Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Lee Ann Womack. Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is an AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. Takes place the next morning.

Amin Ai Olin
(My Little Secret)

Part 11. Lav Amin Kel-

        (Allow Me To Leave)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the edge lookin over
All I see is a four leaf clover
Maybe a sign of things to come
Should I jump, or should I run?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas woke up first, and stiffened when he remembered what had happened the night before. Once more, he'd allowed Elessar to do as he pleased; shame crept into Legolas, along with anger.

Why can't I fight him, Legolas angrily asked himself, before despair crept into him. Because I want him… And he knows it. The Elf loathed both himself and Elessar. Himself for not being strong enough to resist this seemingly insatiable desire he had for Elessar, and Elessar because the Man was able to silence his protests, and penetrate through every barrier that Legolas tried to erect around himself.

Legolas knew that he could not honestly say that Elessar had really forced him to do anything against his will. At least, he didn't believe so. The Man had asked him if he truly wanted him to stop, after all. And if he was honest with himself, Legolas did love it when Elessar touched him, but therein lay the problem. Elessar did not love him when he touched him; he only did so because of lust.

Legolas froze when he felt Elessar stirring, as he woke up and the Elf quickly made his eyes go vacant, feigning sleep. He was not ready to start this again; the arguments, the pain, and the ever-growing grief inside of his heart.

Elessar stopped moving when he saw that Legolas was asleep. He peered into the beautiful face, with the vacant, blue eyes. A strange emotion crossed over his face at the sadness he saw in the unhappy look on Legolas' face. Elessar frowned, plagued by his own guilt. He slowly reached out and touched the soft face, caressing it tenderly with his right hand, wishing that he could figure out what to do to make Legolas happier. His other arm was wrapped around the slender waist possessively. If he gave Legolas his freedom, Elessar was certain that he would never see the Elf again, or Elleelen.

Legolas did not move when the hand softly, slowly stroked his face, though he wondered at the touch. Elessar's hand never moved anywhere else, just staying on the smooth skin of his face. Why? Legolas wondered, not understanding.

What should I do, Elessar wondered, sighing aloud. He quickly withdrew his hand when he felt Legolas shift position slightly. 'Are you awake?' he questioned.

Legolas feigned a yawn, before he blearily looked at Elessar, pretending that he had just woken up. 'Yes,' he muttered, careful not to look the Man directly in the eyes, lest he realize that he had lied.

Elessar murmured softly, 'Is this honestly so hard for you, Legolas?' His concern was genuine, for he did not like seeing how unhappy the Elven beauty was.

'Why would you think it is not hard?' Legolas bitterly asked.

'If you would stay of your own will, I would give you your freedom,' Elessar told him. 'You are my friend… and much more.'

Legolas shook his head. His words were icy and coolly dismissive as he pointedly stated, 'You have what you wanted, why aren't you happy?'

Elessar flinched. 'Because you aren't happy. Your body is with me, but you never are.'

'What do you expect? I am naught but a prisoner here, and a whore for you,' Legolas retorted. He cut Elessar off when he tried to say something. 'I'd be much happier working for Lord Allen again- or even in that tavern I worked in.'

'You can't mean that,' Elessar said, stunned.

'Why not? At least there I wasn't forced to sell my self-respect,' the former Elven Prince snapped. 'He gave me a choice to either work for him or leave; you did not. You are not my friend, and I am not your friend. A friend wouldn't do such things to a friend.'

Elessar felt those words pierce his heart like a dagger, and he protested, 'Legolas, I-'

'You cannot use people, Elessar, and expect them to like you, let alone love you,' Legolas harshly said, before he turned his back to the Man. He was tired of being used by his former best friend for nothing more than pleasure. 'I can't even trust you anymore, Elessar. I pity you, for the noble and honorable Man you used to be, and the cruel, selfish Man you are now.'

'I am not cruel and selfish!' Elessar denied, though he inwardly wondered if it was true. Have I truly only been thinking about myself, he asked himself.

