This one's kind of long...enjoy!

The BSC Legacy – Book 4: Adolescence Passing

By: CNJ

PG-13

13: Countdown To Graduation, Part 3

Mary Anne:

"...so you're going to Staten U. after all," Tim sat down in the kitchen.
"Yes," I told him, getting out sodas and handing him one.
"Mary Anne, I thought we talked about this and you were going to apply to Connecticut U. with me," Tim's green eyes peered at me as I sat and sipped my soda.
"We did talk, Tim, but I never promised you I'd go to Connecticut U.," I told him. Why was he giving me a hard time about this? Did he really expect me to trail him to go to Connecticut U. and shelve my dream of going into New York? He knew I wanted to go to New York. "Remember I told you I'd look at Connecticut U. to see if they had a good teachers' and education program. But they don't, Tim and you know I plan to be a teacher."
"There's more to college than just planning a career, Mary Anne!"
"Dammit, I know that!" This conversation was getting harder by the second. "But we can keep in touch. There is e-mail, you know and New York City is what...about two hours away from Connecticut U., which is close by here."
"It's not going to be the same," Tim argued. "When would I see you? How would we make our dates on weekends? Cyberspace?"
"Vacations," I stood up and tossed my can into the garbage. "We'll see each other during winter and spring breaks and at Thanksgiving..."
"Three times a year, that's fantastic for keeping a relationship strong," Tim put in.
"Goddammit, it doesn't take spending every weekend together for our relationship to last!" I exploded. "Hey, my stepsister, Dawn lived in the west Coast for two years and I only saw her at vacations, but our bond stayed strong. We adjusted and we're still close."
"It's different with us," Tim insisted. My stomach tightened and somehow this brought me back to ninth grade when I'd gone out with Logan Bruno and he'd become possessive and I'd had to break up with him. Was Tim another Logan? I hoped not! "I'm not a person who's satisfied with e-mails and an occasional phone calls. Mary Anne, you still can major in teaching at Connecticut U. Come on, I'm not asking you to drop out of school or anything; all I want is for us to stay together for college."
"Oh, Tim..." I felt tears well up in my eyes. This was awful; I never thought he'd act this way about my going to a different college. It was hurting my heart. Looking at him now, he reminded me of Logan all over again. I didn't think I'd be happy at Connecticut U. The education program at Staten U. was suburb and not only that, I could minor in psychology, which would be my back-up career if teaching didn't pan out.
"Well..." Tim stood up and dumped his can into the trash. "If you have your whole life mapped out...there doesn't seem to be much room for me, does it?"
"Oh, Tim, please don't..." I pleaded. "There is...it's just..." Tim was important, but there were other things equally important and if he couldn't see that, my heart was going to be broken. I hoped it wouldn't come to that. I watched Tim leave, then stood by the door and cried for a long time.

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Sharon, Dawn, and Dad came home at the same time and we started dinner together. Because all of us are busy during the week, we're lucky if we eat together more than a couple of times in the week.
"Is everything all right, Mary Anne?" Sharon asked softly. I shrugged.
"What wrong?" Dad asked. Finally, I told them a little bit about the problem I was having with Tim.
"Good for you," Sharon nodded. "There are ways to keep in touch." We kept eating and exchanging little things back and forth.

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"Are you sure you want to head to school today, Mary Anne?" Dad peered at me closely the next morning. "You didn't eat much breakfast and you're still upset over Tim..."
"I'll be fine, Dad," I hoisted my backpack over my shoulder.
"Mary Anne, try to eat a little more," Dad told me. "Don't push yourself on an empty stomach."
"Goddammit, Dad, I'm almost eighteen!" I felt a well of frustration in me at being treated like a kid. "I don't need to be fawned over!" Dad and Sharon peered at me a long minute.
"I'm sorry, but I'm almost an adult now and can decide for myself when I need to stay home." I backed away, feeling stifled.
"Well..." Dad seemed a bit startled, but not upset.
"Hey, your dad didn't mean to treat you like a kid," Sharon soothed. "He's just concerned."
"Thanks, but I'll be all right," I said more softly, feeling bad about raising my voice to them. "Please, please trust me on this."
"We do," Dad told me softly. "I'm still getting used to the fact that you're not a kid anymore. And it's kind of hard."
"Thanks," I whispered, touched that at least he was making an effort. I hugged them both and left for school. My parents were struggling to adjust to Dawn and me being almost grown and I got the feeling a lot of other parents were too. I wondered if any of them knew how badly we couldn't wait to move away from here. I, for one, was sick of living in Stoneybrook. I was kind of tired of Connecticut and I had to get that through to Tim, or our relationship was in trouble.

