Harry woke suddenly. Sweat soaked both him and his sheets. The nightmares still came. Vivid as ever. Voldemort, Harry, Ron's dead body. His scar hurt badly. It felt like it was burning through his head. The pain was clouding his vision, making it difficult to even find his glasses on the bedside cabinet. Once he put his glasses on, the world took a few minutes to come back properly into focus. Harry stared out of the window in an effort to recover his grasp of reality. Outside, the sun was disappearing and night setting in. There was no way Harry would be able to get back to sleep, not now. Not with the thought of losing Ron playing on his mind. He sat there breathing deeply, trying to calm down. The dreams had been getting more lucid. They now tended to focus on Ron. Still though, Harry could tell there was something hidden in the dreams, something he couldn't see. Occasionally others of his friends would be part of his dreams, but they never seemed to stay and were rarely hurt. Harry really couldn't decipher the dreams. He just had no idea what they meant. Was Voldemort going to attack? Were the nightmares nothing to do with Ron, and were even more cryptic?
'I just wish I knew how to make them stop. I hope they're nothing to do with Ron. I couldn't handle losing him. He was the only one to know me, not for my "legend" but for who I am. He's always been there for me, he's the reason I haven't crawled in a hole a withered away since the Triwizard Cup. I would do anything for him, as I know he would for me. I couldn't live if it is my fault that his family may be in danger.'
Unable to get back to sleep, and not wanting to spend the evening thinking on things he "couldn't change" as Ron put it, Harry made his way downstairs to see what everyone else was up to. He got up and go dressed, and slowly headed to the kitchen. Just as Harry made it to the stairs, Ron nearly walked straight into him.
"Oh sorry Harry, didn't see you there. I expected you to still be in bed. Are you alright, you look a bit uneasy?" said Ron, as he tried to subtly wipe away any rogue tears he may have missed.
"Yeah, I'm ok, but I had another nightmare. What about you, have been crying? Tell me, is anything wrong? Honestly Ron, I've managed to open up to you and tell you everything; I never thought I'd be able to truly tell anyone how I felt. You've really been there for me. If anything's up let me be there for you." replied Harry, with concern for Ron written in his expression. This made Ron's heart ache, tears started to build up in his eyes as he realised that Harry really did care about him, just not to the level Ron loved him.
"Oh Harry, you're my best mate. I'd do anything for you. I'm glad I could be there for you. What's the use of a best friend you can't tell anything to? I wish I could do more than just listen, it hurts me to see you in such pain. If there's anything you ever wanna say, I'm always here to listen." said Ron, holding in any tears that were trying to work their way out. "Oh and it's ok, it's only hay fever." he added, lying. 'I wish I didn't have to lie to him. It make things worse. I wish I was a honest as him.'
"I dunno what I'd do without you Ron." said Harry smiling. "So you wanna go do something? I'm pretty bored."
"Yeah anything, you name it."
***
The boys decided to play some wizard's chess, so made their way downstairs. They sat under the stars, dimly lit by a few burning torches, playing into the night. Ron's anxieties ad problems left him. Times like now, when he was just having fun with Harry were the most precious times to him. Harry too had lost his fears. The scare from the earlier nightmare had gone, now he was glad just to be having a laugh.
"Ron, do you think we could invite Hermione to stay?" asked Harry, somewhat nervously, while he slyly moved a rook in a position that made Ron's queen vulnerable. "I don't mean to be rude if that's how it comes out, sorry."
"Nah, it's ok. You're like another member of this family" Harry smiled. "Anyways, why?" Ron tried to look as though nothing important was said, but inside he was unsettled and he had completely lost his concentration. "Do you fancy her? What about Cho?" The contentment of the past couple of hours was lost to Ron.
"No, not really. God Ron is that all you think about?! Look, she's one of the 3 most important people in the world to me. I…. I just want us to be together. I feel some dark times coming, what with Voldemort rising and the Death Eaters growing stronger. I want us to have all the fun we still can."
'Dark times are coming? I'm already there. If only you knew.' "Yeah, I think it'd be ok. I'll see what mum says. We should have some space for here, she could share with Ginny; her room is massive." Ron's voice sounded almost like he was pained, his voice wasn't totally clear, as though he had something else on his mind. He did. Ron had always thought Harry had something Hermione, but he was never really sure and nothing he could do. Harry's recovery and happiness were more important than him, he couldn't get in their way. He'd just have to accept it, accept them. Besides, Ron was beginning to get used to the shadows. At least he could still be Harry's friend.
"Shame I couldn't see Sirius too, but he's off doing something for Dumbledore." Harry added a few minutes later.