Legolas coolly smiled at Elessar, as he turned long enough to let the Man see the look on his face. 'Really? Name one thing you have done since you found out about Elleelen that wasn't selfish.' He regretted the words the instant they were out of his mouth, because Elessar had turned pale and looked… shaken. If Legolas' intention had been to hurt Elessar as much as he himself hurt, it had worked.

The King of Gondor released Legolas, before he sat up. He silently grabbed his breeches and pulled them on. He then stood, before he looked down at Legolas. Elessar knew that he had not acted like a friend, but Legolas was not as innocent as he was proclaiming himself to be. 'How about admitting the truth, Legolas? What you did was cruel and selfish too! You denied me the right to see my son for ten years!'

Neither of the two knew about the small figure standing on the other side of the bedroom door. A child's nightmare, plagued by fear and restlessness, had awoken Kasia, and she had come looking for her father to comfort her. She was stunned to hear voices raised in anger.

Legolas dressed as well, before he glared at Elessar. 'I had good reasons for what I did. Did I force you to change your entire life? Did I force you to move, against your will? Am I forcing you into an unwanted marriage? As I said before, what I did might not have been right, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances.'

'Really? And here I thought you wanted to go back to that tavern and become a whore,' Elessar cruelly flung at him. He was stunned when Legolas paled, but pressed on. 'Would it not be easier to whore for me than a bunch of other people?'

'You're just as cruel as Raid is,' Legolas spat out. 'Thinking nothing of what a person's feelings might be.'

Elessar frowned. 'What does Lord Allen's son have to do with being cruel?' He stiffened when he saw the look in Legolas' eyes. 'He's the one who knocked you out, isn't he?'

Legolas nodded slowly. 'Though I do not think he did anything to me, for I am alive, and the only wounds I had were a few bruises and the cut on my head.'

Kasia pressed her ear against the door, for she recognized her father's voice and Legolas', though she did not understand all of what they were arguing about. Something about Legolas being forced into doing things he didn't want to, by her father. The thought made Kasia frown, for she thought her father could not do such things. Yet her father had not denied those accusations, so they might be true… If it was true, Kasia was going to be very angry with her father, because forcing someone into doing something they didn't want to was wrong; he had told her that numerous times.

'He'd better not have…' Elessar hissed. The thought made him sick.

'No, it is very unlikely, Elessar, for as I said, I am alive. I would have died if he had,' Legolas murmured. The Elf hid his shock that Elessar would be angry over such a thing, and then figured that it was because Elessar did not want anyone but himself touching him. 'Anyway, what is the difference between what he tried to do and what you do, Elessar?'

'I never knocked you out,' Elessar answered coldly. 'And I doubt that you would respond to him as you do to me.'

Legolas furiously shouted, 'But it doesn't matter if I say 'no' or not! You twist my feelings around, to make me give into you, no matter how much it hurts me.'

Elessar smirked, 'That's not what your body tells me when I touch you. Tis your own desire that undoes you, not me.'

'You are as stubborn as both Haldir and Elrond, that you cannot even admit when you are wrong, Elessar!' Legolas felt pleasure at seeing the wince on the Man's face briefly, until it faded away. He did not like causing such pain as this, because it made him no better than Elessar. He passionately asked, 'What happened to the Man that used to be my friend, who would never do such things?' The Man I love, he silent added.

'Part of him died when his wife did, as he was forced to helplessly watch her suffer, until the end, from a fever that an Elf could have cured,' Elessar replied, remembering the pain from that. 'You could have saved her, had you been here. But you were not. The other part of him died when his best friend disappeared out of his life, taking a little secret with him, and not bothering to let a grieving friend to know that he was alive.' His voice was haunted, angry, and resentful. 'I thought you were dead.'

Legolas gasped. He had not considered what effect his disappearance would have on Elessar, and had not thought that his former best friend would believe him to be dead. 'Why did you think so, for my body was never found?'

'Because I never heard a word from you!' Elessar retorted. 'How do you think I felt, seeing you- alive and well?'

'I would have thought you would be glad that I wasn't dead,' Legolas muttered, unable to resist baiting him.

Elessar growled, 'Legolas…' His exasperation was evident, and he looked directly into Legolas' face, a scowl on his face.

