Chapter 4: Some Of The News Is Good

Monica came storming into Central Perk, looking rather mad.

'What's up, honey?' said Rachel, going over to her. 'Get you something?'

'I'm fed up with working for other people!' said Monica viciously. 'I want a place of my own, where if anyone does any hassling, it'll be me! Not that I would hassle people if I felt they had done as good a job as they could. This pretence that there is always a level beyond what you have achieved, that nothing is ever quite as good as it could be, really sucks!' She glowered into the distance, then said in a milder voice, 'Yeah, I'll have a large decaff, please, Rach.'

Rachel hurried to get it for her, and brought a piece of cake as well. 'That's for all the cooking lessons,' she said when Monica raised an eyebrow. 'Plus, you should eat a bit more, Mon. There is such a thing as being too thin, no matter what that Trump woman said.'

Monica grinned. 'Yeah, Joey says things like that to me too.'

'How's that going?' said Rachel casually.

Monica's grin turned into a soft smile. 'Great,' she said. 'The only problem is, it's changed his face back to more like his old happy one. But though he didn't get the film roles, he's still in with a good chance for Days Of Our Lives. Can you believe it?'

'That's great,' said Rachel. 'I believe those big soaps pay really well. We'll have to watch it if he gets in.'

Somewhat to their surprise, Chandler came in at that moment, though it was well before his usual time for leaving work.

'Why so early?' said Rachel. 'Wait: if it needs a long explanation, I'll get what you want first.'

'Double espresso, please,' said Chandler, then, when Rachel had gone to the counter, 'How did she guess that it needed a long explanation?'

'Rachel's getting much better at spotting what's going on with other people,' said Monica. 'And far be it from me to put ideas into your head, Chandler, but I suspect she may fancy you a little bit.'

'Do you really think so?' he said eagerly. 'She's so hot!'

'Um … I wouldn't approach her like that,' Monica warned him. 'I think she has more in mind than casual sex.'

Rachel came back with the coffee and another piece of cake. 'This is for you, Chandler,' she said. 'I made it myself, in a slack period this morning.'

'You made this cake?' said Monica in surprise. 'Why, it's good, Rach! Could maybe use a little more lemon – but good! Why didn't you tell me?'

Rachel looked a bit bashful, though also very pleased. 'I was a bit nervous of what you might say,' she said. 'I just did what you told me, but it worked out pretty well. Gunther liked his piece too.'

'Gunther would like anything you did,' said Chandler sharply. 'That man has a crush on you the size of the Empire State.'

Rachel sighed. 'Yeah, I'm beginning to realise that,' she said. 'But I couldn't be interested in him. He's just too … flaky.'

For some reason this seemed to put Chandler in a much better mood. 'Okay, you want to know why I'm out at this hour?' he said. 'Well … I've quit! My boss wanted to promote me to processing supervisor, and I quit! I've had it with data processing.'

'Oh Chandler, that's so brave of you!' said Rachel admiringly. 'I used to think of quitting, but I didn't have the nerve, and now I don't want to, because I'm beginning to enjoy the job – you know, interacting with other people and all that. Plus, I know what I'm doing more, and I think they've noticed: I've been promised a raise next month. But what will you do?'

'I don't know,' said Chandler. 'I can't think of what I want to do, but I can think of what I don't want to do, which is data processing. I've got some savings now, despite all that Joey can do to spend my money, so there's no great rush to find another job. I just wish I could think of something that I want to do.'

Rachel came round to the back of the couch and leaned over to give him a hug. 'I'm sure you'll find something,' she said. 'You're so smart. Someone ought to want to employ you to do something.'

'With any luck, Joey should be able to start paying back what he owes you soon,' said Monica. 'He has a good chance at a big part in Days Of Our Lives. If it's any consolation, I'm fed up with my job too, though I haven't quit. But I want to be my own boss in my own restaurant.'

'Well, I'll have to leave you guys to talk it over,' said Rachel. 'Duty calls.'

She walked over to some new customers. Chandler watched her departing with complete approval: it was one of her short skirt days. He wondered if he should make a move. Rachel seemed to be acting increasingly affectionately towards him, and he was definitely tempted. Her growing satisfaction with her job seemed to be bringing out the basic sweetness in her nature. The problem was, he did not want to cut in on Ross, who had a heavy crush on Rachel, or so it had seemed; it was not so clear that that this was the case now. He decided to ask Monica.

'Mon, do you think Ross still has a thing about Rachel?' he said in a low voice.

Monica looked at him. 'Are you getting interested in her, really?'

Chandler looked at the ceiling. "Be honest," he told himself. "Don't be afraid to reveal your feelings. People appreciate it. Think how it has made your life easier. You have been able to finish it properly with Janice. You have been able to get dates that you never thought you could." His gaze returned to Monica, who was looking at him with interest. He took a deep breath.

'Yes,' he said, and then blew out most of the breath. 'There, that wasn't so hard,' he told himself aloud.

