The Weasel and Ocy Show – Spike Dudley
Disclaimer: I do not own Jay and Silent Bob, they're creations of Kevin Smith, who is nifty. XD Sam is copyright to me.
A/N: This fic has my muses in it…woo! Sam is from 'To Tame The Wild Beast' and 'Secrets and Lies'—go read if you haven't!
-The camera turns on to have a mega close up on VF and Ocy, who are peering real close into the lens. Ocy's eyes suddenly look upward-
Ocy: !!!
VF: Wut is it, Ocyness?
Ocy: Lookit, pretty red lighty thingy. XD
VF: -looks- !!! YAY!!! WE FINALLY TURNED IT ON!
Ocy: !!!! O_o We did?!!!? YEAY!!
-The two step back from the camera to show the room is void of human life besides them. Sarah, Tracey, and Felicia are nowhere to be seen. They dance a little in celebration of their achievement and then stop, beaming at each other. Ocy turns to the camera and with a big smile gives a thumbs up to it-
Ocy: HI! WELCOME TO THE OCY AND WEASEL SHOW!
VF: -interrupts- Shouldn't it be Weasel and Ocy Show Ocyness?
Ocy: Why should your name be first? –pout-
VF: Same reason you think your name should be first! I thought of that reason first though, that's why.
Ocy: -looks puzzled, then disappointed- Darn! And I thought my idea that my name was weirder was original! I guess you're right VFness.
VF: Yup! XD
Ocy: So, WELCOME TO THE WEASEL AND OCY SHOW! –pause- -pause- VFNESS!
VF: Yessum?
Ocy: Hi. ^__^
VF: -beams- Hiya.
-Ocy sits in Tracey's chair-
Ocy: Do youse think Traceyness will mind that we're playing with her incredibly delicate equipment that if broken she could be put in detention forever?
-The two look at each other-
Both: Nah.
VF: Anyhow, since we have control of the camera, let's have some fun!
Ocy: I like fun. XD
VF: Me too. Guess wut I found when Tracey wasn't looking?
Ocy: Ooo, wut?
VF: -pulls out bag from outta no where- HER MUSE BAG! XD
Ocy: …Wussa muse bag?
-VF opens the bag and loud noses come from inside-
Ocy: -peers in- DUDE! IT'S SO COOL IN THERE! XD It's all funkah.
VF: We need people to cover for them three so I decided…hey! Why not get three of her muses?
Ocy: Which three?
VF: I dunno. Let's go find 'em!
-Suddenly VF jumps in and Ocy watches her disappear into it. Ocy pauses a minute, and then finally jumps in as well. The two land in a very strange place, it's sort of like a big field with houses and such in it. Muses of all kind are there, and the only difference between them and the real people are strange 'T' tattoos on their left arm-
Ocy: -big eyes- Are we in heaven?
VF: No, we're in Tracey's head. Think about it.
Ocy: Ooh. –quiets- But issa too pretty to be hell!
VF: Let's go find some muses to bring back with us.
Ocy: 'Tay.
-The two walk in the field slowly, muses all around them-
VF: -stops dead- O_O
Ocy: -smacks into her- Ack!
VF: -whimpers- Didn't Traceyness say she locked up Raven muse in a cell?
Ocy: Ya, I heard something like that.
VF: Well he's making out with Molly muse!
Ocy: -looks over VF's shoulder- Oh hey, he is. HI RAVEN MUSE! –wavewave!-
VF: HEY! WATCH YOUR HANDS THEIR BUDDY! SHE'S SPIKE'S!
Ocy: -tugs on VF sleeve- Can we take Raven muse?
VF: NO! He's making out with Molly! He ish evil! –sniff-
Ocy: Aw.
-VF drags Ocy away from them. When they get a distance away, she lets her go and they continue walking.-
Ocy: !! Issa RVD muse!! XD –points-
VF: Oi. And he's making out with Sam muse. There's a lot of kissing here. -_- Oh well, pretty soon Sam'll be making out with…
Ocy: -cuts her off- Let's bring Sam!
VF: Sam? You serious?
Ocy: She'd be cool!
VF: Well ya…she's muh hero…but she looks kinda…busy.
Ocy: She needs to breathe sometimes, why not now! XD SAM!! OOH SAMMM!
-Sam pulls from Raven, and the two look at them. VF and Ocy approach them cheerfully.-
Sam: -raises brow- Can we help you?
RVD: Aw, lookit, they're so cute and little…
VF: Yousa cute too. –inches away from Sam- But he's yours, 'course.
Sam: -nods and can't help but grin-
Ocy: -tugs on Sam's sleeve- Miss Sam lady?
Sam: Yes?
Ocy: Wanna be in a different fic?
Sam: Which fic?
RVD: I'm going to guess…Pure Insanity, right?
VF: You know 'bout it?
RVD: 'Course, it's funny. Heh! Especially you two. What are you guys doing here, anyway?
VF: We took over the fic and we're looking for three good muses. And Sam's nifty. XD
Sam: Well I don't usually do appearances…but since Rob is glaring at me, fine. –rolls eyes- I'll go on your little…fic…thing.