Ron won the game, despite losing his queen early in the game. Still they played, Ron teasing Harry by letting him think he was going to win until all of a sudden Ron would laugh "Checkmate!".
***
Half an hour later the boys were bored of wizard's chess. Ron decided to get his telescope out. He'd spent many nights out here, alone. Gazing out into eternity, admiring the power and magnitude of the universe. He thought he'd understood now why Centaurs were so mysterious and poetic, looking into the beauty of the heavens was enough to make anyone mystifying. He could stare up for hours, the gentle rustle of the trees mixed with the slow motion of the stars above set the perfect scene for him spend time to reflect on all that he felt. There were parts of him that Ron had wanted to share with someone, saving these things for a person he trusted absolutely, without hesitation. Someone he loved. This could only be Harry. His diary, the poetry he'd started to write, even the scars on his arms. All these parts of him were saved for that someone who would save him, who would make him want to live. But the time was not right, if it ever would be, to share these things. Still, he could share his love for the planets, moon and stars.
"You know Harry, I really do love it out here. It's beautiful. It makes me realise how insignificant we all are, in the grand scheme of things. Not only that, but everything. I can't explain the emotion." Harry watched Ron as he spoke. The moon's gentle glow softened Ron's features. He hadn't really grown stocky as expected, Harry actually thought Ron looked almost frail. He was quite thin, and the happiness once so apparent in his eyes seemed to have disappeared. Harry was utterly captivated by Ron speaking. The way his eyes shone as he gazed up at the sky, the moonlight giving them a sparkle, the enthusiasm in which he described the sight above. Harry's stomach almost fluttered, Ron looked absolutely beautiful at times like this.
Harry had never really taken the time to gaze at the stars. Well, Professor Trelawney's lessons were just a complete joke and Professor Sinistra's were far from interesting. Yet when Ron was so poetically ('When did Ron become poetic?') describing what they were seeing, how could he not be interested? Ron made the harsh, barren surface of the moon have a texture he could almost feel. It was as though he could almost taste the dust. Harry stayed entranced by Ron, all the things he was able to see, the way they were described. Harry was just speechless.
It wasn't until he started yawning and his eyelids began to close, that Ron realised how tired he was. After his long sleep earlier in the afternoon, Harry wasn't particularly tired and so he continued to stare into space through Ron's telescope. It was far more powerful than the one he'd had to buy before the first year. Ron had stopped talking so that they could admire the stars with only their soft breathes and the calming sound of the night breeze making any noise as it blew through the trees. They were far enough from The Burrow not to hear any commotion coming from the rest of the family. The near silence was soothing for both of them. Ron drifted peacefully to sleep, looking not at the sky, but watching the graceful object of his affection and desires. The elegant form that was his best friend. The person who understood him better than any other, who would stand by him no matter what, 'but who couldn't possibly return my love'.
"You know, I never realised how breathtaking the night sky was. I suppose I never really took the time to…" Harry turned to Ron lying asleep on his side. 'I never realised how late it was. He looks at peace. I wonder what's going on in that mind of his.' Harry took Ron's telescope into the house and left it in the kitchen before returning for Ron. He tenderly gathered Ron's delicate body in his arms and made his way up to Ron's room. He quietly placed Ron on his bed, and then sat down on his own. He was unsure whether or not he should risk waking him in order to remove his clothes. Ron seemed to be sleeping so serenely, 'it would be such a shame to wake him'. In the end reason won out, so he decided to take Ron's trousers and shirt off so that he wouldn't be uncomfortable later. Silently he made his way over to Ron's bed, and as subtly as he could he began to unbutton Ron's shirt. Just as he was about to pull his arms through, Ron's eyes shot open.
"Harry? What happened?" Ron sounded startled, and his voice seemed to have a trace of fear lined in there too.
"Ssh, it's ok. You just fell asleep outside. I thought I'd bring you up and put you in bed. You seemed really, I dunno, tranquil and I didn't want to wake you." Harry's voice was soothing, but seemed a bit apologetic at the same time.
"Thanks man. It's ok, I can change myself now I'm awake." Ron feigned a smile as he moved from Harry's grasp. 'I hope he didn't see my arms, I couldn't, he couldn't, he shouldn't have to deal with that. Not now. Not ever. I want he touch back. He looks so magnificent in this light. I think I'm going to cry, I need to go.' He stood up from his bed. "I'm going to have a shower and brush my teeth." His voice quivered slightly. "I'll be back in fifteen."
"Sure thing."
