Ed laughed as Eddy rolled him down the street in his bright pink jawbreaker costume.  Edd followed, carrying a large stack of cards and trying his best to keep up.  They stopped in front of Rolf's door.

"All right, everyone know what to do?"  Eddy asked.

"As per usual, Eddy, you'll be playing the role of spokesperson in this half-baked attempt to take advantage of Rolf's inadequate grasp of local customs, while Ed serves as the visual aid."  He looked glum.  "I will be doing my best to avoid passing out from shame.  Also as per usual."

Ed bet Double-D was looking so unhappy because he didn't get to wear the costume.  "Don't worry, Double-D, you can be the virtual spade next time!"

"Shut up, Ed.  And Double-D, just be ready with those cards, will ya?  Okay, let's go.  Ed, ring the bell."

"Baa!" Ed shouted.  "Baa, baa, baa!  Anybody home?"

The door opened and Rolf stuck his head through, looking annoyed.  "Victor, Rolf must have silence while he greases Nano's armpits!  Do you know – " his gaze focused on the three standing on his porch.  "Oh, hello, pain-in-the-bolshevik Ed-boys!  Might Rolf grease your armpits for you?"

"Uh, not right now, Rolf.  We just came by to wish you a happy Jawbreaker Day!"  Eddy nudged Ed.  "Now, Ed!"

"Ready and wilted, Eddy!"  Ed withdrew his head and arms into the paper mache ball.  Inside were a number of items he'd accumulated along the way – a feather that tickled when he rubbed it under his nose, half a sandwich he'd found lying on the ground, some bottle caps that looked like they might be crash-landed alien ships from the planet Carbonatria.  He'd just picked up one of the bottle caps and was trying to peer at the aliens inside when he heard an insistent banging on the top of his costume.

"ED!"

"Oh yeah."  Ed laughed.  Abandoning the bottle cap for another time, he rummaged around until he found the envelope he was looking for.  He thrust his head and arms back through the costume, only missing the already-existing holes by a few inches.

"Here you go, Rolf.  Seasoning's Greetings!"

"What is this?"   Rolf took the proffered envelope with suspicion.  He opened it and examined the card within.  "You do not expect Rolf to pay for this unasked-for object, I hope?"

"Of course not, Rolf, don't you know anything?  It's a Jawbreaker Day card!"  Eddy looked astonished.  "Don't they have Jawbreaker Day back in the old country?"

"Rolf knows nothing of this 'Day of the Jawbreaker,' Nails-on-a-Chalkboard Ed-Boy.  Tell him of this strange custom!"

"Ooh, ooh!  Me!  Me!"  Ed waved his arm wildly.  "Jawbreaker Day is when people everywhere celebrate the invention of the turnip!"

"—'jawbreaker,' Ed," Double-D whispered.

"But Double-D, why would jawbreakers want to celebrate the invention of the turnip?"

Eddy sent Ed spinning across the lawn.  "Don't mind him.  A weasel laid eggs in his brain when he was a baby, and he's just never been the same since."

"Eddy, weasels are mammals, their offspring are born li – aigh! "  Ed heard a "whumph!" as Double-D landed on the ground next to him.

Ed watched delightedly as the world continued to spin before his eyes.  He rolled to his feet and bounced back over to the doorstep.  "That was fun, Eddy, do it again!" 

But Eddy ignored him and continued talking to Rolf.  "As I was saying, Jawbreaker Day marks the invention of the jawbreaker.  Exactly 42 years ago today, the very first one was made – it's tradition to hand out cards to all your friends to celebrate!"

Rolf's eyes teared up.  "Rolf is humbled that you would choose to bestow upon him this Greeting Card of Friendship!  Alas, the shame of onions festers in his heart, for he has not prepared for you a card in return!"

Eddy grinned.  "No problem!  You're still new here, we understand."  As Edd stumbled back up to rejoin his friends, Eddy plucked several cards out of his hands.  "In fact, we've got some extras that you can have…for a small service fee, of course…"  Eddy pulled out his ever-present money jar and shook it.  Ed wondered if it was hard to sit with such a big jar in your pocket.

"You are good as Nano's eel and sour milk stew!"  Rolf dropped several coins into the jar, and snatched up the cards.

"Just doin' our part, Rolfy boy.  Hey, I have an idea!  Why don't you come with us to help spread Jawbreaker Day cheer to the rest of the neighborhood?"

"You would let Rolf do this?  A celebration, I say!"  Rolf pulled out a contraption that looked like a cross between a tuba and an octopus.  When he blew into it, it made a beautiful, haunting sound, much like an elephant in gastric distress.  Ed's eyes lit up.

"Oh boy!"  He started dancing towards Eddy, arms raised high.  "That's my hor – "

Eddy ducked.  "Wrong celebration, Ed!  Come on, let's go!"  He ran on ahead.  "Jonny's next on the list…"

Ed ran after Eddy, humming along to Rolf's flatulent pachyderm music.

