It was the weekend, and I was trying to actually get some housework done for once in my life. Since Tris took it upon herself to cook—she wouldn't let me cook, for some reason—it was my job to clean. Dishes, laundry, dusting, and so on. I guessed it was fair. She put a lot of work into cooking, with meal planning in advance, and doing the shopping, and spending the weekend cooking enough quantity of everything that it could go in the freezer and we could just take it out and heat it up. I'm pretty sure though that this was just her way of keeping me from cooking anything ever... but anyway.

I had the TV on while I was cleaning, because I needed some kind of background noise to stay focused. If it was just me and my thoughts with nothing else for me to focus on, my mind would go to weird places. And then I'd end up not cleaning, because I'd just be standing there thinking about other stuff. Or, worse than that, when you wonder something random—like, what was the first thing to be called orange, the fruit or the color—and then you go grab your phone to look it up online and there goes getting anything done. I needed an anchor, something to switch my focus to if I felt myself getting too distracted. So I had the news on, to glance at that if I needed to.

(In case you were wondering, orange the fruit came first. English speaking countries called the color "yellow red" before the fruit became commonplace to them and then they named the color after the fruit. Now you don't have to go look it up. You're welcome.)

But for now I was doing a pretty good job on focusing on cleaning. Until I heard the name of my town on the news. It caught my attention on instinct, and it was a good thing it did, because, uh...

"Police are looking for help identifying this girl, caught on the footage of the local mall's department store. It seems she was caught trying to shoplift, and upon being stopped by security, she responded by smashing a large quantity of fragile store merchandise and fleeing the scene. If anyone has any information on her identity or whereabouts, they are urged to call—"

Great. Just great. So now the police were looking for me?

"You know, there's an easy solution to this," an all too calm voice chided me in my head. "If you turn yourself in, you may get in significantly less trouble. If you financially compensate them for the damage you did, they may just let you off."

What? How the heck did Zelda assume I would be able to do that? Yeah, Tris and I were being given money to attend Hanzo. A mysterious benefactor, who was apparently really weirdly invested in our success as shinobi, paid our rent, bills, food, and school tuition. But I doubted that they, whoever they were, would be willing to cough up the money to pay for who knew how many yen in destroyed merchandise. Even if I knew who they were, how was I going to explain the situation to them? Hello, excuse me, rich powerful person, my inherent tendency for extreme property damage has landed me in a situation that I need vast sums of money to get out of. That'd go over well.

"No, you idiot. I know you don't have the funds to pay it."

Then what?

"I could pay for it for you. I could give the store enough money to replace everything you broke and then some."

I stopped dusting right where I was and smacked the duster down on the table in reflexive frustration. I would not let her do that for me. I didn't want her to have to spend that much on my behalf because I was an idiot.

"Then how else do you plan to resolve this?"

I puffed out my cheeks in huffiness, even though it wasn't like she could see me. Well, she'd be able to tell I was doing it anyway, with her weird telepathy powers. I had to admit she was kinda right. I didn't exactly have a plan for what I'd do. But...

"If they really want me, they'd better come get me," I told Zelda in my head. "And they aren't gonna take me down without a fight."

"That's... the most horrible idea I've ever heard."

"I have the power of a shinobi scroll. They don't. Their guns aren't much more powerful than Ryona's. I can take them."

"You are not fighting the police." I could hear her exasperated sigh in my head.

"Why not? Fuck the police."

"Are you kidding me?" I could practically hear her shaking her head at me through our mental bond. "You've been a soldier in the royal guard in a number of your reincarnations. You've been the police."

"Fuck the police!"

"You're going to school to be a shinobi that works for the government. Once you graduate, you're going to be used for stuff like crime fighting and gathering intel alongside the police."

"Fuck the police!" I crossed my arms in a huff, even though once again, she couldn't see me. "I'm not letting you pay for my mistake."

"If I beat you to within an inch of your life, you will." What?!

"You want to fight me over this?"

"Yes, because you're being an idiot. So it's for your own good. You know there was a girl who went to Hanzo who had to kill someone in self defense just to save her own life, and Hanzo kicked her out for it? She had to transfer to Hebijo. So, really, be careful. You're going to get yourself killed. Or worse. Expelled."