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Mona:

"It's sooo hot already and it's not even mid-May yet," I sighed, fighting off sleepiness as Claudia, Caitlin, Anna, and I got back into my mom's car after another meeting with the Fairview Gardens people and bringing over more decorations and food.
"It is," Caitlin agreed. "Well...I think we have almost everything there for the big night." I gave the others a ride home and on the way, the conversation drifted from prom preparations to college. "Did I tell you I'm going to Boulder U. in the fall?" Caitlin told us.
"Wow, that's great!" Claudia whooped. "Just think, you'll have mountains of snow every winter!"
"Got a partial scholarship there."
"Congratulations," Anna and I put in.
"And that reminds me that I'm still waiting for the papers to my financial aid to come through," I added.
"Staten U, right?" Claudia asked me.
"Yup." I nodded.
"So am I," Claudia told me. "In my case, it's for Granite U."
"Hey, you'll have plenty of snow too, Claud," Anna put in. "Minnesota has great winters. Mona, Mary Anne's going to Staten with you, right?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "We're going to try to be roommates." A few weeks ago, Mary Anne won a partial scholarship that would pay most of her tuition. She also applied for financial aid as well. College sure isn't cheap.
"Hey, you two are lucky," Caitlin told me. "It's great rooming with someone who you know. The rest of us...are all on an unexplored frontier." We all laughed.

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I zeroed straight for the mail table as soon as I got in and sure enough saw an envelope from Staten U. I dashed upstairs, hoping it was my financial aid papers processed.
"YEEEEE-Haaaaa!" I whooped when I opened it. It was! It turned out I was eligible for them to cover two-thirds of my tuition plus half of the room and board! Wait until I told Mary Anne and Mom about this!

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Mona:

"That's great, darling," Mom told me at dinner when I told her about the financial aid packet coming through. I'd called Mary Anne and she said she'd gotten hers also. So now we can proceed with the housing plans. I knew Mom was relieved also. My sister, Amber is in her third year of college also on financial aid. Mom has a better paying job now than she did when I was in middle school, but college is so expensive that we could still use the help. Mom is widowed and raised Amber and me alone since I was in fifth grade.
"I'm going to miss you, Mom," I said softly. "Are you going to be all right here by yourself?"
"Sure," Mom helped herself to more beets. "The house is going to seem empty, but we'll see each other for holidays and things. I love you and want you to follow your dreams wherever they take you."
"Thanks." I'm planning to be a veterinarian when I'm through with college. Staten U. has an excellent vet program. They also have an good teaching and psychology program, which is why Mary Anne is planning on going there.

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Claudia:

"Yaaaa-HOOOO!" I bellowed a few days later when I opened my envelope to find out that my financial aid for Granite U. had come through. NOW I could start some serious planning!
"It's the financial aid?" Mom called from the kitchen, where she and Dad were finishing dinner.
"Yeah." I booked into the kitchen and showed them.
"Good, good..." Mom looked the letter over. "Two-third of the tuition covered." She reached over and gave me a hug. "I'm going to miss you when you leave for Minnesota in the fall."
"Congratulations, sweetheart," Dad hugged me from the other side. "Janine's coming up the Wednesday before your graduation."
"Good." I couldn't wait to see my older sister, who is just finishing her junior year at the Naval Academy in Virginia. Next spring, she'll be graduating and will be an officer in the Navy.

