O_O omg it's the last chapter I have to write. I think I shall die form happiness. This thing has gone on TOO long. Okay if only because of a very LONG writers block. But it seems to be mostly gone now so.. YAYNESS. Once this is over I only really have five fics to work on! If I ever decide to finish my Jrock fics. They're kinda boring... Sept the funny one... Anyways yeah... Ladedaleda.
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Yamato waved a non committed hand as his father went out the door. It had been two glorious days of being alone. No school due to a long weekend and no Takeru. He was almost beginning to feel normal. Almost. His nights were filled his nervous nightmares. His heart still not truly believing it was over.
His father sensed something was wrong but made no fuss about it. They wern't particularly close after all. There was a respect for space and keeping out of each others business and nothing more.
Sighing Yamato looked at the clock and wondered what he could do. One day left of the holiday and it was back to school. Back to the people, who couldn't know what had happened almost every night since he'd begun staying at his mothers. Couldn't know and didn't know. But still his skin would crawl and... No matter how many showers, or how he tried Not to think of what happened. Still he thought they knew. Sure they could see the shame on his skin and in his eyes.
*Stop dwelling on it Yamato! It's over. Get over it. It's over. It's over. It's over.*
Deciding he didn't WANT to be aware and thinking tonight he walked into the bathroom. Taking his fathers sleeping pills he quickly swallowed two. No dreams tonight with the power of drugs keeping his mind asleep.
Then he crawled beneath the covers of his bed and shut his eyes. As if he could shut out the awful memories and the burning shame that never left him.
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Takeru hummed to himself. His nerves on edge. It was wrong. It felt so very wrong to be away like this. So close. He was just so close. His brother. His lover. HIS.
One just didn't let it walk away, back to it's own house. So here we was. Standing out side the Ishida apartment. It was latish. About ten thirty. His father he knew worked the late night shift on holidays so they would be alone.
*Don't worry Yamato. We wont be apart. I wont allow it.*
He though with a smile as he opened the door. Anticipating the look in his loves eyes when he saw him.
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Yamato had been tuning his guitar for the first time in days. The familiar feel comforting his turbulent thoughts as he wait for the pills to take effect. He truly want to get some sleep. Some sleep more then he had been getting for the past two weeks.
He'd jumped, his fingers strumming the strings in a discordant twang as the door opened and Takeru walked in. He saw the half crazed expression, the lust and the sadistic pleasure spring up when his brother looked at him.
In side him something wailed in denial. It was supposed to be over now! This wasn't supposed to be happening! But it was. Takeru was there and the greedy hands still claimed what they wanted. Still he could not force himself to fight. So he submitted once again. Again his soul cried out in pain at the horror of what he allowed. Then fled as no hope was left to him.
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A sharp pain but bearable. He pushed that from his mind and sat looking out the window. This last encounter with Takeru had been very different from the rest. He remembered being shocked, disgusted and somewhat frightened at first. His little brother was coming on to him. A shock and a half to be sure.
He'd been frightened unsure of how to deal with a Takeru who wasn't the innocent tag along or the cheerful joking brother.
Maybe if he hadn't been as close to Takeru as he had or maybe if they'd grown up together. Maybe they wern't close enough but whatever it was the tie he'd had with Takeru pulled him in. When Takeru begun crying, hurting himself with the reality of what he felt. It broke him down. He had always been willing to do anything to help his little bro. Anything.
He'd asked for as much as Yamato could give him as well. He asked and he'd given in. He managed somehow to block off the part of him that screamed against the wrongness of their actions. It ate away at him from the inside. He couldn't concentrate on the world around him. Couldn't let himself see anything normal other wise the he wouldn't be able to hold off the horror of what he Allowed to happen.
He shouldn't have gone to Koushiro's. He was solid, real and would never lie to his friends. He didn't force Yamato into the truth of the matter because he never asked. He let it alone. Around him Yamato found himself for short periods of time feeling normal. Felling as if nothing in his life had changed.
But he could never escape and he'd found himself drinking at that party trying to forget only to remember all too well. Then there was Koushiro again. He'd had no clue that the red head felt anything but friendship towards him. If things had been normal he'd have returned those feelings. It was simple to change the love of a friend into the love of the body. Not even. Just adding the physical to the friendship.
When he'd heard Koushiro's feelings it broke. He knew that he couldn't ignore what he and Takeru were doing. He couldn't block away how wrong this was. He was frightened again, a shaking fear that quivered inside him. He wanted to curl up in a corner and shake. He couldn't cry, crying was for what he'd lost and could never feel again.
