A/N: Sorry it's bin a while folks, but as Insane1 and I live on different
sides of the *globe* it's kinda difficult to write a fic quickly.
Insane1: Aaaaand Welcome Back! As Star has mentioned, I am now co-hosting for a little while and during the break I managed to confuse and scare the wits out of pretty much each one of our guests..
Star: Excuse me. *I'm* the main host here, so *I* get to do the intro. So there! (sticks tongue out) Welcome back. Insane1's gone powercrazy, and well, basically, well *look* at them! (indicates cast)
(As we look around the stage, we see the group fighting over the farthest seat from Insane1. They all pause, nod in support of the previous statement, and proceed to fight for the chairs on the other side of the room again.)
Insane1: (Stands and whistles sharply.) Time out guys! Just sit down and shut up until the questions start firing at you. I won't do anything to annoy or threaten you while-
Wes: I seem to recall that *you* were one of the most annoying and frequent questioners..And that *you*-
Insane1: *glaring* Okay..Exactly how hard is it to SHUT UP when you're told?
Star: Insane1, I'm *seriously* warning you! (is ignored) Fine! I'll just sit here, shall I?
Insane1: You do that!
Wes: W-well..I.I believe-
Insane1: (rolls eyes and turns to audience) Hands up all who want him BACK into a pile of mush. (Raises hand and waits for audience to follow suit. Star shakes her head and grimaces. It's obvious she's regretting allowing this madwoman to participate.)
Star: I don't recall telling you to turn him back! I like him trampled into the carpet.
Wes: *Shrinking back into seat, submissively (as usual)* Point taken..
(He continues to mumble under his breath)
Insane1: Right then. (Turns to other cast members) Any other problems? (They shake their heads vigorously) Good. I didn't think so. Anyways, it looks like we have some questions from the audience..Yay! This is fun..(Grins and rubs hands together in excitement) Boyslayer, dude, you're up.
Star: Hey! *My* show! I wanna do the first question! Boyslayer: Love this fic :) Anyways, my question is for Angel; Settle it once and for all. What the hell is that tattoo on your back all about?!
Angel: (looking pleased the someone out there ISN'T threatening to attack him, or bugging him about his bad life choices) Well..It's a Griffin. A mixture of graceful creatures of power. It is a creature of myth. There are many stories of it's origin. Some people thought of the griffin as an evil animal who stole people's souls. It's kinda ironic really. They saw the combination as perverse, crippling the griffin by depriving it the ability to fly like the eagle or walk proudly like the lion. They even created a sort of griffin who had the tail of a dragon and always represented evil. This they called the griffin-dragon. But then-
Spike: (rolling his eyes and exaggerating a yawn) Can we get this show on the bleedin' road already? Sometime BEFORE Peaches here bores everyone to premature death?
Angel: What? I was just answering the boy's question.
Spike: And being a bloody ponce about it.
Angel: (stands up and moves towards Spike, fists raised) That's it. You and me. Right here. Right now.
(Spike stands. Star dives between them, pushing Insane1 out of the way. Insane1 stands to one side, looking slightly unhappy at the fact that she's *not* between her two favourite vamps)
Star: Look what you did! They didn't fight before you came along! And guys, (stares at them, and they realise this is the girl who brought Faith in, and set her on Lindsey) Time out! (they nod, scared, and slink back to their seats)
Insane1: There will be NO bruising of the Spike while I'm on watch. (Turns to Spike) And you might wanna stop stirring soulboy up..
Spike: Oh grow up, you stupid bin..
Star: Much as I'm starting to regret my career options, don't complete that sentence, boy, unless you want it to go, 'and Spike turned into a little pile of dust'. Opr I could get Cecily to bring us some of your poetry. What was that word, effulgent?!
Insane1: No. You will stop. BOTH of you. Got it? (Glares at the pair as they both resume their places, Star muttering under her breath something about power crazed lunatics) Good. Now..We have more questions from Jas. Fire away.
Jas: Me again! To Spike- How does it feel to be a little more like Angel now?
Spike: (looking aghast) Like Angel? You think I'm like THE POOF? No bloody way! If I turn into him.. Slayer! Stake me if I turn into Angelus would you?
Buffy: Happily.
Spike; Not happening. I'm not gonna start bloody brooding, just cos I have a soul. The only reason he does that is cos he can't have sex anymore!
Buffy: Oh please, I wanna stake you. Can I?
A glare from Insane1 answers her question and the whiny one shuts up again. (Thank God.)
Jas: To Wesley's remains- When you first came to LA, what was with the whole "Rogue Demon Hunter" thing?
Wes: Ah, yes, Well..I had been let go from the council, but I still felt as if I had a natural talent..A calling, if you will-
Lilah: We won't.
