Other: I think Elleelen's name would be pronounced something like [E-lay-lin]. At least, that's how I pronounce it. It's real Elvish, after all, so I can't be certain.
Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Enya! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is an AU! Rated R for major angst, attempted rape, and sexual innuendo. Takes place right after the last chapter.
Amin Ai Olin
(My Little Secret)
Part 9. Nyar- I'- Olin
( To Tell The Secret)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who knows?
Only time...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elleelen jumped to his feet and ran over to his daddy, who scooped him up and held him tightly. 'I was so worried about you, Daddy! I thought that he might have hurt you or something,' Elleelen said, frowning at the Man.
Elessar winced. He wondered if his son somehow knew of the reason he was here, because that was a very bold assumption.
Kasia understood Elvish, for her father had taught it to her. She frowned at Elleelen's words. 'My father would not have hurt him, Elleelen,' she protested, frowning, as she walked over to her father, who picked her up, cupping her small cheek in his large hand.
'Then why was your father pinning my father to the bed and not letting him go?' Elleelen countered pointedly. He remembered that all too well.
Two voices broke into the argument at the same time.
'Elleelen, do not-'
'Kasia, you know better than to-'
Legolas and Elessar both paused and looked at each other. Legolas was the first to look away, as he pressed his forehead against Elleelen's.
'Elessar and I were merely having a disagreement, Elleelen. He was not hurting me,' Legolas lied, though he glanced at Elessar sharply, resentment in his azure eyes.
Elleelen frowned, for he sensed that his father was hiding something. 'What's wrong? And why did we come here, Daddy? I want to go home and play with my friends,' he said.
Legolas smiled grimly at Elessar. You decided to do this, so you tell him, Elessar, the Elf thought to himself.
Kasia felt a little hurt at Elleelen's words. 'Why are they here, Father?' she questioned, her grey eyes glinting with confusion and hurt.
'I- We have something to tell you, Kasia, Elleelen,' Elessar said finally. He was angry that Legolas had apparently decided that he should explain it to the children. He walked over to Kasia's bed and sat down on it, placing her in his lap.
Legolas took a seat across the room, where the nanny had been sitting. She had left right after they had entered. Elleelen sat in his daddy's lap, frowning across the room at Elessar. Somehow, the frown did not manage to include Kasia, though she was frowning at Elleelen, because he was scowling at her father.
'What is it?' Kasia questioned. She had a bad feeling about this, and hoped that her father was not going to tell her that he was going to marry Legolas' sister or something. She knew that her father's advisors wanted him to marry again and have a son, because she could not rule Gondor as a Queen.
That knowledge had been hers since as long as she could remember. Kasia knew that her father disagreed with that law, but it was unbreakable. She resented it, but had grown to accept it, for her father had already promised that since she could not be a Queen, she could marry for love, instead of being betrothed.
Elleelen defiantly remained silent. He did not want to be here, and he wanted to go home to his friends and everyone he knew. He didn't like this at all, not one bit, and he had the feeling that his daddy didn't, either.
Elessar sighed and said, 'Kasia… Elleelen is your brother. Elleelen, Kasia is your sister, and I am your sire.' The King didn't know what else to say or do, so he just said it.
Two young voices exclaimed, 'WHAT?'
'I don't have a sister! You're lying!' Elleelen shouted. 'And I don't have or want a sire!' He jumped to his feet and glared directly at Elessar. 'All my sire ever did was make my father sad and whenever I asked about him, my father cried.' The words were spoken in a harsh and angry tone, including a child's uncertainty, as he looked at his daddy.
Legolas murmured, 'Elleelen… he's telling the truth. Kasia is your sister- at least, she is your half sister- for you share the same father she does.' He closed his eyes in sorrow, seeing the hurt and anger in Elleelen's grey eyes. Legolas damned Elessar again, for ruining the happy life he had been sharing with his son.
Elleelen gaped silently at his father. Kasia was doing exactly the same thing to her father.
Elessar was staring directly at Legolas, trying to figure out what Elleelen meant when he had said, 'All my sire ever did was make my father sad and whenever I asked about him, my father cried.'
Kasia declared, 'That's impossible- he's a male Elf; he can't have children!' She was angry as well, and confused and uncertain, because her world was changing. She did not understand any of this at all, except for one thing- if Elleelen truly was her daddy's son, then he was the heir to Gondor.
'Sylvan male Elves can have children, Kasia,' Elessar corrected calmly. 'Tis rare- but not impossible.' He looked down at his daughter, who had a look of betrayal on her face, and hurt in her grey eyes.
'Daddy, I don't want a sire, I just want to go home!' Elleelen informed his father, anger in his eyes. 'Can't we go home?' He already knew that Sylvan male Elves could give birth, like his father had to him. So that was not so much a shock to him as being here, with this stranger. Elleelen didn't want to be here at all!
