Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Lee Ann Womack. Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Elessar and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. Takes place hours after the last chapter.

Amin Ai Olin
(My Little Secret)

Part 13. Entul- Coia-

       (To Return To Life)

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It's as clear as the blue sky
I don't fear you tellin me a lie
So I'll become your only dancer
And let the sunrise bring me answer

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Mirkwood

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Elrond had just passed through the borders of Mirkwood when he heard the cry go up that something was wrong with King Thranduil. The ebony-haired Elven lord rode hard towards the main part of the Kingdom of Mirkwood, in case his aid was needed for whatever ailed Thranduil.

Elrond dismounted once he reached the castle, which consisted mostly of  wooden platforms at many different heights, somewhat similar to Lothlorien's talens. He gracefully raced up the stairs towards the cries, with his brown cloak flowing out behind him. The hood still covered most of his face, so Elrond was barely distinguishable from any other male Elf.

Thranduil shuddered slightly, before he finally managed to return to his senses, after hours of being trapped in the cold, black, nothingness that existed between life and death. His eyes returned to normal, and he vaguely realized that most of his guards, and his two sons were there, looking at him worriedly.

'I'm all right,' King Thranduil said, to reassure them.

'What happened, Father?' his second youngest son questioned, concern on his face.

Thranduil replied, 'Nothing… I overexerted myself, that's all.' He was not going to worry his two sons with news that their younger brother was in severe pain until after Legolas was freed from whatever was hurting him so badly. The question of who was doing it had already been solved; Elessar was the cause of it. Why, however, remained a mystery.

Elrond asked, 'Are you well, Thranduil?' The half Elf gazed directly at where Thranduil lay on the floor, before he sat up carefully.

Thranduil questioningly looked at the unknown Elf, before a smile crossed his face. 'Indeed, Elrond. Tis good to see you once more, for it has been far too long.'

'Aye,' Elrond replied. 'I came as soon as I received your message, and I am prepared to offer my assistance in this matter.'

Thranduil's two sons assisted their father to his feet, wondering what Lord Elrond meant. Their questions went unanswered, as Thranduil instructed everyone to leave, save for Elrond. The two rulers had private matters to speak of, which they did not want the others to hear.

After they were alone, Thranduil took Elrond to his office, to make certain that they were alone.

'What really happened?' Elrond inquired. His sharp, dark eyes had seen directly through the lie that had been told to the other Elves.

'Legolas… came very close to passing into the Halls of Mandos, and he almost took me with him. Elrond… What can Elessar be doing to my son to nearly kill him? And why is he doing this?' Thranduil looked directly at Elrond, worry and fear in his face.

It was the first time that Elrond had ever seen Thranduil display an emotion openly, and he did not ridicule the Elven King for it. 'Thank the Valar that Legolas did not depart this world,' Elrond breathed. 'Thranduil, I know not what my foster son is doing or why, but whatever has happened must be serious. I am prepared to act against Elessar, to save the life of both your son and grandchild, though I love Elessar as my own. No harm is to come to him.' The last words were a sharp order, for Elrond felt guilty enough plotting against one who as a son to him. But he cared equally for Legolas, and had no wish to see him die.

Thranduil couldn't help feeling regret at those words. He wanted to make Elessar suffer as Legolas was suffering, and resented that Elrond was insisting that his foster child not be harmed. However, he also did not want to anger Elrond, for he knew that he would need the half Elf's help to save his youngest child.

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Gondor Castle

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Food had swiftly been forgotten, as Legolas remained immobile, his eyes never moving. Elessar had taken the Elf to a bed and laid him upon it, before he continued speaking to him, trying to get through to the blond Elf, praying that he wouldn't die.

This was all his fault, Elessar knew. He should have known better; he had been reared at Rivendell, after all. He knew the effects of grief on Elves, and had seen it happen to many, most of whom had perished. Only the very strong-willed survived their grief.

Why did I do this to him, Elessar yelled at himself. I am as selfish as Legolas accused me of being… and now he's dying. I've killed him; the one that I love… the one I wanted to love so long ago. What should I do? Elleelen will never forgive me if Legolas dies… And neither will I.

Elleelen's naturally pale skin was even whiter, as the young boy watched his father struggling between life and death. Please, Daddy, don't go, Elleelen cried silently. Don't leave me here alone!

Kasia was pale as well, and she tried to comfort Elleelen, because she could see how upset he was. Her own pain meant little to her, and Kasia hugged Elleelen, whispering that it would be ok, that his daddy would be fine. Or so she hoped.

