Disclaimer's on the first chapter, if you're looking for someone to sue. ^^;
And I'm sure you know me well
As I'm sure you don't
But you just can't tell
Who you'll love
And who you won't...
- Beautiful
I think the more I look at the moon, the more I think of her.
I really don't know why. Something about it, like imagining if it was never there, how dark it would be. And yet, it's the single most beautiful thing in the night sky. Without it, there would be no waves or tide. We wouldn't be able to live without it.
Kind of like how...I figure she can't function right without me. I just have that feeling that she really couldn't.
Or vice versa.
I blink. Why did I just think that?
I've been thinking too much.
Now I wonder also how I know so many difficult words. I think I'm becoming Phoebe or something.
*you make it right*
I jump up. What was that?
Thinking too much. I forgot my radio was on. I turn it off.
I climb up to the roof of the boarding house, just to catch the night breeze. It always helps me sleep, for some reason. I close my eyes, feeling it touch my cheek, imagining it's her hand....
I shake my head. This is getting too serious.
Why couldn't I take her confession lightly? I guess it was all too overwhelming at the time. I should've done something, should've told her...
I don't know...it's all over, anyway.
Suddenly, from the other side of the roof, I hear a loud sound. I jump up to find out what it is. Whatever it was, it's gone now.
But there's a pink bow left on the ground.
Helga?
The next morning, I go through my normal rountine as usual. But I don't leave without the pink bow. Since I woke up early this morning, I sit outside with it while I wait for Gerald.
I run the fabric through my fingers. It's soft and silky, very nice to the touch. No wonder Helga loved this bow, if not for another reason that I have a feeling of. Somehow, I think she would want it back, not for the fabric or the pink, but for something deeper, almost sentimental.
I loved this bow, for some reason. It was strange when I first saw her with it, how much she matched. The bow seemed so...perfect on her. She wouldn't be the same without it, it's like it's a part of her.
A part of her that I liked...a part of her that I still need to find out.
But as I look at it, I realize: I knew who she was...before Phoebe ever did.
No one remembers it, but I do. That whole scenario with Harold (being stupid as usual, I'd admit that) and Helga. That's when she changed. I never bring it up, thinking it just might be something too painful to mention.
I think I should now.
"ARNOLD!!!!!" I hear someone scream. Snapping out of my thoughts, I realize that it's Gerald.
"Uh...sorry, Gerald."
"Arnold, you're really creeping me out now. I'm gonna ask this again: Are you SURE you're okay? Or do you need Dr. Bliss, too?"
"I know you don't want to hear this again, but I'm fine. I've just been--"
"--thinking a lot. What exactly ARE you thinking of?"
I really don't know what to tell him.
"Look, Arnold, I'm just worried about you. Ever since it all ended, you've been like this. I'm just wondering...if you're not okay, then maybe I can help."
"Now that's weird. The helper being helped?" We both smile.
"I'll do what I can, Arnold. Something's wrong, don't keep it from me."
I thought about that as we boarded the bus. Helga stares at me for a few seconds, then turns away. I hold the pink bow in my hand, and notice that it's missing from her hair.
How can I tell Gerald about Helga without freaking him out?
Walking in the classroom, I try to decide whether I should give the bow back now. It's probably special to her. And yet...I could use it for something.
I think I'll hold it for a little while longer.
Mr. Simmons runs in the room excitedly. I wonder what happened...?
"Hello, class! I have some great news! We're going on a special field trip to the museum next week!"
Everyone groans except me and Phoebe. For some reason, it's not that boring to me, because I always find something interesting there.
"Now, I know you're excited! These are the permission slips--Sid, will you pass them out, please--and they're to be returned by next Tuesday! Does anyone have any questions about the trip?"
Silence.
"Well, then....next Tuesday!"
I hear Helga in the back...
"Great. Another BORING field trip..." she says. The next minute, I'm hit by a spitball.
"I'm rather looking forward to going to the museum. It'll be very interesting." Phoebe.
"I don't think a bunch of dinosaur bones and old vases are 'very interesting'."
"It depends on the way you view them, Helga. They're much more than that, you know. They have a history, a life..."
"Whatever. I'll just go just to get out of school for a day."
"I'm sure you'll understand it..."
Why do I get the feeling she was describing Helga herself?
"Hey, Arnold, you wanna play a game of baseball after school?" asks Gerald.
"....no thanks....I have to study...." I lie. But I know it's not a very good one.
"For WHAT? We have no tests! And you've been out of it this past few days. I think a game is all you need."