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Kristy:

I invited David over for dinner that night after it was okay with Mom.
"...so we'll drive up to Hartford U. for Charles' graduation and will be back on Saturday," Watson told us. My older brother Charles is graduating from college while I'm graduating from high school. Sam, another brother of mine, has one more year to go at Connecticut U., then it'll be his turn next year. Karen and Andrew, my younger stepsiblings, would be over on Friday night for the graduation, then would stay on for my high school graduation at the end of this month. God, it's soo hard to believe my friends and I are almost ready for college. I can't WAIT to get out of Stoneybrook and head to Fellowdean and be on my own. Mary Anne, Claudia, Dawn, and Mona felt the same way. I think Stacey's having more trouble with the idea of leaving Stoneybrook, though. She says she's worried about her mom being alone and that she's not sure if she'll adjust to all the changes. If there was just some way I could help her.

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Dawn:

I'd gotten my financial aid through for Tucson U. Now, I was set to go! I couldn't wait to get back to the dry desert Southwest with the cacti and palm trees. Mary Anne can't wait to head to the Big Apple in the fall. Boy, I was going to miss her so much! Mary Anne feels the same way. I was finishing an English essay when a soft knock sounded at the door. It was Mary Anne and she came in and flopped on my bed.
"The home stretch of our high school years," I sighed.
"You got that right," Mary Anne said with a sad, sort of ironic smile and turned over and looked at the ceiling. "Have you been thinking about...how our lives change so fast? I mean, when we graduated from middle school and started high school, all of us were nervous about that big change and growing up and everything. Now we're facing an even bigger change...from high school to being adults in college and being on our own and planning our careers...and the rest of our lives."
"Yeah..." I lay down beside her. "Mind-blowing. You know what this reminds me of, this whole transition in our lives? The waves changing in the ocean. When I lived in California with my dad and stepmom, I'd sometimes just watch the waves on the beach and bit by bit the waves would change the water, yet some things about the water would stay the same, like the texture and it being salty."
"Let's be like the ocean," Mary Anne's eyes became damp. "Promise me our relationship will stay strong even though we're thousands of miles apart and going through even more changes in our lives."
"I promise." I nodded. We linked hands for the longest minute, staring at the ceiling. I thought over a lot of the changes the BSC had been though since middle school...starting high school, then Shannon Kilbourne moving away, me being in California, Logan Bruno and Mary Anne, who used to be an item, breaking up in the spring of ninth grade, going through adolescence and acne and puberty, dealing with the IN clique in tenth grade when they threatened to take over Stoneybrook High, then our old farmhouse burning to the ground that summer and losing much of our old stuff, then having it re-built while we rented another house, then in eleventh grade, Abby and me becoming associate members of the BSC, then Anna joining, me coming back here to Stoneybrook, Logan moving to Bridgeport, Mona moving FROM Bridgeport here and joining the BSC, then Abby launching the Operation Today's Good Youth where most of us sent letters to editors of various papers suggesting how the largely false image of today's youth could be improved. Operation Today's Good Youth weakened the IN clique and thanks to Ms. Silverbein, who also launched a conflict resolution program at SHS, the IN clique eventually broke up, especially after a shoving incident they caused in a baseball game at SHS. Then us being seniors and getting ready for college and in three short weeks, graduating and in the fall leaving Stoneybrook for college and the next generation of the BSC taking over the club. I knew there would be many, many more changes ahead and I had confidence that even though the BSC would be in different parts of the country, our friendship would stay strong.

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Stacey:

"My apprehension about next year is really growing," I told Mary Anne the next day as we wove our way among the students to our lockers to get our books. "I keep trying to vision next year for me and coming up with this blank space."
"Wow, that must be tough," Mary Anne said softly, her brown eyes sympathetic. "It's scary. I myself am looking forward to New York City next year, but I'm a little scared too...about finding my niche...about Dad and Sharon being alone in the house without Dawn and me..."
"Thanks," I managed a shaky smile. "Hey, I've got my honors physics final today, so I'll see you later."
"Good luck," Mary Anne waved. "I have my English final tomorrow."
"Good luck with that," I called as we parted. Several of us kids finished the coursework early, so they're letting us take our finals early instead of coming in on finals week, which is the third week of May, that Monday and Tuesday. I was taking the physics today and the calculus tomorrow. I'm also one of five runners-up for valedictorian. A little overwhelming, but it made me proud at the same time.

