(A/N: Slightly long chapter. I got a bit carried away…~L)
Chapter 6
The group wandered through Lothlorien's beautiful golden forest silently until Haley let out a shriek. Everyone turned to see what frightened her, only to find notched arrows pointed at them.
"Haldir!!!" Legolas yelled.
"Legolas!" one of the elves yelled back. He lowered his bow and the two embraced. The other elves followed suit and the girls visibly relaxed.
When the two elves drew back they gave each other a flirty smile. Without taking his eyes away from Haldir, Legolas said to the rest of the fellowship, "We have some…err…important business to attend to. We'll be right back." With that the two elves skipped hand in hand out of sight, giggling the entire time.
"Nooo! He can't be gay!" Meghan wailed.
Patty patted her shoulder. "He isn't gay, he's bi. He likes you, doesn't he?"
Meghan continued to cry so Frodo put his arm around her for comfort. Upon seeing this Aragorn picked him up and threw him to Sam who was more than grateful to catch him.
Boromir decided that if he wanted to win Meghan he'd have to make her jealous of him. He inched over to Patty and put his arm around her. Patty got angry and kicked him in the groin before walking off to pick up pretty gold leaves and put them in her hair. Lauren was trying to talk Gimli into brushing his beard, but he refused, Nicki was sitting on a rock with the screaming Haley, and Christine was working on her accent training with Merry and Pippin.
"Ah'm queet cooled ought 'ere." She said in her best voice. I'm quite cold out here.
After a few more minutes of nothing, Legolas and Haldir walked back with rumpled tunics, messed up hair, and swollen lips. Everyone pretended not to notice, but Patty and Sam couldn't help giggling on the fellowships' way to see the lady. They knew what those two were doing, thanks to the…err…description given to them by Lauren in the last chapter. (The pictures in the dirt really did help them to understand!) But the two elves didn't seem to notice the laughing because of the looks of longing they gave each other over the heads of Sam and Frodo, who walked between them. Once they reached the bottom of the staircase leading to Galadriel and Celeborn, a fight broke out.
"I am NOT carrying her again!" Boromir yelled at Aragorn. "She almost blew out my ear drum last time with her screams!"
"It's your turn! I'm not dealing with this child's moaning up all those stairs!" He yelled back.
"WOULD ONE OF YOU JUST PICK HER THE HELL UP SO WE CAN GO UP THESE FUDGING STAIRS?!?!" Lauren screamed. Everyone stared at her blankly. "PICK HER UP, DAMNIT!" Everyone continued to stare. "NOW!" Boromir, still staring, picked her up, slung her over his shoulder, and started towards the stairs, followed by the rest. She sighed and brought up the rear.
"Nine left Rivendell, then fifteen, now fourteen." Celeborn started. "Where is Gandalf?"
Before Galadriel could speak, Haley shouted. "He an' Kitty are playing in da dark room!"
Celeborn's eyes grew wide. 'At the last meeting he claimed he was over his obsession. I told him he should stay in therapy but noooo, he's fiiiiine. He doesn't need help! Damn that old fart!' He thought.
"No, no, sweetie. Gandalf fell into shadow!" Galadriel said patiently.
"No! He playing with Kitty in the dark room! Kitty had his whip and wanted to play!" Haley whined. Everyone stifled their laughs behind hands and coughs.
Once Galadriel regained composure she spoke again. "I have bad news. I know why you girls are here. And I know that Saruman is not who we think he is." She paused "Saruman is…Clint, or Raven, as your reviewers know him. He has hidden his soul in that boy's body since he moved to your neighborhood almost 10 yeas ago.' She said, motioning to Lauren.
"No way!" She yelled. "Clint?!"
"Think about it," Galadriel continued. "Do you know where he lived before Florence Lane?"
Lauren shrugged. "Well…no…"
"How could Clint be Saruman? He's no where near evil enough to want to destroy everything on Middle-earth!" Patty spoke up.
"He isn't that smart!" Christine added.
"You'd be surprised." The lady of the wood said to her. "There's a mastermind behind those curly eyelashes of his."
"You noticed that too?" Meghan asked.
"Did I ever! I would love to have such pretty lashes!" she gushed. The men of the fellowship cleared their throats. "Oh! Yeah, you guys can go off and do whatever now, it's safe!"