Monica grinned. 'Well, as I said, I think she's a bit interested in you. As for Ross, we have been wondering if he's getting interested in Phoebe.'

'Oh my gosh!' said Chandler excitedly. 'If that's so, it would give me a clear run, now that Paolo's out of the picture.'

'But I think she's ready for a proper relationship,' said Monica. 'She had her fling with Paolo. Don't hurt her, Chandler. She took the Paolo thing quite hard.'

Chandler looked at Rachel, bustling about cheerfully, and wondered how anyone could want to cheat on her. He found himself wanting to bust Paolo one on the nose.

'You're looking very grim,' said Monica. 'What's up?'

'Oh, just a hankering to hit Paolo,' said Chandler.

'We should team up,' said Monica. 'You hit him high and I'll hit him low. But he's not been seen around much. So, you feel protective about Rachel?'

Chandler thought. 'Yeah, I guess I do,' he said. 'She's got such a sweet face. How could anyone hurt her?'

'She's really improved,' said Monica. 'I think some guy's going to be very lucky. It would be nice if it were you. You've improved, too.'

'Well, you're another,' Chandler riposted. 'You actually let me put a glass on the table without a coaster yesterday, and didn't yell at me. It was Rachel who slipped one under it.'

Monica waved a hand. 'I don't understand it, precisely, but … those things just don't seem to bother me so much any more. I mean, I haven't turned into a slob, but they don't seem so important.'

'You seem to be doing some work on Joey, though,' said Chandler. 'He's stopped doing things that even I noticed. I appreciate it.'

Monica's face went dreamy at the mention of Joey. 'He's very biddable, really,' she said. 'It's just … so often it doesn't occur to him why people make a fuss about things. He only needs telling once, usually. He's willing to learn about nutrition, too, and how he can have great meals that aren't full of fattening stuff and gunk additives.'

They happily discussed the changes in their friends for a while, until Rachel came over with her bag, having got off shift.

'You wanna go shopping, Mon?' she said.

'What did you have in mind?' said Monica, grinning at her.

'Oh, I think I've got enough clothes and shoes for now,' said Rachel casually. 'I just wondered if you wanted to look for something.'

Chandler slumped on the couch. 'Quick, bring me brandy to revive me,' he said. 'Rachel not wanting to shop? Sensation in court. The world will never be the same.'

Rachel leaned over, and struck him a very light tap over his heart. 'There, that should revive you.'

Chandler sat up, hand to where she had tapped him. 'That's funny, it's made my heart go boom-bitty-boom,' he said, joking to cover up the feeling that he got from having her touch him in a way that seemed much more intimate than the hugs that they all exchanged with each other.

Rachel giggled delightfully. 'You're quoting again,' she cried. 'From that film that we watched in the Peter Sellers retrospective a month ago.'

'The Millionairess,' said Chandler. 'Yup, guilty. But,' he tried to give her a significant look, 'there's many a true word spoken in jest.'

She looked back at him seriously, but just as she was about to say something Joey came tearing in.

'I did it! I did it!' he cried. 'And if your grin means you're going to ask if I got a date for you with Pamela Anderson, Chandler, the answer is no.' Off Chandler's look of fake chagrin, he added, 'Nor with Yasmine Bleeth, either.' Chandler pretended to burst into tears, to general amusement.

'No,' said Joey triumphantly, bringing their attention back to him, 'I landed the part in Days Of Our Lives!'

Monica and Rachel immediately shrieked and went to hug him, while Chandler came round the couch and clapped him heartily on the shoulder. 'Well done, man!' he said. 'We knew you could do it. Just don't let it go to your head. Remember, you bring the writers' words to life, but they write them in the first place.'

Joey nodded. 'That sounds like good sense. Yeah, if it weren't for the writers there wouldn't be a show. Come to think of it, if it weren't for writers there wouldn't be anything for actors to do except improvise or mime, and that's too much like hard work. Of course, some get to run around in swimsuits, but I'm not sure I have the figure for that.'

They laughed. It was nice to hear Joey making jokes.

'Two Baywatch jokes is enough for one evening,' said Chandler. 'Well, I think this calls for a celebration. Why don't we go out to eat somewhere nice?'

'We'd better wait for Ross and Phoebe,' said Rachel. 'They'll want to join in any celebration.'

'Yeah, Ross,' said Chandler slightly discontentedly. 'Okay, but can we at least go somewhere that we can get a drink? I've had enough coffee for now. We can ask Gunther to let them know where we've gone.'

'We've got beers in the fridge,' said Monica, 'enough for one each, anyway. Let's go back to the apartment.' All agreed, and after asking Gunther to send on Ross and Phoebe if they showed up, they departed.

-----

It was some time later that Ross and Phoebe showed up at the apartment. Both were grinning, and Phoebe was saying, 'And this cute little kid said, "You mean there weren't dinosaurs around at the time of the Romans?" He was real upset when I told him they weren't even around at the time of the first hominids.' She and Ross chuckled.