A faint sigh caught their attention.

Legolas slowly returned to consciousness, blinking his azure eyes a few times, as they finally focused once more. His tongue automatically slipped out to moisten his dry lips, and he shifted slightly, bringing his right hand up to touch his forehead weakly. Legolas felt disoriented slightly, but it was to be expected after fighting off death. The inner struggle had been hard, but he had won… this time.

Elessar said, 'Thank Elbereth…' He took a hold of Legolas' left hand and squeezed it hard.

'That hurts,' Legolas protested. He frowned when he saw the strange look on Elessar's face. 'What's wrong?'

Elleelen wanted to hug his father tightly and never let him go. He stepped forward and frowned at his daddy. 'Daddy, you better be all right! You scared me!'

Legolas sighed again, and motioned to Elleelen to come over to him. 'I'm ok, Elleelen. I just need to rest. I'm sorry that I scared you and Kasia.' His right hand softly tousled his son's golden hair, and he sent a slight, reassuring smile to Kasia. He was all right, for the grief had not fully overcome him.

It nearly had, but the voices that had been calling to him had aided him, reminding him of why he was needed. He could not leave Elleelen alone, and his heart commanded him to stay when he heard Elessar's voice, intertwined with Kasia's.

Kasia crept forward and smiled at the taller Elf. 'You were really weird looking,' she informed Legolas, looking curious.

Elleelen swatted her on the arm. 'My daddy is not weird looking!' he countered.

'He was,' she argued, smacking him back on his arm.

'Was not!' Elleelen shot back. He scowled at her.

She shouted, 'Was too!'

Legolas winced when his son shouted back that he wasn't weird looking. He shared a look with Elessar, and a laugh escaped from him, as the children continued arguing.

Elessar chuckled, feeling the tension from the fear of losing Legolas leaving him in nothing so much as a childish fight. His other hand covered the pale, slender hand he held, sandwiching it between his hands.

By now, Kasia and Elleelen were sticking their tongues out at each other. Both were yelling out their differing opinions, and their voices were only getting louder.

Legolas winced and said, 'Elleelen… Stop fighting with your sister.' His voice was so quiet that both children had to stop yelling to hear him.

'Why?' Elleelen pouted. 'She started it!'

Kasia shouted, 'I did not!'

'Both of you stop it,' Elessar said, a disapproving note in his voice. 'I know that you know better than to fight.' But he was amused at this, as was Legolas.

Elleelen made a face, echoed by Kasia. The two almost ten-year-olds put their hands on their hips and glared at their shared father, who merely raised his dark eyebrows. Both eventually turned away from him, giving up this particular fight.

Elleelen gently hugged his daddy. 'You take better care of yourself from now on, Daddy!'

'I will,' Legolas said. 'Don't worry so much, Elleelen. I am all right.' He gently pressed a kiss to his son's forehead, before yawning slightly. 'My only problem is that I am still hungry.'

Elessar murmured, 'Then we'll go and get something to eat. All of us.' He assisted Legolas in sitting up and standing, hovering around him protectively. He never wanted to go through the trauma of nearly losing Legolas again.

Kasia tugged on one of Legolas' hands, pulling him towards the dining room. Elleelen pushed on his daddy's legs from behind, nudging him forward. Both were eager to help Legolas get some food as quickly as possible. Legolas found himself leaning slightly on Elessar, for if he felt anything besides hunger, it was utter exhaustion.

Elessar supported Legolas on one side and laughed at the antics of his two children. They arrived at the dining room fairly quickly, and Legolas gratefully sat down. Elessar sat at the head of the table, and Kasia and Elleelen sat on opposite sides, across from each other. Kasia sat next to Legolas.

Elleelen didn't really like sitting on his side alone, and pouted.

Elessar looked at him and questioned, 'Why are you pouting?'

'I want to sit with them.' Elleelen looked directly at his sire, before asking, 'Are you really a king?'

"Yes," Elessar answered, reverting back to Western.

Elleelen frowned. "Then why don't you wear a crown?"

"Daddy has a crown, and he lets me wear it," Kasia informed her sort-of brother.

Legolas yawned again, as he listened to the conversation, which was rather interesting. He knew that Elleelen needed to develop a relationship with Elessar, instead of always looking to him for everything. It hurt Legolas, because for so long he had been the one that Elleelen turned to for comfort and support. But he was not selfish enough to keep Elleelen all to himself, and Legolas could see that Kasia was still feeling out-of-place. All of them were still not used to the sudden changes in their lives.

