The BSC Legacy – Book 4: Adolescence Passing
By: CNJ
PG-13
13: Countdown To Graduation, Part 3
Mary Anne:
"...so you're going to Staten
U. after all," Tim sat down in the kitchen.
"Yes," I told him, getting
out sodas and handing him one.
"Mary Anne, I thought we
talked about this and you were going to apply to Connecticut U. with me,"
Tim's green eyes peered at me as I sat and sipped my soda.
"We did talk, Tim, but I
never promised you I'd go to Connecticut U.," I told him. Why was he giving
me a hard time about this? Did he really expect me to trail him to go to
Connecticut U. and shelve my dream of going into New York? He knew I wanted
to go to New York. "Remember I told you I'd look at Connecticut
U. to see if they had a good teachers' and education program. But they
don't, Tim and you know I plan to be a teacher."
"There's more to college
than just planning a career, Mary Anne!"
"Dammit, I know that!" This
conversation was getting harder by the second. "But we can keep in touch.
There is e-mail, you know and New York City is what...about two
hours away from Connecticut U., which is close by here."
"It's not going to be the
same," Tim argued. "When would I see you? How would we make our dates on
weekends? Cyberspace?"
"Vacations," I stood up
and tossed my can into the garbage. "We'll see each other during winter
and spring breaks and at Thanksgiving..."
"Three times a year, that's
fantastic for keeping a relationship strong," Tim put in.
"Goddammit, it doesn't take
spending every weekend together for our relationship to last!" I exploded.
"Hey, my stepsister, Dawn lived in the west Coast for two years and I only
saw her at vacations, but our bond stayed strong. We adjusted and we're
still close."
"It's different with us,"
Tim insisted. My stomach tightened and somehow this brought me back to
ninth grade when I'd gone out with Logan Bruno and he'd become possessive
and I'd had to break up with him. Was Tim another Logan? I hoped not! "I'm
not a person who's satisfied with e-mails and an occasional phone calls.
Mary Anne, you still can major in teaching at Connecticut U. Come on, I'm
not asking you to drop out of school or anything; all I want is for us
to stay together for college."
"Oh, Tim..." I felt tears
well up in my eyes. This was awful; I never thought he'd act this way about
my going to a different college. It was hurting my heart. Looking at him
now, he reminded me of Logan all over again. I didn't think I'd be happy
at Connecticut U. The education program at Staten U. was suburb and not
only that, I could minor in psychology, which would be my back-up career
if teaching didn't pan out.
"Well..." Tim stood up and
dumped his can into the trash. "If you have your whole life mapped out...there
doesn't seem to be much room for me, does it?"
"Oh, Tim, please don't..."
I pleaded. "There is...it's just..." Tim was important, but there were
other things equally important and if he couldn't see that, my heart was
going to be broken. I hoped it wouldn't come to that. I watched Tim leave,
then stood by the door and cried for a long time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sharon, Dawn, and Dad came
home at the same time and we started dinner together. Because all of us
are busy during the week, we're lucky if we eat together more than a couple
of times in the week.
"Is everything all right,
Mary Anne?" Sharon asked softly. I shrugged.
"What wrong?" Dad asked.
Finally, I told them a little bit about the problem I was having with Tim.
"Good for you," Sharon nodded.
"There are ways to keep in touch." We kept eating and exchanging little
things back and forth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Are you sure you want to
head to school today, Mary Anne?" Dad peered at me closely the next morning.
"You didn't eat much breakfast and you're still upset over Tim..."
"I'll be fine, Dad," I hoisted
my backpack over my shoulder.
"Mary Anne, try to eat a
little more," Dad told me. "Don't push yourself on an empty stomach."
"Goddammit, Dad, I'm almost
eighteen!" I felt a well of frustration in me at being treated like a kid.
"I don't need to be fawned over!" Dad and Sharon peered at me a long minute.
"I'm sorry, but I'm almost
an adult now and can decide for myself when I need to stay home." I backed
away, feeling stifled.
"Well..." Dad seemed a bit
startled, but not upset.
"Hey, your dad didn't mean
to treat you like a kid," Sharon soothed. "He's just concerned."
