Lullabies and Nightmares
Part Nine: New Beginnings
Disclaimer: See chapter uno (one for the non-spanish speakers out there!) And I've started with new song lyrics because...well I ran out of "Behind Blue Eyes" lyrics. =) This song is called "I Wanna Be There" by Blessed Union of Souls. I thought it fit well.
Authors Note: I've decided to take this story in a new direction. All you Carby's out there will probably like it. =) Its going to go longer then I originally planned, but I can't argue with the muse. And the muse says this story is going where no story has ever gone before (OK so my muse stole that line! She's a Star Trek lover).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Won't you let me catch your fall?
Won't you let me lend a hand?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She watched as he flipped the pancake round and round in the sizzling frying pan. He did it with such grace and agility.
Just like her father used to.
But this was Carter. The same bumbling mess of a doctor she had known as a child. Currently she was lying on his couch, head propped up on her hands, watching him cook dinner. Yes, pancakes for dinner. Who knew a guy like Carter, with all the money his family had, would eat pancakes for dinner?
She'd been released from the hospital a week before and Carter had insisted she come home with him. Ever since the night she'd woken to find him at her bedside, he'd been there for her. She'd cried in his arms for an hour and half until her eyes were completely drained of all liquid. He'd cried too, but she didn't ask him why. He had his reasons.
The withdrawal had been a nightmare. She'd never been so sick in all of her life. But Carter had been there, along with his girlfriend. They denied all accusations that they were in love, but Rachel could plainly see it. Abby glowed whenever she was around Carter or even heard his name mentioned. Carter did the same for Abby.
Now they were giggling over who could do a better pancake flip. It was so cute Rachel had to smile. Yes, she smiled. For the first time in a very long time, Rachel Greene smiled a real smile.
That smile was quickly interrupted though when an intense pain shot through her. She'd moved too quickly again. Tears formed behind her eyes but she held them back. The pain was so familiar now, but it brought back so many bad memories. Memories of the rape she had endured, or that she seemed to remember.
Up until the day before she had insisted that it had all been a bad scary dream. She had imagined it, the product of too many drugs. It had to be. That was when Abby sat her down and hugged her tightly. Then she explained everything. Abby had a way of making her believe anything. If Abby said that pigs had learned to fly, Rachel was pretty sure she would dig out her telescope and search the sky for pink flying objects.
The rape had been real. She knew that now. It hurt like hell, not just physically. It was worse then when her father had died, worse then the guilt she'd felt when Ella swallowed her ecstasy. It was a pain that dug itself so deep inside of her that nobody could understand. It was buried somewhere that she couldn't find. She wanted to run out into the streets and scream for somebody to help her find it and release it to the wind. But she couldn't. She had to deal with it.
She wasn't a child anymore.
She looked up when she felt a cool hand on her shoulder.
"Hey Rach you wanna trying flipping a pancake. Carter thinks he's a pro and I could use a little help convincing him otherwise." Abby smiled down at her.
"Maybe later. I'm still kind of tired." Rachel laid her head back down on the sofa and proceeded to flip through the TV channels another time. Abby just touched her on the head once before heading back to the kitchen.
When Rachel was sure Abby was gone she raised her head. She watched as Carter and Abby playfully teased each other. Watching them was the one thing that could convince her that there was some good in the world. There was happiness and joy. There was love.
Maybe, if she was lucky, she would find it someday. Maybe she could find a guy like Carter. Or at least somebody similar to him. Not somebody like AJ. At one point she was sure that what they had was love. How she believed she wasn't sure. It was probably the drugs. When your high you see rainbows and sunlight in every situation. Even one as bad as she had been stuck in.
What Carter and Abby had was love. It was the real thing. There were so few people out there who actually experienced it. Her mother and father had not, at least not with each other. She knew her father loved Elizabeth, but was it real true passionate love? She wasn't sure. And her mother and step-father hadn't had the best relationship either. There had to be real love out there somewhere. Maybe Carter and Abby had found it.
She smiled to herself and turned back to the TV. She fought to keep from closing her eyes. The nightmares would come again, but she'd hold them off as long as she could.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These lonely eyes have seen it all
Loves too blind to understand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carter laughed as Abby tried her best to flip the pancake without breaking it into a million pieces. Everything she did made him laugh, not at her but with her. It was when she was around that he realized what love really was.
He was in love with Abby. She denied that the feeling was mutual though. It hurt like hell every time he thought about that day. It had taken every nerve in his body to get enough courage to kiss her. Then she'd pushed him away, denied him the one thing he'd wanted for so long. She'd said she needed time.
It had been months.
Now here she was, in his kitchen that he had cooked in alone so many times. She was helping him cook Rachel dinner. He wasn't sure what he would have done without her those last few nights. Rachel would wake up screaming and in tears, rushing to the bathroom or just kicking her feet in the air, trying to hit an enemy only she could see. Abby had been there with her. She'd watched out for her in every sense of the word. He'd never noticed that Abby had such a huge maternal side to her. She'd taken Rachel under her wing from the moment she'd laid eyes on her.
