DISCLAIMER: As much as I would like to own the character, Ian Nottingham
(just about every woman's dream), unfortunately I don't. Anyways, DON'T
SUE ME!
FEEDBACK: In the words of Molly Shannon, "I love it, I love it, I love it."
ARCHIVE: Sure, would love it. Just let me know first!
Author's Note: Well, here it is guys, Chapter 4! I hope you all enjoy, for it may be the last in a long time. I'm going on vacation next week . . . FINALLY . . . and maybe it will give my brain a rest so I can get my corky sense of humor back to flowing. Oh, and one more thing, I'd like to thank all of you for the reviews! They mean so much to me!
~ Nonsense Is A Virtue! ~
Chapter 4 - Where Is That Bar of Conch?
Vicky: Hey, you want to go to a club with me tonight?
Sara: Why?
Vicky: To pick up some guys of course!
Sara: Yeah, I guess so.
Jake: (Walks in carrying two potato heads.) Hey, Vick. (Gives her a flirtatious smile.)
Vicky: Uhh . . . why are you carrying potato heads around?
Sara: Don't ask, trust me.
Danny: (Walks in) Jake, I need you to take care of French, Fry, Scallop, and Curly.
Vicky: Are those people?
Sara: They're the little potato heads that they have in the office.
Jake: (Gives her a mean look and covers up the potato heads' ears.) Sara, what did I tell you about calling our little babies potato heads? They have feelings you know! (Turns back to Danny) Are you leaving or something?
Danny: I have to go pick up my son from soccer practice.
Vicky: I thought you had a daughter.
Sara and Jake: (Wave their hands around.) DON'T ASK!
(Vicky and Sara both walk into a club. They sit down at the bar. A guy comes up from behind Sara.)
Sara: Yes?
The Guy: Hey, I'm Irish! Do I sound Irish?
Sara: I guess so.
The Guy: I know you.
Sara: Really?
The Guy: Yeah, I become your lover and then I die because other Irish people kidnap me and kill me. You try to save me, though. You just really sucked at it.
Sara: What's your name, Pal?
The Guy: Conchabar.
Sara: Conchabar . . . well . . . you wanna go to my place and have sex. Then, I can leave you there for the Irish people to come kidnap you and kill you.
Conchabar: Yeah, sure why not.
Sara: This time I'm not going to try and save you though.
Conchabar: (Thinks for a second.) Okay.
(The next day. Conchabar is kidnapped. Sara goes to the police station. Ian is sitting up on her file cabinet.)
Sara: I don't think I can get up there. (Has lust in her eyes.)
Ian: Ewww . . . that isn't why I'm here.
Sara: Then why are you here, hot stuff?
Ian: Your lover has been kidnapped; I brought money for you to get him back.
Sara: Oh I know. Don't worry about it.
Ian: He's going to die.
Sara: I know.
Ian: He's your lover though.
Sara: Oh, but I wish you were my lover, instead.
Ian: Get away from me! (Jumps off the file cabinet and runs out the door. Comes back for a second.) And stop stalking me!
Dante: (Walks in and brings her a plate of oysters.) Pez, I brought you some lunch. (Locks the door behind him.)
Sara: Oooh . . . oysters! These things are so good. (Starts eating a bunch.)
Dante: (Smiles at her.) I'm glad you like them. So where are your partners at?
Sara: Jake is down at the lab, trying to get Vicky to go out with him. And Danny is picking up his son from soccer practice.
Dante: (Appears dumbfounded.) I thought he had a daughter.
Sara: He does.
Dante: But, I thought he only had one kid.
Sara: He does.
Dante: But you said son.
Sara: Yeah . . .
Dante: (Shakes his head.) So . . . you're here all alone.
Sara: You're in here . . . so I'm not here all alone.
Dante: (Starts walking over to her and sways his hips back and forth.) Have you had plenty of oysters?
Sara: (Sitting back, rubbing her tummy.) At least a dozen. (She winks at him. Then, she walks over to him and starts rubbing her fingers up and down his arms.)
Dante: Ooh, yeah baby.
Sara: (Pulls out her gun and aims it at his manhood.) I seem to recall that little White Bulls' bullet that my father didn't get for his birthday.
Dante: Oh come on.
Sara: Oh come on, not! You should be put in jail and stuck with a guy named Bob that is really big and likes Barbie dolls!
Dante: No, Sara! Don't say that! Don't you care about me?
Sara: I only love one other man.
Dante: Who?
Sara: Ian Nottingham!
Dante: Isn't he your brother?
Sara: Yeah.
Dante: Ewww . . . that's incest. And illegal.
Sara: We can live happily ever after down in Arkansas!
(Sara grabs her stuff and leaves. After a second later she's asleep on her bed.)
Sara: Damnit! I keep on having dreams about these people running around yelling, "Witch, witch, burn her!"
Gabriel: (Appears in the doorway and eating food.) Use the witchblade, Sara, it can show you things that others cannot see.
Sara: (Touches it and begins to concentrate really hard. She later sees a view of Nottingham taking a shower.) Ooh . . . oohh . . . it works.
Gabriel: See Sara, you can use it to fight the forces of evil.
Sara: Or spy on my brother.
Author's Note: Okay, well I don't know if I like this chapter. But, oh well! Like I said before the updates for this fic will be put off for a while. I'm trying to brainstorm some ideas to put vampires in Witchblade, since they seem to have a bunch of references to them in the show.