Legolas saw Elessar flinch at Elleelen's words. 'Son… we are home. Remember that Elessar is the King here- which makes you the Crown Prince,' Legolas softly said to his child. Though Legolas knew that he would not consider Gondor a home. It was more like a stone prison than anything.
Elleelen scowled at both Elessar and his father. 'I don't to be a Prince; I want to go home!' he shouted. 'Please, Father! Can't we go home, back in the village with Lord Allen and everyone?' His voice nearly broke with emotion.
'No,' Legolas whispered, glaring accusingly at Elessar, without letting either Kasia or Elleelen see it. 'We can't… Elessar wants to get to know you.'
'I don't want to know him,' Elleelen muttered. He didn't trust anyone, besides his father, Lord Allen, and his young friends. 'I want to go home!' he half-sobbed, before he ran out of the room.
Legolas jumped to his feet as well. 'Elleelen,' he cried. But he was not certain if he should go after his son right now, or give him time to accept the truth. A warning look from Elessar made up his mind for him.
Kasia had been in shock for a few moments at the seemingly gentle Elleelen's outburst. She felt at this moment that she could empathize more with Elleelen than with her father, who had just turned her entire world upside down in just a few moments.
She, too, stood and glared at her father. 'How could you do this, Father? You lied to me; and Elleelen is your son… You said it would be the two of us together and you just…' Kasia bolted out of her bedroom as well, following Elleelen's example.
'I hope you're happy with yourself, Elessar,' Legolas hissed. 'You've hurt both of them now, and I daresay that it will take a while for you to reach Elleelen's heart.'
'What did you say to cause him to dislike me so?' Elessar angrily retorted, as he stood and crossed over to the golden-haired Elf, whose eyes shone like stars as they flashed with anger.
Legolas rolled his eyes. 'Tis not you personally that Elleelen dislikes, for he has not known you long enough to decide that. Though you did not help matters by pinning me against my will to the bed, which, as you may recall, he saw.'
Elessar bluntly questioned, 'Then why is he so adverse to the idea of getting to know me?' The King was hurt, to put it mildly, at what Elleelen had said.
'Elleelen… he used to ask questions about his sire- you- a long time ago,' Legolas told him. 'And it hurt me, because it reminded me of everything that I'd gone through to have him. Don't misunderstand me, Elessar- I love him dearly, as I have once I got used to the idea of having a son. But I would that my father and I had not parted as we did. At any rate, for some reason Elleelen suddenly stopped asking me questions. I never knew why- until now.'
'He knew that it upset you, so Elleelen desisted from asking,' Elessar stated. He sighed, which was echoed by Legolas.
Legolas looked at Elessar. 'Our life together was never easy, until I started working for Lord Allen. But Elleelen and I- we had each other, and that was all either of us cared about. And he needs me now, to help him understand. Kasia will need you to explain this to her. She probably fears that she is going to lose your affection.'
Elessar frowned and said, 'I want to hear everything that happened after you left Mirkwood, up until when I found you, Legolas.'
'After we see to the children,' Legolas replied. 'They must come first, Elessar.' The graceful Elf slipped out of the doorway, following the tiny, nearly invisible trail that his son had left behind. Elessar started to follow, but was stopped by a servant.
"Sire, you have a visitor," she said demurely, lowering her eyes.
Elessar bit back a sigh, for this was what he hated the most about being a King. He wanted to reassure Kasia that he would always love her; she was his baby girl, after all. He had enough room in his heart to love both Elleelen and Kasia, if he could only be given the chance to. As for his feelings towards Legolas…
"Sire?" the female servant pressed.
"Very well," Elessar said, deciding to make it up to Kasia later. He would take her horseback riding, which was her favorite thing to do with him. The King followed the servant to greet his visitor, wondering who it could be.
Kasia found Elleelen first, in the small garden. She was startled to hear him crying, because of how angry he had been earlier. Part of Kasia wanted to weep as well. What both of their fathers had done was so unfair!
'Are you ok?' she questioned, blinking back her own tears.
Elleelen looked over his shoulder, showing Kasia his grey eyes, which were swollen from his tears. 'No, I'm not ok. My daddy is upset for some reason, and I don't understand this at all. If your father is my father, then he's the one who upset my… other father so badly, so that anytime I asked questions about who my sire was, he cried, when he thought that I didn't know 'bout it.'
Kasia stated, 'It's not fair. They can't just change our lives like this and expect us not to be upset.' Her voice was hoarse, as a few tears dripped down her face.
'It's not just that,' Elleelen choked out, before he wiped his tears away, not wanting to be seen as weak. 'Daddy is hiding something, but I don't know what it is. He's never done that before.'
