Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Lee Ann Womack. Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Elessar and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. Takes place hours after the last chapter.

Amin Ai Olin
(My Little Secret)

Part 12. Ruth

           (Anger)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After I fall, where do I stand?
After my heart is in your hands
And you've got it all

After I fall, where do I stand?
After I've loved you all I can
Will I still stand tall?
After I fall

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elessar and Legolas spoke quietly for a while longer, of old friends and old times. Both were careful not to mention anything else that might lead them back into another fight, for neither wanted another argument to occur. Both desired the other, though nothing came of the desire this time, because they knew that they had things they needed to work out before they decided just what relationship they were going to have.

Legolas let out a faint sigh, feeling the ever-looming grief inside him. He had to be strong, for the sake of his son, he told himself, but the grief gnawed at him, at his very heart, tearing at his soul. Legolas was strong, but even the strongest can break with no hope left. The former Elven prince had listened to Elessar's explanations of why he needed an heir so badly, before he had protested that Elessar should love Elleelen because he was his son, not because he was the salvation of Gondor. Legolas' sapphire eyes glazed over slightly, as he struggled to keep the Man from seeing the crippling pain he was in.

Elessar murmured, 'I know that, Legolas. I do love him for that, if for no other reason. But I also must think of my people. And Elleelen does not appear thrilled to know that I am his sire.' He frowned when he saw a twinge of pain cross over Legolas' face. 'Are you all right?' Concerned, Elessar looked closer at the Elven beauty, who appeared to be having trouble just focusing on their conversation.

Legolas weakly looked at Elessar. 'I'm fine,' he said, a bit sharply, as he did when he was hiding something. Telling Elessar that his grief was threatening to kill him would not help anything at all, and besides, the Man didn't love him, so the rejection of his love for Elessar would only make him feel worse, Legolas believed.

'No, you're not,' Elessar flatly stated, angered that Legolas was lying to him. 'Tell me the truth, Legolas,' he sternly said.

'I did,' Legolas lied again. 'There is naught you can do for me, Elessar, so don't bother asking. I shall be all right.'

Elessar frowned even more, but let it go. He did not want to be accused of being selfish and cruel again, though his heart hurt at the thought of Legolas being in pain. He sighed as well, not liking the horrible, guilty feeling inside of him, for he blamed himself for Legolas' pain.

Legolas slowly stood and stumbled slightly, before he shook his head. 'I do not know about you, but I am hungry. The children must be as well.'

'All right. Let's go get them and eat,' Elessar agreed, as he stood. He was afraid of pushing Legolas too far, too fast. He would never survive losing Legolas again, and he knew it. So instead of finding ways to convince the beautiful Elf to stay, Elessar clung to him fiercely, refusing to let him go. He truly loved Legolas… and their son… but he was uncertain as to how to show love.

The King of Gondor led the way through the hallways, to where Kasia's room was. Legolas followed him, trailing behind a bit. Pain twinged in his heart, causing him to flinch and hiss softly. When Elessar turned back to look at him in worry, Legolas feigned that he was all right.

Elessar shook his head but again, he said nothing.

Inside of Kasia's room, Elleelen was trying to comfort her, as Kasia sobbed onto her pillow. The golden-haired boy sat on the bed beside her, a worried look on his face, as he gently patted her back.

"What's wrong, Kasia?" he asked. He'd woken up when his… sort-of sister had run into the room crying, before she flung herself onto her bed, weeping loudly.

Kasia turned her red-rimmed eyes to Elleelen. "My d-daddy… is d-doing something terrible," she choked out.

Their identical eyes met, the same grey shade in both.

"I don't understand," Elleelen said slowly, as the bedroom door opened.

Kasia looked towards the figures who stood in the doorway. Her swollen grey eyes accusingly glared at her father, anger, sadness, confusion, and… hurt.

"Kasia?" Elessar questioned, not understanding the look in his daughter's eyes, and the accusing look she was giving him.

Kasia merely continued glaring wordlessly at her father. She wasn't going to confront him in front of Legolas or Elleelen; she intended to speak with him alone.

Legolas froze at the look Kasia was giving to Elessar. Somehow, Legolas knew that she knew something that she shouldn't have known.

Elleelen climbed off to the bed and darted over to his daddy, wearing nothing but a long nightshirt, as he clung to his tall father's legs fiercely. He was happy when those strong, familiar hands took a hold of his waist and lifted him into the hair, holding him snugly against his father's right hip. 'I love you, Daddy,' Elleelen whispered, pressing a kiss to his daddy's cheek adoringly.