Expelled?!

"I know, right? Consequences? For your actions? It's more likely than you think."

Ugh.

"Really, the shinobi world is bound by strict codes of honor and duty and propriety and all that. If you don't do exactly as you're told, you'll end up a renegade that both the good and evil sides will be instructed to kill."

Now I was the one sighing in exasperation. "Okay, fine. You've convinced me. You don't have to kick my ass to get me to listen to you." Then I thought about it for a second. "Although... you should try to kick my ass anyway."

"Why? If you're going to get off on it—"

"I'm not, I swear. I just want a friendly sparring match against you, just to see what you're made of."

"All right, then. I can do it today, if you'd like. Perhaps at that derelict playground where you met Ryobi and Ryona the first time. That way, if you end up destroying property by accident again, you won't get in trouble this time." How'd she even know about that? Whatever. I'd given up questioning her. "You'd best get your household chores done first, though. So, you do that, and I'll go about contacting the police about paying the department store on your behalf. All right?"

I sighed, but relented. "That works for me, I guess..." And I tried my best to finish up cleaning, having to shift my focus back to it all over again. Damn it. That's always the hardest part.

Eventually, though, I did get it done, and started heading to the fenced off and abandoned old playground in the more broke area of the town. It'd be weird, seeing someone like Zelda being in that area, given how well to do she was. Part of me was like, crap, what if someone mugs her? But then I realized she was the one who suggested that area in the first place, and, well... if someone did try to mug her, they'd be in for a surprise when she started whipping out her shinobi skills.

Not that I knew exactly what her shinobi skills were, since I'd never seen her use them. But I was about to find out. Because there she was.

Zelda greeted me with a polite nod. "There you are. It's always a delight to see you." She gave a dainty giggle. "Are you ready to get utterly destroyed, then?" And she held out her hand for me to shake.

I shook it politely, but I gave her a look. And in my head, I shot her a retort. "No, sorry, I don't get destroyed. I'm ready to fight, but don't think I'll lose."
And with that, it was on.

She'd focused her power into her scroll, and had transformed into her battle outfit, which was... well. It definitely had an appropriately shinobi look to it. Her hair was tucked behind her in a braid. It and her face were covered by a veil that made it hard to tell who she was. And her clothes, blue with an oddly familiar eye emblem on the chest, would never get in her way or restrict her movement, because they were skin tight. And when I said skin tight, I meant it. It might as well have been painted on. Like, her boobs already looked huge when they strained at her school uniform top's tidy buttons, but now... well, Kat would be having a field day.

But I would not let myself get distracted. I focused my power into my scroll too, and got into a defensive stance, ready to parry whatever it was she was going to try. I waited for her to attack first though, since I really wanted to see what she was made of.

That was kinda a mistake, since she whipped out a kunai from who knows where, and with perfect aim, chucked it at me at about knee level. She'd aimed it lower than the area covered by my shield, but above my boots, where I had nothing protecting me. I swerved to avoid it but couldn't in time, and it sliced at my thigh, snagging the skirt part of my tunic in the process and tearing it. I stumbled, and in the time it took me to right myself, she'd tossed down something onto the ground that burst with smoke and light. I flinched instinctively, and once the smoke cleared, she wasn't even there anymore.

Yeah, now she was behind me.

I spent a second charging up a spin attack, at the same moment she was charging directly at me. When she jumped at me, another kunai in hand, she collided with the spinning blade, and was flung backwards. I turned to face her, hoping to get a few slices in before she could recover, but she'd already somersaulted back upright with amazing speed. I went ahead to try to slice at her anyway, but she managed to let a bunch of kunai fly at me at once. And of course, since I was running right at her, I got hit by all of them.

Slice, and there went the rest of the part of my tunic that was covering my butt. Slice, and there went the part of it that was covering my stomach. Slice, and there went the part of it covering my chest. Soon it was reduced to scraps, that were meekly held against me by my belt and the strap holding my scabbard to my back. Other than that? Bra and panties.

You know. The usual.