"Actually…" Aragorn started. "We were wondering if you could possibly give Haley a…slightly further…developed brain or a slightly less…loud voice box…" He stammered until, "OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"
"How dare you think that you're allowed to change her!" Nicki screamed at him after kicking him in the shin.
"She's annoying the heck out of all of us!" Everyone nodded but stopped when Nicki kicked Aragorn down the flight of stairs they had just come up. They flinched when he hit the bottom with a 'splat' and an "Ow…".
"Wait," Christine said. "So why are we here then?"
"Clint…or Raven…or Saruman…whichever, planted the multicolored fish with the Fishin' Around game when you all were watching 'American Pie 2' at the party. He needed Haley to bring him the ring. He's read the books from where you come from and knows that if the Fellowship of the Ring was formed, he would lose. So, knowing Haley's love for anything shiny, he gave her the fish in hopes that she'd take the ring home with her. Then he'd ask Nicki the next day at school if she found his gold ring that he left there. She'd give it to him, and he'd rule Middle-earth."
Christine stood stunned "No…way…He IS a mastermind!"
Galadriel continued. "But as Clint/Raven/Saruman now knows, and I'm sure you all do, you can't control children."
A muffled "Or chickens." Came from the bottom of the stairs.
"He didn't mean for you to come, and now he means to kill you off since you may interfere with his plan. Watch your backs, girls." She waved and the group wandered back down the stairs. Haley was carried by Nicki this time.
When everyone reached the ground they wandered their separate ways. Boromir ran off to a healer (he still hurt…eh…down there…from Patty's well aimed kick), Legolas frolicked of with Haldir again (to make out behind a tree), and Lauren was sitting in a circle with the hobbits and her guitar.
"Kumbayah, my Lord, kumbayah…" they sang, gently swaying to the tune.
After a few minutes of this, Gimli stood up abruptly from his position on a tree root, proceeded to take the guitar from Lauren and bash it over his head, knocking himself unconscious.
"Poo." Pippin said sadly.
Legolas came back to the group, more ruffled than before, and Christine confronted him.
"I know what you're thinking!" She said, getting in his face.
Legolas, afraid Christine knew about the dirty deeds he, Meghan, and Haldir were doing in his mind, attempted to lie. "No! I uh…I wasn't thinking that! I was thinking…"
"Admit it!" She yelled. "You think you should be the one to kill Clint! I won't have it! I'm going to kill him and that's that!"
Although Legolas was happy Christine didn't know what he was thinking, he was still mad, for it was his dream to kill Clint. He knew Meghan had once dated him and the elf was extremely jealous.
"NO! He's mine to kill!" He yelled at her.
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"FINE!" Christine screamed. "We play Rock, Paper, Scissors! Winner kills Raven!"
"FINE!" Legolas screamed back.
They chanted together, "Rock, paper, scissors, SHOOT!" They both held rock. "AGAIN!" They shouted. "Rock, paper scissors…"
Frodo and Aragorn had been watching the two. "Hey!" Frodo said. "Why don't we do that! Winner gets Meghan!"
"You're on!" Aragorn yelled excitedly.
"Rock, paper…" they began to chant.
Meghan and Patty were nowhere to be found when Boromir returned so he sat down on a log. He wanted to apologize to Patty and to be with Meghan, but they were with Galadriel giving each other make-overs. Boromir was sitting there quietly when a voice entered his mind. It was Galadriel's and she was reciting love poetry to him.
'Oh light up the night my fair man!
For no elf can shine as bright,
As my beautiful Boromir can!
He is strong and sexy,
and he'll eat out of my hand!'
He wasn't creeped out that she had written him poetry, he was disgusted with how bad it was. With his eyes wide and his knees drawn up to his chin, he rocked back and forth trying to ignore the mutilation of the English language that was happening in his head.
"Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!!!" He yelled in pain.
No one listened. Lauren and the hobbits were to busy poking the half-dead Gimli with sticks and pieces of the broken guitar, Christine and Legolas started a staring contest over who would kill Clint (because they kept tying at Rock, Paper, Scissors), and Frodo and Aragorn had started to wrestle because it was more "manly".
(A/N: That was for you, Raven! :-P )