Their relationship was the most natural that he had ever seen. They were already like mother and daughter.
He was still worried though. Rachel had nightmares every night and she was still in a lot of physical pain from the rape and withdrawal. Her recovery would be a long one, but he vowed to be there for her every step of the way. Rachel was going to make it. He would see to it.
He grinned as Abby showed him a pancake she had succeeded in flipping.
"Now who's the pro?" He just shook his head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cause you don't know what you have
Till your everything is gone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It'd been two days since Carter had called her over. She had returned home only once to pick up some clothing. At first she'd been unsure as to how to handle the situation. Rachel was very sick. She needed professional help, but Carter refused to take her to the hospital or to a rehab center. He wanted her detoxed at home.
It was dangerous, but she'd done it before. Alcohol withdrawal wasn't as intense as heroin and cocaine withdrawal was, but it was one of the most difficult things she'd ever been through. She could only imagine what Rachel was going through, but she tried to empathize with the girl.
She felt close to Rachel. Maybe it was their shared experience with addiction. That was one of the many reasons she felt close to Carter. Addiction was not something to be understood by anybody. Only those who hit bottom knew the exact meaning of the word. And although addiction left a hole in the addict for the rest of their lives, it also created a bond between them and all those who had gone through the same experience. It was a bond not to be broken easily.
As with her and Carter. He'd said he loved her. She wanted so badly to tell him how she really felt, but it just wasn't the right time. Carter wanted marriage, kids, the whole package. Abby had tried to picture it. She wanted to see herself as a mother carting her children off to school in a blue mini van and making her husband dinner before he got home. It just wasn't her. It wasn't in her blood.
She had to laugh at the thought of herself being part of a happy Brady Bunch type of family. She was the essence of dysfunction. She and her brother had grown up in a home with three kids; no adults allowed. Her mother was more likely to be coloring with them on the walls then cooking dinner or making them eat their vegetables. She would be kidding herself if she thought she knew what a real mother was supposed to be like.
Carter needed a real wife. Unfortunately she didn't fit into that category.
But Rachel needed somebody in her life right now. She needed people who cared about her and would take care of her. Mark would have wanted it that way. She knew Carter couldn't do it alone, despite the size of his heart. She had no choice but to stick around and help.
TBC
Part Nine: New Beginnings
Disclaimer: See chapter uno (one for the non-spanish speakers out there!) And I've started with new song lyrics because...well I ran out of "Behind Blue Eyes" lyrics. =) This song is called "I Wanna Be There" by Blessed Union of Souls. I thought it fit well.
Authors Note: I've decided to take this story in a new direction. All you Carby's out there will probably like it. =) Its going to go longer then I originally planned, but I can't argue with the muse. And the muse says this story is going where no story has ever gone before (OK so my muse stole that line! She's a Star Trek lover).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Won't you let me catch your fall?
Won't you let me lend a hand?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She watched as he flipped the pancake round and round in the sizzling frying pan. He did it with such grace and agility.
Just like her father used to.
But this was Carter. The same bumbling mess of a doctor she had known as a child. Currently she was lying on his couch, head propped up on her hands, watching him cook dinner. Yes, pancakes for dinner. Who knew a guy like Carter, with all the money his family had, would eat pancakes for dinner?
She'd been released from the hospital a week before and Carter had insisted she come home with him. Ever since the night she'd woken to find him at her bedside, he'd been there for her. She'd cried in his arms for an hour and half until her eyes were completely drained of all liquid. He'd cried too, but she didn't ask him why. He had his reasons.
The withdrawal had been a nightmare. She'd never been so sick in all of her life. But Carter had been there, along with his girlfriend. They denied all accusations that they were in love, but Rachel could plainly see it. Abby glowed whenever she was around Carter or even heard his name mentioned. Carter did the same for Abby.
Now they were giggling over who could do a better pancake flip. It was so cute Rachel had to smile. Yes, she smiled. For the first time in a very long time, Rachel Greene smiled a real smile.
That smile was quickly interrupted though when an intense pain shot through her. She'd moved too quickly again. Tears formed behind her eyes but she held them back. The pain was so familiar now, but it brought back so many bad memories. Memories of the rape she had endured, or that she seemed to remember.
Up until the day before she had insisted that it had all been a bad scary dream. She had imagined it, the product of too many drugs. It had to be. That was when Abby sat her down and hugged her tightly. Then she explained everything. Abby had a way of making her believe anything. If Abby said that pigs had learned to fly, Rachel was pretty sure she would dig out her telescope and search the sky for pink flying objects.
