Eddy glared at his two friends as they sat on his front porch step.  "Come on, guys, how hard can it be to come up with a new holiday?  Just pick something!"  He tapped his foot impatiently.

"Please can't it be Chicken Day, Eddy?  People could send cards to their favorite chickens!"

Eddy scowled.  "In that case, birdbrains like you would be buried in cards.  Get real!  There's gotta be something people would want to celebrate!"

"I still maintain that James Hillier Day would be an ideal choice.  Why, if only more people were aware of the contributions he made by introducing the electron microscope to the world, Dr. Hillier would finally be able to get the recognition he deserved!"

Having a brainiac for a friend could really be trying at times.  "Sure, Sock-head, I can see the cards now."  Eddy made a face.  "'Looking at germs in extreme close-up always makes me think of you.  Happy Microscope Day!'"  He rolled his eyes in disgust.  "Are you sure you're really human?"

"Nope, Eddy, Double-D is a 'homo sapiens,' he told me once!"  Ed pondered.  "Is that anything like a mutant potato?  Ooh, ooh!  I know!  We could have – "

"We ain't having Mutant Potato Day, Ed."  Having a brain dead lump for a friend could be trying, too.  He sighed and stood up.  "I've gotta say, I'm disappointed in you boys.  The most obvious answer of them all has been staring us in the face all day, and it hasn't occurred to either of you."  He shook his head.

"Oh, by all means, Eddy, please enlighten us!  We can't all be as gifted at conjuring up sham holidays as you, you know!"

"Isn't it obvious, Double-D?  For a really cool holiday, you need to have something really cool to celebrate."  He'd been practicing smarmy grins in his bathroom mirror for weeks, and now favored Ed and Edd with one of his best.  "And what could be cooler…than me??"

"How about a frozen penguin in a big bowl of snow that's been chilled by a thousand air conditioners and buried in the deepest, coldest spot on the sub-zero ice planet of Kelvitron?"

"Shut up, Ed.  Well, Double-D?  Whaddya think?" 

"Why, of course, Eddy!  What were Ed and I thinking?  Why would anyone want to commemorate the birth of an important and relevant scientist, or the existence of a flightless bird that provides sustenance to millions across the globe, when they could be paying homage to a person whose greatest accomplishment to date has been to finally make it all the way through 'Titanic' without dissolving into a BLUBBERING BALL OF KLEENEX-WADDING PATHOS!!"

Eddy eyed Edd suspiciously.  He didn't understand all of the words, but he thought Double-D's tone sounded a little cocky.  "You're doing that sarcasm thing again, aren't you?  You know I hate it when you do that."  He looked around more anxiously this time.  "And ix-nay on the itanic-tay thing, okay?  If it got out that I got a little – just a little! – choked up over that movie…" he trailed off, trying hard not to think of all those rich people, all that cash, going down the drain.

"Then please try to be reasonable, Eddy, I don't want to spend yet another fruitless afternoon hard at work on an enterprise that's doomed to failure at the onset!"

Eddy's eyes narrowed.  Double-D had been getting way too uncooperative lately.  "What are you saying?"  He grabbed him by his hat and dragged him down so he could glare at him eye-to-eye.  "You think people wouldn't want to celebrate Eddy Day?!?"

Sock-head actually cringed.  "No offense, Eddy, but…how many people came to your birthday party this year?"

Eddy dragged Edd closer, raising his fist, then stopped suddenly and dropped his hand to his side.  He looked away.  "All right, all right, no Eddy Day."  Raising his fist again, he added, "And there would've been more people besides just you and Ed – only the invitations must've gotten lost in the mail."

"I'll bet the mailman kept them all to himself to fuel his diabolic Delivery Truck of Doom, just like in 'Disgruntled Postal Workers of the Apocalypse!'"