I walk home after the game, several bruises covering me. I don't think I can concentrate on anything anymore.
All I can think about is Helga.
Pulling the bow out of my pocket, I stare at it. I now know why she always wore it. I said I liked it, and she kept wearing it.
I think we both know that I know. Helga can't fool me anymore.
I walk up to my room, and turn on the radio. I've gotten used to listening to calm music for some reason, like that New Age stuff. One begins, and for some reason, it suddenly reminds me of her. The sounds of heaven, almost. A harp plays with utter perfection, and I see her in my mind, her sapphire eyes glowing.
"Hey, Arnold...."
I smile. Her voice was just the most beautiful sound......like the harp. But suddenly, it flashes, and I see Cecile.
Was she Cecile?
If only she could be herself for once.
I open my eyes, noticing I had another one of those "half-asleep" dreams. But it felt almost real. Like I really did see Helga.
Now, I'm going crazy. I really can't rationalize this.
First of all, why am I thinking of Helga like this? I can't...no, I'm sure I don't like her. It's still the same, right?
I beg to differ. One of those inside voices.
"I don't like Helga. I mean, she's just a friend to me. All she did was...help us...and confess her love to me...and kiss me...."
Exactly.
"It's just that...thing you feel when someone kisses you or something. Like that play we had a while ago..."
But it wasn't supposed to be a real kiss. And she gave you one on the roof.
"But I don't like her."
Admit it, Arnold, you like her like her.
"That's crazy. I can't like Helga. I like Lila...."
You haven't thought about Lila in a week. All that was on your mind was Helga. And face it. Lila doesn't like you like you.
"But I can't like Helga!"
Why not?
Now, I know I've lost it...I'm arguing with myself.
Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. I jump up, only to see that it's Gerald.
"Arnold, you okay? You got hit pretty bad today....several times."
"I know....I just can't concentrate for some reason." I turn off the radio.
"Arnold, tell me the truth. What EXACTLY is going on? I was talking to the guys after you left...you help us so much, we need to pay you back."
I'm not sure HOW to tell him. How do you tell your best friend you're thinking about your enemy more than usual? Especially an enemy he doesn't really like?
"I've been...thinking about someone."
"Oh, Lila?" I sigh, wishing everyone didn't know about my crush on Lila.
Or nonexistant crush.
"No, it has nothing to do with Lila. It's someone else." Gerald's eyes open wide.
"YOU got over LILA? It's about time, man. But seriously...who's the someone else?"
"Uh....can I...keep that a secret? I'm not saying I don't trust you...it's just that...I'm not sure how you're going to react."
"Yeah, but whoever it is, I won't react."
"Yes, you will."
"If I'll react SO MUCH, then who is it?"
I sigh again. I really can't tell him....
Just tell him, Arnold.
"You promise you won't tell ANYONE?" Gerald blinks.
"I swear I won't. Now, who is it?"
"....Helga." And he blinks again, this time, with wide eyes.
"Helga? Helga G. Pataki?"
"Yeah."
"The girl who's always messing with you?"
"Yeah."
"Helga. G. Pataki."
"Yeah." I know he'd think I'm crazy...
"Have you LOST IT? Why are you thinking about HER? Worst of all, why are you wasting your time and CONCENTRATION on her?"
"See, you're reacting." I close my eyes.
"I'm not reacting...I'm just...surprised. Why?"
"I'm still trying to figure that out, Gerald."
"You...you don't LIKE HER LIKE HER, do you?"
"NO!"
Yes you do. You know you do.
"Oh....are you sure?" He eyes me suspiciously.
"Of course I'm sure, Gerald."
No, you're not.
"Because the last times when you were like this, you had a crush on someone. Except this time, it's MUCH worse."
"I don't like Helga."
See, even GERALD knows you like like Helga.
//Why can't you just shut up?//
I can't. I'm your sensible inner voice.
"Um...Arnold?" I snap out of my thoughts. "See, there you go again. Are you a hundred percent sure?"
"For the last time, Gerald, yes."
He's suspecting something.
"Okay....if you say so. Now, while I'm here...you wanna play cards?"
~~~~~
* = From the song "Porcelina of the Vast Oceans".
~~~~~
M. Silvermane - ^^; I'm so sorry about that...I usually type my stories like that, but they're much easier to read in Times New Roman than in the default font on Fanfiction.net. But all the dialogue should be fixed now. ^_^ And I love that line too. I had someone say that to me once...