Eddy stopped short when he reached the playground.  "Hmm, nobody here, maybe he's at his house…"

Ed's gasped in horror as he noticed a brown, fuzzy object shaking in the sandbox.  "Eddy!"  He pointed.  "Giant caterpillars have laid their eggs in the sandbox!  Soon we will all be devoured by their ravenous offspring!"

Suddenly the 'caterpillar egg' raised slightly out of the sand, revealing two wide-staring eyes.  Ed boggled – who knew that caterpillar eggs had eyes?

"Do you think it's safe, Plank?"  Sand slid off of Jonny as he stood up.  Reaching down, he pulled Plank out of the sand.  "Boy, I thought we were goners for sure – elephants can be so violent when they've got gas!"

Ed tackled Jonny in a big bear hug.  "Jonny!  Plank!  I am so glad you are not an enormous baby caterpillar waiting to wrap us up in cocoons and suck all the juice out of our eyes!"

"Er…"

"Get off him, Ed!"  Eddy pried him away from Jonny and knocked him to the ground.  "Sorry about that, Jonny, no need to be alarmed, Ed just wanted to wish you a happy Jawbreaker Day is all!"

"…"

"I don't know what they're talking about either, Plank.  Just smile and nod…"

Ed rocked back and forth in his costume, but was unable to get to his feet.  "I am a turtle!  Pass the pretzels!"  He felt a tugging on his hands as Edd tried to help him up.

"What Eddy means is – ungh – that we've all come by to convey our warmest wishes for a pleasant Jawbreaker Day.  Unnngh – Ed's manner of expressing himself, while rather unconventional, was heartfelt nonetheless…"  He finally succeeded in pulling Ed up, and stood gasping for breath.

Ed blinked.  Unconventional?  Patiently, he explained, "No, no, Double-D, I am a turtle – not a rutabaga."  He laughed.  Double-D was his friend, but he could be a little dense sometimes.

Double-D stared at him, no doubt trying to work out the difference between a turtle and a rutabaga.  Ed wondered if he ought to draw him a picture to help, but his attention was diverted when Rolf again blew into his wonderful tubopus.

"Dance the merry dance for the globe of delight, Jonny Wood-Boy!  Rolf, too, wishes you a Happy Jawbreaker Day!"

"Did you guys get into some spoiled wheat germ?  Woo-hoo, I'd like to try some of that myself!"

"Jonny, you can't be serious?"  Eddy looked shocked.  "You didn't know it was Jawbreaker Day?"

"Um…"

"Even Rolf knows about it, and he's not even from around here!"

"Yes, surely Jonny's enormous noggin must be filled with the slobber of a hundred cows, not to not know what day it is," Rolf laughed.

Jonny exchanged looks with Plank.  "Oh, er, of course we knew it was Jawbreaker Day!  We were just foolin' you – weren't we, Plank?"

"Yeah, I knew it, Jonny my boy!  You're a slick one!"  Eddy held his hand out towards Ed, who shook it happily.  "Ed, the card," he growled.

"Oh, right!"  Ed pulled a card out of his costume.  "This is for you, Jonny!"  Rummaging around, he pulled out a second one.  "Here you go, Plank!"  He stuck the card in the notch at the top of Plank's head.

"And here is one from Rolf, may it feed your happiness like the water off a duck's belly!"

Jonny looked at the cards and scratched his head.  "Um…Plank, weren't you supposed to buy our Jawbreaker Day cards this year?"  He looked apologetically towards the others.  "Plank says he forgot to buy any, guys…"

"Well, Jonny, you're in luck!  It just so happens that we've got some extras!"  Eddy held out a number of cards.  "Only 25 cents a card, how many would you like?"

"Oh, well, uh – I guess we'll take five, Eddy…"

The coins clinked into the jar, and Eddy grinned from ear to ear.  Ed wished that he could make his eyes form little dollar signs like Eddy's did.

"Hey, Jonny, how'd you like to come along with us and go wish the rest of the kids a happy Jawbreaker Day?  The more, the merrier, you know!"

"Woo-hoo!  Come on, Plank, let's go!"

"…"

"Oh, you're too cynical sometimes, Buddy!  I think Eddy's really just trying to be nice this time!"

As everyone ran towards their next destination, Ed was surprised to see Double-D, panting and gasping for breath, run past him and keep pace briefly with Eddy.

"Eddy, while I must concede that your *gasp* manipulation of Rolf and Jonny through the application *gasp* of social pressure *gasp* met with greater success than I'd expected, might I remind you that *gasp* they're both somewhat *gasp, gasp* of outsiders from the larger societal structure of the cul-de-sac, as are we three?"

Ed felt bad for Double-D.  It must be tough to have to use made-up words when you didn't know how to say something in English.

"Do you have a point, Sock-head, or were you just getting lonely all the way in the back there?"  Eddy always sounded angry.  Maybe it was because he was so short.

"My point *gasp* Eddy *gasp* is that I doubt the combined peer pressure that *gasp* could be exerted *gasp* by this assembled group will be sufficient in swaying *gasp* more socially confident individuals *gasp* like Kevin *gasp* or Nazz, or Sarah, or – "

Eddy stuck out his foot and tripped him.  "Alright, enough!  We'll burn that bridge when we get to it, okay?"