'Maybe you should ask him,' Kasia suggested. She fleetingly wondered if Elleelen even liked her being his sister. Though she did not know who was older- her or him. Kasia didn't know how she felt about having a brother yet.
Elleelen nodded. He was miserable, and couldn't decide what Kasia thought of him. Did she even want a brother, he wondered. Though he was mostly worried about his father.
Legolas entered the garden, and easily spotted the dark hair, belonging to Kasia, and the golden hair, which belonged to Elleelen. He silently went over and knelt down beside his son.
'Elleelen,' Legolas said, trying to get his son's attention. The boy wouldn't look at him, so he tried again. 'Elleelen, look at me, please.' His voice was gentle and soft, and had the desired effect that he had wanted.
'I know you are hurt and angry, my son, and for that I am sorry. I did what I thought was right back then,' Legolas said in a low voice. 'I still love you, and I always will, for you are my son, and I could never stop loving you. This doesn't change my love for you. I am staying here with you, and I will never leave you.'
Elleelen looked relieved, before he hugged his father tightly. 'I love you, Daddy… but I'm so confused. I don't even know how to rule and if I even want to and…'
Kasia looked at the ground, slightly envious of the love she saw between her new brother and his father. She also felt left out, because her father wasn't here to make her the same promises.
Legolas wrapped one arm around Elleelen, and beckoned to Kasia, for he knew that she was hurting as well. The tall Elf sank to the ground, still holding his son, as Elessar's daughter tentatively approached him.
Elessar stepped into the garden in time to see Legolas place an arm around Kasia, before he began speaking. He had greeted the lord who had arrived, and had spoken with him only as long as it was necessary, before he had left to find his daughter.
'You must be confused as well, Kasia- but do not worry; your father loves you very much. Nothing could ever change that; his love for you will never die.' Legolas smiled gently at her, before he looked at Elleelen. 'And Elessar will love you as well, Elleelen, as much as I do. Give him a chance before you reject him, because this is not easy for any of us.' He hid his own inner torment and pain, as he tried to reassure both children that Elessar would love them equally, and that nothing would change their personal relationships with the parent that each had known.
To the King's surprise, both Kasia and Elleelen turned towards Legolas, before embracing him. Elessar was stunned to hear Legolas' words, especially after what he had done to force the Elf stay here, instead of leaving. He also felt hesitant to intrude, feeling that this was a private moment between future step-father and step-daughter.
Kasia was surprised, for Legolas sort of reminded her of what she could faintly remember of her mother. She did not say it aloud, however, though she instinctively knew that Legolas was good, kind, and nice. She'd known that since he saved her from those evil kidnappers. And Elleelen was not as bad as some other boys she had met… maybe this would be ok.
Elleelen was glad that his daddy was not going away, which had been one of his fears. Giving his sire a chance to prove himself, however, was not easy. Elleelen knew that he would try, though, because his father wanted it. At least Kasia didn't play stupid, boring games with dolls, he thought. She was okay- for a girl.
Legolas enjoyed the trusting nature of the two children who clung to him. He was not certain of what role Elessar expected of him regarding Kasia, but he did not intend to just ignore her or pretend that she was not there and being affected by this. Kasia reminded Legolas of Elessar and Arwen, and a little bit of Elleelen. Affection for her was natural, in his opinion. He had enough room in his heart to love both children, and would do so, whether or not Elessar approved. He wasn't certain of exactly what all was expected of him from the Man.
Elessar silently watched the three, wistfully wondering if Elleelen would give him a chance to prove himself. And he wistfully looked at Legolas, who had, apparently, already gained Kasia's trust.
Elessar wondered what he would have to do to regain Legolas' trust in him, as the Elf looked up and saw him standing there. Neutrality entered into his sapphire eyes, saddening the Man, who stood there feeling very much the outsider, despite the fact that both children were his.
Legolas looked away from Elessar and turned back to the children, holding them both close. He had nothing to say to Elessar… Nothing that he could or would say, that would make a difference to him.
*************
Mirkwood
*************
Thranduil was surprised by a vague sense of unhappiness, which had started plaguing him at dawn yesterday. He didn't know where it had come from, only that it was there, which made no sense to him.
Except for the fact that Legolas was not here and that Thranduil had not looked on him for ten long years, he had nothing to be unhappy about. So what was this strange feeling that was plaguing him as of late?
Thranduil sighed, for the sorrow, pain, and heart-wrenching grief that he felt were nearly too much for him. They consumed him, day and night, but he had not found the source of this torment.
It was wearing him down, drawing him into its inescapable sadness and despair, along with a strange resignation.
Thranduil had only once before experienced something similar to this, when one of his children had been in pain and needed him. So who could be reaching out to him now, Thranduil wondered. Only his three youngest children remained in Middle Earth, and two of them were safe in bed, here at home.
So that left only… Legolas.
To be continued