'It's that film A Million Years BC,' said Ross. 'Anyone could be forgiven for being a bit confused after that.'

'Yeah,' said Phoebe indignantly, 'and that wasn't even Homo Erectus, it was Sapiens, except that they weren't like, very Sapiens because they couldn't talk and the men acted like real jerks. Of course, a lot of men are still like that.'

Ross burst out laughing, and Phoebe rested a hand on his shoulder and laughed with him. They turned to notice the others all staring at them.

'You've really gotten into this, haven't you?' said Chandler. 'You've got the past all sorted out. No more aliens planting fossils in your world view now.'

Phoebe wrinkled her nose. 'Oh, I was so silly,' she said. 'I didn't understand how geology worked, or science, or anything. Of course, there's a lot we don't know still, but at least we know, like, what came after what in geological terms. It's so amazing to think of all those ages of the past, and all the strange creatures that lived in them, preserved for us in the very rocks that we see and can even walk around on!' She continued in this vein, painting more and more vivid word pictures, while her friends listened to her open-mouthed. Ross noticed how interestd they seemed to be. He felt a tiny twinge of jealousy: he had never been able to engage their interest like that. But most of what he felt was pride, that Phoebe his friend should have become so knowledgeable so quickly, and should be so good at putting the knowledge across.

'Hey,' said Phoebe suddenly, 'you guys really ought to stop me when I'm rambling on like this. I must be boring the pants off you.'

'Oh no, Phoebe,' said Rachel. 'It's … it's fascinating. You make it sound so real.'

'Well, it was real,' said Phoebe.

'Yeah, but …' Rachel waved her hands, unable to find the words to express what she was thinking. 'I mean, it's like you were one of those really good TV presenters, you know.' The others made agreeing comments.

'Yeah,' said Joey, 'you should write books or something, Pheebs. You can really put it across.'

'I never got taught to write good English,' said Phoebe rather defensively.

'No, but I did,' said Ross suddenly, 'and I can write good scientific papers, but what I can't do is put it across like you, in an exciting way. What say we collaborate, you and I? The museum could use some new guide books; the ones we have are terribly old-fashioned as well as being out of date. There has to be a way to get your enthusiasm onto paper.'

Phoebe looked at him, her expression almost painfully serious. 'You really think I could do that?' she said in a slightly choked voice.'You, a scholar, would be prepared to work with me, who's just an amateur, on guidebooks for kids and stuff?'

Ross nodded. 'You've got what it takes,' he said with conviction. 'You've revived my love of the subject and re-inspired me. And this would be important work: if we can't explain what we're doing to the public in a way that interests and involves them, what good are we? I'd be honoured if you'd collaborate with me, Phoebe.'

'Oh Ross,' said Phoebe, tears beginning to form in her eyes, while their friends watched, hardly daring to breathe for fear of interrupting what was evidently a moment of great significance for both Ross and Phoebe. 'You can't know what it means to me to hear you, a published scholar, say that,' she said, almost breaking down. 'I mean, I'm just a dumb girl who lived on the streets …' She sobbed, and the tears began to flow down her cheeks.

Ross stepped forward, took hold of her firmly, and kissed her on the lips. 'You're not dumb,' he said tenderly. 'You're smart, and you're cute, and you've been here all the time, and how can I have been so blind?'

Phoebe hugged him and kissed him back eagerly, while all four of their friends sighed at the romance of it. But they might not have been there, for all the notice that Ross and Phoebe took of them.

'Do you remember the last time we kissed seriously?' said Ross.

'Oh, Ross, sometimes I dream about it,' said Phoebe. She lowered her voice. 'And, you know, we, like, do a lot better in the dream than we did then.'

[A.N.: check The One With the Flashback, Series 3: 6, if you don't know what this refers to]

Ross smiled. The mere thought that Phoebe could be in love with him was almost overwhelming. 'We're awake now, even though this seems like a dream.' He tightened his embrace, and so did she.

Monica cleared her throat. 'Um, this is all very touching and romantic, but maybe you could keep the rest for later? Though this does give us something else to celebrate.'

The two looked as if they had suddenly woken up. 'Gee, yeah,' said Ross. 'Gunther said something about good news.'

'I got the part in Days Of Our Lives,' said Joey proudly. 'So the guy who's dating your sister is not a total loser.'

'I would never have thought that, Joey,' said Ross, 'but I'm very happy for you.'

'Not as happy as we are for you two,' said Monica, going across to hug both Ross and Phoebe, followed by the others. 'Mind, Rachel and I thought we saw it coming.'

Amid a hubbub of kisses and congratulations, Chandler observed Rachel. She did not seem at all unhappy that Ross and Phoebe were in love, rather the opposite: she was effervescent with glee. He wondered, now that the other four had paired off, whether she would feel pressured if he made a move, and decided to leave it for tonight, anyway. Tonight would be just fun.