The rape had been real. She knew that now. It hurt like hell, not just physically. It was worse then when her father had died, worse then the guilt she'd felt when Ella swallowed her ecstasy. It was a pain that dug itself so deep inside of her that nobody could understand. It was buried somewhere that she couldn't find. She wanted to run out into the streets and scream for somebody to help her find it and release it to the wind. But she couldn't. She had to deal with it.
She wasn't a child anymore.
She looked up when she felt a cool hand on her shoulder.
"Hey Rach you wanna trying flipping a pancake. Carter thinks he's a pro and I could use a little help convincing him otherwise." Abby smiled down at her.
"Maybe later. I'm still kind of tired." Rachel laid her head back down on the sofa and proceeded to flip through the TV channels another time. Abby just touched her on the head once before heading back to the kitchen.
When Rachel was sure Abby was gone she raised her head. She watched as Carter and Abby playfully teased each other. Watching them was the one thing that could convince her that there was some good in the world. There was happiness and joy. There was love.
Maybe, if she was lucky, she would find it someday. Maybe she could find a guy like Carter. Or at least somebody similar to him. Not somebody like AJ. At one point she was sure that what they had was love. How she believed she wasn't sure. It was probably the drugs. When your high you see rainbows and sunlight in every situation. Even one as bad as she had been stuck in.
What Carter and Abby had was love. It was the real thing. There were so few people out there who actually experienced it. Her mother and father had not, at least not with each other. She knew her father loved Elizabeth, but was it real true passionate love? She wasn't sure. And her mother and step-father hadn't had the best relationship either. There had to be real love out there somewhere. Maybe Carter and Abby had found it.
She smiled to herself and turned back to the TV. She fought to keep from closing her eyes. The nightmares would come again, but she'd hold them off as long as she could.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These lonely eyes have seen it all
Loves too blind to understand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carter laughed as Abby tried her best to flip the pancake without breaking it into a million pieces. Everything she did made him laugh, not at her but with her. It was when she was around that he realized what love really was.
He was in love with Abby. She denied that the feeling was mutual though. It hurt like hell every time he thought about that day. It had taken every nerve in his body to get enough courage to kiss her. Then she'd pushed him away, denied him the one thing he'd wanted for so long. She'd said she needed time.
It had been months.
Now here she was, in his kitchen that he had cooked in alone so many times. She was helping him cook Rachel dinner. He wasn't sure what he would have done without her those last few nights. Rachel would wake up screaming and in tears, rushing to the bathroom or just kicking her feet in the air, trying to hit an enemy only she could see. Abby had been there with her. She'd watched out for her in every sense of the word. He'd never noticed that Abby had such a huge maternal side to her. She'd taken Rachel under her wing from the moment she'd laid eyes on her.
Their relationship was the most natural that he had ever seen. They were already like mother and daughter.
He was still worried though. Rachel had nightmares every night and she was still in a lot of physical pain from the rape and withdrawal. Her recovery would be a long one, but he vowed to be there for her every step of the way. Rachel was going to make it. He would see to it.
He grinned as Abby showed him a pancake she had succeeded in flipping.
"Now who's the pro?" He just shook his head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cause you don't know what you have
Till your everything is gone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It'd been two days since Carter had called her over. She had returned home only once to pick up some clothing. At first she'd been unsure as to how to handle the situation. Rachel was very sick. She needed professional help, but Carter refused to take her to the hospital or to a rehab center. He wanted her detoxed at home.
It was dangerous, but she'd done it before. Alcohol withdrawal wasn't as intense as heroin and cocaine withdrawal was, but it was one of the most difficult things she'd ever been through. She could only imagine what Rachel was going through, but she tried to empathize with the girl.
She felt close to Rachel. Maybe it was their shared experience with addiction. That was one of the many reasons she felt close to Carter. Addiction was not something to be understood by anybody. Only those who hit bottom knew the exact meaning of the word. And although addiction left a hole in the addict for the rest of their lives, it also created a bond between them and all those who had gone through the same experience. It was a bond not to be broken easily.
As with her and Carter. He'd said he loved her. She wanted so badly to tell him how she really felt, but it just wasn't the right time. Carter wanted marriage, kids, the whole package. Abby had tried to picture it. She wanted to see herself as a mother carting her children off to school in a blue mini van and making her husband dinner before he got home. It just wasn't her. It wasn't in her blood.
She had to laugh at the thought of herself being part of a happy Brady Bunch type of family. She was the essence of dysfunction. She and her brother had grown up in a home with three kids; no adults allowed. Her mother was more likely to be coloring with them on the walls then cooking dinner or making them eat their vegetables. She would be kidding herself if she thought she knew what a real mother was supposed to be like.
Carter needed a real wife. Unfortunately she didn't fit into that category.
But Rachel needed somebody in her life right now. She needed people who cared about her and would take care of her. Mark would have wanted it that way. She knew Carter couldn't do it alone, despite the size of his heart. She had no choice but to stick around and help.
TBC