"My mom says I can't play with matches, Eddy!"  As Ed ran past, he grabbed Edd off the ground and dragged him along.  "Couldn't we use horseradish sauce instead?"

"Shut up, Ed."  Eddy must not like horseradish.

They finally made it over to the lane, to find the rest of the cul-de-sac kids engaged in various activities.  Kevin was popping wheelies on his bike while Nazz looked on, and Sarah and Jimmy were drawing on the ground.

"Callooh, callay!"  Ed shouted gaily.  He'd heard that in "Revenge of the Frumious Bandersnatch" once and had always liked the way it sounded.  "Happy Jawbreaker Day!"

As all eyes turned towards him, he wondered what everyone would look like if they were made of cheese.  Cheese was such a funny word.  He bet that the person who'd invented it had trouble saying it without giggling.  "Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese!"  He laughed.

"Um, you can let go of me now, please."  Oops.  He'd forgotten he was still holding Double-D by the collar.  He dropped him to the ground.

"Just what are you dorks doing now?" Kevin glared suspiciously.

"Yeah, don't you guys have some, um, umbrellas to be cooking up or something?"  Nazz giggled.

Eddy was staring at Nazz and sweating profusely.  He looked like he was trying to say something, but nothing came out. 

Edd picked himself up off the ground and picked debris off his shirt.  "W-what Eddy is trying to say, Nazz, is that he wishes everyone a happy…Jawbreaker Day…on behalf of all of us."  Double-D's shirt must've picked up a whole lot of dirt because he was staring at it even more intently than usual.

"Jawbreaker Day?"  Ed tensed as his sister's voice split the air.  "ED!  What are you guys up to?"

In panic, Ed retracted his head, arms, and legs into his costume.  "N-nothing, oh Spawn-of-the-Depths Baby Sister!  I am a good boy!"  He started to roll away, but found himself stopped suddenly.  "Don't tell Mom, okay?"

He peered out through an armhole and saw Eddy resting an elbow against his costume.  "Relax, Sarah, it's just a stupid holiday, okay?  I mean, you did know it was Jawbreaker Day, right?  You're not that dense, are ya?"

"Darn you, Mr. Happy Day Appointment Organizer!"  Behind Eddy, Ed could see Jimmy flipping in dismay through a little book covered in unicorn stickers.  "It doesn't even have Jawbreaker Day listed in it, Sarah!"

"That's because there is no Jawbreaker Day."  Kevin sounded like he did that time Ed had accidentally eaten his bike.  "These dorks are trying to pull a fast one on you."

"No way, Kevin, of course it's Jawbreaker Day!"  Eddy rapped on the papier-mâché jawbreaker.  "Do you think we'd go through all the trouble of dressing Ed up like this if it weren't?"  Ed stuck his arms and head back out of the costume and yelled, "Fahrvergnugen!"

Eddy slung an arm around Rolf and Jonny.  "I mean, come on, even these guys know what day it is, don't ya boys?"

Rolf raised his octopus/tuba instrument to his mouth.  "Yes, indeed, the Ed-boys were kind enough to teach this humble son of a shepherd the ways of your country!"  Before he could blow a note, Kevin stepped up and put his hand over the mouthpiece.

"Dude, you've been had.  My dad works in the jawbreaker factory, don't you think I'd know if a holiday like that were real?"

Jonny looked upset.  "You mean it really isn't Jawbreaker Day?  Boy, Plank, you were right all along!"

"Rolf has been taken for a walk yet again?"  Rolf advanced, pushing up his sleeves.  "These Ed-boys are a bigger pestilence than the Seven-Year Drool Toad!"

Double-D tried to duck behind Ed, but Rolf caught him and held him fast.  "W-what did I tell you, Eddy, there simply wasn't enough collective social pull in the group you'd assembled in order for this to succeed…"  Double-D was shaking the same way Ed had that time he'd tried to wash his underwear by pouring ice cubes and detergent down his pants.

"Next time, try to tell me these things when I can actually use them, would ya?"  Eddy backed away as a very angry-looking Jonny came closer.

"It's a good thing for you I'm such a peace-loving guy," Jonny said.  Eddy relaxed somewhat and started to speak, but was cut off as Plank came crashing down on his head.  "Too bad Plank isn't!"

"Time for my favorite Jawbreaker Day tradition of them all."  Kevin picked a laughing Ed up by the arms and began swinging him around.  "Launching the Jawbreaker Day Dorks into low-earth orbit."

"Ooh, ooh, do me first!"  Ed had never been in orbit before.  All the rocket launches he'd seen, though, had always started with a countdown.

3…

He felt a little jealous when Kevin swung him into Eddy, sending Eddy flying.  Eddy always got to go first.

2…

Double-D looked terror-stricken as Kevin knocked him into the air.  Maybe he was prone to space sickness.

1…

Ed whooped with delight as Kevin swung him a final time and let go.  As he sailed through the air, it occurred to him that he'd better think of something to say in case he met any aliens wherever he landed.

"I am Ed, King of the Jawbreakers!  Take me to your gravy!!!"

Sometimes life could be SO much fun.