"Why, of course, Eddy, I'm sure that's exactly what happened."  Eddy was distracted by Ed's outburst, and so didn't notice when Double-D tugged his hat out of his grip and backed away.  "But that still doesn't resolve the matter of deciding upon an appropriate holiday."  His eyes lit up.  "Might I suggest we conduct an extensive study of the properties of the more successful holidays so we can isolate those characteristics that they all have in common?  Why, I could – "

This time Eddy did hit him.  Sometimes there was just no other way to shut him up.  "No, Sock-head, you couldn't.  I'd like to get this over with before I'm too old to spend the cash."  He sat down dejectedly.  "Man, who knew coming up with a new holiday could be so hard?  We're never gonna get any jawbreakers at this rate."  An idea suddenly came to him.  He looked up, eyebrows raised.  "Hey, are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Statistically unlikely as that seems, I believe I am, Eddy!"

"The Force is with me, Eddy!"

The Ed's high-fived triumphantly.  "Jawbreaker Day!"

*****

Eddy stepped back and admired his handiwork.  He suppressed tears of laughter as he beheld Ed, looking like a grinning pink idiot in his papier-mâché costume.  The big lump could be so entertaining.

Ed bounced gleefully as he looked down at his hands and feet sticking out of the big pink ball.  "I am the Jawbreaker King!  Take me to your gravy!"  He started to roll away, but Eddy stopped him.

"Hold still, Big Guy, you're not done yet."  Eddy thought hard.  Something still seemed to be missing.  He snapped his fingers, then painted "Happy Jawbreaker Day" onto the back of Ed's costume.  "There you go, Lumpy!"  He turned to look over his shoulder.  "Hey Double-D, how're those cards coming?"

Edd sat at a table, surrounded by crumpled balls of paper and wearing a mournful look.  "Um…I'll need just a few more minutes, Eddy…"  He wrote down another line, then scratched it out.

"What?  You're still not ready?"  Eddy stomped over in annoyance.  "You've been at it for over an hour, Edgar Allen Pointless, what's the big hold-up?"  He snatched up the paper Double-D'd been working on before he could protest.  "Lemme see that…"

He looked over the paper.  It was covered in Edd's ridiculously neat handwriting, but most of it had been scratched out beyond recognition.  A few lines were still legible, though.  He read aloud in growing disbelief.  "'Federico Fellini is a fine film maker?' 'That thing you put salt in is called a salt shaker??'  'The U. Penn mascot is a red and blue Quaker??'"  He began rolling up the paper as he grated out the final line he could read.  "'I think you're better than Tammy Faye Baker?!?'"  He thwacked Edd soundly, wishing he had something larger and heavier than a card in his hand.

Edd put his hands up protectively.  "Poetry is not my forte, Eddy!  I-I just can't seem to come up with a rhyme for jawbreaker that makes sense!"  He looked even more stressed than usual as he plucked at Eddy's shirt.  "Can you think of something, because I just can't!!"

Hands and feet pulled up into his costume, Ed rolled up to the table.  "You're so nice, I wish that I / Could give you a Studebaker / But they don't make those anymore / Instead, have a great big jawbreaker!"  Chuckling, he rolled away again.

Edd stared blankly after Ed.  Eddy dropped the roll-up card and shrugged.  "Well, it ain't Shakespeare, but it's the best we've got."  He called over to Ed, "You're a genius, Big Guy!"  Ed laughed and rolled smack into a wall.

"Now there's a combination of words I never expected to hear."

"Yeah?  Then try this one on for size:  You'd better watch your step, Sock-head, or Ed's gonna take your place!  He can sound just like you, he can build inventions that don't work just like you, and now he can rhyme better than you!"  He grinned wickedly, and called over to Ed, "Hey, Lumpy, how do you think Double-D'd look with one eyebrow?"

"Like a real team player!" came the reply.

"Don't toy with me, Eddy, my confidence is shaken enough as it is."  Edd actually did look somewhat crestfallen as he stood up.  "But, I suppose that Ed's unexpectedly poetic outburst has at least relieved me of this distasteful chore.  Now can we get on with – "

"Not so fast, Sock-head, we still have to make the cards, ya know."  He pushed Edd back into his seat and put a marker in his hand.  "Think you can handle writing down what Ed said, and maybe adding a few pretty pictures?  Don't worry if you can't get all the words spelled right…"

Eddy snickered to himself and counted down silently.

3…2…1…

"Aaaiiigh!!!"  Edd pounded his head against the table in frustration.

Sometimes Sock-head could be SO much fun to mess with.