When my clothes were gone, so was any pretense of strategy or defense. I kept trying to get a hit on her, any kind I could. But now she was the one acting defensively, dodging every swing of my sword with a swift hop or roll. If I got too close to her, she'd do that thing again where she tossed down a smoke bomb or whatever, and completely ended up somewhere else the moment the smoke cleared.

So I decided to go for another tactic entirely, and started by involving the broken down playground equipment in our battle. I sheathed my sword, then ran at the rusty monkey bars, jumping up at them, grabbing the first bar, and hoisting myself up onto the top of them. I scrambled along them until I got close enough to jump to the top of the pole, and then hoisted myself over that. I was on the top of the playground equipment now, and swung myself down to tuck myself into the treehouse type structure at the top of the covered slide. I'd forgotten for the moment that she could easily read my mind, and that she knew exactly where I was hiding. Instead, I nocked an arrow to my bow, and tried to aim at her from between the cracked planks of the playground equipment.

She'd stopped running just long enough to look around for where I'd fled to, and I managed to get her with one arrow. Just one. But it was enough to rip open the chest part of her battle outfit. And she didn't even have a bra on underneath. Just little band-aid type stickers covering her nipples. I guessed it was hard to fit a bra under something so skin tight? And she didn't even seem fazed. As soon as she saw where the arrow had shot from, she sent a flurry of kunai that way.

And, since this poor abandoned playground was made of such creaky rusty metal, chipping rotting wood, and cracking plastic, the kunai took down the playhouse wall that was protecting me. The poor boards splintered apart like they hadn't even existed, and I ended up with a bunch of wooden shards down my bra. Now nothing was protecting me from her next set of kunai throws, and I had to roll sideways to escape them, getting splinters in my cleavage as I did so. Damn it. There wasn't time to try to get the wood out, so I just kind of whipped off my bra anyway. I'd fought without one before, so no big deal.

I rolled to dodge her attack again, but found myself inside the covered slide, now sliding backward toward the entrance. That didn't stop her from attacking me. With a bunch of furious thunks, she kept throwing her knives into the slide's plastic, each of them cutting holes in it, creating widening cracks. As I clambered out of the slide, I shot a thought at her.

"You think I'm bad with property damage. Now look who it is."

"I'm quite sure they intend to demolish this playground anyway, to build a new one, once they have enough funds," she called to me across the field, a warm laugh in her voice. "We're doing them a favor, helping alleviate some of the demolition costs." And with that, she tossed a bunch more kunai at me, for me to have to duck and dodge. They missed me, but they all got lodged in a large support beam that was holding up the whole playground...

I dashed toward her, and not a moment too late. The support beam was splintering apart due to the impact of all those sharp blades in it, and the whole entire playhouse part started sloping down toward the ground at an angle. The thing was creaking and crunching like if anything else hit it then it'd tumble down entirely. So of course she threw more kunai at it. And it did, falling to rubble almost right on top of me. I dove forward to avoid it.

"Were you trying to hit me with the entire playground?" I snapped at her in my head.

"You could handle it," she said, barely able to get the words out, incapacitated by her own giggling. She was entirely too amused by what she almost just did. I caught up with her and shoved her backwards, pulling my sword back out again and brandishing it at her. But I was pretty tired from all that crap, huffing and puffing in exertion, which was weird in combination with the fact that I was totally topless. I didn't want this to have to go on much further.

"I think we should call this a draw," I thought to her.

"I suppose we could," she said, still laughing. "But I think that's awfully generous of me. After all, I got more hits on you than you did on me, and you are certainly in a worse state of undress. Really, we could say I won. But I do feel charitable, so we will go with the draw."

I huffed at her, but gave her a curt nod, before sheathing my sword again and collapsing to the ground next to her to try to catch my breath. We should've probably focused power into our scrolls again, to go back to normal and repair our outfits, but I think we both needed a moment. I mean, it wasn't like anyone else besides us trespassed onto this worn out—okay, now completely broken down—closed playground. So it wasn't like anyone was gonna see—

"What are you two bimbos doing?" A familiar voice was calling out from outside the fence. I turned to see who it was. Ryobi, with Ryona in tow. Great.