And I also kind of want to write a fan fic about Jake/Vicky. Vicky needs someone, and they seem to have pretty good chemistry when their around each other . . . so, why not.
FEEDBACK: In the words of Molly Shannon, "I love it, I love it, I love it."
ARCHIVE: Sure, would love it. Just let me know first!
Author's Note: Well, here it is guys, Chapter 4! I hope you all enjoy, for it may be the last in a long time. I'm going on vacation next week . . . FINALLY . . . and maybe it will give my brain a rest so I can get my corky sense of humor back to flowing. Oh, and one more thing, I'd like to thank all of you for the reviews! They mean so much to me!
~ Nonsense Is A Virtue! ~
Chapter 4 - Where Is That Bar of Conch?
Vicky: Hey, you want to go to a club with me tonight?
Sara: Why?
Vicky: To pick up some guys of course!
Sara: Yeah, I guess so.
Jake: (Walks in carrying two potato heads.) Hey, Vick. (Gives her a flirtatious smile.)
Vicky: Uhh . . . why are you carrying potato heads around?
Sara: Don't ask, trust me.
Danny: (Walks in) Jake, I need you to take care of French, Fry, Scallop, and Curly.
Vicky: Are those people?
Sara: They're the little potato heads that they have in the office.
Jake: (Gives her a mean look and covers up the potato heads' ears.) Sara, what did I tell you about calling our little babies potato heads? They have feelings you know! (Turns back to Danny) Are you leaving or something?
Danny: I have to go pick up my son from soccer practice.
Vicky: I thought you had a daughter.
Sara and Jake: (Wave their hands around.) DON'T ASK!
(Vicky and Sara both walk into a club. They sit down at the bar. A guy comes up from behind Sara.)
Sara: Yes?
The Guy: Hey, I'm Irish! Do I sound Irish?
Sara: I guess so.
The Guy: I know you.
Sara: Really?
The Guy: Yeah, I become your lover and then I die because other Irish people kidnap me and kill me. You try to save me, though. You just really sucked at it.
Sara: What's your name, Pal?
The Guy: Conchabar.
Sara: Conchabar . . . well . . . you wanna go to my place and have sex. Then, I can leave you there for the Irish people to come kidnap you and kill you.
Conchabar: Yeah, sure why not.
Sara: This time I'm not going to try and save you though.
Conchabar: (Thinks for a second.) Okay.
(The next day. Conchabar is kidnapped. Sara goes to the police station. Ian is sitting up on her file cabinet.)
Sara: I don't think I can get up there. (Has lust in her eyes.)
Ian: Ewww . . . that isn't why I'm here.
Sara: Then why are you here, hot stuff?
Ian: Your lover has been kidnapped; I brought money for you to get him back.
Sara: Oh I know. Don't worry about it.
Ian: He's going to die.
Sara: I know.
Ian: He's your lover though.
Sara: Oh, but I wish you were my lover, instead.
Ian: Get away from me! (Jumps off the file cabinet and runs out the door. Comes back for a second.) And stop stalking me!
Dante: (Walks in and brings her a plate of oysters.) Pez, I brought you some lunch. (Locks the door behind him.)
Sara: Oooh . . . oysters! These things are so good. (Starts eating a bunch.)
Dante: (Smiles at her.) I'm glad you like them. So where are your partners at?
Sara: Jake is down at the lab, trying to get Vicky to go out with him. And Danny is picking up his son from soccer practice.
Dante: (Appears dumbfounded.) I thought he had a daughter.
Sara: He does.
Dante: But, I thought he only had one kid.
Sara: He does.
Dante: But you said son.
Sara: Yeah . . .
Dante: (Shakes his head.) So . . . you're here all alone.
Sara: You're in here . . . so I'm not here all alone.
Dante: (Starts walking over to her and sways his hips back and forth.) Have you had plenty of oysters?
Sara: (Sitting back, rubbing her tummy.) At least a dozen. (She winks at him. Then, she walks over to him and starts rubbing her fingers up and down his arms.)
Dante: Ooh, yeah baby.
Sara: (Pulls out her gun and aims it at his manhood.) I seem to recall that little White Bulls' bullet that my father didn't get for his birthday.
Dante: Oh come on.
Sara: Oh come on, not! You should be put in jail and stuck with a guy named Bob that is really big and likes Barbie dolls!
Dante: No, Sara! Don't say that! Don't you care about me?
Sara: I only love one other man.
Dante: Who?
Sara: Ian Nottingham!
Dante: Isn't he your brother?
Sara: Yeah.
Dante: Ewww . . . that's incest. And illegal.
Sara: We can live happily ever after down in Arkansas!
(Sara grabs her stuff and leaves. After a second later she's asleep on her bed.)
Sara: Damnit! I keep on having dreams about these people running around yelling, "Witch, witch, burn her!"
Gabriel: (Appears in the doorway and eating food.) Use the witchblade, Sara, it can show you things that others cannot see.
Sara: (Touches it and begins to concentrate really hard. She later sees a view of Nottingham taking a shower.) Ooh . . . oohh . . . it works.
Gabriel: See Sara, you can use it to fight the forces of evil.
Sara: Or spy on my brother.
Author's Note: Okay, well I don't know if I like this chapter. But, oh well! Like I said before the updates for this fic will be put off for a while. I'm trying to brainstorm some ideas to put vampires in Witchblade, since they seem to have a bunch of references to them in the show.
And I also kind of want to write a fan fic about Jake/Vicky. Vicky needs someone, and they seem to have pretty good chemistry when their around each other . . . so, why not.