What does it Matter?
AN: Misao/Aoshi fans, excuse this chapter, Aoshi just doesn't know what he really wants yet.
Kaoru ran out, not sure of where she wanted to go, but she knew where she didn't want to go. She continued running with tears wordlessly streaming down her face. Somewhere she ran into Misao and Aoshi.
"Kaoru-chan?!?!? What's the matter?" Misao gently enfolded Kaoru in her arms as Kaoru had fallen on her knees and started to sob. Somehow she got her story out to Misao, forgetting Aoshi was there.
"I ran away from the dojo because Kenshin burned his hand and I started to cry. It all began a few days ago and now my life is so obscure I can't comprehend anything anymore. Here's how it all began to go down hill. Kenshin was acting peculiar and even said he was afraid of Sano. Then I dragged Sanosuke off the Kamiya compounds, at first I thought I'd just pound on him until I felt better, but I wound up thinking that I don't love Kenshin. I keep spending time with Sano and Yahiko, Tae, and even Tsubame thought that I was in love with Sanosuke! Who knows what Kenshin thinks. Now I don't know what to think!" Kaoru sat up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She sniffed a little but tried to keep it to a minimum because it might commence a whole new flow of tears.
Misao looked at Kaoru, astonished that she had just declared she didn't love Kenshin. Doing her best not to faint at the abrupt proclamation, Misao decided to ask, "Why don't you love Himura-san anymore?"
"Did I ever truly love him in the first place?" Kaoru looked at Misao not really expecting an answer. "That's what I asked myself, and resolved that I didn't. Not really, not the way you love Aoshi. The kind of love I had for Kenshin wanted to be returned. I couldn't content myself with just loving him. I couldn't just love him." As Kaoru choked out the last sentence, Misao found her own eyes brimming with tears.
"But you went all the way to Kyoto to find him. That has to mean something, Kaoru-chan." Miaso was desperate to try and make Kaoru feel better and less befuddled.
Laughing a small, insane laugh Kaoru answered, "I'm selfish Misao. Haven't you noticed by now? I think I went only because I didn't want to be alone anymore. When he left, the family we had built up seemed to orbit around him. With him gone so was my solid little family. I went to Kyoto to get him back, to get my family back together. It was absolutely for selfish reasons."
"Kaoru I don't think-," Misao was about to continue the argument that Kaoru loved Kenshin, but was cut off surprisingly by Aoshi.
"That's enough Misao. Kamiya, would you be our guest at the Aoiya, in Kyoto?"
Kaoru finally looked up at Aoshi, shocked, due to the fact that she had also forgotten he was and because of his offer. 'Why would Aoshi, of all people, offer me a place to stay? I wonder what he really wants. Should I say yes? Why not, I need a vacation.'
"I would love to. Thank you so much, but why?"
"Misao, run ahead and begin to pack some of Kamiya's belongings. I'll walk her to the dojo and explain on the way." Misao nodded her head thinking, 'Anything for you, my beloved Aoshi-sama. You know best,' and raced back to Kaoru's dojo.
Aoshi motioned to Kaoru that they should follow, but Kaoru didn't move. "Are you going to answer my question?"
He sighed and concluded that it would be best to tell her. "A few nights ago local police found evidence of a large committee with plans to destroy the government in a secluded forest. No one really knows what it is or if there is a threat, but Himura might be called upon to do his 'duties' that the government depends on him to do. I don't think it would be in your best interests to be around in case that happens. Also I ran into Sagara and got his side of the story. It seems he thinks Himura does love you or cares for you deeply, but won't do anything about it. So I thought that we should do what's best for you, and let you have a break to determine what you feel and what you consider to be right."
Kaoru thought about it, 'Could I stand it if Kenshin chooses to help the government? Again. Here everyone is looking out for my happiness, my well-being, well some people are.' Smiling Kaoru jumped up and gave Aoshi a hug. "Thank you. I am remarkably thankful, and I just have one more question. Does Misao know you can talk this much?"
The astonished Aoshi took some time to recollect himself, "Very funny Kamiya. Being a leader I have to spend time thinking, I can't squander my time by talking. As for Misao, I do not joke when I state that I believe her to be more like a precious relative than as my love. I think that we don't need to bring up the subject of love between us again, do you understand? Although I would appreciate if you could persuade Misao that she doesn't love me the way she thinks. She has always been to wrapped up in her mission to love me, she never had the time to seek out the company of anyone else." He smiled a rueful smile and added, "She never tried to see me the way I am. In her mind I'm still the fourteen year old boy who used to read her bedtime stories and play tag with her and the others."
Delicately Kaoru reached up with both of her hands and pushed the corners of Aoshi's mouth upwards. "I think that while I'm in Kyoto we should try to make this," she was indicating his smile, "happy and true. I will talk to Misao, and don't worry. I won't say a word of this conversation to anyone." Then she smiled one of those smiles that tells Kenshin that the hurt is gone and not to fuss about it. Aoshi was convinced, but even he saw that the smile didn't reach her eyes.
"I think we had better reach the dojo before dark or we might face some undesired consequences." With Aoshi leading the way, Kaoru was able to let her thoughts wander. For once in a great while, so it seemed, they turned to more pleasant thoughts, such as, what she was going to take with her to the Aoiya, all the way in Kyoto.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cornering Kaoru in the dojo Sano thought that it was about it was time he got some straight answers. 'Stupid Weasel girl trying to tell me she was packing for Kaoru's trip. As if she'd go to "Is it true? Are you going with Misao and Aoshi back to Kyoto?" 'Geez Sano, get right to the point dontcha' Kaoru thought to herself.