The boy frowned at how cold his father felt, and unwound one of his arms from his father's neck, before pressing his hand against his daddy's face. 'Why're you so cold, Daddy?'

Legolas whispered, 'A castle is a cold place for full Elves, Elleelen. Stone walls with little growing inside of them weaken an Elf's ties to nature. You and Kasia do not feel the effects because Elessar's half Mortal blood prevents it.'

Elleelen hated to admit it, but he did not fully believe what his father was saying, though he knew that it was partly true. He'd seen the way his daddy reacted to being trapped indoors on the rare occasions that he was sick, and knew his father was adversely affected by being shut away from the outside. 'Maybe we should go outside, then,' Elleelen said. He was still worried about Kasia, for he did not know why she was so upset.

'We're eating breakfast first, Elleelen' Elessar said. 'Maybe after that, a trip outside might be a good idea.'

'Okay.' Elleelen barely acknowledged the Man, until he saw the look of disapproval in his daddy's cobalt eyes. 'Thanks, Eless- Father.' The word felt strange to the young boy, for 'Father' had always referred to his beautiful, loving, Elven daddy. Not to a complete stranger, whom Elleelen didn't even know.

Elessar was gratified when Elleelen called him 'Father'. It was the first time that the boy had done so, but the joy that the Man felt from that was diminished by the accusatory gaze that Kasia was giving him. And he was worried about Legolas, for Elleelen had confirmed Elessar's suspicions that something was wrong with Legolas.

Kasia cleared her throat, causing all of the others to look at her. "Father, can I talk to you? Alone?" she emphasized, casting an apologetic look at Elleelen and Legolas.

"I suppose, my daughter," Elessar said, slightly puzzled over what was upsetting his daughter so much.

Legolas figured that Kasia wanted to have a private talk with her father, and nodded, before he carried Elleelen out of the room. The young, golden-haired boy was confused, but readily went with his father, for he wanted to be able to talk to his daddy alone, too.

After Legolas left, Kasia stood and glared at her father, her hands on her hips. "How could you?" she cried, careful to keep her voice low enough so that anyone outside of the room could not hear her. Kasia demanded, "How could you do that to him? He saved my life and you're making him do things he doesn't want to!"

"What are you talking about?" Elessar questioned. A silent fear was in him… A fear that Kasia knew everything about how he had gotten Legolas and Elleelen to come here.

"Don't lie," she snapped. "I overheard your argument with Legolas!" Tears ran down her face, as she glowered at her father. "You are… you are forcing him to marry you, and you made him come here against his will!"

Elessar stiffened. "Lower your voice, young lady, and watch your tongue. I am your father. As for Legolas… he freely chooses to stay." That was a partial truth… sort of, the Man knew. Legolas chose to stay… while Elleelen was here. As long as their son was here, Legolas would never leave.

Though Elessar was not surprised at Kasia's reaction. Yes, what he had done was wrong, and he knew it. Deep down inside, he knew his actions were selfish and cruel, but he didn't know how to show that he loved Legolas. It was easy to show affection to Kasia and Elleelen; fatherly love was easy, but relationships took time.

Kasia frowned knowingly. "You're lying again. I heard what he said. You're going to make him marry you and make him miserable. You always said that it was wrong to make someone do something they did not want to, but here you are doing it. Did you tell me any other lies, Father?" Disapproval radiated from her, like an aura.

"Kasia!" Elessar sharply reprimanded. "You have no right to judge me; I am your father. As for Legolas marrying me… If he does not, Elleelen cannot become the King after me, and then Faramir's children will take the throne."

"Elleelen doesn't even know if he wants to be king!" Kasia protested. "You can't use and manipulate people like I do my toys, Father. They have feelings, too, and you're hurting Legolas', Elleelen's, and mine!' The young girl reproachfully looked at her father. She was not surprised that her father was attracted to Legolas; he tended to like males more than females. She'd asked him why once, and he said that male or female, love was love, beyond gender and age.

Elessar breathed out a long sigh. "I know, Kasia. But I love him… and I cannot let him go again. I would rather he hate me for the rest of his life than to face losing him once more."

********************

Elsewhere in the Castle

********************

Legolas took Elleelen to an empty room, and sat down in one of the soft, velvet-covered chairs. He cradled his son close, stroking the familiar, soft, blond locks.