"Thanks, but I'll be all
right," I said more softly, feeling bad about raising my voice to them.
"Please, please trust me on this."
"We do," Dad told me softly.
"I'm still getting used to the fact that you're not a kid anymore. And
it's kind of hard."
"Thanks," I whispered, touched
that at least he was making an effort. I hugged them both and left for
school. My parents were struggling to adjust to Dawn and me being almost
grown and I got the feeling a lot of other parents were too. I wondered
if any of them knew how badly we couldn't wait to move away from here.
I, for one, was sick of living in Stoneybrook. I was kind of tired of Connecticut
and I had to get that through to Tim, or our relationship was in trouble.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mona:
"It's sooo hot already and
it's not even mid-May yet," I sighed, fighting off sleepiness as Claudia,
Caitlin, Anna, and I got back into my mom's car after another meeting with
the Fairview Gardens people and bringing over more decorations and food.
"It is," Caitlin agreed.
"Well...I think we have almost everything there for the big night." I gave
the others a ride home and on the way, the conversation drifted from prom
preparations to college. "Did I tell you I'm going to Boulder U. in the
fall?" Caitlin told us.
"Wow, that's great!" Claudia
whooped. "Just think, you'll have mountains of snow every winter!"
"Got a partial scholarship
there."
"Congratulations," Anna
and I put in.
"And that reminds me that
I'm still waiting for the papers to my financial aid to come through,"
I added.
"Staten U, right?" Claudia
asked me.
"Yup." I nodded.
"So am I," Claudia told
me. "In my case, it's for Granite U."
"Hey, you'll have plenty
of snow too, Claud," Anna put in. "Minnesota has great winters. Mona, Mary
Anne's going to Staten with you, right?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "We're
going to try to be roommates." A few weeks ago, Mary Anne won a partial
scholarship that would pay most of her tuition. She also applied for financial
aid as well. College sure isn't cheap.
"Hey, you two are lucky,"
Caitlin told me. "It's great rooming with someone who you know. The rest
of us...are all on an unexplored frontier." We all laughed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I zeroed straight for the
mail table as soon as I got in and sure enough saw an envelope from Staten
U. I dashed upstairs, hoping it was my financial aid papers processed.
"YEEEEE-Haaaaa!" I whooped
when I opened it. It was! It turned out I was eligible for them to cover
two-thirds of my tuition plus half of the room and board! Wait until
I told Mary Anne and Mom about this!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mona:
"That's great, darling,"
Mom told me at dinner when I told her about the financial aid packet coming
through. I'd called Mary Anne and she said she'd gotten hers also. So now
we can proceed with the housing plans. I knew Mom was relieved also. My
sister, Amber is in her third year of college also on financial aid. Mom
has a better paying job now than she did when I was in middle school, but
college is so expensive that we could still use the help. Mom is widowed
and raised Amber and me alone since I was in fifth grade.
"I'm going to miss you,
Mom," I said softly. "Are you going to be all right here by yourself?"
"Sure," Mom helped herself
to more beets. "The house is going to seem empty, but we'll see each other
for holidays and things. I love you and want you to follow your dreams
wherever they take you."
"Thanks." I'm planning to
be a veterinarian when I'm through with college. Staten U. has an excellent
vet program. They also have an good teaching and psychology program, which
is why Mary Anne is planning on going there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Claudia:
"Yaaaa-HOOOO!" I bellowed
a few days later when I opened my envelope to find out that my financial
aid for Granite U. had come through. NOW I could start some serious planning!
"It's the financial aid?"
Mom called from the kitchen, where she and Dad were finishing dinner.
"Yeah." I booked into the
kitchen and showed them.
"Good, good..." Mom looked
the letter over. "Two-third of the tuition covered." She reached over and
gave me a hug. "I'm going to miss you when you leave for Minnesota in the
fall."
"Congratulations, sweetheart,"
Dad hugged me from the other side. "Janine's coming up the Wednesday before
your graduation."
"Good." I couldn't wait
to see my older sister, who is just finishing her junior year at the Naval
Academy in Virginia. Next spring, she'll be graduating and will be an officer
in the Navy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kristy:
I invited David over for
dinner that night after it was okay with Mom.
