear. "M'an Elf. Well....half-Elf anyway." I looked up at him and frowned. "I'm surprised Icemaster hasn't mentioned me."

"Well, he did talk about a psychotic sorceress that should be put in numerous straight jackets and then thrown in a maximum security insane asylum."

I growled. "Swell."

The Saiyan looked down at me for a moment, took in my current expression, then winced. "Oh."

I sighed and pushed myself to my feet, walking past him as I headed for the Main Doors, intent on going outside to get some time to think.....

"Lashana!!"

....which was aparantly not going to happen. "What is it Beast?" I asked, looking at the blue furred mutant that ran up to me.

"There's a pink-haired woman in my lab! Her cackling is starting to make me wonder whether she is a psychotic serial killer!"

I blinked and looked over at Goku. "Translation?"

"Washu's having another episode."

"Episode?"

"Ever since she read some fanfics by some people named Lashana and Telca, she's gotten a little...weird," he paused and looked at me for a moment before grinning. "Hey! Your name's Lashana! Isn't that a coinciden-- Oh."

I groaned.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"C'mon cackling wonder, let's get you back to Icemaster," I sighed as I dragged a duct-tape bound Washu out of Beasts Lab. If this is what reading our fics does to people then I've got to get myself in gear and write more! I brought Washu out onto the deck and dropped her onto a patio chair, looking around for a moment before taking a deep breath and... "ICEMASTER!!!!! Yo, Icey!!"

"Don't call me 'Icey'!!"

"Ack!" I spun and faced Icemaster, glaring at him. "Don't do that!" The Palace's windows shook. "Anyway, here's your psycho genius. She was freaking Beast out." I pointed to Washu on the chair and grinned. "Had to gag her. Sorry 'bout that." Hehe.

Icemaster glared at me and looked like he was about to say something rather inventive, but he was cut off by the large amount of screaming from the vincinity of the front yard.

"What the flamin' hell?" I frowned as I wove my flight spell and soared upwards, clearing the Palace's roof and looking down at pure mayhem.

"Gee, I guess I should have told the Digidestined about Blacky, huh?" Icemaster mused as he appeared at my side.

I replied with my usual finess. "No shit! Y'think?!"

"Go get him Agumon!"

"Sure thing, Tai! Agumon! Warp Digivolve to.....Wargreymon!!"

"I just wanted to get the morning paper! TERRA DESTROYER!!!"

"CELESTIAL ARROW!"

My eyes widened as a newly digivolved Angewoman aimed an arrow at my Bonded, aiming at his back since he was presently busy fending off Wargreymon without the benefit of his armor or gauntlets.

I reacted without thinking.

"GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!" I screamed, flying forward and instinctively transforming into my newly acquired Avatar form as I shoved Blackwargreymon out of the line of fire, catching a glimpse of his panicked expression as a Terra Force and that bedamned arrow slammed into me.

"Lashana!!"

I waited until the smoke from the double explosions had been taken away by the winds before opening my eyes to look at my Bonded, winking at him. "Good thing I've got this Avatar transformation down pat, huh?"

He heaved a sigh of relief. "You're insane."

"But I'm entertaining. And speaking of entertainment...." I trailed off and turned a now cold gaze on the two Digimon that had been foolish enough to attack my Bonded, grinning when they stared at me in wary shock. "Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows, buried in the flow of time--"

"Don't you dare!!"

I growled and looked over at Icemaster, meeting and holding his glare for a moment before letting my Power fade, returning to my natural form. "Only because they're your friends do I spare them," I announced loud enough for everyone to hear before I flying over to my hovering Bonded and checking him over, sighing in relief when I saw that he was alright. "Didn't Kang tell you to avoid the children?"

He had the good graces to look embarrassed. I sighed and hugged him, ignoring the startled gasps from Digimon and children alike as he returned the embrace. "So," he muttered once we had pulled apart. "What's going on?"

"Would you believe that I don't know?"

"Yes."

"Oh har har. Very funny. You're sleeping on the couch tonight," I grumbled as I turned to look at our gathered audience. "Close yer mouths yer catching flies!" I glanced over at Icemaster and let my eyes flash from dark blue to gold. "You'd better have a talk with them."