"But why don't you wear a crown?" Elleelen persisted. "All kings wear crowns; Daddy said so."

Elessar laughed. "Well, for one thing, I don't like wearing it. And it is rather awkward to have on my head for a long period of time." The Man was careful to keep his comments light and cheerful, for the sake of the children. But he intended on speaking with Legolas again and finding out just what had been the cause of Legolas' grief. Was it being trapped in Gondor with him? Elessar hoped not, but until he spoke with Legolas, he could not be certain.

Finally, a few servants entered the dining room, carrying silver trays laden with dishes full of many different kinds of food; potatoes, carrots, and other vegetables, fresh fruit such as apples and grapes, and several pieces of meat; steak and chicken, along with some pork. The dishes were placed on the wooden table, which was covered with a light tablecloth, and another server placed clean plates, utensils, two goblets of milk for the children, two goblets of wine for the adults, and cloth napkins at the four places where their King, his two children, and his long-lost best friend sat.

All of the servants knew that the small boy was their King's son, though his other parent had not been known- until now. Hearing the child call the tall, golden-haired Elf 'Daddy' was shocking to the servants who were in the room. They quickly finished what they were doing and ran off to tell the others what they had overheard.

Kasia and Elleelen took hearty helpings of the food, filling their plates up with their personal favorites. They ate politely, though Elleelen made certain to place his napkin in his lap like his father had taught him to. Kasia cut her food up by herself, as did Elleelen. They started eating, after glancing at Elessar for permission, which he gave in a nod.

Legolas only took a small amount of food, and didn't touch the wine. He ate more slowly, looking thoughtful. He was busy being glad to just be alive and also wondered what the strange look that Elessar had been giving him when he'd finally awoken was. For a few minutes there, Legolas had actually seen an emotion similar to love. But he was not sure if it was genuine; he had, after all, nearly died. Legolas felt that he might have mistaken the emotion for something else. The only good thing was that Elleelen seemed to not be quite as upset as he had been earlier. Legolas was grateful for that, and that Kasia was there to keep his son company, while he himself struggled with his desire for Elessar, which mingled with his grief and sadness. He knew that he had to speak with Elessar when they were alone, to try to sort out some of their problems.

Elessar drew Legolas' attention by using one of the wooden ladles in the dishes to place more food onto the Elf's plate. Legolas hadn't noticed when he'd finished the little he'd gotten for himself, and he looked at Elessar silently.

"Thank you," he finally said.

Elessar inquired, "Do you not like the wine?" A slight pucker was on his forehead; he had not seen Legolas turn down wine for dinner all those years ago.

Elleelen offered, "Daddy doesn't drink wine." He took a bite of his potatoes and chewed carefully, before swallowing. "Least, I never saw him drink."

Legolas murmured, "I don't drink. I lost my appetite for it ten years ago."

"I… see." Elessar knew of only one thing that would have prompted Legolas to stop drinking; the fact that they had both been drunk when Elleelen was conceived. No doubt he wanted to prevent a similar incident from occurring, Elessar mused.

A sudden thought occurred to him. He hadn't thought of it before, but they'd slept together twice since arriving. Elessar had forgotten the potential outcome- Legolas might conceive again, or might have already. If so, Elessar didn't know what he should do.

He definitely did not want Legolas to leave, but nor did Elessar want the beautiful Elf to die from grief. Elessar inwardly sighed, feeling trapped. If he let Legolas go, both he and Elleelen would leave, most likely, and Legolas might bear him a second child without him knowing. Elessar's heart would be broken, and Kasia would not understand why her new brother left again with his other father.

If he kept Legolas here, Elessar knew that the Elf would be miserable and, sooner or later, Legolas would succumb to his grief. If he bore a child, Elessar would be here to nurture it, as he should have been able to nurture Elleelen. Things were so complicated now, Elessar thought wistfully. He wanted Elleelen to treat him like a father, but knew the boy needed time. He wanted Legolas to choose to stay of his own will, but was afraid to ask for it. And Kasia needed time to adjust, as they all did.

Legolas stopped mid-bite to look at Elessar, who had a brooding look on his face. "Is something wrong?" he asked quietly, so that Kasia and Elleelen didn't hear him. Inwardly, he was concerned, because of the grimness in the grey eyes that looked at him.

Elessar gazed directly into the perfectly-shaped face which matched his gaze. Sapphire eyes met grey eyes, as both stared at each other for a few minutes.

To be continued