All He Ever Wanted by HarrysBoy
I've reposted this because I've changed a few grammar errors. PLEASE keep reviewing! I'm working on finishing the story but I'm trying to revise for A2 exams as well (English exams for all you non English folk). There will be SLASH and angst in later chapters. If you don't like that please press the back button. If you are repulsed by male/male relationships piss off you're not wanted, learn to accept people. So read and ENJOY.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry or friends, JK Rowling does.
Chapter One; The Beginning
It had been a long trip back to the Burrow from the station, but it passed pretty much in silence as no one knew what to say. Well, Molly was still trying to get over Sirius Black being innocent and the twins didn't even know what to say to Ron, who sat seemingly in his own world. Where as they might tease him most of the time, the twins could tell now was most definitely not a good time to badger him. Ron just sat silently in back seat of the cab, staring out into the countryside flowing passed. He wasn't really thinking of anything in particular; his mind was just a jumble of thoughts, with little coherence between them. All he knew was that these thoughts seemed to revolve around his best friend, Harry. He couldn't stop thinking of the pain Harry might be in (the Dursley's wouldn't care) and how he could help him, comfort him. This thinking was beginning to hurt his head. He needed to stop thinking but he couldn't blank out all his thoughts.
***
Ron arrived home after his trip from Hogwarts tired, not physically, but emotionally. He knew deep down, as much as tried to tell himself otherwise, that 9 weeks without Harry would be a nightmare. Not only was time away from Harry hard but also now he felt that he really should comfort Harry, for Harry's sake. No one knows Harry like Ron, and Ron could tell Harry was in pain. Ron hadn't told anyone (well there was no one to tell, seeing as Harry and Hermione were his best friends, and well Hermione might not understand) that he had felt more than just close friendship to Harry, like he felt with Hermione, but well, love. He couldn't handle it all right now, it was a long journey and knowing he wouldn't see Harry for ages just brought him lower and lower. So he did what he always does when he wants to forget, busies himself with something else. Seeing as he needed to unpack anyway, he decided to get on with it right away.
With a small grunt of hello to Percy (who was working on something 'top secret until the Ministry chooses to disclose it', probably another cauldron thickness investigation Ron thought, but Ron wasn't in the mood to wind up Percy), Ron started carrying his things to his bedroom. Even Pigwidgeon was slightly calmer than usual (though he still acted like he was on a high caffeine diet tooting madly, just not as madly as usual), he probably felt the distance between Ron and the rest of the world and decided not to try and cheer him up, which more often that not wound Ron up anyway.
***
Once all his things were in his room and unpacked, Ron sat down trying to keep a blank mind, but he couldn't. Now he couldn't stop feeling guilty, because nothing happened to Ron, he didn't see Cedric die or have to face the sight of his dead parents, so why should he feel sorry for himself? That's just selfish. Well, he did know why he was in so much pain. The pain wasn't going to go away. But he just couldn't think about it now. He had to find something else to do.
So Ron decided to have a shower and get cleaned up. He couldn't explain why but the shower made him feel worse. Maybe because every time he touched his face or his arms he imagined just lightly touching Harry. Just the smooth, warm feeling of skin. Not in a sexual way, well he is 15 and he does get urges, but with Harry it's completely different. He just wants feel the closeness of someone, the warmth of another body, the love of someone, but not someone, Harry. He wants to feel the completeness that he hasn't felt, only Harry can do this. Without Harry maybe he'll never be complete, making life nothing but a cold, dark and lonely abyss.
Ron hadn't eaten in hours and now he started to feel slightly hungry, but didn't really have the energy or will power to get something to eat. But Mrs Weasley kept calling him for dinner, complaining that 'Starving yourself won't do you or Harry any good. He's going to need you for some strength', 'As if I didn't know that!' Ron thought, slouching down the stairs to join the rest of the Weasley family, minus Mr Weasley who at the moment had to pull a lot of hours because of the rumoured rise of Voldemort.
***
Dinner passed in relative silence, even Percy didn't make impolite conversation about his 'high importance' at the Ministry, especially when siding with Mr Crouch earlier in the year. Mr Crouch's mistake in the end led to Voldemort's rise; though Percy did say Mr Crouch was only human and did a noble thing risking his career in order to save his son. But when Fred mentioned the outcome being the 'rise of You-Know-Who!' Percy shut up, quickly.
Ron couldn't really tune into the world yet, the whole conversation when right over his head. As hungry as he was, he couldn't really eat. He didn't have the motivation to shovel food into his mouth. Instead he just played absent-mindedly with a piece of sweet corn, still thinking about Harry, wondering if he's crying right now, if he needs help, if he needs him. He had to get out of here. He had to be alone, alone to think. So Ron got up, grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. Mrs Weasley didn't say anything, she knew her son would need his time alone, although she didn't know completely why. No one did.
***
Ron walked straight out into the fields surrounding the Burrow. Completely losing track of time, Ron found himself at the brow of a small hill. Here stood a small tree that caught his eye. He couldn't immediately say why, but this tree seemed so special as though he had seen it before. He had seen it before, he remembered. Maybe not the same tree, but similar, in his dreams. He often thought of running wild with Harry into the countryside, without a care in the world, waiting until the time was right to tell Harry how he felt about him. He imagined that they always ended up collapsing under this tree. That's when he would confide in Harry, declaring his love, to which Harry would respond with a simple kiss. A gentle, sweet and passionate kiss, in an embrace that Ron would be contented to stay in for eternity. But Ron was under that tree, only he was all alone. The air was cool, with only a gentle summer breeze blowing, giving Ron small goose pimples along his neck. The sky was cloudless, all the stars could be seen out, with the bright moon illuminating the ground before him. He collapsed under the tree, onto the soft mossy grass that seemed made for people to sit on. He could feel a once strange sensation drift from his chest to his arms, his legs and up to his head. He could again, as countless times before, feel the tears building up inside, until the urge to cry was too strong to hold back. Ron sat there with his legs folded and his head in his lap, crying over all that he wanted and thought he could never have.
Ron thought back to where it all began, when he first started to realise all these feelings he had inside. Well it started just before they were all going to begin their forth year at Hogwarts…