"...so we'll drive up to
Hartford U. for Charles' graduation and will be back on Saturday," Watson
told us. My older brother Charles is graduating from college while I'm
graduating from high school. Sam, another brother of mine, has one more
year to go at Connecticut U., then it'll be his turn next year. Karen and
Andrew, my younger stepsiblings, would be over on Friday night for the
graduation, then would stay on for my high school graduation at the end
of this month. God, it's soo hard to believe my friends and I are almost
ready for college. I can't WAIT to get out of Stoneybrook and head to Fellowdean
and be on my own. Mary Anne, Claudia, Dawn, and Mona felt the same
way. I think Stacey's having more trouble with the idea of leaving Stoneybrook,
though. She says she's worried about her mom being alone and that she's
not sure if she'll adjust to all the changes. If there was just some way
I could help her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dawn:
I'd gotten my financial aid
through for Tucson U. Now, I was set to go! I couldn't wait to get back
to the dry desert Southwest with the cacti and palm trees. Mary Anne can't
wait to head to the Big Apple in the fall. Boy, I was going to miss her
so much! Mary Anne feels the same way. I was finishing an English essay
when a soft knock sounded at the door. It was Mary Anne and she came in
and flopped on my bed.
"The home stretch of our
high school years," I sighed.
"You got that right," Mary
Anne said with a sad, sort of ironic smile and turned over and looked at
the ceiling. "Have you been thinking about...how our lives change so fast?
I mean, when we graduated from middle school and started high school, all
of us were nervous about that big change and growing up and everything.
Now we're facing an even bigger change...from high school to being adults
in college and being on our own and planning our careers...and the rest
of our lives."
"Yeah..." I lay down beside
her. "Mind-blowing. You know what this reminds me of, this whole transition
in our lives? The waves changing in the ocean. When I lived in California
with my dad and stepmom, I'd sometimes just watch the waves on the beach
and bit by bit the waves would change the water, yet some things about
the water would stay the same, like the texture and it being salty."
"Let's be like the ocean,"
Mary Anne's eyes became damp. "Promise me our relationship will stay strong
even though we're thousands of miles apart and going through even more
changes in our lives."
"I promise." I nodded. We
linked hands for the longest minute, staring at the ceiling. I thought
over a lot of the changes the BSC had been though since middle school...starting
high school, then Shannon Kilbourne moving away, me being in California,
Logan Bruno and Mary Anne, who used to be an item, breaking up in the spring
of ninth grade, going through adolescence and acne and puberty, dealing
with the IN clique in tenth grade when they threatened to take over Stoneybrook
High, then our old farmhouse burning to the ground that summer and losing
much of our old stuff, then having it re-built while we rented another
house, then in eleventh grade, Abby and me becoming associate members of
the BSC, then Anna joining, me coming back here to Stoneybrook, Logan moving
to Bridgeport, Mona moving FROM Bridgeport here and joining the BSC, then
Abby launching the Operation Today's Good Youth where most of us sent letters
to editors of various papers suggesting how the largely false image of
today's youth could be improved. Operation Today's Good Youth weakened
the IN clique and thanks to Ms. Silverbein, who also launched a conflict
resolution program at SHS, the IN clique eventually broke up, especially
after a shoving incident they caused in a baseball game at SHS. Then us
being seniors and getting ready for college and in three short weeks, graduating
and in the fall leaving Stoneybrook for college and the next generation
of the BSC taking over the club. I knew there would be many, many more
changes ahead and I had confidence that even though the BSC would be in
different parts of the country, our friendship would stay strong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stacey:
"My apprehension about next
year is really growing," I told Mary Anne the next day as we wove our way
among the students to our lockers to get our books. "I keep trying to vision
next year for me and coming up with this blank space."
"Wow, that must be tough,"
Mary Anne said softly, her brown eyes sympathetic. "It's scary. I myself
am looking forward to New York City next year, but I'm a little scared
too...about finding my niche...about Dad and Sharon being alone in the
house without Dawn and me..."
"Thanks," I managed a shaky
smile. "Hey, I've got my honors physics final today, so I'll see you later."
"Good luck," Mary Anne waved.
"I have my English final tomorrow."
