Title: Letters From Home 2/?

Author: Oriana Maxwell

Disclaimer: If I owned them, they would be chained in my basement. Quite obviously and sadly, they are not. BUT ENDLESS WALTZ IS ON TOONAMI TODAY! WAHAHAHAHAH!

Rating: PG-13

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Heero read the letter, his free hand gripping at the bed sheets and twisting them in his fist. "Duo...no..." Faltering slightly, he grabbed an ancient inkwell and a pad of legal paper from his desk. He began to write with shaky penmanship; it had been a long while since he had actually written something. However, his laptop was broken and he felt a need to answer Duo's letter at once.

Duo:

He crossed out the word. //It's not right for this... I'd use that type of address when writing to someone like Relena.// He grimaced slightly. After one week as her security chief, he'd left the job without a second glance.

Dear Duo,

How can you think that? Don't you know that I've also watched you sleep? Your mask drops then; I can read you so plainly. I know I'm not very good at expressing my emotions; hell, I'm terrible at it. God, Duo, I'm so sorry... you can't believe how sorry I am. And I don't blame you if you never read this letter. The way I've acted towards you...is awful. I can't even begin to imagine how I might feel if you acted that way towards me, a seeming of indifference yet hate at the same time.

I hadn't realized that you thought Relena had made me pull that parachute cord. Sure, it was her voice, but not for the reason that you think. When I heard her yelling, I hypothesized, in one crazed, delusional moment, that if I died and went to hell, she would somehow follow me down. Either that to torment me forever in purgatory. I decided to live, for then at least. No, I don't think I would have gone to heaven. I'm sure of all of that now, what with all the pain I've inadvertently and...and I hate to admit it...and sometimes purposefully and perversely caused you.

Did you ever notice that one of the double prints you made of that roll of film was missing? I'm, um, a little embarrassed here, but...remember that one picture you had Wufei take of you on the beach? God, his face was so funny... Duo, I was the one who stole that picture from your bag. I wanted something of you to carry with me on solo missions --which, by the way, were NOT an excuse to see Relena. How can you think that?! The damn girl is obsessive! But about taking that picture... I wanted you with me in some form or another, even though I wouldn't admit it to myself...or you, especially. If there's one thing in my life that I regret, it's not telling you how I felt...feel, still.

If you're even reading this...Duo, I could never, EVER, think you were disgusting. Even if you were a rotting pile of garbage, I would still love you. I would love your personality and your laughter, they way the room lights up for me when you walk in... I we'll be in the same room together again. But you aren't garbage and you aren't disgusting or repulsive or filthy or whatever you might think you are; you're beautiful, absolutely, amazingly beautiful, and I love you all the more for it.

And in case you were wondering... 'Omae o korosu, baka' means literally 'I will kill you, idiot'... but don't stop reading here, please. To me, it was more like, 'You'll be the death of me', in a figurative sense, the baka part being the only term of endearment I would allow myself. Please don't take it the wrong way, it wasn't intended to mean that. Never would I do anything to harm you. Though, I suppose I already have. It's one of the other things I regret in my life so far; I'm sure there will be many more regrets by the time I die.

What will make me happy? I'm not sure. I was happy once...there was a little girl, with a puppy...she gave me a flower...and then I... I killed her. I didn't mean to... I didn't...but her orphanage was destroyed in an explosion. I've never told anyone that before...somehow, my soul feels lighter. Baka, if I had no feelings, would I be writing this letter to you? I've always paid attention to you, you just never noticed. I'm the perfect soldier remember? Well, maybe not so perfect, for neglecting you like this... Kami-sama, words cannot express how sorry I am.

NANI?! You listen to me, Duo, promise me something-- you have to promise me that you would NEVER, ever take your life! It would destroy me, from the inside out. I know what would make me happy now-- It's you, for you to live. I don't know what I would do without you, without merely knowing that you existed in this world and universe. You are everything to me, and if you kill yourself, I am following you. It's not an obsession either...it's love. I've come to realize that after the war.

Duo... I don't know if you will ever find your reprieve, but I will do my best to help you find it. And if I can't, if I don't try, I'm not worthy of you. You already deserve someone so much more than I am, because you *are* my reprieve. You saved me from myself from the moment I first saw you. I can only hope that I can save you from me.

God, Duo...I never knew that you cut yourself. Why did you hide it from me, I would have stopped you the moment I knew -- or was that the reason that you didn't tell me? Were you afraid that I would stop you? But why? If only I had known...

Duo, if I don't get a reply from you soon, you know I'll expect the worst.

With unashamed love, Heero Yuy.

//There.// Heero stood and sheathed his pen, taking a little comfort in the familiar clicking sound. "Misuzu?" No response. He tried again, raising his voice a bit. "Misuzu?"

A teenage girl ran into the room, slightly breathless and her cheeks flushed. "Yes, Yuy-sama?" //Oh, please don't let him be firing me...//

He held out the letter. "Can you please get this sent, as soon as possible? It may be a matter of life and death."

She blinked once, then reached out to take the letter, glancing at the address. "Duo Maxwell? Wasn't he also one of the Gundam pilots, Yuy-sama?"

Heero nodded. "Yes, that's why this letter is of utmost importance. And Misuzu-"

"Yes, Yuy-sama?" She stopped in her hastened flight to the nearest post office.

The former pilot smiled slightly. "It's Heero, remember? Not Yuy-sama."

"Yes, Yu- I mean, Heero." As she ran down the stairs and out of the office, she couldn't help but notice that was the first time she had ever seen him smile.

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TBC!

C & C is very much appreciated! Even flames! *evil grin* BeckyBast@aol.com is the addy to send all feedback to!