Maxine - Well, no one had to read it, but they did, and I really appreciate that. ^_^ Sorry if that sounded like the end....it isn't....^^;
And I'm sure you know me well
As I'm sure you don't
But you just can't tell
Who you'll love
And who you won't...
- Beautiful
I think the more I look at the moon, the more I think of her.
I really don't know why. Something about it, like imagining if it was never there, how dark it would be. And yet, it's the single most beautiful thing in the night sky. Without it, there would be no waves or tide. We wouldn't be able to live without it.
Kind of like how...I figure she can't function right without me. I just have that feeling that she really couldn't.
Or vice versa.
I blink. Why did I just think that?
I've been thinking too much.
Now I wonder also how I know so many difficult words. I think I'm becoming Phoebe or something.
*you make it right*
I jump up. What was that?
Thinking too much. I forgot my radio was on. I turn it off.
I climb up to the roof of the boarding house, just to catch the night breeze. It always helps me sleep, for some reason. I close my eyes, feeling it touch my cheek, imagining it's her hand....
I shake my head. This is getting too serious.
Why couldn't I take her confession lightly? I guess it was all too overwhelming at the time. I should've done something, should've told her...
I don't know...it's all over, anyway.
Suddenly, from the other side of the roof, I hear a loud sound. I jump up to find out what it is. Whatever it was, it's gone now.
But there's a pink bow left on the ground.
Helga?
The next morning, I go through my normal rountine as usual. But I don't leave without the pink bow. Since I woke up early this morning, I sit outside with it while I wait for Gerald.
I run the fabric through my fingers. It's soft and silky, very nice to the touch. No wonder Helga loved this bow, if not for another reason that I have a feeling of. Somehow, I think she would want it back, not for the fabric or the pink, but for something deeper, almost sentimental.
I loved this bow, for some reason. It was strange when I first saw her with it, how much she matched. The bow seemed so...perfect on her. She wouldn't be the same without it, it's like it's a part of her.
A part of her that I liked...a part of her that I still need to find out.
But as I look at it, I realize: I knew who she was...before Phoebe ever did.
No one remembers it, but I do. That whole scenario with Harold (being stupid as usual, I'd admit that) and Helga. That's when she changed. I never bring it up, thinking it just might be something too painful to mention.
I think I should now.
"ARNOLD!!!!!" I hear someone scream. Snapping out of my thoughts, I realize that it's Gerald.
"Uh...sorry, Gerald."
"Arnold, you're really creeping me out now. I'm gonna ask this again: Are you SURE you're okay? Or do you need Dr. Bliss, too?"
"I know you don't want to hear this again, but I'm fine. I've just been--"
"--thinking a lot. What exactly ARE you thinking of?"
I really don't know what to tell him.
"Look, Arnold, I'm just worried about you. Ever since it all ended, you've been like this. I'm just wondering...if you're not okay, then maybe I can help."
"Now that's weird. The helper being helped?" We both smile.
"I'll do what I can, Arnold. Something's wrong, don't keep it from me."
I thought about that as we boarded the bus. Helga stares at me for a few seconds, then turns away. I hold the pink bow in my hand, and notice that it's missing from her hair.
How can I tell Gerald about Helga without freaking him out?
Walking in the classroom, I try to decide whether I should give the bow back now. It's probably special to her. And yet...I could use it for something.
I think I'll hold it for a little while longer.
Mr. Simmons runs in the room excitedly. I wonder what happened...?
"Hello, class! I have some great news! We're going on a special field trip to the museum next week!"
Everyone groans except me and Phoebe. For some reason, it's not that boring to me, because I always find something interesting there.
"Now, I know you're excited! These are the permission slips--Sid, will you pass them out, please--and they're to be returned by next Tuesday! Does anyone have any questions about the trip?"
Silence.
"Well, then....next Tuesday!"
I hear Helga in the back...
"Great. Another BORING field trip..." she says. The next minute, I'm hit by a spitball.
"I'm rather looking forward to going to the museum. It'll be very interesting." Phoebe.
"I don't think a bunch of dinosaur bones and old vases are 'very interesting'."
"It depends on the way you view them, Helga. They're much more than that, you know. They have a history, a life..."
"Whatever. I'll just go just to get out of school for a day."
"I'm sure you'll understand it..."
Why do I get the feeling she was describing Helga herself?
"Hey, Arnold, you wanna play a game of baseball after school?" asks Gerald.
"....no thanks....I have to study...." I lie. But I know it's not a very good one.
"For WHAT? We have no tests! And you've been out of it this past few days. I think a game is all you need."
I walk home after the game, several bruises covering me. I don't think I can concentrate on anything anymore.