Star: (staring) where the hell did you come from? (glares at Insane1) Now you're brining evil *lawyers*onto my show? Oh God, how to kill you.
Insane1: (trying to back away) I didn't do it!
Lilah: Hey, I'm evil. We have flyer miles.
Star: (looking at Insane1) Did that just make sense?
Insane1: I don't think so.
Wes: Would you shut up? I'm answering a question here. (they glare at him, but he doesn't seem to notice)
Lilah: (sarcastically and patronising) Oooh..I'm sorry. I didn't notice. By the way, How DOES it feel to be spoken to again?
Wes: (ignoring Lilah) Anyway, I pondered on what should become of my knowledge and experience in the field of slaying and-
(At this Buffy and the others that had known Wes in season 3 Btvs start to laugh uncontrollably. Including Angel, who witnessed Wesley in leather pants that "chafe" )
Buffy: Knowledge and Experience? Yeah..The whys and hows to getting your ass kicked..
(Everyone laughs even more and Wes crosses his arms over his chest, indignantly.)
Wes: Go ahead.Laugh at the Watcher. At least I had a reputable..er..occupation..
Cordy: (wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes) Wes, give it up. You referred to yourself as a 'rogue demon hunter' but, lets face it, there was nothing "rogue" about you. And you weren't exactly great with the demon hunting. I seem to recall the *outfit* though.. (cracks up at the memory)
Wes looks even more put out and leans forward to say something that is obviously not going not going to make matters any better. Then he *rememebers* what he was wearing, and gulps, and tries to kill Cordy. Before he can, though, Insane1 speaks up again. (Star is REALLY regretting her decision by now..)
Insane1: (still chuckling) Okay..okay..Enough picking on Wes..
Buffy: Oh *so* not happening! What *was* he wearing?
Cordy: (tries to speak, but collapses laughing)
Wes: (straightens his tie and whispers) Leather pants.
(everyone there howls with laughter. Giles floats in (for some reason) and laughs too, and then everything *gradually* gets back to normal)
Star: Okay, I think we'll leave it there, today. This is too much fun playing with their minds! Press the little button, and tell us what you think. Cos I don't know bout you, but (glares at Insane1 who has put herself on Spike's lap, and is threatening him with a stake if he tries to get rid of her) I'm kinda seeing the madness now! Join us for more mayhem when Insane1 and I can actually be bothered to cross the time distance of Australia to England.
Insane1: Aaaaand Welcome Back! As Star has mentioned, I am now co-hosting for a little while and during the break I managed to confuse and scare the wits out of pretty much each one of our guests..
Star: Excuse me. *I'm* the main host here, so *I* get to do the intro. So there! (sticks tongue out) Welcome back. Insane1's gone powercrazy, and well, basically, well *look* at them! (indicates cast)
(As we look around the stage, we see the group fighting over the farthest seat from Insane1. They all pause, nod in support of the previous statement, and proceed to fight for the chairs on the other side of the room again.)
Insane1: (Stands and whistles sharply.) Time out guys! Just sit down and shut up until the questions start firing at you. I won't do anything to annoy or threaten you while-
Wes: I seem to recall that *you* were one of the most annoying and frequent questioners..And that *you*-
Insane1: *glaring* Okay..Exactly how hard is it to SHUT UP when you're told?
Star: Insane1, I'm *seriously* warning you! (is ignored) Fine! I'll just sit here, shall I?
Insane1: You do that!
Wes: W-well..I.I believe-
Insane1: (rolls eyes and turns to audience) Hands up all who want him BACK into a pile of mush. (Raises hand and waits for audience to follow suit. Star shakes her head and grimaces. It's obvious she's regretting allowing this madwoman to participate.)
Star: I don't recall telling you to turn him back! I like him trampled into the carpet.
Wes: *Shrinking back into seat, submissively (as usual)* Point taken..
(He continues to mumble under his breath)
Insane1: Right then. (Turns to other cast members) Any other problems? (They shake their heads vigorously) Good. I didn't think so. Anyways, it looks like we have some questions from the audience..Yay! This is fun..(Grins and rubs hands together in excitement) Boyslayer, dude, you're up.
Star: Hey! *My* show! I wanna do the first question! Boyslayer: Love this fic :) Anyways, my question is for Angel; Settle it once and for all. What the hell is that tattoo on your back all about?!