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The down side of finishing the finals early is more free periods, which meant for me, more time to brood over next year. Swell. I was reading in the student lounge when Mary Anne, who'd finished her English final early, came into the hall and sat next to me.
"Hi..." I whispered.
"Hey..." Mary Anne smiled a minute, then her face fell and she looked gloomy. "Good book?"
"Yeah," I told her, putting the book down. "Borders of the Soul."
"Sounds interesting."
"And it's keeping me from thinking too much about what I'm going to do about...what I was telling you this morning."
"Yeah..." Mary Anne's face drooped again. Then she gave a short ironic laugh. "Isn't it weird? We finished our exams early, so I have more time to brood over how sick I am of living here and more antsy about getting away to New York."
"I hear you. I was thinking the same thing, only I'm having a hard time dealing with the whole idea of us leaving Stoneybrook." I fought back tears. "I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to my mom...being away from all you guys..."
"I know..." Mary Anne's eyes filled up and she reached over and held my hand. "I'll be glad to be out of Stoneybrook, but at the same time, I'll miss you guys like crazy. Thank the stars for e-mail. Dawn and I were talking last night about all the changes in our lives and she says it that our friendship will stay strong despite us being miles apart." I nodded, figuring that she made sense. After all, the three years that Dawn lived in California, Mary Anne managed to stay close to her.
"Let's take a walk around SHS," I suggested. "Just for old times' sake." Mary Anne liked the idea, so we walked down the halls, all over.
"Remember our first day here?" Mary Anne asked.
"Yeah," I nodded. "It seemed like a jungle since we didn't know our way around here."
"And the halls seemed huge compared to SMS," Mary Anne added. "I remember each of us getting lost at least twice." We were heading toward Ms. Buchwald's room, where Mary Anne and I had had the same homeroom with her that year.
"And I'll never forget when those guys tried to harass us..." Mary Anne's eyes traveled toward the wall where a row of guys had stood that first day and commented on the girls going past and Mary Anne and I walked by and they'd commented on us and we'd both gotten mad and told them off! They'd been rightfully ashamed and mumbled apologies and slunk off and had never done that to any other girl again. SHS has two floor, so we walked along both floors, going over memories of these past four years.
"This is where you, Dawn, and Kristy caught up to me and told me that more letters had come out in the Operation Today's Good Youth," I chuckled. "We were soo excited and I'll never forget how all of us ran outside and saw the reporters."
"Right after Thanksgiving in junior year," Mary Anne put in. "I remember there was a light snow and I was taking notes for an article in the Stoneybrook Beacon and the photographer took our picture and had all of us say letters. Ms. Silverbein stood by us all the way. I also burst into tears and dropped the pad." We both chuckled at the memory.
"Abby was something in her courage to start that whole thing," I added as we headed back toward the student lounge. On the way, we passed by the trophy case and looked at the and the paraphernalia from OTGY, including the letter Hillary Clinton had written us that January. We passed by Ms. Fedders' room and heard voices inside. At first, I thought it was Ms. Fedders talking to a student.
"...don't worry, our bond will still be strong, Leah...just like when you taught in New York while I was here in Connecticut."
"I...know, Karen...I guess...it's just going to be hard not seeing you here..." It was Ms. Silverbein and she sounded like she was in tears! Passing by, we saw Ms. Silverbein there and she was wiping her eyes. Ms. Fedders handed her a tissue and put an arm around her. We scurried on past, not wanting to eavesdrop any more than we had.
"Ohh, God, she's having a hard time with this," Mary Anne said softly. "I have the feeling Ms. Silverbein's going through a rough time with Ms. Fedders' leaving."
"Kind of like me," I whispered. "Like I'm having a tough time dealing with not seeing you all as often next year."
"Hey, it's something you and Leah...I mean Ms. Silverbein have in common," Mary Anne blushed at having accidentally called the principal by her first name. "I wish there was something we could do to make this easier for her...and you."
"I'm not sure we can," I shook my head. "I mean, I guess like Ms. Fedders said, we can just keep taking it easy on her." We were quiet a long minute.
"I wish I could tell Tim this," Mary Anne said under her breath.
"What?" Mary Anne took a big breath and told me about the problem she was having with Tim not wanting her to go to a separate college. As she did, tears welled in her eyes.
"God..." I let out my breath. "If he's so damn anxious to have you near him, then why didn't he apply to Staten U.?"
"That's what I'd like to know," Mary Anne shrugged. I'd had the feeling that Tim and Mary Anne were having trouble, but it seemed that Tim was insecure enough to not want to give Mary Anne room to grow in her own path. It reminded me of a boyfriend she'd had in eighth and ninth grade, Logan Bruno. Logan had gotten possessive and tried to hog up her free time and as a result, they broke up in April of ninth grade. It had really broken Mary Anne's heart, because she had really liked Logan. The truth was, they'd both cried, but their values were just incompatible and they would have just gotten more miserable if they'd stayed together. I'd heard that Logan had moved to Bridgeport before junior year and was now at Burkeview High. I just hope Mary Anne wouldn't wind up with another broken heart, but the way things were going, it looked like she would.