"Yeah...." He looked over at a still stunned Wargreymon and sighed. "Can we borrow that Main Hall of yours?"

"Sure," I shrugged.

"Did you hear that?" Blackwargreymon whispered to me, low enough that he couldn't be overheard.

"Hear what?" I strained my hearing to it's full Elven capability and frowned at the sound of numerous baritone yelps. "Malcho! C'mon!" I grabbed Black's wrist and threw him into a portal, following him and leaving Icemaster to explain things to his Gang. We emerged into the Kitchen again, Black sprawling to the floor and I slamming into the stove. "Ow..."

"Amiga!!" WHAM! "Get this loco-" WHAM "-chica away from-" WHAM "-me!"

I groaned and looked over to discover that Videl was chasing Malcho around while madly waving a frying pan. It was an easy job to simply trip her as she ran past, leaving her to hit the floor with a wail of surprise. I bent down and confiscated the frying pan, eyeing the numerous dents for a moment before looking over at my quetzacoatl. "Are you alright?"

"Si.... Si, I think so mi amiga...." he winced, raising both wings to cover his head.

"Good," I smiled, glancing down at the woman I had tripped. "Please don't beat up my quetzacoatl. He's the only one of his kind and I really don't want him to get another concussion."

"Quetza-what?"

"Quetzacoatl. Winged serpent. Like in Aztec Mythology."

"But it talks!"

"He is called Malcho. And yes, he talks. Not that big of a deal," I shrugged as I tossed the dented frying pan into a cupboard, looking over at Black when he groaned and hauled himself to his feet.

"A little warning next time, okay?" he winced.

"Ach. Sorry." I glanced over at Videl to gauge her reaction and found her staring up at Blackwargreymon in mixed shock and fear. "He won't hurt you. His name's Blackwargreymon. Here, c'mon, get off the floor." I reached down and gently hauled her to her feet. "How long have you been with Icemaster's Gang anyway?"

"Long enough."

"And this still freaks you out?" I asked, gesturing to Malcho, who glared at me.

"Well.... most of Icemasters friends are.... well, human. It's not that I'm... racist or anything... he just startled me."

"He's a snake, he does that," I muttered, glancing back at him pointedly. "He startles me out of my wits at least once a week. It's like a ritual."

Malcho chuckled, drawing Videl's gaze. "Honestly, seniorita, I did not mean to frighten you. My apologies."

"He's the politest of the group," I murmured to Videl. "He'd charm you to death if you let him. He's really just a big softy."

"I heard that."

I snickered.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" THUD!!!!

Blackwargreymon blinked and looked over at me. "What was that?"

"Why are you asking me?" I countered as I lead the stampede to the deck, staring down at two familiar males below. "Tasuki? Draco?!"

The flame-haired bandit from Fushigi Yuugi bared his fangs swatted at Draco's tail, making the dragon move aside by whacking him with his tessen. "Dammit! What's goin' on?! I was just about ta toast Nakago!"

"Oh dear.... this can't be good...." Draco muttered to himself as he got to his feet and flicked his wings against his back, his eyes widening when he saw me. "An Elf?"

I grinned, admiring my Favorite Dragon. "I dunno what's going on....But I like it!"

"WAAAH!!" THUD! "Goddamned @*#*%#*&@#&(*&%#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I blinked and leaned over the railing of the deck, staring past Draco to the aqua-haired Mazoku that had landed on top of a now twitching Tasuki. "Crap."

"I thought you were liking this," Blackwargreymon smirked at me.

"The moment passed," I muttered sourly. "VALGARV!! Yo, Horn-boy! Get off of my friend!"

The Mazoku blinked and looked up at me, paling when he met my gaze. "Ack!! It's that @*$!% insane Elf!!" He scrambled to his feet and bolted into Icemaster's house, slamming the door behind him.

"Well.... it's nice to see that your reputation preceeds you." I growled and looked down at a grinning Tasuki as he got to his feet and casually brushed dirt off of himself. "So, Elfy, what's up?"