The two silently looked at each other, until both starting laughing. For a few moments, it was just like old times; Legolas purposefully misunderstanding something that Elessar had said, and then, just like now, they always, eventually, laughed about it.

Legolas sobered up first, and looked at Elessar. 'I truly did not mean to hurt you so… I thought I was doing the right thing, so no one else would be hurt.'

'I know,' Elessar muttered.

Neither were certain of what to say to each other, for they both had hurt the other. Legolas was still in pain inside of his heart because of how he'd let Elessar use him, and Elessar was feeling guilty over what he'd done to Legolas, though he still could not release his friend.

If they were not married, Elleelen could not be acknowledged as a legitimate heir. That was important to Elessar, not only because of his people, but because whoever took the throne after him had to be a responsible leader. If Elleelen was not proclaimed as the heir, then one of Faramir's sons would be made the heir by default, and none of them were trustworthy, at least not in Elessar's opinion.

He suspected that they were the ones behind the trouble in Gondor, but he could not prove it. His duty to his people had to come first, as always, before the stirrings of his heart. Though he truly loved the beautiful creature who was looking at him wordlessly, Elessar could not- would not take the chance that Legolas certainly did not return his feelings.

Legolas still resented being forced to remain here, and longed to escape with his son. But the choice had been easier all those years ago, when Elessar had not known about Elleelen. Now he did, and if Legolas took their son with him, he would be denying Elessar his right to be a father, and Elleelen of his right to know his sire. The golden-haired Elf could not be so selfish as to deny them of that. At least Elessar seemed to be relenting somewhat towards him, for he had not touched him intimately,  despite the fact that there was desire in the Man's eyes. However, Legolas still did not trust him completely, and judging from the sorrow in Elessar's grey eyes, the Man knew it, too.

Legolas only hoped that he had not conceived again, for he knew that if he had, Elessar would insist that he remain here for the rest of his life. Legolas was also certain that the King would want to bed him again. But maybe, Legolas thought hopefully, Elessar would ask first, instead of blatantly seducing him. Part of him felt that was a foolish notion, but it harbored in his heart.

As for conceiving another child… Legolas did not know what to do about that. After Elleelen had been born, he had not sought the company of a partner in his bed. He had no experience with any potion that might prevent it from happening again, but maybe a Healer would know…

Having another child with Elessar would just bind them even tighter together, and Legolas did not want that- at least not right now, until everything was settled.

Outside in the hallway, Kasia slid to the floor in shock. How could her father have done this to Legolas, especially after the Elf had saved her life? Could Legolas truly have saved her mother, if he had been here? Kasia knew, however, that Legolas could not help it if he had not been here, because her daddy had told her that no one was to blame for her mommy's death. But to do such things…

Tears dripped down Kasia's face, as she stood, before she fled to her room, sobbing.

************************

Mirkwood, sometime later

************************

Thranduil was surprised when the strange sadness inside of him faded somewhat, replaced by a slightly happier feeling, though it was still edged with resentment and sorrow.

What are you going through, Legolas, the Elven King wondered. He was afraid that this grief he felt from his youngest son might kill Legolas, and Thranduil longed to look upon his son's face, to see that he was truly alive and well.

He was vaguely surprised when he heard someone shout that a messenger had arrived from Rivendell, but Thranduil obligingly came out to get the message, wondering briefly why Elrond would send him a message, after all this time. The Elven lord had made it clear that he disapproved of his decision to renounce Legolas as his son, Thranduil knew.

The King of Mirkwood bit back a sigh as he unfolded the parchment and slowly began reading it, expecting it to be another pointed reminder that he was Legolas' father and should try to make amends with him. What he read, however, angered Thranduil so much that he crushed the parchment in his hands.

Elessar was causing the pain he felt from his son, Thranduil seethed silently. He was not going to stand for it.

After hastily writing a reply, in which he mentioned the strange sadness, despair, and pain he had been feeling from Legolas, he told the Rivendell messenger to return and give his reply to Elrond.

The messenger nodded and left again immediately, sensing the urgency of his return from the Elven King.

To be continued.