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Mary Anne:

Tim and I walked up to the Orbach Grill, both of us deep in thought. The night was warm and I looked around at the stuff blooming, even along the sidewalks of the main pike where a lot of restaurants are. Once we sat down and ordered (thank the stars Tim's never tried to order for me without asking what I wanted like Logan Bruno sometimes did!), Tim asked,
"Soooo, did you think about next year...what we're going to do?"
"Yeah..." I nodded. "And I'm definitely going to Staten U. next year."
"God...Mary Anne..." Tim let out a disappointed breath.
"I'm so sorry, Tim, I know you're disappointed and wanted to go to the same college as me."
"So this is it, huh..." Tim said quietly.
"This is what?" I felt my frustration mounting again. "This is what?"
"It seems like you've made up your mind that Staten U. is more important than us. "
"Tim, don't talk that way!" I pleaded, my brows knotting up into a worried frown. "It doesn't have to be it for our relationship. Haven't I told you that we can keep it strong. Just like my friends and me...we're all going off to different colleges and that isn't just it for our friendship. We don't have to be together all the time for us to stay close."
"Mary Anne, you're not even facing reality, you're living in an idealistic dream world about how if our relationship is oh-so-strong, we can stay close just seeing each other twice a year."
"Hell, if you were so anxious about us staying together, why didn't you apply to Staten U?!" There it went again! I am an idealist, but what wrong with it?! Someone had to be the dreamer or this world would never improve. I wish some of the cynics and realists of the world wouldn't ridicule idealists as being "out of touch with reality." Sure, their reality.
"Our food's here," Tim told me shortly. The waitress set down our food, looking at us with a curious expression. I got the feeling she was thinking two teens in love and bickering. I blushed and tried to eat something. But it was hard to swallow. Tim apparently didn't have trouble because he dug right in. Once we'd eaten some, I asked Tim once again, "Why didn't you apply at Staten if you were so anxious for us to be together?"
"Because I've never liked huge cities, New York, especially," Tim told me. "What's it about New York that you have?"
"I've always felt like I was a New Yorker at heart," I took a sip of soda. "Remember I told you that a few days after we met?"
"I...guess," Tim shrugged. "I figured it was just an idea you had, but didn't think it was that serious." We finished eating in silence, then split the bill. Tim peered over at me several times and I got the feeling he wanted to say something more. Sure enough, he did. "Mary Anne..." he sipped the last of his soda. "i think I'd better tell you something."
"Yeah...?" I felt my heart skip a beat, not sure I really wanted to hear it. I had a bad feeling about this.
"I think...we'd better call it quits."
I actually jumped a little. "So...you want to break up with me..." my voice came out sounding a little strange, almost hoarse.
"It's..." Tim seemed to be thinking of what to say. "It's just that we have incompatible needs and wants...it looks like you don't want the same things I do out of life...I don't want the things you do..."
"Just say it," I told him in a flat, rather raw voice. "You're breaking up with me. Fine. Then it's over." We were silent and still, staring at each other for the longest minute. Oh, Tim, I thought in agony, my heart splintering in cracking in pieces. I could also see pain in his face and knew this was tough for him also. It was true. Tim and I had been good while we were in the same school in our safe teenage world, but now that we were practically adults, both of us knew we'd never last together as adults. Our values and needs clashed too much to sustain a relationship. We got ready to leave in silence.
"Soo, still up to a walk before we close this night?" Tim asked.
"Not really," I told him. "I'm going home."
"Want me to walk you home?" Tim asked.
"No, it's all right," I stood up and left a tip on the table. "Goodnight, Tim...it was good while it lasted...good luck at Connecticut U." I felt tears welling up in my eyes. "Goodbye, Tim," I finished softly and left, heading home in a rapid walk, tears spilling down my face.