Ron grabbed his pyjamas and headed out of the moonlit room. The magical candles hadn't bee lit yet, so the room was fairly dark. Harry made his way over to the window. Looking out over the countryside he couldn't help but a feel a bit isolated, alone. At quiet times like this he would often think, still, of his parents. How things would be if they were here, what he would be like. 'I just feel, well, lost. No one knows how this feels, Ron tries but he couldn't understand my loneliness.' Harry always felt low when he was alone. A solitary tear streamed down his face as he thought of everything that he never had. Love, caring and all those precious things he longed for. Hermione would be here soon and they could all be together, and for now he had Ron. His spirits rose a little, as he realised how lucky he was to at least have these friends who loved him, and he loved. Sometimes it becomes too difficult to be "The Boy Who Lived", but with the support of the few people in his life he could survive, maybe even be happy one day, truly happy. He walked over to Ron's desk and lit a magical candle with his wand. Ron's room became illuminated. The room had been changed a lot since Harry was last there. The walls had been newly painted ('how do wizards paint?') and the Chudley Cannons' posters had been removed. The whole room had a different feel, it seemed more grown up, and introspective Harry thought. There was a painting of a sunset, but otherwise the walls were bare. In a way the room seemed more impersonal than it used to, giving away little as to Ron's personality. 'Now I know I've missed something. Ron's definitely changed; I mean I noticed stuff last year. Small things. Like he turned a little quieter, but this is different. He's become poetic, this change to his room, and I've certainly seen something in his eyes. What set this all off?' Of course Harry had no real idea of Ron's feelings for him, and hadn't realised the shock Ron had got from the Triwizard Cup final. That fear of nearly losing Harry had sent Ron over the edge. 'I never realised that there are parts of Ron I don't know.' Looking over the desk, Harry saw a beautiful, old black leather bound book with the initials RW in gold on the bottom right hand corner. Gently running his hand over the cover, Harry felt a rush of power as though the book contained powerful magics. Initially this shocked him, especially after the last time he encountered a magical book he nearly ended up being killed by a giant snake. This magic was different though; this felt more like an emotion. The soft leather seemed to communicate to Harry. It was a wondrous feeling. He moved his hand over to open the book. Just then Ron walked through the door, still drying his hair.
"Harry?" Harry spun around, his eyes locking on Ron's. Ron looked slightly panicky, the only give away being the way his eyes were fully open, and the way Ron was nibbling on his bottom lip.
"What's this? A school book or something?" It was patently obvious that Ron was hiding something now. Harry seemed to have a way of telling whether or not Ron was hiding something.
"No. Nothing" Ron said a little confidently "it's just something I'm working on." He slid over to the book and took it before Harry could open it. "You can use the bathroom now, if you want. No one else wants to now. I left a towel in there for you." Ron continued as though nothing had happened.
"Ok then, see you soon." Harry decided that if Ron wasn't ready to talk then he wasn't going to push him. That would probably just get him annoyed, knowing Ron.
As soon as Harry had left the room, Ron grabbed his wand. He muttered a locking charm, sealing his diary so that only he could open it. 'One day I'll share this with him. When he's ready. When I'm ready. He placed the book under his pillow and lay on his bed, staring into space. Thoughts, worries, fear everything enveloped him. His mind was in pain, thinking so much all at one, none of which was coherent. Slowly he drifted away, to a night full of nightmares as usual.
***
'I wish I knew what was wrong with him. He's always, well almost always, been there for me. Why won't he let me help?' Harry undressed and turned on the water. Slowly he immersed himself in the steaming water. The sound of the water pounding on his body was soothing, relaxing and calming him down. He was thinking about how long it had been since he'd felt this good. It had been an amazing night with Ron. He had learnt so much, not only about the universe but also about his best friend. Things he'd never realised before and it felt good to finally truly see part of Ron that he hid from the world. Since the Cup final Harry ad rarely felt even the glimmer of happiness and had been plagued with nightmares even when he was awake, but tonight the thoughts hadn't even entered his mind. For the first time he had realised Cedric's death wasn't his fault and that he could at last get on with his life. All thanks to Ron.
***
Having dried himself and put on his pyjamas, Harry made his way into Ron's room. Ron appeared to be lying down looking out of the window.
"Thank you Ron. Tonight was amazing; I think I can finally get on with my life. I think the time has come like you said it would." Silence filled the room.
"Ron? Ron?" Harry made his way over to Ron's bed, only to find him asleep. 'Thank you.' Harry tenderly pulled Ron's quilt over his sleeping form. He made his way over to his own bed and lay down, snuggling into the soft duvet. Gazing at the stars, Harry too soon succumbed to sleep, floating into his calmest night yet (which isn't really saying much, but still at least things were getting better. Weren't they?).
*So what did you think? Any comments or anything, please review.