He'd vowed never to be with Takeru again. Not until he'd broken away from the feeling that tied him down. Takeru couldn't break away. Maybe if he'd stayed distant when Takeru began crying that night. Maybe if he hadn't payed a part in Takeru's wants his brother could break away. No more. There was nothing left behind those blue eyes that was truly sane. No remorse, no fear of himself. He did what he wanted and enjoyed it.
Takeru had let himself in that night. He watched as Yamato gave Koushiro what he could. What he knew. If he'd been free of these horrible guilts and fears he'd return those emotions. All he could was give him something personal, something intimate beyond what he'd remember of other friends. Yes Takeru watched. He grew jealous as well. Then Takeru had always been jealous of the fangirls, anyone who'd tried to become close to His Onni-san.
His Onni-san. He called him that so many times that night. There was no exceptance of feelings or that there was a person behind what he wanted. No Yamato was something Takeru had wanted and therefore took. He'd continue to keep him as well. He'd use every weapon of word and deed to keep Yamato. Takeru didn't want to let go and never would. Yamato was too weak to stop him.
Being aware of the wrongness and letting it happen. He couldn't cry, he couldn't protest. He went along with everything and even enjoyed it as well. No more. He could not take it anymore. He wouldn't let this happen to him any longer, he'd go insane or become like Takeru or simply fade away until he was nothing But Takeru's possession. Nothing more then a coveted toy.
He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the window. Takeru was asleep in the bed behind him. Sound asleep looking innocent as if nothing marred his life beyond recognition. He shivered as the room grew just a bit colder, a bit darker then before.
~~~~~~~~~Take-chans POV
Takeru yawned and reached towards where Yamato had been ten minutes ago. Feeling nothing he opened his eyes and saw Yamato sitting by the window in a large bean bag chair. He had his eyes closed and appeared to be asleep.
He smiled as he looked at the beautiful creature what was his brother. The soft silken hair he loved to run his fingers through. The delicate features and fine boned frame. Not really overly thin but more graceful then most boys his age. The sender hands with calloused finger tips from long hours playing the guitar.
*Beautiful....and mine.*
He grown accustomed to having Yamato at home, someone to snuggle close to at night. A warm comforting presence that was so much More then Just his brother. He'd become his lover and he wanted nothing more then to spend every living moment possible with Yamato.
Stretching Takeru hopped off the bed and went to sit at Yamato's feet. He opened his eyes as Takeru came near apparently not asleep as he'd thought. Takeru sat down and rested his head in Yamato's lap savouring the proximity, the closeness.
Yamato sighed and Takeru could tell he'd closed his eyes again. He sat there for quite a while as Yamato drifted off to sleep his breathing slowing. It was quite peaceful and he wanted moments like this to last forever.
Takeru frowned as he realised there was something wet dripping onto his knee off the beanbag chair. He drew back lifting his head off Yamato's lap and looked at his knee. There was a stain that looked black in the dark light. The glanced at the chair and saw thin trails spreading down like mini water falls across the lines of the chair.
He jumped up and ran to the light flicking it on. He came back and saw emediatly the red staining one entire side of the chair, the side he'd faced away from. It dripped down into the carpet and gleamed wetly from a knife placed on the window sill. Worst of all was the source. A long gash on Yamato's arm travelling from his elbow to his wrist following the blue line that pulsed beneath the skin.
"Yama...." Takeru crocked as he took in the pasty paleness of his skin, the breathing slowed until it was barely distinguishable.
He ran forward ignoring the blood and shook Yamato's shoulders. He was crying unable to stop. He couldn't believe this was happening. Yamato couldn't die, he couldn't leave, he didn't Want to leave him. He shook and shook. All that happened was Yamato's head slumped forward.
Takeru went to phone an ambulance anything to save Yamato but paused at the door. He glanced back at the amount of blood soaking the carpet, Yamato's boxers and the pool of blood that had collected in one dip in the chair. There was too much. He couldn't do anything, it was too late.
He sobbed once and stumbled back to Yamato. He buried his face in Yamato's lap ignoring the blood and cried.
"No you can't go. You can't leave me. Yama I love you please don't go. Please. Please. Please. Don't go. Please."
He stiffened as he felt the slow, weak breathing above him stop. There was no life left in the body sitting in that chair. A low thin cry escaped Takeru's lips as he shook his head. Not wanting to believe. Refusing to believe. He wouldn't lose Yamato he couldn't.
"I wont let you leave me Yamato. I wont let you leave without me." He whispered reaching for the knife still gleaming red on the sill.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yup that's all folks. There's going to be two sequel type fics. The first is Gloomy Sunday. It's from Koushiro's POV and explains a bit what happened on his end of things. It's short and to the point.
Um yeah. Review please?