Ocy: YEAY!!
VF: XD
Sam: But who will be the other two with us?
RVD: -grinning- I have an idea…
-VF and Ocy look at him expectantly, while Sam scowls-
Sam: I know who you're thinking of and I am not going to take those two more then I have too, Rob…it's bad enough you talk to them…
RVD: Hey, there they are now…
-VF and Ocy look to see Jay and Silent Bob walking toward them, already a string of curses ringing in their ear as Jay complains about something.-
RVD: Hey guys, over here!
Sam: ROB! Shaddup!
-The two walk over, Jay's smile widening at the sight of Sam-
Jay: -eyeing Sam- You gonna let me have some fun with her, Rob?
RVD: No. –smirks- These two need two other people, and I think you guys are good for it. –grins-
Sam: -rolls eyes- Why me…?
Jay: Oo, you know you want some of this! –grins lewdly-
Bob: -rolls eyes-
Jay: Fucking getting caught in this crazy girl's head ain't half bad, you know. –to VF- Some hot ass chicks here. Molly Holly? Hells yeah. And Sam too, and Lita. They are so into me.
Ocy: Molly was making out with Raven! XD
VF: SHADDUP!
Jay: Wasn't doing that last night if ya know what I mean…
VF: -whimpers-
Sam: Don't listen to that idiot, nobody in their right mind would fuck him…
Jay: That's why there is fucking drugs. Snoogans. –snickers-
Sam: Let's just get this over with…-rolls eyes-
-The camera turns off and then turns on again, to show time has passed and they are all out of the bag and in the room, with an added addition-
VF: Please can I pet him? –whimpers-
-VF, tied up, stares longingly at Spike who is sitting on the ground, staring at them all like a scared rabbit-
Sam: I never thought people turned that purple. O_o
Jay: Bitch has a grip, give her that.
Bob: -nods, looking amazed-
Ocy: Issa VFness, 'course she does.
Sam: It took us all 10 minutes to get her off him, I think…
Jay: Well if you stopped feeling me up…
Sam: -glares at Jay- You were in my way, dumbass. Why would I touch you?
Bob: -gets between them and shakes his head-
Ocy: Bob's right, you guys. We gotta interview Spikey!
Jay: He's a wrestler? Damn, they get smaller and smaller every year!
VF: -snorts and glares at Jay- I'LL KILL YOU!
Jay: O_o;;
Sam: -rolls eyes- Touchy subject, idiot.
Jay: I was just fucking saying…
Bob: -shakes head no-
Jay: Ugh! Whatever.
Ocy: -unties Spike- There you go…
-Spike shakily gets up, looking at them all-
Spike: -fixes his glasses- She's not gonna attempt to kill me again, is she?
Sam: She didn't try to kill you, she really likes you!
Spike: Oh. Well, that's okay.
VF: I LOVE YOU SPIKEY!! XD XD
Jay: She likes him and she doesn't fucking like me? What the hell is with that? I am so much fucking better!
Bob: -rolls eyes-
VF: NO ONE ISH BETTER THEN MUH SPIKEY!
Sam: Should we let her go?
Ocy: She looks kinda rabid right now…
Jay: XD Let her go, I wanna fucking watch him turn blue 'gain!
Spike: -takes a step back, a bit frightened-
Bob: -pats Spike's back comfortingly-
Sam: Better not, you're right. –nods-
VF: FIRST QUESTION, WILL YOU MARRY ME?!
Spike: -blushes- Well I…
Sam: -to Ocy- Well, she's abrupt…
Ocy: -nods and giggles-
VF: YOU SHOULD GO OUT WITH LITA! XD
Jay: No way, that bitch is mine!
Sam: -hits Jay over the head- Shaddup Jay.
Jay: OW! BITCH!
Sam: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!
Jay: O_o;;; Uh…nothing…
Sam: That's what I thought.
Bob: -snickers and motions as if he's snapping a whip-
Jay: -angrily, to Bob- I'm not whipped!
Sam: Jay! Shut the fuck up!
Jay: Yes ma'am. –goes silent-
VF: I LOVE YOU SPIKE!
Ocy: -groans- This is going nowhere…
-VF suddenly breaks the ropes and clamps onto Spike's leg. He chuckles nervously, trying to shake her off gently-
Spike: Er, I appreciate your affection…
Tracey (O.C.): What the…?
-All look up to see Tracey, Sarah, and Felicia walking in, staring at them all in shock-
Ocy: ACK!! O_o
-The muses quickly make their exit, jumping into the bag-
Felicia: What happened here?
-They look around at the very messed up room-
Ocy: Er…VF got a little excited? –cough-
Tracey: …
Sarah: Hey look, it's your muse bag!
Ocy: XD Raven runs free there!
Sarah: Oh REALLY? –turns to Tracey- How interesting!
Tracey: -turns red- He gets out sometimes.
Sarah: -rolls eyes- Uh-huh…
-Tracey moves to camera-
Tracey: Show over NOW.
-The camera fades to black, as you hear Tracey say 'Spike was last in line!'-