This time Alex was lying in bed when there was a knock on her door. She didn't know why Kara insisted on knocking when she had a key. Normally, she would have flown in one of the windows, but she hadn't seen Kara as Supergirl since it happened. Maybe she should get the key back from her anyway, Alex thought. She didn't need her coming over here. She didn't need anyone around her.
The knocking was replaced by a pounding at the door. "Open up Danvers, I know you are in there."
Alex sat up in bed as soon as she heard Danvers – it was Maggie.
Why would Maggie be here? She cursed herself for going to the hospital. She knew she shouldn't have gone and now this.
"Danvers, I'm not leaving until you open the door. I don't care if I have to camp out here."
She didn't sound happy, then again, why would she be happy at least with her, Alex thought. Still, Alex didn't move from her spot. She laid back down and put the pillow over her head hoping to drown out any more of her voice.
She was startled when her phone rang. She pulled the pillow aside and reached for it. No one called her anymore – well that wasn't technically true her mom called every few days and J'onn had called as well. She always answered her mom's calls but never J'onn's. She didn't even know why her mom called her as there was little for them to say to each other at this point.
This time it was Maggie calling. Alex put the phone down. Maggie would get the point that she didn't want to see her. Maggie would lose interest and leave – after all she had already left Alex once. When the phone stopped ringing there was no notification of a message. See, she thought, she is already losing interest in this.
There was another pounding at the door.
"Alex, please open the door."
Alex – Maggie hardly ever called her by her first name.
More pounding. Another plea to open the door. Another phone call. More pounding. And then nothing.
Alex had laid there throughout it and then continued to lay there for another 40 minutes or so before reaching for her crutch and getting out of bed. She made her way to the fridge and pulled out a beer. She was down to her last two and she was out of any other alcohol.
Popping the top off she took a long first drink and followed it up with several more until she had drained it as fast as she could. Then she took her last one, knowing she would have to go to the store later and get more. There was a small store a couple of blocks down, probably similar to the one Maggie was in when she got shot.
Despite her lack of reaction to Kara, when she heard Maggie had been shot, she had feared the worst. They had talked about it once – the danger present in each of their jobs.
At least she knew that Maggie was out of the hospital now, which meant she was fine.
She took a drink and then began to make her way over to the couch. She was part way there when there was a single, sharp knock at the door.
"I can hear you in there," Maggie said. "I'm still here waiting. Sitting on the floor like an idiot, but I'm still here."
Alex took another drink and then moved back toward the kitchen, putting the beer on the counter and then heading toward her door. She didn't open it, just stood there.
"Go away," she said.
"Not happening," Maggie responded immediately. Alex heard movement and she guessed that Maggie had stood up. "So let me in."
A part of her wanted to open that door to see Maggie, even if it was only for a few seconds. But she knew she wasn't strong enough for that. She was weak – Lillian Luther had proven that. She had torn down any part of her that was strong. This is what she had been reduced to and she didn't want Maggie seeing that.
"Go away," she said again, although this time it sounded more like a plea.
"I know about Cadmus."
Alex backed up a step. How did Maggie know? If she knew, why would she come here? She couldn't possibly know. No one knew what had happened except Kara and she had made her swear never to tell anyone. It was the first thing she had said to anyone after waking up in medbay. Kara had come to check on her and she made her swear it – threatened her. Kara had already told J'onn in private so there was nothing Alex could do about that, but she could make sure no one else ever knew.
Had Kara told her?
"I'm sorry about your father," Maggie said.
Again, Alex backed up, looking down at the floor and trying to hold back the tears. She needed Maggie to go away. She couldn't do this. She moved away from the door, retrieving her beer and heading toward the bathroom. In her medicine cabinet, she found the over-the-counter sleeping pills she had bought shortly after Maggie had left her. She had trouble getting to sleep so she would down a couple, sleep for a few hours at least, and then get up to head back to work.
She looked at herself in the mirror. She stood there staring back at her reflection wondering when it had all gone wrong and she thought again about that other life – one where her father lived, one where Kara never came into their lives.
She shook the thought from her mind. It was a dangerous train of thought, but one she couldn't help thinking about ever since Lillian Luther had put it there.
"Imagine your life Alex, imagine what it could be if you had grown up as you should have," Lillian had said. "If an alien hadn't come into your life. What would you be? Who would you be? Because right now, you are nothing more than a slave to that alien in there. Look at how she has dictated your life. What right did she have to come here and take your spot as Eliza and Jeremiah's daughter?"
Alex closed her eyes, trying to keep the memory of that voice at bay.
The crutch fell to the floor and she used the counter to brace herself and then finally she slid down to the floor with some difficulty due to her leg. Her breaths were coming in short bursts. There were many times she had felt like the weight of the world was on top of her and now it felt like it was crushing her.
…
Maggie got back off of the floor when she saw Kara approaching. She had been sitting there for a couple of hours now when the apartment had gone silent. She realized that Alex wasn't going to let her in. She had done the only thing she could – she called Kara to let her in.
"Thank you," she said hugging Kara, although slightly awkward with her arm in a sling still.
"I should be thanking you," Kara responded.
"I haven't done anything to be thanked for."
"You are here, aren't you? She's pushing everyone away from her, maybe she will let you get close."
"So far. she won't even let me in the door," Maggie said. "But I am here and I do want to help. Is there anything you can tell me about what happened to you two when Cadmus had you? All I got was what James knew which wasn't much."
Kara looked down at her feet as she shook her head no.
"Hey," Maggie said, forcing her to look back up at her. "Alex isn't the only one who needs to talk about it."
"I can't," Kara said. "She made me promise I would never talk about it with anyone. If I break that promise, well, let's just say she won't ever be my sister again if I do that."
"That bad?"
Kara nodded. "If you want to know, you are going to have to get her to tell you."
Maggie didn't see that happening any time soon. She stepped aside and Kara began to unlock the door but she paused.
"What is it?" Maggie asked.
"I can't hear her heartbeat."
"Go!" Maggie said.
Both rushed into the apartment, Maggie calling out Alex's name while Kara quickly checked the place.
"She isn't here," Kara said.
Maggie looked around this time and saw the window was open – the one that led to the fire escape. "Damn it," Maggie swore. She hadn't heard anything as Alex must have been extra quiet to pull off her escape. Were things that bad between them that Alex would rather run away than speak to her.
"Maggie," Kara said and Maggie turned to see Kara next to the kitchen counter, a piece of paper in her hand.
Maggie moved forward and took it from Kara's hand. It was a simple message in Alex's handwriting – "Don't look for me."
Meeting Kara's eyes and seeing the unspoken question in them, Maggie simply said, "We have to find her."