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It was almost ten when I told Sharon and Dad that I needed to get out of the house for a while. I'd told Dawn about the breakup and my heart was in pieces. I just needed to be away a few hours.
"Are you going to be...?" Sharon peered at me.
"Yes, just as soon as I...think things out," I told her. "I might be gone a few hours, so don't worry if I'm not back until really late."
"Be careful," Dad gave me a little hug. Sharon kissed my cheek. I hugged them both.
"I l-love you both so much," I whispered. Then I went out to the backyard, took my bike and rode on down the dark street. I don't know how long I rode, but there was a warm wind blowing, enough to blow my hair around. I cried on and off, feeling the pain in my heart, then bit by bit releasing it. There weren't many cars on the suburban roads, but once I hit the bigger part of town, there were lots more cars, being Friday night. I even saw two other bikers down the road. My tears still flowed like an automatic water faucet in the public bathrooms that they have nowadays. Oh, this hurt so much! The one other time I felt this awful squashing feeling in my heart was when Logan and I broke up in ninth grade. I rode until I came to the lighthouse, which is almost at the edge of Stoneybrook, where there's a small beach. I put my bike under a clump of bushes and headed toward the beach, enjoying the quiet, then listening to the waves crashing into the shore. I watched the ocean for a long time, remembering Dawn and my conversation earlier this week about the ocean changing, yet staying the same. Oh, Tim, why couldn't you understand that? I wondered. I still cried on and off, watching the ocean. Occasionally, my vision blurred. Still the water never changes, I thought. I even flung a few rocks into the ocean and felt an odd relief that the rocks just disappeared into the sea soundlessly. The things around the water change though, just like our lives. It was almost pitch-black, yet still I could see the waves. Watching the waves made me feel calmer, even though I knew I'd be sad for a long time after Tim. On the way back to get my bike, I tried to look at my watch, but it was too dark. I made a mental note to get a night-visible watch in the fall as I rode back home. Once I got home, I saw it was past two in the morning. Dad and Sharon were asleep. Thank the stars I'd told them I'd be out really late. As I flopped on my bed, I heard a soft knock on the door. It was Dawn.
"Feeling all right?" Dawn whispered.
"Some," I shrugged. "I rode all the way up to the lighthouse and watched the water a while. It made the think about what you said about the ocean. and waves and all." Dawn nodded. "I love you, Dawn." I gave her a big hug.
"I love you too," Dawn hugged me back. "Oh, I'm going to miss you in the fall. Even your tears."
"I'll miss you too," I managed a weak smile. "Even your tofu and bean sprouts." Dawn chuckled. Dawn's a vegetarian, while I'm a meatitarian and junk-food lover. Whatever had happened, I was grateful I had Dawn for a stepsister. I'm going to miss her in the fall.