All I can think about is Helga.
Pulling the bow out of my pocket, I stare at it. I now know why she always wore it. I said I liked it, and she kept wearing it.
I think we both know that I know. Helga can't fool me anymore.
I walk up to my room, and turn on the radio. I've gotten used to listening to calm music for some reason, like that New Age stuff. One begins, and for some reason, it suddenly reminds me of her. The sounds of heaven, almost. A harp plays with utter perfection, and I see her in my mind, her sapphire eyes glowing.
"Hey, Arnold...."
I smile. Her voice was just the most beautiful sound......like the harp. But suddenly, it flashes, and I see Cecile.
Was she Cecile?
If only she could be herself for once.
I open my eyes, noticing I had another one of those "half-asleep" dreams. But it felt almost real. Like I really did see Helga.
Now, I'm going crazy. I really can't rationalize this.
First of all, why am I thinking of Helga like this? I can't...no, I'm sure I don't like her. It's still the same, right?
I beg to differ. One of those inside voices.
"I don't like Helga. I mean, she's just a friend to me. All she did was...help us...and confess her love to me...and kiss me...."
Exactly.
"It's just that...thing you feel when someone kisses you or something. Like that play we had a while ago..."
But it wasn't supposed to be a real kiss. And she gave you one on the roof.
"But I don't like her."
Admit it, Arnold, you like her like her.
"That's crazy. I can't like Helga. I like Lila...."
You haven't thought about Lila in a week. All that was on your mind was Helga. And face it. Lila doesn't like you like you.
"But I can't like Helga!"
Why not?
Now, I know I've lost it...I'm arguing with myself.
Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. I jump up, only to see that it's Gerald.
"Arnold, you okay? You got hit pretty bad today....several times."
"I know....I just can't concentrate for some reason." I turn off the radio.
"Arnold, tell me the truth. What EXACTLY is going on? I was talking to the guys after you left...you help us so much, we need to pay you back."
I'm not sure HOW to tell him. How do you tell your best friend you're thinking about your enemy more than usual? Especially an enemy he doesn't really like?
"I've been...thinking about someone."
"Oh, Lila?" I sigh, wishing everyone didn't know about my crush on Lila.
Or nonexistant crush.
"No, it has nothing to do with Lila. It's someone else." Gerald's eyes open wide.
"YOU got over LILA? It's about time, man. But seriously...who's the someone else?"
"Uh....can I...keep that a secret? I'm not saying I don't trust you...it's just that...I'm not sure how you're going to react."
"Yeah, but whoever it is, I won't react."
"Yes, you will."
"If I'll react SO MUCH, then who is it?"
I sigh again. I really can't tell him....
Just tell him, Arnold.
"You promise you won't tell ANYONE?" Gerald blinks.
"I swear I won't. Now, who is it?"
"....Helga." And he blinks again, this time, with wide eyes.
"Helga? Helga G. Pataki?"
"Yeah."
"The girl who's always messing with you?"
"Yeah."
"Helga. G. Pataki."
"Yeah." I know he'd think I'm crazy...
"Have you LOST IT? Why are you thinking about HER? Worst of all, why are you wasting your time and CONCENTRATION on her?"
"See, you're reacting." I close my eyes.
"I'm not reacting...I'm just...surprised. Why?"
"I'm still trying to figure that out, Gerald."
"You...you don't LIKE HER LIKE HER, do you?"
"NO!"
Yes you do. You know you do.
"Oh....are you sure?" He eyes me suspiciously.
"Of course I'm sure, Gerald."
No, you're not.
"Because the last times when you were like this, you had a crush on someone. Except this time, it's MUCH worse."
"I don't like Helga."
See, even GERALD knows you like like Helga.
//Why can't you just shut up?//
I can't. I'm your sensible inner voice.
"Um...Arnold?" I snap out of my thoughts. "See, there you go again. Are you a hundred percent sure?"
"For the last time, Gerald, yes."
He's suspecting something.
"Okay....if you say so. Now, while I'm here...you wanna play cards?"
~~~~~
* = From the song "Porcelina of the Vast Oceans".
~~~~~
M. Silvermane - ^^; I'm so sorry about that...I usually type my stories like that, but they're much easier to read in Times New Roman than in the default font on Fanfiction.net. But all the dialogue should be fixed now. ^_^ And I love that line too. I had someone say that to me once...
Maxine - Well, no one had to read it, but they did, and I really appreciate that. ^_^ Sorry if that sounded like the end....it isn't....^^;