"Good luck with that," I
called as we parted. Several of us kids finished the coursework early,
so they're letting us take our finals early instead of coming in on finals
week, which is the third week of May, that Monday and Tuesday. I was taking
the physics today and the calculus tomorrow. I'm also one of five runners-up
for valedictorian. A little overwhelming, but it made me proud at the same
time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The down side of finishing
the finals early is more free periods, which meant for me, more time to
brood over next year. Swell. I was reading in the student lounge when Mary
Anne, who'd finished her English final early, came into the hall and sat
next to me.
"Hi..." I whispered.
"Hey..." Mary Anne smiled
a minute, then her face fell and she looked gloomy. "Good book?"
"Yeah," I told her, putting
the book down. "Borders of the Soul."
"Sounds interesting."
"And it's keeping me from
thinking too much about what I'm going to do about...what I was telling
you this morning."
"Yeah..." Mary Anne's face
drooped again. Then she gave a short ironic laugh. "Isn't it weird? We
finished our exams early, so I have more time to brood over how sick I
am of living here and more antsy about getting away to New York."
"I hear you. I was thinking
the same thing, only I'm having a hard time dealing with the whole idea
of us leaving Stoneybrook." I fought back tears. "I don't know how I'm
going to say goodbye to my mom...being away from all you guys..."
"I know..." Mary Anne's
eyes filled up and she reached over and held my hand. "I'll be glad to
be out of Stoneybrook, but at the same time, I'll miss you guys like crazy.
Thank the stars for e-mail. Dawn and I were talking last night about all
the changes in our lives and she says it that our friendship will stay
strong despite us being miles apart." I nodded, figuring that she made
sense. After all, the three years that Dawn lived in California, Mary Anne
managed to stay close to her.
"Let's take a walk around
SHS," I suggested. "Just for old times' sake." Mary Anne liked the idea,
so we walked down the halls, all over.
"Remember our first day
here?" Mary Anne asked.
"Yeah," I nodded. "It seemed
like a jungle since we didn't know our way around here."
"And the halls seemed huge
compared to SMS," Mary Anne added. "I remember each of us getting lost
at least twice." We were heading toward Ms. Buchwald's room, where Mary
Anne and I had had the same homeroom with her that year.
"And I'll never forget when
those guys tried to harass us..." Mary Anne's eyes traveled toward the
wall where a row of guys had stood that first day and commented on the
girls going past and Mary Anne and I walked by and they'd commented on
us and we'd both gotten mad and told them off! They'd been rightfully ashamed
and mumbled apologies and slunk off and had never done that to any other
girl again. SHS has two floor, so we walked along both floors, going over
memories of these past four years.
"This is where you, Dawn,
and Kristy caught up to me and told me that more letters had come out in
the Operation Today's Good Youth," I chuckled. "We were soo excited and
I'll never forget how all of us ran outside and saw the reporters."
"Right after Thanksgiving
in junior year," Mary Anne put in. "I remember there was a light snow and
I was taking notes for an article in the Stoneybrook Beacon and
the photographer took our picture and had all of us say letters.
Ms. Silverbein stood by us all the way. I also burst into tears and dropped
the pad." We both chuckled at the memory.
"Abby was something in her
courage to start that whole thing," I added as we headed back toward the
student lounge. On the way, we passed by the trophy case and looked at
the and the paraphernalia from OTGY, including the letter Hillary Clinton
had written us that January. We passed by Ms. Fedders' room and heard voices
inside. At first, I thought it was Ms. Fedders talking to a student.
"...don't worry, our bond
will still be strong, Leah...just like when you taught in New York while
I was here in Connecticut."
"I...know, Karen...I guess...it's
just going to be hard not seeing you here..." It was Ms. Silverbein and
she sounded like she was in tears! Passing by, we saw Ms. Silverbein there
and she was wiping her eyes. Ms. Fedders handed her a tissue and put an
arm around her. We scurried on past, not wanting to eavesdrop any more
than we had.
"Ohh, God, she's having
a hard time with this," Mary Anne said softly. "I have the feeling Ms.
Silverbein's going through a rough time with Ms. Fedders' leaving."
"Kind of like me," I whispered.