Angel: (looking pleased the someone out there ISN'T threatening to attack him, or bugging him about his bad life choices) Well..It's a Griffin. A mixture of graceful creatures of power. It is a creature of myth. There are many stories of it's origin. Some people thought of the griffin as an evil animal who stole people's souls. It's kinda ironic really. They saw the combination as perverse, crippling the griffin by depriving it the ability to fly like the eagle or walk proudly like the lion. They even created a sort of griffin who had the tail of a dragon and always represented evil. This they called the griffin-dragon. But then-
Spike: (rolling his eyes and exaggerating a yawn) Can we get this show on the bleedin' road already? Sometime BEFORE Peaches here bores everyone to premature death?
Angel: What? I was just answering the boy's question.
Spike: And being a bloody ponce about it.
Angel: (stands up and moves towards Spike, fists raised) That's it. You and me. Right here. Right now.
(Spike stands. Star dives between them, pushing Insane1 out of the way. Insane1 stands to one side, looking slightly unhappy at the fact that she's *not* between her two favourite vamps)
Star: Look what you did! They didn't fight before you came along! And guys, (stares at them, and they realise this is the girl who brought Faith in, and set her on Lindsey) Time out! (they nod, scared, and slink back to their seats)
Insane1: There will be NO bruising of the Spike while I'm on watch. (Turns to Spike) And you might wanna stop stirring soulboy up..
Spike: Oh grow up, you stupid bin..
Star: Much as I'm starting to regret my career options, don't complete that sentence, boy, unless you want it to go, 'and Spike turned into a little pile of dust'. Opr I could get Cecily to bring us some of your poetry. What was that word, effulgent?!
Insane1: No. You will stop. BOTH of you. Got it? (Glares at the pair as they both resume their places, Star muttering under her breath something about power crazed lunatics) Good. Now..We have more questions from Jas. Fire away.
Jas: Me again! To Spike- How does it feel to be a little more like Angel now?
Spike: (looking aghast) Like Angel? You think I'm like THE POOF? No bloody way! If I turn into him.. Slayer! Stake me if I turn into Angelus would you?
Buffy: Happily.
Spike; Not happening. I'm not gonna start bloody brooding, just cos I have a soul. The only reason he does that is cos he can't have sex anymore!
Buffy: Oh please, I wanna stake you. Can I?
A glare from Insane1 answers her question and the whiny one shuts up again. (Thank God.)
Jas: To Wesley's remains- When you first came to LA, what was with the whole "Rogue Demon Hunter" thing?
Wes: Ah, yes, Well..I had been let go from the council, but I still felt as if I had a natural talent..A calling, if you will-
Lilah: We won't.
Star: (staring) where the hell did you come from? (glares at Insane1) Now you're brining evil *lawyers*onto my show? Oh God, how to kill you.
Insane1: (trying to back away) I didn't do it!
Lilah: Hey, I'm evil. We have flyer miles.
Star: (looking at Insane1) Did that just make sense?
Insane1: I don't think so.
Wes: Would you shut up? I'm answering a question here. (they glare at him, but he doesn't seem to notice)
Lilah: (sarcastically and patronising) Oooh..I'm sorry. I didn't notice. By the way, How DOES it feel to be spoken to again?
Wes: (ignoring Lilah) Anyway, I pondered on what should become of my knowledge and experience in the field of slaying and-
(At this Buffy and the others that had known Wes in season 3 Btvs start to laugh uncontrollably. Including Angel, who witnessed Wesley in leather pants that "chafe" )
Buffy: Knowledge and Experience? Yeah..The whys and hows to getting your ass kicked..
(Everyone laughs even more and Wes crosses his arms over his chest, indignantly.)
Wes: Go ahead.Laugh at the Watcher. At least I had a reputable..er..occupation..
Cordy: (wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes) Wes, give it up. You referred to yourself as a 'rogue demon hunter' but, lets face it, there was nothing "rogue" about you. And you weren't exactly great with the demon hunting. I seem to recall the *outfit* though.. (cracks up at the memory)
Wes looks even more put out and leans forward to say something that is obviously not going not going to make matters any better. Then he *rememebers* what he was wearing, and gulps, and tries to kill Cordy. Before he can, though, Insane1 speaks up again. (Star is REALLY regretting her decision by now..)
Insane1: (still chuckling) Okay..okay..Enough picking on Wes..
Buffy: Oh *so* not happening! What *was* he wearing?
Cordy: (tries to speak, but collapses laughing)
Wes: (straightens his tie and whispers) Leather pants.
(everyone there howls with laughter. Giles floats in (for some reason) and laughs too, and then everything *gradually* gets back to normal)
Star: Okay, I think we'll leave it there, today. This is too much fun playing with their minds! Press the little button, and tell us what you think. Cos I don't know bout you, but (glares at Insane1 who has put herself on Spike's lap, and is threatening him with a stake if he tries to get rid of her) I'm kinda seeing the madness now! Join us for more mayhem when Insane1 and I can actually be bothered to cross the time distance of Australia to England.