Zelda stood up, seemingly not caring that she was in a half ripped up skin tight ninja outfit with her nipples concealed by band-aids only. She smiled as serenely as ever.

"We were simply sparring, that's all. Should I... know you?" Oh, yeah. They hadn't met before.

I quickly gave a half hearted wave to the two sisters, mostly just to reassure Ryobi that I knew who she was. I didn't want her to accuse me of forgetting her, and finding a way to blame it on the fact that my chest is too big and I am therefore stupid, and then threaten to shoot my tits off my body.

"I know that dumbass." Ryobi gestured toward me. "I'm guessing you're one of her dumbass friends."

"You could say that, yes." Zelda didn't even acknowledge Ryobi's foul mouthed insults. Like she was just taking the high road by ignoring them. "Are you a shinobi student as well?"

Of course, Ryona took the moment to butt into the conversation. "Yeah. I'm Ryona, and that's my sister Ryobi, and we're part of the elite class at Hebijo. We dance for the honor of evil!"

"How many times do I have to tell you that's the kind of thing we keep a secret?" Ryobi said, looking like she was resisting the urge to slap Ryona, only because she knew she'd like it too much. I was glad. I didn't want poor Zelda to have to see Ryona's pervy masochism in action.

"Ah. If it makes you feel better, I can tell you that my name is Zelda, and I attend Gessen. I suppose, then, that it makes us enemies. Though, I'd rather not be enemies with anyone I don't have to. The two of us would gladly be on good terms with you. Unless, of course, you happen to side with Ganondorf, in which case, we would have to destroy you. I know she is your classmate, but she is danger, even for you. So, I hope you make the right choice, if it ever comes to it."

How is it she could always threaten violence to people with such a serene, graceful smile? Sometimes it seems a little sociopathic.

"I'm not sociopathic, just polite," she said, turning toward me just to chide me. "Everyone knows all of us shinobi are capable of violence when necessary. But part of being a good shinobi is knowing when it is and isn't necessary, and part of being a good person is being honorable and polite, even in the moments when you do have to be violent."

"No one said you were sociopathic, you—" It looked like Zelda was going to have to explain her telepathic connection with me to Ryobi. But thankfully Ryona took things in... another direction.

"Ooh, ooh, you know our classmate Ganni-chan? I like her. She's extremely violent. It's like, she's all about using force to get whatever she wants. And she hits me whenever I get on her nerves. So I make sure to get on her nerves a lot. It's so much fun."

Zelda's eyes went wide. I felt myself cringing.

"Ryona is an extremely perverse masochist," I told Zelda in my head. "Please try not to start shit with her. For one thing, she and my sister are an item. For another thing, you can't win with her. It's like the saying about how you should never wrestle with a pig, because you both get dirty and the pig likes it? No matter what nasty thing you say to Ryona, no matter how you attack her, she likes it. She always likes it. So don't do it."

Zelda nodded. "It seems as though we are on opposite sides of a conflict, then," she said, trying to keep her smile from faltering for even a moment. "Perhaps Linkle and I should take our leave. I don't want there to be violence for the sake of violence, and... hmm. Perhaps when Ganondorf is rendered no longer a threat to us or the shinobi world at large, we can try once more to be friends?"

Ryona was pouting. "You're not gonna fight me then? You're not gonna beat me up? You're not gonna call me a dumb bitch and hit me?"

"I-I'm sorry, Ryona. Perhaps... another time?" Zelda tried to laugh, but it came out nervous. "Let's... let's head out of here." And she focused her energy in her scroll to repair her clothing so we could go.

I did the same, following her away as quickly as I could. As we passed Ryobi and Ryona for the last time that day, I gave them a wave goodbye, and a noncommittal shrug, to try to acknowledge that yeah, we were on opposite sides of a conflict, but I didn't have anything against them personally. Like, even if it was weird, I was totally fine with Ryona and Tris being a thing. I mean, there was the possibility that Murasaki and I could end up a thing, and I wouldn't want anyone judging me for that.

"You and Murasaki are already a thing," Zelda murmured to me, shaking her head.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. You're just impossibly dense is all."

Hmph.