"Like I'm having a tough time dealing with not seeing you all as often
next year."
"Hey, it's something you
and Leah...I mean Ms. Silverbein have in common," Mary Anne blushed at
having accidentally called the principal by her first name. "I wish there
was something we could do to make this easier for her...and you."
"I'm not sure we can," I
shook my head. "I mean, I guess like Ms. Fedders said, we can just keep
taking it easy on her." We were quiet a long minute.
"I wish I could tell Tim
this," Mary Anne said under her breath.
"What?" Mary Anne took a
big breath and told me about the problem she was having with Tim not wanting
her to go to a separate college. As she did, tears welled in her eyes.
"God..." I let out my breath.
"If he's so damn anxious to have you near him, then why didn't he apply
to Staten U.?"
"That's what I'd like to
know," Mary Anne shrugged. I'd had the feeling that Tim and Mary Anne were
having trouble, but it seemed that Tim was insecure enough to not want
to give Mary Anne room to grow in her own path. It reminded me of a boyfriend
she'd had in eighth and ninth grade, Logan Bruno. Logan had gotten possessive
and tried to hog up her free time and as a result, they broke up in April
of ninth grade. It had really broken Mary Anne's heart, because she had
really liked Logan. The truth was, they'd both cried, but their values
were just incompatible and they would have just gotten more miserable if
they'd stayed together. I'd heard that Logan had moved to Bridgeport before
junior year and was now at Burkeview High. I just hope Mary Anne wouldn't
wind up with another broken heart, but the way things were going, it looked
like she would.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary Anne:
Tim and I walked up to the
Orbach Grill, both of us deep in thought. The night was warm and I looked
around at the stuff blooming, even along the sidewalks of the main pike
where a lot of restaurants are. Once we sat down and ordered (thank the
stars Tim's never tried to order for me without asking what I wanted like
Logan Bruno sometimes did!), Tim asked,
"Soooo, did you think about
next year...what we're going to do?"
"Yeah..." I nodded. "And
I'm definitely going to Staten U. next year."
"God...Mary Anne..." Tim
let out a disappointed breath.
"I'm so sorry, Tim, I know
you're disappointed and wanted to go to the same college as me."
"So this is it, huh..."
Tim said quietly.
"This is what?" I felt my
frustration mounting again. "This is what?"
"It seems like you've made
up your mind that Staten U. is more important than us. "
"Tim, don't talk that way!"
I pleaded, my brows knotting up into a worried frown. "It doesn't have
to be it for our relationship. Haven't I told you that we can keep it strong.
Just like my friends and me...we're all going off to different colleges
and that isn't just it for our friendship. We don't have to be together
all the time for us to stay close."
"Mary Anne, you're not even
facing reality, you're living in an idealistic dream world about how if
our relationship is oh-so-strong, we can stay close just seeing each other
twice a year."
"Hell, if you were so anxious
about us staying together, why didn't you apply to Staten U?!" There
it went again! I am an idealist, but what wrong with it?! Someone had to
be the dreamer or this world would never improve. I wish some of the cynics
and realists of the world wouldn't ridicule idealists as being "out of
touch with reality." Sure, their reality.
"Our food's here," Tim told
me shortly. The waitress set down our food, looking at us with a curious
expression. I got the feeling she was thinking two teens in love and bickering.
I blushed and tried to eat something. But it was hard to swallow. Tim apparently
didn't have trouble because he dug right in. Once we'd eaten some, I asked
Tim once again, "Why didn't you apply at Staten if you were so anxious
for us to be together?"
"Because I've never liked
huge cities, New York, especially," Tim told me. "What's it about New York
that you have?"
"I've always felt like I
was a New Yorker at heart," I took a sip of soda. "Remember I told you
that a few days after we met?"
"I...guess," Tim shrugged.
"I figured it was just an idea you had, but didn't think it was that serious."
We finished eating in silence, then split the bill. Tim peered over at
me several times and I got the feeling he wanted to say something more.
Sure enough, he did. "Mary Anne..." he sipped the last of his soda. "i
think I'd better tell you something."
"Yeah...?" I felt my heart
skip a beat, not sure I really wanted to hear it. I had a bad feeling about
this.