Elleelen murmured, 'Why are you so sad, Daddy?' He wanted to make his daddy feel better and hug him and tell him that everything was going to be all right, just like his father told him when he was sad. But Elleelen could not make that promise unless he knew what was wrong, because his daddy had said that nothing was worse than a lie.

"I missed you," Legolas answered, keeping the truth hidden from his empathic son, who would, no doubt, blame himself if he knew the truth.

Elleelen wrapped his small arms around his father and hugged him, whispering that he loved him and that he was right here. 'Don't be sad, Daddy, I'm right here and everything's okay…'

Legolas was even more grateful now than he had been before for the loving child, the unselfish, devoted little boy that was in his life, as he held Elleelen close. A few, silvery tears ran down his pale face, splashing onto the child's face, before they were swiftly wiped away.

A wince crossed his face, at a sudden, painful ache in his heart. Elleelen gasped when his daddy's face paled even more, before the pain subsided. By the time it did, Legolas' cobalt eyes were disoriented, as he leaned back against the chair for support.

'Daddy?' Elleelen whispered.

Legolas closed his eyes as another spasm hit him, weak at first, before it grew stronger.. He didn't want to worry Elleelen, but the agony that soared through him was excruciating, preventing him from being able to speak right now. His eyes were dilated, glazing over. Legolas struggled to reach through the haze, to tell his son that he was all right.

The words would have been a lie if Legolas could have said them, for Legolas was anything but all right.

Elleelen grew really scared when his father didn't answer him. He carefully shook him, before doing so harder. What should I do, Elleelen wondered fearfully, as he looked into his daddy's strange, distant eyes.

Elessar heard Elleelen sniffle, as he walked towards them with a still frowning Kasia at his side. She'd told her father that while she accepted that he loved Legolas, if he truly loved him, he could not do such things to someone he loved.

The Man's grey eyes drifted from the small boy to his motionless father. 'Legolas?' Elessar inquired, not liking the vacant look in the blue eyes.

'Daddy!' Elleelen cried. 'Wake up! Please!!' The boy was shaking in fear, for he had not seen his father like this before.

Kasia gasped at the unmoving Elf. She raced over and instinctively climbed onto the chair next to him and Elleelen, before she touched his face with her small hands. Kasia spoke Legolas' name as well.

Elessar knelt before Legolas and intensely looked into the Elf's eyes. Horror entered him in a moment; he could instantly see what was wrong. Grief was overtaking Legolas, killing him, in spite of how the determined Elf fought against it.

'You cannot give into this, Legolas!' Elessar said firmly, before taking a hold of the limp, pale hands and squeezing them hard. 'I care for you too much to lose you now. Please, Legolas…' he whispered.

Legolas was surprised when he heard Elessar, Kasia, and Elleelen speaking to him faintly, as though the words were coming through a fog. He struggled even harder to move, but it was so hard; his grief had finally caught up with him at last.

Elessar was relieved when he saw a faint flicker in Legolas' eyes. 'Legolas!' he said loudly, startling the two children, who looked at him in shock.

'E-Elessar?' Legolas gasped out, through the intense pain. His eyes briefly focused on the Man, before he went limp.

*********

Rivendell

*********

Elrond read the letter that Thranduil had sent to him in reply, and after he had finished it, a frown was upon his face. The Elven lord instantly informed Glorfindel that he was temporarily in charge of Imladris, before he threw some certain items that would be needed in a pack and left, taking his strongest Elven stallion. He also changed into faded clothes; a brown tunic, light green shirt, and black leggings, along with a brown cloak, with its hood pulled over his face.

How could you do this, Elessar, Elrond thought, more than a little angry. He knew that Thranduil had always known when his children were in pain, and the fact that Legolas was the only once not accounted for and that he was with his son and Elessar confirmed that somehow Elessar was the source of Legolas' pain.

The half Elf galloped hard towards Mirkwood, to come up with a plan of sorts with Thranduil to apparently save Legolas from Elessar.  

************

Mirkwood

************

Thranduil was alone and walking through the hallway towards Legolas' old room, when it hit him.

Crushing agony in his heart and chest, driving out all other feelings, sending the Elven king to the ground in pain. Thranduil struggled to keep breathing out the pain, fighting black the darkness that was fast overtaking him, making him dizzy.

As he lay on the ground, a soft whisper left his lips, barely audible, before he fully passed out. His last coherent thought was, What's happening to you, Legolas?

'Legolas…'

To be continued