"Yes, I am. Things will be all right. Kenshin will be here, so nothing will go wrong."
"But 'Jou-chan we'll fall apart with out you here. Kenshin wouldn't let you go, and what about Yahiko? Who's going to train him and make him clean the dojo as a punishment?" Sano was all but pleading with Kaoru not to go. Then he speculated 'Are you trying to force him to follow you? You know how much pain that city holds for him.' Kaoru's sad eyes told him that she was doing this for herself not any silly illusions she might have had about Kenshin. It would appear that she had metamorphosed into something similar to the Kaoru he had first met, but just different.
"You guys won't fall apart. Kenshin can't make me stay, and I think I'll put you in charge of Yahiko. You could teach him how to be nice you women and girls older than him and not to call them busu, or hag." Kaoru started to sniffle again when she realized that she would miss the little brat that had become her brother. Sano put his arms around Kaoru and let her cry.
'Why do I always cry? I remember a lady in the village once said that everyone person is unique, and has a different defense mechanism. I guess mine is to cry or is crying my signal to show everyone that I need attention. Hmmm… Sano smells nice. I guess he hasn't gone drinking yet today. That's a good thing.'
"Are you done?" Kaoru nodded her head into his chest, not wanting to meet his eyes. "Liar. Go ahead and cry a little more, what will it hurt?" He kissed the top of her head. 'What is going on with me? When did I get so soft? I suppose that it's because Kaoru is so important to me. It's like she's my… my sister. That's it, my sister! Damn Kenshin, the stupid idiot, that bastard! He can't even see how much she cares for him.' "Kaoru, do you still love Kenshin? I mean after he hurt his hand you ran out of here like the place was on fire, but I could have sworn you were teary-eyed even then."
"I was. He called me Kaoru. Damn it! Do you know how much that Kaoru I used to be tried and prayed to be called Kaoru? As for loving him. I don't know now Sanosuke. I think I do, but I don't feel that I do." She laughed and then flashed Sano the same smile she had given Aoshi earlier. "I think I need to stop thinking about living my life for him and for loving him. Right now I've come to the conclusion that my life is mine, and I should live it that way."
"Well. How long are you staying with the weasel? I think I might have to visit Kyoto sometime in the near future. I might just wind up missing my little sister. Just don't fall for Aoshi, he's a man of stone and it seems like he's already taken."
Kaoru giggled, "Don't worry about that. We talked about it while he walked with me back to the dojo. It would seem, he's quite the conversationalist. You wouldn't believe how much he talked."
"And Weasel girl missed it?" Sano's mouth was wide open. Kaoru nodded again, this time being truthful. "Wow. I. I think I need to sit down."
"Will you go sit with Aoshi and give him some tea, then? I have about a million things to do it seems." Sano started to walk away, but turned back around as Kaoru called out, "Wait! Do you think I should tell him? I want to. Not tell him why, but just tell him I'm going to visit Misao in Kyoto. So do you think I should tell Kenshin-"
"Tell me what Kaoru-dono?" Both Kaoru and Sanosuke visibly jumped with apprehension that they didn't know when he had entered the room. "Are you feeling well Kaoru-dono?"
Kaoru looked up into Kenshin's eyes and thought, 'He deserves to know. I guess I'm going to tell him.' "Kenshin I'm going to stay in Kyoto at the Aoiya. Aoshi offered and I excepted. They're short on waitresses, and the Aoiya is extraordinarily busy this time of year so I thought I'd say yes."
"When are we going Kaoru-dono?" Kaoru sighed. 'He's not going to make this easy for me is he? Maybe if I tell him that I used to love him he'll be in such a muted state that he'll let me go. It's worth a try.'
Drawing a breath and all the courage she could muster, she let loose, "Kenshin, you've lived here with me and our family for a little over a year. I think that from the first day I fell in love with you, or at least the idea of having someone around to care for and protect me. After some thought and doubts, I've determined that maybe I don't really love you the way I thought I did. I'm by no means done thinking, as I know that matters of the heart are complex matters, but I'm going to Kyoto for a vacation. To get away from my inner thoughts and pandemonium. So you see, it is me, not us going to Kyoto. But who knows, you might be there soon. Aoshi will tell you about what the police found or Saitou will if he'll ever stops staring at me long enough to let you in on the reason Misao and Aoshi are here." Kenshin and Sano turned slowly to face the dojo entrance. "Well today seems like my lucky day for visitors. Please come in Saitou-san, I didn't mean to be rude but you just witnessed a highly emotional, and I fear it will become, and embarrassing moment. I think I'll go get everyone some tea. Would you like Aoshi to join you?" Saitou puffed on his ever present cigarette and grunted. "I'll take that as a yes." Kaoru left the room to go get Aoshi and fix them all tea.
"I'll go help Kaoru. I doubt that you'll want me here while you ask you Kenshin's help." Sano turned to follow Kaoru.
"Ass. Stay where you are." He'll blew out more smoke from a new cigarette. "Kamiya is one exceptional woman. I wonder if she's related to Tokio?" He'll had muttered the last part to himself but Kenshin and Sano both heard. It made Kenshin relax and at the same time watchful. 'Is everyone after Kaoru-dono, romantically and otherwise?'
Author's Note: I feel like turning all the male characters, except for Kenshin, into Kaoru's brother. Who knows, I might make all of them fall in love with her. Or should that be another fic all together. *rubbing her hands together and laughing madly* That's it, that's what I'll do next!