"I think...we'd better call
it quits."
I actually jumped a little.
"So...you want to break up with me..." my voice came out sounding a little
strange, almost hoarse.
"It's..." Tim seemed to
be thinking of what to say. "It's just that we have incompatible needs
and wants...it looks like you don't want the same things I do out of life...I
don't want the things you do..."
"Just say it," I told him
in a flat, rather raw voice. "You're breaking up with me. Fine. Then it's
over." We were silent and still, staring at each other for the longest
minute. Oh, Tim, I thought in agony, my heart splintering in cracking in
pieces. I could also see pain in his face and knew this was tough for him
also. It was true. Tim and I had been good while we were in the same school
in our safe teenage world, but now that we were practically adults, both
of us knew we'd never last together as adults. Our values and needs clashed
too much to sustain a relationship. We got ready to leave in silence.
"Soo, still up to a walk
before we close this night?" Tim asked.
"Not really," I told him.
"I'm going home."
"Want me to walk you home?"
Tim asked.
"No, it's all right," I
stood up and left a tip on the table. "Goodnight, Tim...it was good while
it lasted...good luck at Connecticut U." I felt tears welling up in my
eyes. "Goodbye, Tim," I finished softly and left, heading home in a rapid
walk, tears spilling down my face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was almost ten when I
told Sharon and Dad that I needed to get out of the house for a while.
I'd told Dawn about the breakup and my heart was in pieces. I just needed
to be away a few hours.
"Are you going to be...?"
Sharon peered at me.
"Yes, just as soon as I...think
things out," I told her. "I might be gone a few hours, so don't worry if
I'm not back until really late."
"Be careful," Dad gave me
a little hug. Sharon kissed my cheek. I hugged them both.
"I l-love you both so much,"
I whispered. Then I went out to the backyard, took my bike and rode on
down the dark street. I don't know how long I rode, but there was a warm
wind blowing, enough to blow my hair around. I cried on and off, feeling
the pain in my heart, then bit by bit releasing it. There weren't many
cars on the suburban roads, but once I hit the bigger part of town, there
were lots more cars, being Friday night. I even saw two other bikers down
the road. My tears still flowed like an automatic water faucet in the public
bathrooms that they have nowadays. Oh, this hurt so much! The one other
time I felt this awful squashing feeling in my heart was when Logan and
I broke up in ninth grade. I rode until I came to the lighthouse, which
is almost at the edge of Stoneybrook, where there's a small beach. I put
my bike under a clump of bushes and headed toward the beach, enjoying the
quiet, then listening to the waves crashing into the shore. I watched the
ocean for a long time, remembering Dawn and my conversation earlier this
week about the ocean changing, yet staying the same. Oh, Tim, why couldn't
you understand that? I wondered. I still cried on and off, watching the
ocean. Occasionally, my vision blurred. Still the water never changes,
I thought. I even flung a few rocks into the ocean and felt an odd relief
that the rocks just disappeared into the sea soundlessly. The things around
the water change though, just like our lives. It was almost pitch-black,
yet still I could see the waves. Watching the waves made me feel calmer,
even though I knew I'd be sad for a long time after Tim. On the way back
to get my bike, I tried to look at my watch, but it was too dark. I made
a mental note to get a night-visible watch in the fall as I rode back home.
Once I got home, I saw it was past two in the morning. Dad and Sharon were
asleep. Thank the stars I'd told them I'd be out really late. As I flopped
on my bed, I heard a soft knock on the door. It was Dawn.
"Feeling all right?" Dawn
whispered.
"Some," I shrugged. "I rode
all the way up to the lighthouse and watched the water a while. It made
the think about what you said about the ocean. and waves and all." Dawn
nodded. "I love you, Dawn." I gave her a big hug.
"I love you too," Dawn hugged
me back. "Oh, I'm going to miss you in the fall. Even your tears."
"I'll miss you too," I managed
a weak smile. "Even your tofu and bean sprouts." Dawn chuckled. Dawn's
a vegetarian, while I'm a meatitarian and junk-food lover. Whatever had
happened, I was grateful I had Dawn for a stepsister. I'm going to miss
her in the fall.
